Chapter 27
TWENTY-SEVEN
Baltimore Oriole, Carolina Wren, Common Loon, Grackle, Northern Cardinal…
The names of birds swirl through my head as I walk up Trevor’s walkway, and I try to settle myself with something familiar. I’ve been cycling through them all afternoon, trying to focus on anything but the gnawing anxiety lodged in my chest. I didn’t shoot today, and I barely touched any work. And the loss of my routine is eating away at me.
Ever since I woke up this morning, I’ve been worried about the bird, knowing she was going in for a second surgery. And while I trust Trevor, and I knew the surgery was going to be simple and quick, the worry still settled into every part of me, and pulled me down to hold me in this static place where I can’t move forward or function.
My steps slow as I sigh, and embarrassment settles over me. I had a meltdown in front of Trevor… at his work. And he had to step away from work to calm me down. He shouldn’t have to do that. I shouldn’t have even gone there. I knew it would be too much, but I did it anyway. I could barely even get into the building.
And even now that I know the bird is ok, the knot in my chest remains… tangled up in all my worry and shame.
But the biggest question underneath it all… What if she has to stay at the centre for the rest of her rehab and flight conditioning?
I reach Trevor’s front door and take a deep breath before knocking. My heart thuds as a mix of anxiety and anticipation swirls inside me, and I shove my hands into the front pocket of my hoodie. Within seconds, the door swings open, and Trevor’s warm smile instantly begins to soothe the knots in my stomach. Before I realize what I’m doing, I’m stepping into his embrace as his hand slips around my waist to pull me closer, and he holds me tight like he never wants to let go.
“You ok?” he murmurs as he runs his fingers through my hair.
I nod, resting my chin on his shoulder as I let the comfort of his touch sink in, and Neville grabs at my jeans, begging for attention. But right now, I just need Trevor. I cling to him as I try to find the words to apologize for this morning… until a chirp from the kitchen catches my attention.
I pull back, looking at Trevor as his smile widens. “She’s home,” he says softly.
My heart skips a beat, and excitement bursts through the cloud of worry that’s been hanging over me all day. I head straight for the kitchen, and stop when my eyes land on her. She’s in her spot by the window, hopping around happily under a new branch in her cage.
“She’s doing great,” Trevor says, coming up beside me. “So I took her back with me.”
I step closer, my eyes following every movement she makes. Her wing moves like it was never broken, and she’s hopping around as if nothing ever happened.
But… why is she here if she needs the flight cages at the centre?
“Flight conditioning,” I say quietly as I keep my gaze on her. “She needs flight conditioning…”
Trevor slips his hand into mine and gives it a gentle tug, bringing my attention back to him. He gestures towards the back door with a nod of his head. “Come on.”
I steal one last glance at the bird as Trevor guides me out the back door and onto the deck, where the familiar sight of the sun dipping behind the trees drenches the pastures in a soft, golden glow. The tall grass sways lazily in the warm breeze, and the warmth from the day lingers in the air. I shrug my shoulders in my hoodie as Trevor leads me down the stairs, caught in the usual predicament this time of year. It’s too warm to wear a hoodie… but I need it to feel comfortable and safe.
I follow Trevor, my hand still in his, as he walks towards the barn. I look up at it as we approach, unsure what we’re doing here.
He must sense my confusion because he glances at me with a small smile. “I told you I wanted to show you something,” he says, pointing towards the barn door. “It’s in here.”
Trevor slides the door open, and as we step inside, I look around as my eyes adjust to the dim light. One side of the barn is lined with about six stalls, and it looks like horses may have been housed here previously. My gaze sweeps across the barn to the other side, which has a large open space with…
Wait.
“Is that…?” I start, staring at the large cage in disbelief.
Trevor just nods. “She has her own flight cage at home.”
I slowly trail my eyes over the large wooden frame, about six feet tall and six feet long, fully enclosed with screen netting.
“She’ll spend time here each day,” Trevor continues, stepping beside me. “This way, she can acclimate to the outdoors and build up strength. When she’s strong enough, she can then live out here until she’s ready for full release. We’ll need to add perches, greenery, and some natural foliage. When the barn door is open, she’ll get plenty of sun shining right on her?—”
Before he can finish, I turn to him and press my lips to his in a kiss that’s filled with gratitude, relief, and something deeper that I’m not quite sure how to name. His arms wrap around me again to hold me close, and I can’t even believe he’s real.
