Chapter 29
29
AGE 20
“ W e should find a manager now,” Ro argues as we get ready to leave our place for our regular Whelans set.
I work hard not to lose my temper. “We have a manager,” I snap through gritted teeth.
“Ash has no experience and no industry contacts,” Ro continues. “This could be our only shot, Dil. We can’t fuck it up.”
“The guy has only just reached out to me. It might go nowhere.” Trying to regulate my brother’s expectations is starting to feel like a full-time job.
“We need to be prepared for all possible outcomes, and Ro has a point about Ash,” Jamie interjects.
I glare at my buddy. “You’re happy to push her out after all her support?”
“Of course not.” Jay glares back at me. “I want Ash involved. We all do, but she’d be the first one to agree we need to find an experienced manager to help us navigate any opportunities that might come our way now. She can still be involved in some capacity and in time take on more of an active management role.”
“This is a moot point, and I’m done discussing it without Ash.” I snap my guitar case closed and sling it over my shoulder.
“Fine. Let’s talk to her after our set.” Ro folds his arms and levels me with a challenging stare.
He’s like a dog with a bone since I got the text this morning from a scout for a major US label. The guy asked me to send him the EP and any other demo tapes we have, which I’ve already done. Nothing may come of it, and if something does come of it, I fully trust my sister to negotiate on our behalf. So what if she doesn’t have any record management experience? Aisling O’Donoghue is a rottweiler, and she won’t let anyone pull the wool over our eyes. But it’s not just up to me. We’re not a dictatorship, and it’s looking like I’m in the minority. “Okay.” I jerk my head in acknowledgment. “Let’s go. We don’t want to be late.”
“Where’s Vivien?” I ask as my gaze roams the packed pub looking for Ash’s new best friend.
“She’s not here.”
My scowl is instant along with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. “How come?”
“She’s a bit depressed since Audrey left. She said she wasn’t in the mood to come out, and I didn’t push it.” Ash is momentarily jostled to the side by a rowdy group entering the bar. “Hey, watch it, dickheads!” she shouts after them.
Subtly, I slip my foot out, catching the last prick in the leg, smirking when he stumbles forwards, taking a few of his mates down to the floor with him. Fuckers. Ignoring the dicks, I peer deep into my sister’s eyes. “Is she still pissed over what happened on Paddy’s Day?” Viv filled Ash in before I got the chance to tell her.
“She hasn’t said anything since, but I know she’s worried about being a target for the groupies.”
“I would never let anyone hurt her.”
“I know that, but words aren’t going to prove it to her.” Sympathy splays across her face as she runs her fingers through her short hair. “Viv has dealt with a lot, and it’s only natural she’s cautious.”
“It’s understandable, but I just want a chance to prove it’d be different with me.”
“You really like her, huh?” Ash can’t contain the massive grin spreading across her mouth.
“We’ve got a connection, and I want to see where it goes.”
“Oh my god.” Ash’s eyes light up, and she jumps up and down on the spot, clapping her hands and squealing. “Imagine you get married! She’ll be my sister for real!”
“Steady on, Ash. I haven’t even asked her out yet.”
She grips my arm, beaming up at me. “But you’re going to, right?”
“She’d have to show up for me to ask.”
“I’ll get her here next week. Promise.”
“Don’t get your hopes up, Ash. I like her, but I’m still not relationship material, and marriage and kids are not on the cards for me.” I have considered how Ash will react to everything, and this right here is what I’m afraid of. Ash is already daydreaming about me and Viv together forever, and it only adds to my guilt.
Just not enough to stop my revenge plans.
She’ll get over it in time, and she’ll forgive me. My sister always does.
Ditching my friends after our set—much to their protests—I take the van and head back to our apartment. The idea came to me while I was onstage, and I’m not second-guessing myself. Ciarán said to be myself, and this feels like the right thing, so I’m doing it. Making a pit stop at the local Spar, I grab some Cadbury’s chocolate and a box of Lyon’s teabags for Viv. Briefly, I consider buying her flowers, but it might be overkill, and I don’t want her to feel pressured. I just want to do something that will hopefully make her feel better.
At home, I wash her shirt from the other night and read her article in the Trinity student newspaper as her top dries in the dryer. Vivien is a good writer, and her piece about being an American student in Ireland is eloquent and professional while being personable too.
