Chapter 41
41
AGE 20
W hen I have everything set up on the roof, I collect her from the bedroom and try not to drool all over her when I see how pretty she looks. I keep my hand over her eyes as I lead her upstairs. “Don’t peek,” I command even as she spreads her fingers and tries to sneak a look. It’s the only thing to bring a ghost of a smile to my lips today.
“I’m not.”
Little liar!
Positioning us in front of the small open marquee, I whip my hand away. “Surprise.”
“Dillon,” she whispers. Her wide-eyed gaze soaks up our pop-up restaurant for the evening. Colored string lights decorate the interior, and the floor is covered in a myriad of vibrant patterned beanbags and large cushions. In the center is a low glossy black table set with candles and silverware. Incense wafts through the air from a few diffusers I set up around the space. In the corner, a narrow rectangular table holds our plates and covered silver platters of food.
“Do you like it?” I ask over the lump in my throat.
She grabs my arm and smiles. “I love it. This is amazing.” She blatantly eye fucks me as her gaze roams me from head to toe, and I’m glad I decided to dress up for the occasion in a black shirt and trousers. “As are you.” She kisses me passionately. “You look so freaking hot.”
Escorting her inside, I kneel to take off her shoes so she can sit comfortably on the large cushion in front of the table. “I cooked an Asian-themed meal, so I thought we could eat like this.” Nerves fire at me from all angles as I hope I didn’t fuck this up. If this is the last night we get, I want it to be super special. I want her to remember this night for the rest of her life as I already know I will.
She kisses me again. “This is fantastic. Thank you for going to so much trouble.”
After we eat, Viv sips from her glass of prosecco while I play my guitar and sing to her. Her attention is laser focused on me, and I feel her gaze like a physical caress.
Saying I need to go for a piss, I sneak into her bedroom, dropping rose petals on her bed and lighting candles I strategically place around the room. The knot in my stomach grows tighter as I maneuver around the cases stacked against the wall, but I try to push the physical reminder aside.
Vivien attacks me when I show her the room a little later, ravishing my mouth and biting my lip as she pops the buttons on my shirt. My cock is rock hard when she wraps her slender fingers around it. We don’t speak as she fully undresses me and lowers to her knees, sucking my cock deep into her throat. My fingers toy with her hair as she blows me, and I’m struggling to contain my emotions as I watch her pleasure me.
But I don’t want to come in her mouth. I want to come buried so deep inside her she’ll always feel me there. I lift her up gently, kissing her firmly and worshipping her with my tongue while lowering the zip on her dress. When it falls to her feet, I scoop her up and carry her to the bed, wasting no time divesting her of the rest of her clothes. When she’s lying naked on the bed, I take my time kissing and caressing every inch of her beautiful body until she’s writhing and moaning and whispering my name.
These past few days, we’ve been like crazed animals fucking bareback and clawing at one another in desperation. I’m not feeling that now. Now, I want to adore her like the queen she is and ensure she knows how much I treasure her. Vivien feels different under my fingertips and my lips tonight. Her skin feels softer, more fragile, more precious. When our eyes meet, emotion radiates from her eyes, triggering mine.
When I’ve worked us up enough, I part her thighs, holding my cock at her entrance as I look at her, wanting to memorize how she looks and feels in this moment. Nudging her nose with mine, I move my lips to one corner of her mouth and then the other, kissing her tenderly as I slowly push inside her.
I’m in no rush, wanting this to last forever. My thrusts are slow and deep. My kisses lingering and passionate. My touch reverent and sensual. My hands explore her gorgeous curves, skimming over her hip, along the plane of her flat stomach, and sweeping the underside of her tits. I gently knead her boobs before sucking her nipples into my mouth.
Silent tears roll down her face as I make love to her, and it kills me. I lap at her tears, but more keep coming, and I’m unraveling like never before. The tears streaming down my face are unstoppable as I roll my hips, feeling my release waiting in the wings, trying to stall the inevitable because I’m not ready for this to end.
But I can’t deny reality any longer. All it will do is cause me more grief in the end.
“Viv.” I press a hard kiss to her lips as I pick up my pace. “God, I don’t ever want to stop feeling this.”
“I know.” She cries, throwing her arms around my neck and suctioning her legs around my waist. “This is the best feeling in the world.”
We fall off the ledge together, staring at one another with red-rimmed eyes as our bodies fly, our hearts break, and our minds cry.
We don’t move after we’re ridden out our climaxes, staying locked together as we continue staring at one another. After I’ve fully softened, I pull out and lie on my side facing her, threading our hands together and pressing my chest to hers. Emotion is etched upon her face, and my feelings are a tsunami of epic proportions on the cusp of freedom.
I can’t hold it inside anymore.
I can’t let her leave without saying this to her face.
Without at least trying to change her mind.