When I pull back, I look into his eyes and open the gates to let my thoughts and questions flow. “Did you build this? When? How? Was the space clear before you did or did you have to clean it out?” I look over at the cage. “Did you have all of this? Was it a lot of work? Is that the door? Can we start it now?”
Trevor chuckles softly and his fingers gently land under my chin to bring me back to him. “I built it yesterday,” he says. “There were some two-by-fours lying around, and I picked up the screen netting. The space was already clear, which is what gave me the idea.” His eyes flick between mine. “I know how important the bird is to you. And… I know the clinic is tough.”
I drop my gaze as embarrassment rushes back in, but he lifts my chin again and gently shakes his head. “No,” he says softly. “Keep your head high, Firefox.”
The warmth in his eyes, his gentle but firm touch, and his reassuring words all wrap me in the comfort I only feel with him. Even when I’m defeated and falling apart, he knows how to bring me back .
“And yes,” he adds with a smile, “we can start setting it up now.”
I smile back, and he leans in to kiss me again. This time it's slower and deeper, like he’s taking his time to remind me I’m safe here. And I feel it… because with him, it feels like I’m home.
But as Trevor steps away and heads towards the cage, I watch him, not able to move quite yet. The bird hasn’t been the only thing making me anxious. Something else has been brewing since the weekend, making me worry that all of this could crumble if there’s something he wants or needs from me that I can’t give him. And I can’t hold it in any longer.
“Do you…” I start, but my voice catches.
Trevor glances over his shoulder, waiting for me to continue, and my heart races as I swallow hard.
“When we were hiking…” I try again, but the words get stuck once more. I shift my weight and glance out the barn door to watch the tall grass swaying. But it does little to bring me any sort of calm. “Mike said you… like to…” I let out a frustrated breath and rub my forehead. Why can’t I just say it?
“Like to what?” Trevor asks, and I hear his footsteps approach me again.
I fix my eyes on the grass, watching the steady rhythm of its movement. “Have sex…” The words finally escape me in a whisper.
Trevor stops in front of me. “Ah,” he says quietly.
Slowly, I shift my gaze back to him, and he just observes me for a moment.
“Is that something you’re interested in?” he asks carefully.
My eyes widen and my heart thumps. If I tell him I don’t think I can do that… will it all end here? Is it something he needs in a relationship? Does he think we’re heading that way? The thought of doing that feels too overwhelming. I’ve tried to im agine us doing it, but… I can’t. I like what we’ve been doing, but that feels like a step I’m definitely not ready for… and don’t think I ever will be.
Trevor eyes me carefully. “You are talking about anal, right?”
I nod, my hands immediately diving into the pockets of my hoodie as my gaze drops to the floor. “You… like it,” I say, trying to phrase it as a question, but it comes out flat and laced with more tension than I want to show him right now.
He remains silent for a moment. “Yeah…” Then he steps forward, gently pulling one of my hands from my pocket and holding it in his. “I’m vers, so… whatever you’re comfortable with, we can—” He stops mid-sentence, and I can feel the weight of realization hit him, and my breaths grow shallow.
Please don’t leave me…
“Arthur,” Trevor says softly, but I can’t meet his eyes. He’s done everything to meet my needs, and has been so patient and understanding. And I can’t even do this for him. I should be able to…
He squeezes my hand tightly. “We don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”
The words settle over me, stirring up feelings of familiarity and safety. I’ve only heard those words from the two people in my life I can trust. Slowly, I lift my eyes to meet his.
Three people I can trust.
“But I like making you feel good,” I murmur.
Trevor nods with a soft smile. “And you do.”
I swallow hard, forcing myself to stay in this moment and not look away from him. “Won’t you want to…” I trail off, the uncertainty still eating away at me.
He tilts his head, studying me quietly for a moment. Then he shakes his head. “Sex is so much more than that. Especially with you.” He steps into me, and his body presses against mine as his breath warms my lips. “There are lots of ways to have sex… we can use our mouths, our hands… I can rub my cock against yours…”
My breath catches as he trails his lips across my jaw, and his hips meet mine.
“I’ve fucked, and been fucked,” he continues in a low voice as his lips reach my ear. “But, Firefox… there is nothing like having your body pressed against mine. That’s all I need.”
A rush of adrenaline surges through me as his hands slide down to my hips and he pulls them tight against him. He’s hard… and I’m getting there too.
