Chapter 27
27
AGE 20
I n the days that follow, I hide away in my bedroom and write like a madman. My muse is on fire. Jay, Conor, and I jam in the sitting room, working out melodies to my new lyrics on our guitars, and when Ro arrives on Friday, we head to our small rented practice room and start pulling a couple of new songs together.
I haven’t seen Vivien since last weekend, but she’s all I’ve been thinking about. It’s pathetic to admit, but I’ve replayed that kiss over and over in my head until it feels like I’m going crazy. I’m jerking off nonstop, and if I don’t get to touch her again soon, I might need to be committed. Ash told me her best friend Audrey arrived from L.A. She’s spending a few days in Dublin around Paddy’s Day, so I guess I’ll get to see Vivien soon.
I haven’t heard anything from Glen Hansard yet, but it’s still early days, and these things take time. Something my impatient little brother does not understand. Ro is driving me nuts going on about it. He’s extra pissed off because he heard about my kiss with Vivien in the orchard, though he hasn’t admitted he knows, and I haven’t said anything to him either. Vivien better be planning to set him straight soon, or I’m going to have to ask her outright. I don’t want Ronan hurt. He needs to be left out of this.
I’m in the middle of the best fucking dream, moaning as Vivien strokes my dick and plants kisses along my neck, when reality comes crashing down, instantly rousing me from slumber. My eyes pop open. My bedroom is still pitch-black because it’s nighttime and I was sleeping.
Horror engulfs me as I look down at the hand pumping my cock, knowing it’s not the hand I want it to be. Gripping her wrist, I pull her hand from my dick and push it away. Flipping onto my back, I glare at Aoife. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
“What?” She feigns innocence as she leans down to kiss me.
I shove her back, disgusted when my palm meets bare skin. She crawled into my bed fucking naked in the middle of the night to…what? Seduce me under the pretense of being anyone else? This bullshit ends now. “Jamie,” I yell at the top of my lungs, loud enough to wake up the whole county.
“You want to fuck my cunt while he takes my ass?” she asks, climbing onto my lap.
I can’t work out if she’s dumb or calculated. I push her away—hard—uncaring when she falls off the bed just as Jay rushes into the room. “What’s wrong?” he asks in a sleep-drenched tone.
“What’s wrong,” I say in a cold voice, tugging the duvet up to my waist to cover myself as I sit up against the headboard. “Is that cunt climbed into my bed uninvited and started jerking me off while I was asleep.”
His eyes dart wide as his gaze swings to Aoife. Predictably, she’s turned on the waterworks, sniveling as she pushes to her feet completely starkers. I look away, not wanting to see any naked part of her.
“What the fuck, Aoife?” Jay says, clearly angered. “That’s not cool.”
“I miss him,” she sobs, “and I just needed to remind him of how good it is between us.”
“Listen here, cunt,” I snap, jabbing my finger in her direction. “I told you I’m done with you. I don’t miss you. I don’t want to touch you, kiss you, fuck you. The only reason you’re still here is because of my best mate, and he and I will be having words about that.” I pin her with the full extent of my glare. “After you get your things and get the fuck out of my gaff.”
“Jay.” Her lower lip wobbles as she throws herself at Jamie. He keeps her at arm’s length as we have a silent conversation with our eyes.
“You need to get dressed and leave, Aoife.” Jay’s icy tone matches mine. “I’ll call you a taxi.”
“No!” She flips her gaze on me. “I’m sorry, Dillon. It was a stupid thing to do. I swear it won’t happen again.”
“You touched me without my permission, Aoife,” I say through gritted teeth. “If any man did what you just did, they’d be arrested. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t call the cops?”
She dissolves into tears, wrapping her arms around herself, repeating “I’m sorry” over and over.
“Get her out of my fucking sight, Jay.”
After he gets rid of her, he returns to my room. “She was way out of line, Dil, and she knows it too.”
“I don’t want her around here anymore. If you still want to fuck her, go to her place, and do it there.”
He nods. “Fair enough.”
“You should cut her loose. She’s trouble.”
“I don’t see much of her anymore, and this is the first night she’s stayed over in weeks.”
“True, but she still hangs around us at gigs, and she’s only going to dig her claws into you more.”
“I’ll let her down gradually. If I go cold turkey, she’s liable to stir up all kinds of shit. Don’t worry about me. I know how to handle Aoife.”
I hope he’s right because I’ve had enough of her shit.
“What was that all about?” I ask Ro when he materializes beside Jay as we’re lining up to go onstage upstairs at Whelans. It’s Paddy’s Day, and the place is packed to the rafters, so it promises to be a good gig.
