Chapter 42
42
AGE 20
“ Y ou disgust me.” My sister’s pretty face contorts into a scowl as she glares at me before shooting daggers at the gold digger situated in my lap. Aoife paws at my chest, her fingers creeping upward to my neck. Before Viv, Aoife’s touch used to turn me on. Now, she makes my skin crawl because the touch is all wrong. Too desperate. Too harsh. Not the soft loving caresses from the only woman who matters. A woman who has just poured her heart out to me in front of everyone. A woman who just bled her truths at my feet.
But it’s not enough.
She’s still leaving.
To go back to him .
Anger glides up my throat, and a muscle clenches in my jaw, the same way it always does whenever I think of Reeve Lancaster.
“More than that, you disappoint me,” Ash continues, shaking her head sadly. “I know you love her, Dil. You can deny it until you’re blue in the face, and I won’t believe you. You love her . She loves you .” Leaning down, she puts her face all up in mine. “Fight for her, for fuck’s sake.”
I tried, and it didn’t work. Even if I were to run outside and chase her, it won’t change a damn thing. Viv is still getting on that plane to return to L.A.
To return to my twin .
I asked her to choose me, and she rejected me.
It’s over, and the sooner my sister understands that, the better.
“It was a summer fling, and we both knew it had an end date.” I shrug, bringing my beer to my lips. “The only one who doesn’t seem to get that is you.” I swallow a healthy mouthful of beer, hoping the alcohol will calm the violent emotional storm brewing inside me.
“I never took you for a coward, Dil, but that’s exactly what you are.”
Aoife drops a line of kisses on my neck, and my skin itches like I’ve stumbled upon a bed of nettles. I need my sister to fuck off so I can get rid of the parasite on my lap. My gaze lifts to my best friend in silent communication.
“Ash.” Jamie reaches for my sister, but she swats his arm away.
“I’m going after Viv,” she tells him, “because someone has to make sure she’s okay.” She sends one last scathing look in my direction before storming off.
Aoife giggles at Ash’s retreating back. “You’re well rid of that stuck-up American bitch,” she says, pressing her ass down on my flaccid cock.
I shove her off my lap, needing her the fuck away from me. Ro rides to the rescue, grabbing Aoife around the waist before she hits the deck.
“What the hell, Dil?” Aoife plants her hands on her hips, pinning me with an angry stare.
“Fuck off.” I don’t look at her as I spit the words out, bringing the bottle to my lips and draining the rest of my beer.
“I can tell you’re in one of your moods, so I’ll forgive you.” She plonks down on my lap again.
“Are you fucking deaf as well as stupid?” I hiss, shoving her harder. This time, she lands unceremoniously on the ground, whimpering while fixing me with hurt eyes. “I don’t want you. I’ve never wanted you. You were nothing more than a hole to fuck when I needed a release.”
Ro helps Aoife to her feet, glaring at me. “Don’t be an even bigger asshole. It’s not fair to take this out on Aoife. You fucked this up. You . Not anyone else.”
Jamie whispers in Aoife’s ear, and she leaves, taking her three friends with her. “Ro.” Jamie shakes his head. “Drop it.”
“No, Jay. I won’t drop it. He needs to get his head out of his ass and remember where his priorities lie.”
Conor leans back in his chair, nodding in silent agreement.
“We have a real opportunity this time,” Ro continues, “and he’s not going to fuck it up for all of us.”
An opportunity we wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for Viv. My brother seems to have forgotten that. “Don’t hold back, bro. Say what you really think.”
“You knew what you had with her was temporary, so stop acting like someone ran over your dog. You should apologize and end things amicably. Ash is right in that respect, but you have no right to be pissed at Viv for returning home when it was the plan all along.”
He has no idea how close I came to giving it all up. How I was prepared to quit the band and stay by her side if she had told me she’d stay.