“I love you,” I say, pleading with my eyes for her to meet me halfway.
Her entire face crumples, and I see the truth written all over it even if she still hasn’t verbalized it. “Don’t leave,” I add as fresh tears cascade down her face. “Stay,” I whisper, silently begging and praying. I’ll do anything, anything , to keep her with me. She’s crying and shaking as her emotions scream for an outlet, and I’m silently coaxing her to be brave. Summoning the last vestiges of my courage, I press my lips to her ear. “Say I’m the one.”
Please pick me.
Please say I’m enough.
Don’t go back to him.
She stares at me through glistening bloodshot eyes, and I know what she’s going to say before she utters the words. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”
Something vital dies inside me. Bit by bit, I come undone. Snatching each shattered piece, I shove it down deep into the void, so deep it’s lost to the internal storm raging, locking my emotions up with it.
I tried, and it wasn’t good enough.
Like always, I’m never enough.
I was a fool to think she’d ever choose me.
How many times do I have to be rejected before the harsh reality is accepted?
I was always destined to live in my twin’s shadow. To be less than.
She’s made her decision, and fuck this, I’m out of here.
She has leveled me so completely I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get back up.
I swing my legs out of the bed. “Then I guess that’s it.”
She sits up, looking thoroughly confused, which is a bit rich. “Please don’t go. I thought you were going to stay tonight?”
Is she for real? She rejects me. Refuses to tell me she loves me even though I see it written all over her face, and she thinks I’m going to what? Stay here and fuck her all night so she gets her rocks off before she runs back to him? Not fucking likely.
A harsh laugh erupts from my throat as I get dressed. “Why delay the inevitable? We might as well do this now.” Rage is immediate and intense as, semi-dressed, I turn to face her. I slide my feet into my runners, and whatever she sees on my face is enough to have her tugging the covers up under her chin. “It’s not like you really care. If you did, you’d want to stay.”
“I do!” She stands, hugging the sheet around her body. “I wish I could stay here with you. I swear I do. But it’s not possible, Dillon.”
“Anything is possible if you want it badly enough.”
“That’s not fair!”
“What’s not fair is you making me love you and then leaving to go back to that prick!” I shout as I drown under the weight of the pain I’m feeling.
She steps back, looking wary. “That’s not what I’m doing.”
Her protests are worthless. I bet this was always her plan, and I’m the gobshite who fell for it. “Bull-fucking-shit.” I let the full extent of my frustration and anger loose, narrowing my eyes and spitting out my next words. “You’re pathetic. Crawling back to him after he’s probably spent months fucking his costar.”
“Reeve has nothing to do with this. He won’t even be in L.A.”
Has she always been this much of a liar and I didn’t see it? I jab my finger in front of her face. “You can’t even admit it to yourself.”
“Dillon, my entire life is back in L.A. My classes are starting in ten days. I’ve signed up for an evening costume design course. I have taken out a lease with Audrey on an apartment near UCLA. My parents are there.”
“You could transfer to Trinity permanently, but you never even tried, did you?”
“The thought did cross my mind.”
I scoff. “Yet you did nothing about it.”
Her nostrils flare as the truth stings. She’s just mad I’m calling her out on her bullshit tactics. “Hang on here a second. You never gave me any indication until right now that you wanted me to stay! Do you think I’m a mind reader?”
“Cop the fuck on, Hollywood. We both know what we’re feeling. Or maybe I was the only one who fell.” I pull my lips into a tight line as I angrily fasten the buttons on my shirt, needing to get out of here ASAP.
“You know that’s not true, and what difference would it make anyway, Dillon? You’re not going to be in Dublin for much longer. The band will take off, and you’ll go with them. You’ll be gone for years, and there’ll be groupies and women coming out of the woodwork, and I’ll be pushed aside. We’d try to make it work, but it wouldn’t. I know. I’ve already been there.”
I fucking knew it! I knew this was behind her reluctance. It seems my twin is not done fucking with my life. Well, fuck him and fuck her! They don’t get to do this to me! My jaw pulls taut with stress, and my hands ball into fists. I need to hit something. Preferably my twin’s smug face. “Know one thing, Vivien. I am not Reeve Lancaster!” I shout. She folds her arms across her chest, hugging herself as she clings to the sheet protecting her body. “I would never cheat on you. Never .”
I stalk to the door, almost slumping against it. My body deflates as adrenaline ebbs and all my sleepless nights catch up to me. I turn around to face her one final time. Let her know this before we go our separate ways. Let her go back to her safety net and forget how incredible we are together. Let her choose comfort and predictability over passion and loyalty. “I would have stayed for you, Vivien. I would have fought for you. No matter what happens, know it was real.” Sadness slaps me in the face. “Goodbye, Hollywood. I hope everything works out for you.”