Chapter 59 Derrick #2
But he shakes his head and starts to walk off in the dark. I rush after him and turn him around. “Look at me. I didn’t ask for it. I’m sorry you saw that, but I don’t want him,” I plead with Charlie.
“But he wants you,” Charlie says quietly.
“He can’t have me,” I argue back, which makes him quirk a brow at me, obviously what happened says otherwise. “Charlie, please, I didn’t do anything. I tried to push him away, but he’s gotten stronger. I told him I wasn’t interested, but he didn’t listen, he was drunk.”
“I believe you.” Relief fills me as I take a step forward, but Charlie takes a step back, which fucking hurts.
“He’s always going to be in your life because of who he is.
This was stupid, thinking we could work.
I live in Montana. You’re in LA. I’m always going to be worried about what you’re up to.
Wondering if that fucking weasel turned you. ” He runs his hand over his buzz cut.
“I don’t want him, Charlie, please. I want you.”
He swallows. “I know, but …”
“There’s no fucking buts!”
“Seeing him kissing you, touching you, Derrick, it’s opened a new wound in my chest, one that I thought was mending. I just …”
Oh.
I take a step toward him. “I’ll wait.” Charlie stills, his eyes meeting mine as I reach out and cup his face.
“Whatever you need, I’ll do. However much time you need, I’ll wait.
Because my feelings for you are real, no one has made me feel this happy ever.
I want a future with you, Charlie. You and me.
So, if you need time, then take all the time you need because I don’t want anyone else.
When I look at you, I see my future, and it looks so fucking good.
I didn’t mean to hurt you tonight, but I did.
Not sure it’s the right time to say this, but it was hot seeing you come in and handle business and declare I’m yours. ”
“’Cause you are,” he grumbles.
Which makes me smile. Charlie has things he needs to work out, and I know it’s not all about Chance. I need to give him the grace to do that, especially because I want us to work.
“I’m sorry I’m so messed up,” Charlie tells me as tears well in his eyes.
“Hey, hey,” I say, cupping his cheeks, “you are fucking perfect for me, Charlie. I want you to know that with every beat of your heart. You are my perfect person.” I press a kiss to his lips.
“I don’t deserve you.”
“I could say the same.” I press another soft kiss to him.
“When I’m fixed, I’m coming for you, D,” Charlie warns.
“You fucking better.” Leaning in, I kiss him for real this time. I hate that it feels like I’m saying goodbye as he engulfs me with his large arms, pulling me to him.
“Stay in touch, please,” he says, pressing his forehead against mine.
“You want to go back to messaging, again?” He nods. “I can do that.” I smile at him. “Come back to me, Charlie Nash, when you’re ready, so you and I can start our lives together.”
“I promise.” He smiles, kissing me one last time before disappearing into the darkness. My heart hurts watching him walk away as tears slide down my cheeks. A hand on my shoulder startles me.
“Give him time, D,” Jackson tells me. “That man has feelings for you, but he’s buried said feelings inside of him for so long that I don’t think he knows how to use them.
” I turn and look at Jackson, who sees my tears and opens his arms for me, and I gladly step into his embrace.
Normally, I would say something about how hot this is, but I can’t bring myself to make a joke.
“I’ve never seen him happier, D, and that’s because of you.
Please, don’t give up on him. Charlie is the kindest, most loyal man I know.
The accident fucking changed him, but I’m seeing glimmers of the old Charlie.
Please, D, I can’t lose my friend to the darkness again. ”
“I won’t let him fall.” Hugging Jackson tightly, it seems like he needed the hug as much as I did.
“Blake and the boys came and got Chance and have taken him away. Do you want me to organize security for you?”
“What! Why?” I ask him, confused over his question.
“Against Chance.”
“Why would I need security?”
“He’s not respecting your boundaries,” Jackson explains.
“I think Charlie’s fists showed him the boundary. He’s not going to do anything again. He was drunk and probably horny. This was what it was always like, he would come find me in the dark, take what he needed and go again.”
“Derrick,” Jackson says my name, and I can hear his disappointment.
“I let him. Stupid me thought I could change it. I was never going to change him. This past week with Charlie, he’s shown me more than the years I spent with Chance.”
“The fact that he walked in and kissed you in front of everyone, including his sister and me, that was so unlike this new Charlie. Old Charlie would have done something like that, he was very open with his affections. Guess he was staking his claim.” Jackson smirks.
“Oh, I felt claimed,” I tell him, which makes Jackson laugh.
“Once these heavy clouds have been chased away for good. