Chapter 56 Derrick #2
His body stiffens, and I hear him suck in a couple of deep breaths before releasing them.
“He worked in a different unit to me, but we were both in Afghanistan together. He was a higher rank than me, which isn’t allowed.
Technically, relationships while on deployment are not allowed, but everyone bends the rules, especially gay personnel.
Our options are limited. We met, and it was a whirlwind romance.
We snuck around, no one knew, they thought we were friends.
He wasn’t out of the closet because he wanted a career in the military and didn’t think he could get the advancements if he was out.
Then my accident happened, and the wild thing was that morning before I left, I told him I loved him.
He didn’t say it back and I thought it was because I was running late.
Now in hindsight, I know it was because he didn’t feel it.
I think I was a warm hole in a cruel place for him.
I could have been anyone. When the accident happened, we were airlifted to Germany to be looked after there, then we were sent home when we were fit enough.
I’m thankful my parents had the money to be able to help me when I came back, others were not so lucky.
Anyway, while in Germany, I kept asking to see him.
Every day I would open my eyes and wish I saw him until one day I did, he was on leave and came to check in on me.
I was so happy when I saw him, but he didn’t look that happy when he saw me.
Guess, I should have appreciated that he had the balls to visit me to break it to me that he no longer found me physically attractive, and that he didn’t want to look after a cripple for a partner.
” I gasp. What the hell is wrong with people?
Who the hell says that kind of thing to someone they had a relationship with?
“I lost it. I threw a vase of flowers at him. I turned into someone I’m not proud of, they had to sedate me.
It wasn’t because of what he said, it was because of what I now thought I had lost. That this would be the reaction I would get from every man I tried to date from then on.
That I would be deemed too much trouble. Damaged goods.”
My heart breaks for him. Now I understand why he was reluctant to attempt dating. I thought it was because of something else, not this.
“Now this is not pity …” I warn him, “… but what a dick. It’s a leg, not a big deal, you have another.
If it were an arm, that would certainly make things harder.
How do you jerk off with one arm? Oh, are there arms you could get that have like a dildo attachment on them?
Now that would be cool, imagine that you’re like, ‘oh I need to rub one out, let me switch arms’ and grab your heavy-duty jerking off arm and it automatically milks you. Man, that actually sounds pretty cool.”
“Fuck your brain is scary.” Charlie chuckles.
“I know. Imagine living with it.” I smirk.
“I will say the jerking off arm does sound awesome. I’ll let my robotics guy know about it.”
“Hey, let’s patent it first, and we can become rich.”
“What would we call it?” he asks, indulging in my madness.
“Jerk free?”
“Free willy?”
We both crack up laughing. “You really don’t care about my leg?”
“No, I don’t.”
“Did you want to see it?” he asks tentatively.
“Hell yeah, as long as it doesn’t hurt you,” I say. Don’t want him to hurt himself indulging in my curiosity.
Charlie throws back the covers and pulls up the leg of his sweats to show me his carbon fiber leg. He looks like a cyborg.
“That is so cool. Can you put different designs on it?” I ask.
“Your imagination is limitless. I look like a cyborg, but this design gives me better movement.”
“You know the fashionista in me would need a new leg for a new season,” I tease.
“I could just imagine yours would be designer.” He laughs.
“You think Chanel would?” My fashion mind is lost in the possibilities.
“You’ve always been a fashion girlie, then?”
“All my life. I grew up in the middle of nowhere in what most would probably describe as a religious cult, but it’s not technically a cult according to the law, although messed-up stuff happened.
The fashion magazines I looked at with the girls from school took me away from my horrible childhood and transported me into a life I knew I should be living.
I used to pray that I was the real child of Karl Lagerfeld, and someone kidnapped me at birth, and he had been looking for me all my life. ”
“I remember you saying you don’t have contact with your parents.”
“None. Not since I was eighteen. Those first years were rough because I thought, what did I do wrong other than be born? But once I realized what real family was, thanks to Sienna’s and Vanessa’s amazing parents, who took me in as if I were one of their own.
I knew how shitty my parents truly were.
It’s not their fault they were brainwashed.
Now they are who I pity because they are missing out on my fabulous self as their child. ”
“You think they will ever reach out?” he asks.
