Chapter 36 #2
“I’m just picturing you lying on these furs, like a Viking,” I lie, needing to protect myself from those kinds of thoughts. “Come on, before I change my mind about seeing the girls, and make you fuck me like a berserker.” I lead us out of the summer house, so I can put things right with Polly.
“You look nervous.” Jack frowns with concern as he holds me under my belly and waits for the elevator door to open.
“I can manage, you know.” I can’t help but find his overbearingness sweet, even if it is over the top.
“I know, but you don’t have to. It must be a heavy weight, carrying the future heir of Fairfax.”
“Extremely.” I don’t disagree with him, waddling out to the lobby when the doors open.
“Sir." Both security guards at the door nod their heads, and the larger one with slicked-back, dark hair opens the door for us. We hear laughter as we step inside. The girls are all gathered around the table together, and the huge man sitting among them looks startled when he sees us.
“Sir.” He drops the playing cards in his hand and quickly stands up, looking guilty.
“Relax, he can’t be mad at you for entertaining us, as well as protecting us.” Sophia taps the chair for him to sit back down before placing her own cards down and racing over to throw her arms around me.
“Grace, look at you, you look–”
“Like an elephant.” I sigh, relieved to see her. She’s always so positive and bright.
“I was thinking more like a hippo, but, whatever.” Selena places a bowl of crisps in the centre of the table, then drags back on her cigarette while Polly remains at the table with her head down, refusing to make eye contact.
“Did you not get the no-smoking memo?” Jack marches straight towards Selena, shocking her when he takes the cigarette from her mouth, carries it over to the sink like it offends him, and puts it out under the tap.
“We weren’t expecting company, sir.” The guy who I’m assuming is supposed to be security, clears his throat, still looking worried.
“Gracie wanted some time with her friends; perhaps we should give her some.” Jack throws his eyes toward the door, suggesting they leave, and I’m grateful to him for giving me the space. This conversation would be a lot more awkward if he were here for it.
“Polly.” I smile, taking the chair that Sophia pulls out for me.
“You’ve got fat.” She looks up with a blank expression, like a delinquent child.
“Jack's been taking care of me too well,” I laugh, wishing she could just understand my motive behind all this.
“You're not fat at all; it’s all baby. I think it suits you.” Sophia tries to lighten the mood by rubbing my tummy and, as appreciative as I am for it, we can’t beat around the bush anymore..
“I’m full term now; the baby could come anytime. I thought we should maybe start making some plans.” Just saying the words puts a lump in my throat. How can so much have changed in such little time? How could I have changed so much?
“Selena’s been getting quite comfortable here. I don’t think she wants to leave.” Sophia nudges her and gets a glare back from her in response.
“It was one time, and I was very, very drunk,” she admits.
“It was three times, and you were barely tipsy,” Polly corrects her, still looking miserable that I’m here.
“I’ve promised Jack I’ll stay for a week after the birth so I can recover, and—”
“You don’t recover from something like this.” Polly scoffs a cruel laugh, getting up from the table and heading for the corridor towards the bedrooms. I go to stand up, slowed down by the heavy load I’m carrying, and refusing Sophia’s offer of help.
“Don’t walk away from me like that.” I follow after Polly, entering the bedroom I assume is hers. “We need to talk about our plans.”
“I don’t want to talk about plans.” Polly shakes her head, moving over to the window and looking out of it to distract herself.
“Polly, I wish you’d understand that I’m doing this for us. For our freedom. You can’t be okay with knowing Jonah is out there. He could be watching us all right now.”
“Do you have any idea what you're letting yourself in for?” She laughs that cruel laugh that's really starting to piss me off.
“I know labour isn’t going to be fun, but this is ten million pounds we're talking about here, Pol.”
‘Labour is the easy part.” She turns her head to look at me, and the unshed tears in her eyes make my heart sink. “Yeah, it hurts, but nothing compares to handing over that little person that grew inside you, knowing you’ll never see them again.”
“Polly.” I step closer, reaching out to take her hand when I notice it trembling.
“I was fifteen when I got pregnant; my parents had just died, and I was too scared to tell Jonah.”
“Who was the father?” I rest on the edge of her bed, taking in what she’s telling me, and wondering how I’m just finding out that Polly had a child.
“He was one of the customers at Ravenshaw’s stately home brothel.
One of the nicer ones, but not nice enough to take responsibility for it.
” She sits beside me, seeming almost relieved that her secret’s been shared.
“I hid it for as long as I could; I convinced myself that maybe I could make enough money to get us both away from everything. I know it sounds crazy, but I was desperate to keep it.” Her laugh is less bitter and much more sad.
“I started to show; I started feeling protective, and when I refused to do something I thought would hurt the baby, one of the gentlemen made a complaint. That complaint got back to Jonah, and when he found out, he was furious.”