Suddenly my hands are on either side of his face, and I pull his lips to mine. I kiss him with everything I have in me right now, as a wild need for him completely takes over. He answers my demand with ease, tightening his grip on my hips as he walks me backwards a few steps until my back meets the stall wall. He rolls his hips against me, and the feeling of his hard dick against mine and his hands sliding under my hoodie immediately melts all the tension in my body. The evening sun spills into the barn through the open door, casting us in its golden light like a spotlight illuminating this moment. And all my worries float away on the breeze, carried away with the fading day. Being in his arms and knowing he’s here, always choosing me even with the walls I keep putting up, fills me with something I’ve never felt before. It’s a warm feeling that settles deep inside me, like a quiet certainty I don’t quite understand. But whatever it is, it feels like it’s exactly where I’m meant to be.
Trevor’s fingers firmly, but gently, trail along my waist, and my body immediately reacts as I push my hips against his, asking for more.
He chuckles against my lips, then his fingers slide to my belt buckle.
But… what are we doing ?
“Wait,” I breathe, placing a hand on his chest.
He immediately pulls back, his hand frozen over my belt. “Too fast?” he asks, searching my eyes.
I quickly shake my head. “No… I…” I take a deep breath, looking down between us where our hands are still on each other. “Just… what are we doing? Like… what do you want to do…”
His features soften when I meet his gaze, and he closes the distance between us again. “How about you let me take care of us both, Firefox.”
He takes his other hand from my hip and starts to undo his own belt buckle. I watch with deep breaths as he pulls his hard cock out and strokes himself once, before undoing my belt and reaching into my boxers. The second his fingers wrap around my cock, my eyes close and I release a long, slow breath.
That feels good.
“Hm,” Trevor hums, bringing his lips to my neck. “That’s it. Let it all out.”
It feels like my muscles and nerves are all slowly powering down, each one slipping into a gentle sleep mode with every stroke of his hand. His other hand traces along my side under my hoodie, and everything melts away, leaving only a quiet calm in its place.
I barely even register what I’m doing as my hands move to the hem of my hoodie, and I pull it off and let it fall to the barn floor. Usually I feel exposed, vulnerable, and uncomfortable in just my t-shirt, like I’m showing too much of myself to the world. But with Trevor… I want him to see it all. Every part of me. With him, there’s no need to hide.
“Fuck…” Trevor breathes as his eyes trail down my body. He steps even closer, pushing my boxers and jeans further down my hips to free my dick… and wraps his hand around us both .
Oh my god.
The feeling of his cock against mine as he strokes us is incredible, and a moan escapes me as I fall deeper into this, and I give everything up to him. My head falls back against the wall as his lips find my neck, and I’m completely at his mercy… and I really like it.
“Feel good?” he murmurs against my neck as he kisses up to my ear.
I swallow and nod, lowering my head to look down as he increases his pace on us. Pressure is quickly building deep in my pelvis, ready to burst free at any moment, and seeing his hand wrapped around us is bringing me even closer.
But he slows, releasing our cocks to bring his finger to my glistening tip. He rubs the precum down my length, and my breath catches in my chest at the feeling. Then he does the same to himself, before lifting his finger to his mouth, and sucking it.
I can’t tear my eyes off his mouth as he lowers his hand to start jerking us again, and his tongue runs over his bottom lip. And it’s like I’m moving on autopilot as I lean in, and push my tongue into his mouth. He strokes us a bit faster as I let my tongue sweep over his, tasting the subtle saltiness. Trevor moans against me, pressing me harder into the wall so we fall into a deep, intense kiss as he continues to work us.
“Hm,” Trevor hums against my lips. “Fuck, you feel amazing.”
Something seems to flip inside me, and my hand lifts from his side to wrap around the back of his neck, trying to pull him impossibly closer. I need him to be closer.
As I moan against him, Trevor’s hand moves even faster, like he’s as desperate as I feel.
“Yeah, Firefox,” he murmurs. “God, I love it when you moan for me. ”
Oh my god… I’m gripping him tight as each stroke of his hand and each word from his mouth brings me closer and closer. The pressure inside me is almost unbearable, and I’m ready to explode.
A rush of air leaves me as I reluctantly pull back to press my forehead against his. “Make me moan.”
Trevor forcefully crashes his lips against mine again with a feral-sounding groan as he pumps our cocks faster, and the pressure is finally released.
I come with another moan, holding onto him so tight I’m probably bruising him. But he doesn’t seem to even notice as he drops his head to my shoulder with a grunt, and I feel his cock pulsing against mine.
Waves of pleasure and relief ripple through me, rolling steadily like the swaying grass outside. Neither of us move as we slowly and quietly catch our breath, staying wrapped up in each other in this space Trevor created for us, and for something we both care about.
But the truth is… I care about him more than anything.