I shrug. “Doubtful. They haven’t in all these years, can’t see why they suddenly would. I know when my time comes to have kids, I am going to love them so much, I’ll probably overcompensate and be a helicopter dad because of my shitty upbringing, but they will always know they are loved.”
“You want kids?” he asks.
“Yes. Loads of them. I’m lucky I’m uncle to all those gorgeous Dirty Texas babies. But I want more than anything to be a dad. Even thought about maybe talking to professionals about adopting or going the surrogacy route once award season is done for me.”
“That soon?”
“It’s not like I’d get a baby the next day. It’s a long, slow process, but I want to know what my options are while I wait for Prince Charming. What about you? Do you want kids?”
“Before the accident, I would have been like you, give me all the babies, but now … I don’t know if I’m ready, mentally,” he confesses.
“That’s understandable. How long ago was the accident?” I ask.
“Celebrated two years in January.”
“That is fresh. Yeah, you don’t need to worry about a family yet. You have plenty of time, you’re still young. Actually, how old are you?”
“I turn thirty next year,” he explains.
“That’s not too bad. I’m thirty-one and I can tell you I feel the biological clock ticking. I want to be a young, fun Dad, and I want my kids to grow up with the Dirty Texas babies, but the way those guys fuck like rabbits, there will be a million and one kids before I get my own.” I sigh.
“You’re great with those kids. They love you.” He nudges my shoulder.
“Aw. Thanks. I aim to please, and I would do anything for those babies. Wow, we are really having an interesting first date. Talked about our traumas and already asked the ‘how many kids do you want’ question.”
“Is this a date? We’re just talking in my bed,” he states.
“It’s a friend date. Honestly, it’s better than some of the dates I have been on recently. I’m giving up, the men in LA are horrid and vapid.”
“Maybe you need a change of scenery.” He smirks.
“Are you inviting me to Montana, cowboy?”
“Maybe I am.”
Wait. My heart thumps wildly in my chest.
“It’s a completely different world from LA. The mountains, the prairies, the openness.”
“The bears?” I question him.
This makes him laugh. “Yes, we have the black bear and the grizzlies.”
A shudder runs through my body. “No, thank you.”
“Don’t you have like giant spiders and snakes?” Charlie argues.
“Yeah. But I won’t be ripped apart by a spider or a snake. I could hit one with a broom and that’s it. I hit a bear with the broom, both me and the broom are dead.”
“Stick close to me, I’d make sure no bears get ya.” He winks.
“If you’re wearing those cowboy jeans, then I’ll be sticking to you like glue.”
“Derrick, they are just jeans,” he argues.
“On anyone else they may be, but on you …” I fan myself, which makes him laugh. Which is deep and gravelly, I like it.
We continue talking all day until the sun sets and Everly knocks on the door to let us know dinner is ready up on the pavilion.
“Are you going to join us tonight?” I ask him.
“Yeah, I will. Go on up without me, I’m going to freshen up first.”
“I can wait.” That doesn’t sound half needy, Derrick.
“You want to walk to dinner together?” he questions me.
“We are walking to the same place, why not just go together?” He nods but frowns as he does. “I can meet you up there if you’re not ready to go.”
“Um … yeah, I think I’m ready.”
“Charlie, breathe. This doesn’t mean anything. We kiki’d all day together, it’s what I do with my girls. Us walking in together isn’t a declaration of love or that anything is going on, if that is what you are worried about,” I reassure him.
“No. That wasn’t it. I um …” There goes that bicep as he rubs his hair. “What about your rockstar friend from the beach?”
Oh. Right. Chance. I blew him off last night as I was all up in my head, and he’ll probably want to catch up again because I ignored him all day today.
“We’re friends. There’s nothing going on.”
“Just BJs on the beach between friends.” Charlie raises a brow.
“Sounds like someone else I know.”
His eyes flare with acknowledgment. “Point taken. I don’t want to be stepping on anyone’s toes.” His analogy makes me laugh. “Asshole.” He curses at me.
“Oh, come on, that was funny.”
“A bit.” He chuckles as we walk out of the bedroom.
Everly looks at her brother like he’s grown a second head as he continues to laugh, but she doesn’t say anything.
I can see it on her face, watching Charlie laugh has taken some stress away from her.
He mentioned something about her giving up her dreams to look after him, and that is admirable, especially in someone so young.