“You were still working while you were pregnant?” I’ve heard about what kind of things happened at Ravenshaw's secret club, and I can’t even imagine how hard it must have been for her.
“Pregnant or not, working has never been my choice. Jonah always had me under his control…until you.” The slight smile she makes lets me know she’s grateful, and it gives me hope we can get past all this.
“So what happened to the baby?” I ask, knowing it’s going to be hard for her to answer, but having to know.
“Jonah did what he always did. He monetised the situation. I was too far gone to have an abortion, but he managed to find a couple who were desperate enough for a baby that they would pay his price. In fact, he found three couples.” She closes her eyes and breaks down.
“You have no idea how hard it was for me; stringing them all along, watching them get excited and thinking they were about to become parents.”
“You conned them?” I’d like to say I’m surprised, but nothing surprises me when it comes to him.
“Two of them were conned. Jonah, at least let me pick which couple would actually get the baby when it came.” She wipes her tears with her sleeve.
“I picked a good couple. They lived in Scotland, in the country. I always wanted to live somewhere like that when I was a child, so I figured my child would want that.”
“Polly, I had no idea. Why have you never told me this?” I thought the two of us were close. Ever since that day she came to me and told me what kind of person Jonah really was, we've been inseparable.
“Because it hurts, Grace. It burns like an empty hole in my heart and stomach, and although our circumstances aren’t entirely the same, you're going to burn too.” This time she grabs both my hands, like I’m the one who needs sympathy.
“Polly, you know me. I go into every job focused; I knew what this was, going in. This baby isn’t mine.” I try not to let the sting of those words show on my face.
“This isn’t a job, Grace. This is a baby that's half yours. You're not just a surrogate for some rich bastard. I don’t know how he’s done it, but you're in love with him.”
“Polly…” I don’t know what I can say to convince her, especially since I’m exhausted from trying to convince myself.
“No.” She stands up, looking like the strong, determined woman I knew she had the potential to become.
“I don’t want to be part of this. I don’t want to feel guilty every time I look at you, knowing you did all that for us.
I came to you for help when I ran from Jonah; I made you vulnerable, and you helped him do that robbery to protect me.
I carry enough guilt already. I’m not carrying this, too.
” She shakes her head, and when I see Selena and Sophia both standing in the doorway, she drops her head in shame.
I don’t know how long they’ve been standing there, or how much they heard.
“And do you all feel the same?” I ask them.
“We had no idea.” Both of them enter the room, wrapping their arms around Polly. Even Selena, who usually refuses any form of affection. I stand up and complete the circle, so all four of us huddle together.
“How were you supposed to know? I did everything I could to keep it a secret.” Polly smiles before lowering her head. “All of us can manage, Grace; we can get by. Please, don’t leave your child with that man.” There’s malice in her tone, and I realise that none of these girls know Jack at all.
“See, that's not the part I’m worried about. Jack isn’t who we thought he was; he’s nothing like his father or his brother. He’s kind and considerate, and…” I stop myself before I get carried away.
“Shit, you really have fallen in love with him. I had your back, said it wasn’t possible.” Selena shakes her head in disappointment.
“Of course, I haven’t fallen in love. I just know he’ll be a good dad to this child.” I look down at the bump that will soon be gone, and try not to get emotional.
“And you’ll be a good mum,” Sophia adds, pressing her hand to my tummy. “Don’t deny the child that.” There’s a silence, one I could break to tell the truth, to open up to women who have become sisters to me, but I have to lead by example.
“We’re sticking to the plan.” I pull out of the huddle and gain some composure.
“Polly, this was my decision; you have no burden to carry, none of you do. I’m not in love with Jack Ravenshaw, and I don’t want to be a mother to his child.
” I look them all in their eyes and lie to their faces.
I’ve conned a lot of people, but never them, and I feel sick as I do it.
“I’m going to ask Jack to make sure our new identities are ready; it gives Selena time to make sure they’re water-tight.
Then, we leave together, just like we planned.
” I can’t let my feelings and thoughts distract me from the fact that Jonah is still out there.
If I stay with Jack, I put him and our baby at risk.
I have the opportunity to do what's best for everyone I care about, and I’m taking it, even if I have to feel that burn for the rest of my life.
“I have to go.” I smile bravely when I feel that composure starting to slip; I can’t convince them if I start to cry.
“I’ll be in touch as soon as this is over.” I wrap them all in my arms one more time before I leave. Rushing back through the apartment and out the door.
“You good?” Jack asks when I open the door and interrupt the lecture he’s giving to his security.
“Yeah, let's just go home.” I step towards the lift and press the call button, ignoring the urge to stroke my tummy, like I usually do when Jack’s baby gives me another kick, all the while pretending that I don’t feel that burn Polly told me about already.