“As if you don’t know,” Ro snaps in a clipped tone.
Vivien had pulled him aside downstairs just before we left. I’d hoped it was to let Ro down gently. I’m relieved she’s set him straight, but I get no pleasure in seeing him upset. “I didn’t tell her to say anything to you if that’s what you’re implying,” I calmly reply.
The last thing we need is to be at odds right before we’re due to play our set. I’m already a little pissed after my run-in downstairs with Breda. Bitch isn’t listening, and I’m all out of patience. If there’d been time, I would have asked the bouncers to toss her out on her clingy arse. I plan to speak to the manager this week to get her barred. I’ve given her more than enough chances. Her harassment ends now.
“Well, the coast is all clear now, bro. I’ve been friendzoned.” Anger underscores Ro’s words. “You can go fuck her and toss her aside like you planned all along.”
I’m on him in a flash, shoving him up against the wall. “Watch your fucking mouth. Don’t speak about Vivien like that.”
“It’s the truth, and I wish I’d had the balls to tell it to her face, but she’ll learn her lesson the hard way.”
Jay’s sharp gaze bounces between us. He won’t intervene. Not unless there’s a need. This is between my brother and me. “Vivien is different.” I release him with a sigh. “It’s not going to be like that. I like her, and I want more than a quick fuck.”
“For how long, Dil?” He shoves my shoulder as he brushes past me. “Until you’ve fucked whatever you think you’re feeling out of your system I’m guessing.”
“Don’t do this, Ro,” Jay says. “I know you’re pissed, but don’t take it out on your brother just because they like one another. Neither of them did it on purpose to hurt you.”
“I don’t care. You’re the one making a big deal out of this, not me.” He eyeballs Jay for a sec before shrugging as he glances at me, visibly shaking his anger off. “She’s only a girl. Have at it, bro. Plenty more fish in the sea. Am I right?” He’s not convincing any of us, but I’ll roll with it if it keeps the peace. “I’ll have some pretty young thing under me in a few hours. I was never that interested in her anyway.”
It’s lies, and I want to call him out on his disrespect towards Vivien, but this isn’t the place. It’s in all our interests for me to just let it go, so I do.
“Family first, bro.” I lift my hand for a knuckle touch, relieved when he meets me halfway.
“Always.”
“We good?”
“Yeah, bro.”
Jay and I breathe a sigh of relief. Crisis averted. At least for now.
I tie an Irish flag around my waist and wrap a green bandana across my forehead as we get ready to go on. Gotta enter into the spirit of things for our national day. The Vanquished come offstage, and we greet one another briefly as the MC announces us, and then it’s game on.
The assembled audience roars its approval as we start off with a crowd-pleaser from U2. A sea of green, white, and orange greets us, and it truly is a sight to behold. Hordes of revelers dance and jump around as I hug the mic and lean down into the row of screaming girls up front. Most all the faces are ones I recognize, but I scan the crowd looking for the only face that matters. I purposely skim over Aoife and Breda without acknowledging them. Both girls are right up front, dancing side by side, looking more like friends than rivals, but I don’t give a fuck about either of them.
My heart pounds harder when I find Vivien dancing near the front, on the other side, with Ash and her American friend Audrey. Audrey is the redhead from the framed photo by Vivien’s bed. I was introduced to her downstairs, and she seems cool. Apparently, Vivien told her Toxic Gods are good, and I’m determined to prove it. So, I put in extra effort to deliver a killer performance, ensuring we don’t disappoint.
We move fluidly through songs that are a mix of classic covers and our own music. Hearing your own words being sung back at you from an enthusiastic crowd is overwhelming in the best possible way. Being up here is the most incredible feeling in the world. Getting to perform onstage is my life’s dream, and I don’t care if I’m performing to one hundred fans or one hundred thousand fans. Experiencing this in any capacity is magical. My soul is only truly happy when I’m singing my heart out, playing my heart out, and entertaining a crowd.
My fingers skillfully pluck the strings of my guitar in a familiar rhythm as we play a popular Foo Fighters number, and I belt the lyrics into the mic, buzzing off the excitement and vibes emanating from the crowd.
My eyes never stray far from Vivien. She looks so fucking sexy in skinny jeans and a tight green shirt. In honor of St. Paddy’s Day, she’s pinned a sprig of shamrock above her chest and painted little Irish flags on both cheeks. Somehow, she manages to be adorable and sexy at the same time. Her hair is pulled into a messy bun on top of her head, showcasing her stunning face, and it’s hard not to just stare at her all the time. I want to get down on my knees and serenade her for the entire show, but I doubt it’d go down well with the masses. I’ve spotted a few girls in the front row noticing where my attention is straying, and I don’t like the looks being tossed her way.
