Chapter 4
4
AGE 14
I hear the shouting from outside as I walk up Jamie’s driveway, and I inwardly cringe. Fuck. I don’t know how my best mate lives with all the constant arguments. His parents are a bleeding nightmare. A loud noise claims my attention just as I reach the Flemings’ front door, and I whip my head to the side. My eyes pop wide as the sitting room window shatters into pieces and a guitar, a fucking guitar , comes sailing through the broken glass, landing unceremoniously on the overgrown grass of their small front garden. “What in the actual fuck?” I mutter to myself, lifting my hand to knock on the door when it’s suddenly torn open from inside.
Jamie has a face like thunder as he storms outside, slamming the door shut behind him. “I need to get fucked up.”
“Okay.” I look at the smashed guitar as we walk past with pain in my heart. “What the fuck did the guitar do to anyone? That’s messed up.”
“My entire life is messed up.” Jay pulls out a box of smokes, offering me one.
We light up in silence as we walk on autopilot towards the main street to meet up with our other friends. “Wanna talk about it?” I run a hand along the back of my neck as I glance at my mate.
He shrugs, pulling a long drag before blowing smoke clouds into the chilly air. “Not much more to say. Same ole shite, different day.” Tension brackets his mouth. “Ma seems especially mad this time, but neither of them will tell me what he did now.”
I zip up my jacket as we turn left onto the path which leads to the main part of town. We puff away as we walk, keeping stride with one another. We’ve both stretched up a lot the past year, and we’re the tallest of our friends.
“Does Shauna know?” I ask. Jamie’s older sister is his only sibling. She’s four years older, and she recently moved to Belfast to study social work at uni, leaving him alone in the hellhole he calls home.
“Doubt it. She took off the second she finished her Leaving, and you know she hasn’t been back to the gaff since. She calls me every couple of weeks, but she never wants to speak to Ma or Da. Not that I blame her. I’d get out now too if I could.”
“You could move in with us.” I don’t know if Ma would want to get in the middle of the rowing Flemings, but she’s fond of Jamie, and he often stays over. I think she’d be open to considering it.
“I can’t leave Ma on her own with him. They’d kill one another.” His shoulders hunch as we approach Byrne’s car park at the top of the road, where the rest of the boys are already huddled together. “Don’t say anything to Cill,” Jay says in a low tone.
“You don’t need to say it. I never tell him the things you tell me.” Jamie is embarrassed, and I’m not one to blab. Cillian doesn’t need me to say it anyway. He’s got eyes and ears. Most everyone in town knows Jamie’s parents have a shit marriage and they should have broken up years ago.
Shane said the rumor around town is Jay’s da cheats on his ma when he travels around the country playing with his band. During the week, his da works for the council, but at least two weekends a month, he books gigs with his piece-of-shit band. I’ve heard them play, and they’re fucking awful. But somehow, they have gathered a bit of a cult following over the years. You’d swear Conal Fleming was fucking Bono the way he goes on sometimes. He’s the biggest loser. My da may not have much to say, but at least he doesn’t go around bragging or cheating or embarrassing any of his kids.
“Boys,” I say in greeting when we reach our gang, tossing my empty butt on the ground and smashing it under my boot. “What’s the story?”
“Jono’s bro thinks he can get us into the McGettigan party.” Cillian rubs his hands and grins.
I narrow my eyes on the noticeable mark on his neck and react on instinct. Grabbing him by his jacket, I shove him up against the wall. “My sister better not have given you that,” I snap.
“What?” Jamie frowns, looking between me and our other best friend.
I haven’t told Jay I suspect Ash and Cillian are messing around. He sulked big-time a few years ago when I told him Cill gave Ash her first kiss. That didn’t go down well, and the guys butt heads a lot these days. The three of us have been best friends since we were little, and I don’t want my sister getting in the middle of whatever is going on with us. It’s not just Jamie. There is distance between Cill and me too that wasn’t there previously. I’m finding we have less in common, and I suspect the reason we don’t see as much of him now is because he’s sneaking around with my sister.