I love music. I love performing. I’m happy doing what we’re doing, and it’s enough for me because I don’t want the nasty side of fame. I don’t want my private life under a microscope, and not because the truth about my twin brother would most likely come out. Why can’t the music be enough? We could make a comfortable living producing and streaming our own stuff. Playing local events. Building a loyal fanbase locally. But it won’t be enough for Jamie and Ronan. Even Conor is champing at the bit at the prospect this A&R scout might want to sign us.
Going to America and making it big has never been my dream, but I’ll do it for the guys, for my brother, because there is nothing holding me here now anyway.
“What is she doing here?” I slur a few hours later, spotting Aoife standing a few feet away, scowling in my direction.
“Ro invited her.” Jamie flops down beside me on the sofa. He hands me a beer, and I drain the last dregs of the one in my hand before tossing it on the carpeted floor. “You know your brother is a bleeding heart. Apparently, she was crying in the toilets at Bruxelles, so he took pity on her.”
“I hope he’s planning to fuck her because I’m never going there again.” I pop the cap on my beer, glugging a few mouthfuls.
“You should go after Viv. It’s not too late,” he says, glancing at the time on his mobile phone.
“Nah.” I scrunch up my nose. “Ro is right. It was always leading to this point.”
“I’m calling bullshit.” Jamie scrubs a hand along his stubbly jawline. “There is no shame in admitting you’re hurting. I know you love her. We all saw it happening.”
It wasn’t supposed to go down like this.
I was going to steal her heart.
She wasn’t supposed to steal mine.
But steal it she did. The plan was to make her fall in love with me and then break her heart so badly he got a shell of the woman he loved back. My heart was never meant to get involved, but she reeled me in before I even realized what was happening. She made me feel things I have never felt before. Love. Hope. Possibility. She made me believe I was worthy. That things could be different, and for a little while there, I believed in a future where we were together.
Yet it wasn’t real. She was always preparing to return to him.
Now, I’m the one left nursing a broken heart while she swans back to that selfish prick.
How does he do this? How does he always come out on top? I have never hated anyone as much as I hate Reeve Lancaster and his father. I hate them with a burning intensity that grows hotter and stronger with every passing day.
“What is that slut doing here?” Ash snaps, materializing in front of us an hour later. The party is in full swing now, and our small living room is bursting at the seams. Music thumps through the loudspeakers, almost drowning out the sound of conversation and laughter.
“Hello to you too, sister,” I slur, swiping the joint out of Conor’s fingers before he can lift it to his lips.
“I’m not talking to you,” she hisses, pinning me with red-rimmed eyes as she crawls into Jamie’s lap. Ash curls into a ball against her boyfriend, sniffling into his neck.
She has the saddest expression on her face, and pain presses down on my chest as the realization dawns. “She’s gone.”
“No thanks to you.” Ash swipes at the dampness on her cheeks.
“It’s nothing to do with me.” I blow smoke circles into the air. “This was always the way it was meant to be.”
She opens her mouth, and Jamie whispers something into her ear. A hushed conversation ensues, and they both glance at me as they debate something. Jamie kisses her, and a pang of longing for my girl hits me square in the face.
I force beer down my dry throat, needing to numb myself to all thoughts and emotions. Ash stares at me as she cuddles with her boyfriend, letting him comfort her, but her angry expression has been exchanged for something worse—pity. I pretend I don’t notice, sitting there stewing in a mess of my own making, drinking and smoking to drown out my pain.
The rest of the night is a blur, and I don’t budge from my position on the sofa, observing the party raging around me like an objective bystander. I’m vaguely conscious of Jamie and my brother carrying me up to my room at some point, and everything is a blank after that.
Muffled voices tickle my eardrums, attempting to lure me from sleep, but I ignore them. Drums are pounding a new beat in my skull, and my tongue feels like it’s superglued to the roof of my mouth. Someone prods me in the leg, but I play comatose, knowing they’ll go away if I continue playing dead.
“Aarghhh!” I bolt upright as ice-cold water drenches my upper torso, waking up every single cell and nerve ending in my body. “What the fuck?” I shout, shaking droplets of water all over my duvet as I push wet hair back off my face.
“Get up!” Ash says. “We need to talk, and I’m done waiting.”
“Fuck off, Ash.” I glare at her through blurry vision.
“You can’t speak to Ash like that,” Jamie says. “She’s only trying to help.”
I rub at my eyes, and my vision focuses. Jamie and Ash are standing in my bedroom, leaning against the wall, eyeballing me with an intensity that scares me. “I don’t need any help,” I mumble, pulling myself up against the headboard.
“Said the blind man as he was standing on the edge of the cliff,” Ash deadpans, pushing off the wall and perching on the dry side of my bed. “I love you, Dillon, but you’re a stupid fucker at the best of times.”
I open my mouth to protest, but she clamps her hand over my lips. “Nope. You’re going to sit there and shut up. I’ve got shit to say, and I’m saying it. Besides, your breath reeks, and I’m about to pass out from the fumes.” She passes me a glass of water and two paracetamol. “Take those.” She twists around, looking at Jamie. “Babe, can you make coffee? Lots and lots of strong black coffee. We need to sober him up fast.”
Jamie nods, walking out of my room. His feet thud on the stairs as he heads down to the kitchen.
I knock back the painkillers because my head is pounding and pain rattles around my skull, reminding me I completely overdid it last night. “Spit it out,” I tell my sister, needing to get this over and done with.
“I won’t pretend to know the exact inner workings of your mind, nor am I asking you to tell me, but you’re my brother, and I know you well enough to know part of what is going through that thick skull of yours.” She grabs a towel from behind her, gently mopping the wetness on my face. “You love her. I know you do. Like I know it terrifies you to trust your heart to someone. I understand she hurt you, but she’s hurting too. I should’ve knocked your heads together weeks ago and forced you to have a conversation about the future. You’ve both been skating around it instead of just talking.”
“We did talk. I told her how I felt. I asked her to stay, and she said no.”
“You sprung it on her at the last minute, Dil! You didn’t even give her time to consider it before you stormed off all butthurt.”
“She rejected me, Ash.” I rub at the tightness spreading across my chest. “She was never going to choose me over him. She’s been in love with him most of her life. A few months with me isn’t going to change that fact.”
“Dillon. Jesus.” She crawls up beside me, wrapping her arms around my wet chest. “She broke up with him because he betrayed her. He let her down, and she might never be able to forget that. She came here to heal. She didn’t plan to meet anyone let alone fall in love. But she did. She fell in love with you .” She taps my chest directly where my heart beats sluggishly. “You caught her off guard when you asked her,” she continues. “She’s confused, and her past is compounding the situation, but it doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you like crazy because I know she does.” Ash grabs my face between her small, soft palms. “She told you she loves you in front of everyone last night. Didn’t that mean anything?”
Of course, it did. That took huge guts, something Viv has in spades. I know I should have chased after her last night, but I was already drunk and hurting too much to think logically. All I wanted to do was hurt her, so she’d know what it feels like.
“It did, but it’s too late now,” I say, spotting the time on my mobile. It’s already seven in the morning and her flight left at four. “She’s already in the air. And I’m not sure her saying that changes anything.”
“You won’t know unless you fight for her.” Ash scrambles off the bed as Jamie reappears, carrying a steaming mug of coffee. “Stay here. I’ve got something to show you.” She disappears as my best friend hands me a coffee.
“What are you going to do?” he asks, lighting up a cigarette.
I shrug. “What can I do? She’s gone now.”
Ash returns, carrying a brand-spanking-new guitar case into the room.
“What’s that?” Jamie inquires, walking around the bed.
“It’s for Dil. From Viv.”
I set my mug down on the bedside locker, taking the case from my sister’s hands.
“Holy fuck.” Jamie kneels on the floor as I remove the expensive Fender from the case. “Is that what I think it is?”
My fingers run along the curved edges of the guitar with reverence. “It’s a sixtieth anniversary American vintage 1954 Stratocaster.”
“That’s good, right?” Ash asks.
I can barely nod over the lump in my throat. “Just under two thousand of these were manufactured back in 2014.”
“They’re collector’s items,” Jamie says, his eyes still out on stalks.
“I thought it was new.” Ash shrugs, not understanding the significance of this gift.
“It basically is,” I admit, knowing from looking at it that whoever she bought this off hasn’t used the guitar.
“She engraved your initials,” Jamie says, rubbing his thumb along the DOD etched into the glossy wood.
“Look at the strap,” Ash prompts, and I hold it out, examining the custom-made Toxic Gods strap. My heart, swollen with so many emotions, slams against my rib cage. I can’t believe Viv did this for me. We spoke about it one time. She knows my goal was to buy one of these at auction someday.
“Bro. She must really love you to leave you this after how you treated her last night.” Jamie pulls a drag on his cigarette before Ash swipes it from his hand, stubbing it out.
Shame washes over me for the first time, and I’m embarrassed at how poorly I treated Viv at Bruxelles. I let my pain take control, hurting the girl who means everything to me.
“I wasn’t with Aoife,” I blurt, eyeballing my sister. “I just did that to hurt Viv.”
“I know, dumbass. It was a shitty move, and you hurt my best friend.” Her eyes turn glacial. “I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive you for that, even if you do make things right with her.”
I set the guitar aside, too guilt-ridden to test it out right now. “I don’t see how. She’s gone, and I missed my chance to fix things.”
Jamie and Ash trade conspiratorial looks. My sister grabs my mug, thrusting it into my hands. “Drink.”
“What are you up to?”
“Do you love Vivien, Dillon? No bullshit. It’s just us three here.”
“I do. I love her so much.”
“Then get on a fucking plane and tell her that. Talk to her. Make her see she has options. That this doesn’t have to be the end for you two.” Ash’s eyes blaze with determination. “I think she just needs to hear the words from your lips and she’ll change her mind.”
Ash isn’t aware of everything. I wonder if she knew the truth if she would still want me to chase after her best friend. Going after Viv is risky as fuck, and there are no guarantees. This could all end badly and cause a shitstorm of epic proportions. She could take his side when she discovers the truth. “What if she doesn’t?”
“You won’t know if you don’t try, but you’ve got to hurry. Reeve is going to try to win her back, and she’s vulnerable now.” Ash extracts her phone from her jeans pocket. “There’s a flight leaving for LAX in four hours. Say the word, and I’ll book the ticket.”
Of course, he’s going to try to get her back. I’ve known that all along.
Reeve Lancaster always gets what he wants.
Except this time.
Fuck it.
I’m not a coward.
I’m not a quitter.
And Vivien is worth fighting for.
It’s time to man up and claim my woman.
He is not taking her from me.
I will fight him to the bitter end because I love her. I love her more than life, and she’s worth risking everything.
With my mind made up, I wish I could click my fingers and be in L.A. already. I don’t know how much a plane ticket costs, but I have some measly savings, so I can probably just about afford it.
“Don’t worry about the cost,” Ash says, as if she’s a mind reader. “I’ll get it, and you can pay me back when you make it big. I haven’t paid rent all year, so I’ve managed to save a lot. I’ll book you a plane ticket and a hotel room. Just say the word.” Her finger hovers over a button on her phone.
“How will I find her?”
Ash flashes me a triumphant grin. “I have her US mobile number. You can call her when you get there and arrange to meet.”
Ripping the duvet off, I swing my legs out of the bed. “Book it. I’m grabbing a shower.”
Ash squeals, and I hope I’m doing the right thing.
“Pack my shit,” I tell Jamie, knowing time is of the essence. “Enough for a week.”
“A week?” He lifts an eyebrow. “Don’t forget the scout is coming to see us perform in ten days.”
“I need some time to work through things with Viv, but I promise I’ll be back in time for the event.”