There’s no denying she’s got a big set of lady balls. It can’t have been easy uprooting her whole life to come here, especially when the person she has grown up with betrayed her so publicly. Her heartbreak has been obvious to see. It only makes me hate my twin even more. How could he have a girl as special as Vivien and throw it all away for someone like Saffron Roberts? Vivien is levels above that man-stealing ho.
Saffron reminds me of Kelly. Last I heard, Cillian is back in Kilcoole with his slut of a wife and their little daughter. He’s studying business at UCD and working nights and weekends for an insurance company doing online customer service. Apparently, they were living in a rented apartment in Stillorgan, but he’s moved back home so they can save for a house. Kelly is working one of the tills in Tesco Greystones, and Mrs. Doyle minds their kid when both parents are working. Doesn’t sound like a lot of fun to me, but Cill got what he deserves. Thankfully, Ash is fully over him now, and anytime she sees either of them around the town, she holds her head up high and ignores them.
I get up early on Saturday morning and deliver my package to Ciara, the manager on duty, in Viv and Ash’s apartment building. She promises to take it straight up to Vivien. I had considered hand-delivering it, but I didn’t want to make it awkward.
I’m walking back to our place when my phone pings with a text from her.
Thanks for the care package. It was a really thoughtful gesture. The chocolate is yummy.
It’s accompanied by a picture of her holding a mug of tea with an open bar of chocolate on the table. I send her back a short reply.
You’re welcome.
Warmth spreads across my chest as I tuck my phone back in my jeans pocket, and I’m still smiling when I get home.
Ash calls over the following afternoon when we’re all lounging around the sitting room recovering from a late session in Bruxelles. She jumps onto the sofa beside me and leans into my ear. “She loved it. It was the perfect thing to do.”
“I’m glad.”
“Who knew you could be so romantic?” Ash smiles wider.
“It was only some tea bags and chocolate. Let’s not get carried away.”
“It’s the thought that counts, and you went to the trouble of washing her shirt too.” Ash has a swoony look on her face I haven’t seen in years.
All because I washed a shirt? Women are strange creatures.
“I’ve also convinced her to come out on Friday so you can ask her.” She waggles her brows.
“Ask who what?” Ro inquires as he carries a tray laden with biscuits and mugs of tea.
“Dil’s going to ask Viv out.”
I glare at my sister as Jamie snorts with laughter, and Ro’s frown deepens. I don’t know why my little bro is looking so pissed off when he’s shacked up with Zara now.
“What?” Ash shrugs, feigning innocence. “You didn’t say it was a big secret.”
“That was implied,” I deadpan, reaching for a mug.
“I never thought I’d see the day.” Jay’s smug grin expands when I flip him the bird.
“It’s not a big deal, and it’s not what we need to discuss.” I purposely change the subject. We didn’t get to talk about the manager issue on Friday because I left straight after our set.
“Ro and I spoke about it,” Ash says, dunking her digestive biscuit in her tea. “And I agree you should look for an experienced manager.”
“Ro should not have spoken to you without the rest of us,” I say through gritted teeth, shooting daggers at my meddlesome little brother.
“It makes sense, Dil.” Ash clings to my arm and snuggles into my side. “I love how loyal you are to me, but it’s my loyalty to all of you that means I’m A-okay with this. I want Toxic Gods to succeed, and if you get professional representation, they can steer you in a way I can’t.”
“You know us, and you’re smart,” I protest. “You’ll learn the ropes fast. I don’t think we should underplay the importance of having someone we trust acting on our behalf.”
“That’s a valid point, but how do we marry the two?” Conor says, surprising us all with his contribution. I learnt long ago that Con soaks everything up like a sponge. He rarely misses anything even if it seems like he’s living in his own little world. But it’s not often he speaks up.
“I was thinking maybe I could be mentored by the person,” Ash says, straightening up. “We could make it a condition of whatever management contract you sign so they have to show me the ropes. After I finish my degree, I’m considering doing an MBA, and then I could take over managing you in the future, when the timing is right.” Her gaze bounces between all four of us. “Unless things take off quickly, and then I can revise that plan.”
“I like it,” Jay says, and Conor and Ro bob their heads in agreement.
“I still think Ash is good enough, but I know when I’m outnumbered.”
“This is the right call, Dil.” Ash squeezes my arm. “Let me do some research. Find a few people I think will be a good fit, and then we can discuss whether to approach them now or wait until we have a concrete offer from a label.”