I see how both my mates stare at Ash. I don’t like it, but I get it. She’s beautiful, smart as fuck, and she has a fiery personality with a right gob on her that seems to send all the guys at school wild. I got the new scar over my right eyebrow two weeks ago after a fight with this prick at school who was talking crap about her. Got suspended for three days for fighting, and my parents were not happy. But they weren’t too heavy-handed with the punishment when they discovered I was defending my sister, though Ma would prefer I used my words not my fists.
“Is this a trick question?” Cill tosses his dirty-blond hair out of his eyes with a jerk of his head.
“Just yes or no, Cill.” I release my hold on him but keep my glare firmly in place.
“If I say yes, you’ll go nuts. If I say no, meaning it’s some other bird, you’ll go nuts. I can’t fucking win with you, Dil.”
“Fucking hell.” Jamie glares at Cillian before removing a naggin of vodka from the inside pocket of his jacket and taking a vicious swig.
I yank Cillian around the corner, away from prying ears. “Do not mess my sister around, Cill. Make it official or end it.”
Ash tells me most everything, but she’s been quiet about Cillian. Which is how I know something is going on. That and the puppy-dog eyes they give one another when they think I’m not looking. I’d have to be blind to not realize they’re mad about one another. I know Ash isn’t saying anything so if it ends badly it won’t impact my friendship with Cill, but deep down, she knows it won’t matter. My loyalty will always belong to my sister. If Cillian doesn’t treat her right, he’ll be dead to me, and I won’t lose any sleep over it.
“You won’t go nuts?” He crosses his arms and leans back against the pub wall, arching a brow in my direction. “You’ve always told us Ash is off-limits.”
“That didn’t fucking stop you, did it?”
“I can’t help how I feel.” He pushes off the wall and straightens up. “I love her. She’s it for me, Dil. I don’t see anyone but her. Tell me you’re grand with it so I can do this right.”
“I’m not exactly excited about it, but it’s not my call. It’s not yours either.”
“She loves me too. She’s been afraid to tell you.”
Bullshit. Nothing scares Aisling O’Donoghue. She’s trying to protect me and denying herself in the process. “If it’s what Ash wants, I won’t stand in your way. I just want her to be happy.”
The goofiest smile ghosts over his mouth.
Fucking hell. He’s a total goner.
“Thanks, mate. I promise I’ll treat her like a queen.”
“You fucking better.” I thump his upper arm, but it’s only half in jest. “I’ll beat the ever-living daylights out of you if you hurt her.”
“I won’t. I swear.”
I nod and grab him into a headlock. He punches me in the gut, and I let him go.
“Jamie won’t like it,” I say.
“That’s not my problem.”
“It will be if it gets messy.”
“Jamie’s just pissed she picked me, but he’ll get over it.”
I run my hands through my hair, wondering when both my friends turned into pussies. I seriously need to get drunk. “Sort that shit out with him, and maybe I won’t rearrange your face.”
“What’s going on with Cill and Ash?” Jay asks as we walk towards the McGettigan farm. It’s only a quarter mile from my house, which will be handy for getting my drunken arse home later.
I swipe the naggin from his fingers and decide to just put it out there. “He says they love each other. I told him to make it official or fuck off.” I take a swig before passing the bottle back. “You have any issue if they start going out?”
“Me?” He fakes surprise, but he’s fooling no one. “Why the fuck would I give a shit?” He drains the rest of the vodka and tosses the empty bottle over a bush as we walk down Lott Lane.
I could call him out on his bullshit, but I’d rather not. If he likes my sister, her new relationship will soon cure him of those feelings. It’s not like Ash has even noticed. All she sees is Cillian.
“Good.” Removing two cans of cider from my backpack, I pop the tab on one and hand it to Jay. Thank fuck for Jono’s older brother, Graham. He turned eighteen a few months ago, and he has no issue buying booze for us. Unlike my stick-up-the-arse brother. Ciarán is also eighteen, but he refuses to help a brother out.
“Time to get fucked up.” He brings the can to his mouth.
“Yup.” I open my drink and knock back a mouthful of warm cider. “Just remember girls are distractions we don’t need,” I say, eyeballing him. Jamie and I have been discussing starting a band, and between the band and school, we’ll be busy. We don’t need girls getting in the way of our plans.