Vivien looks happy, bobbing around and singing her little heart out. Warmth spreads across my chest. I love seeing her like this, and I love that she appears comfortable in my world.
A bra flies over the crowd, landing at my feet. It’s a common occurrence. Conor has a whole box load of sexy undies that have been thrown at us on stage. I’m not gonna think about what he does with them, though I’m hardly in any position to criticize. Vivien’s virginal white panties are my most treasured possession, and they have a starring role in my best fantasies.
I kick the bra in Jamie’s direction, and the crowd goes wild when he picks it up and puts it on his head. Clown.
We finish our set to cries of “more,” but it’s a multi-band event today and the schedule is tight, so that’s it folks. Besides, I have singular focus and the worst twitchy hands. After offloading my guitar to Conor, I jump down off the stage, into the crowd, and make my way towards Vivien. Hands reach out, grabbing me, but I ignore them, making a beeline for the woman who has enchanted me.
Being onstage makes me come alive in every sense of the word. There’s a reason rock stars fuck groupies. I’m always on a complete high when I come offstage and usually fucking horny. I might have told Ciarán that ego and rock stars go together, but so does rock stars and sex.
Need swirls in my veins as I push closer to Vivien. I need to put my hands on her before I explode. Longing burns in my eyes as I draw nearer. Ash and Audrey are laughing, and I hear Viv saying, “I’m not sleeping with your brother!” just as I reach them.
I press my mouth to her ear as I come up behind her. “Is that a challenge?” My hands land on her hips as I push all up against her, nibbling her earlobe and struggling to hold on to my self-control. Her floral, fruity scent invades my senses, and I grind my hard-on against her arse while moving a hand up under her shirt.
Her skin is warm to the touch, and my dick is jerking like crazy as she pushes back against me with zero hesitation. I’m so turned on being close to her like this. “Well?” I ask.
“Well, what?” she rasps, moving against me as we dance to the music pulsing around the room.
A chuckle tumbles from my chest. She’s too cute for words. “Is that a challenge? Because you know how I feel about those.” I trail my hand across her flat stomach as we grind and dance against one another, and it feels like the most natural thing in the world.
Ash stares at me in silent question, and I nod confirming I will take care of her friend. Seemingly satisfied, Ash leaves, taking Audrey with her.
“It’s…not,” Viv says, stumbling over the words.
Brushing my lips against the elegant column of her neck, I commit the taste, feel, and smell of her skin to my memory bank. “You don’t sound sure,” I whisper, holding her tighter when she sways in my arms.
“I’m not one of your groupies,” she says, looking back at me with a little frown.
I’m instantly serious. “I know you’re not. But you can’t deny we have chemistry.” My fingers caress the soft skin of her cheek.
“I won’t lie about that.”
Yes! Finally.
She stares deep into my eyes. “But I’m still not sleeping with you.”
Still somewhat delusional, I see. I lean into her face until there’s only a small gap between us. “Yet,” I say, flicking my tongue lightly against the seam of her lips.
Her hand lifts to my face, and I’m in heaven as she sweeps her fingers across the stubble on my jawline. “Hmm.” I lean into her touch, briefly closing my eyes, just wanting to savor the moment and everything I’m feeling. But the crowd won’t let me have it, jostling and pushing into us, so I move back a little, keeping her pulled in flush against me, finding a space that isn’t as congested. Vivien’s back is pressed against my chest, and I hold her tight, unwilling to let her go, as we dirty dance in sync with the music. Our bodies fit against one another perfectly, and we find a natural rhythm as we dance and touch each other.
I never want this moment to end.
My hands explore the exquisite curves of her body while I nuzzle her neck, licking, nipping, and kissing her skin. I wish we were naked, in a bed, so I could do all the things I want to do to her. Her hands glide up and down the sides of my legs and the backs of my thighs as she presses back against me, and every part of my body is straining with need. This is everything but not enough at the same time.
I need more.
I think with her I always will.
Resting her head back on my shoulder, she closes her eyes and moans as we rock and sway to the beat, clinging to one another with greedy hands. I’m totally fixated on her, beyond bewitched, which is why I don’t spot the attack in time to stop it.
Vivien screams, and I jerk my head up, glaring at the black-haired bitch staring smugly back at me.