We both grew up with a guitar in our hands and bonded early over our love of music. I have a notebook full of songs I’ve written over the past few years, and I’m itching to let the words roam free. Ma won’t let me consider it until after the Junior Cert, but as soon as next summer hits, I’m putting our plans into action.
If Jay likes my sis, he’ll soon get over it when we start the band and have birds throwing their knickers at us nonstop.
“True, but I wouldn’t mind getting my dick sucked on the regular. Wanking just isn’t doing it for me anymore.”
We share a grin thinking back to last month where we both had our first blowjobs in the toilets of the community center—the highlight of the lame teen disco I’d only attended ’cause Ash wanted to go.
We’re both locked by the time we get to the party taking place in an outbuilding on the McGettigan farm. It’s mostly older kids from fifth and sixth year in attendance. Jono’s brother is here, and he’s vouched for us, though he told us we’re on our own if we get into any trouble. Cillian, that sly fucker, disappeared somewhere en route to the party. Took a detour into my house is my guess. Cill likes to talk a big game, act like he’s the big lad, down with drinking and partying, but the truth is, his parents are proper religious, and it’s messed with his head. So, yeah, Cill doing a disappearing act is nothing new.
We knock back the rest of the cider, smoke some weed, and head to the dance floor, buzzing and dancing like dopes, until I spot Eimear Tallon and Nina Campbell looking right at us. They’re off to the side, holding bottles of that fruity alcohol shit all the girls seem to drink. Eimear licks her lips and tilts her head in a “come here” gesture, and I don’t need to be told twice.
I’ve had a hard-on for Eimear since first year, but she usually doesn’t give me the time of day. She’s sixteen, and even though I’m only a few months away from fifteen, she’s always rejected my flirting, telling me I’m too young for her. I’m hoping that might have changed since I took a big growth spurt over the summer. I’m almost as tall as Shane now, and my shoulders and arms are ripped from farm work and my weekly sessions at Bray Boxing Club. From the look in Eimear’s eye, she’s appreciating my efforts.
It’s a miracle I don’t come on the spot with the way she’s eye fucking me.
I grab Jay’s arm. “Come on, lad.” I’m already rock hard behind my jeans as I haul him off the dance floor with me. “I think it’s our lucky night.”
“Let’s go!” he says, grinning when he sees the girls waiting for us.
“Be chill,” I warn him. He’s more fucked up than me, and I’m not blowing the only chance I might get with Eimear.
“Eimear. Nina. Looking beautiful, as always,” I say when we reach them.
“You don’t look so bad yourself, Dillon.” Eimear’s gaze moves up and down my body.
“You still meeting Lawlor?” I ask as Jamie pulls Nina off to the side and starts talking to her.
“Nah. I broke it off with him.” She leans in closer, putting her hand on my chest before she looks up at me. “He was too serious, and I’m only looking for fun.”
“Fun’s practically my middle name.”
She giggles. “Cheesy, but I bet it’s true.”
I slide my arm around her waist, pulling her in flush to my body, letting her feel what she does to me. “You want a good time, babe, I’m your man.” I can’t stop the cheese flowing from my mouth, but Eimear doesn’t seem to mind.
“Shut your mouth, O’Donoghue, before I change my mind.” She wraps her arms around my neck, pressing her gorgeous body against me. “Or maybe I’ll shut it for you.” She grabs my face and pulls it down to hers.
I’m grinning like an eejit as my lips descend, claiming her mouth in a hard kiss. I’m fairly sure some cum is leaking in my boxers when she shoves her tongue in my mouth and grabs my arse through my jeans, and I really hope I don’t embarrass myself.
“Let’s go outside,” she purrs into my ear, taking my hand and guiding it through the gaps in our bodies and up under her skirt. “I need a different kind of kiss,” she adds, licking my ear and dragging my fingers along her knickers.
Jamie and I trade matching smug grins as both older girls lead us outside the barn, and we’re still wearing them an hour later when we stumble back to my gaff after epic blowjobs that culminated in us coming all over the girls’ tits.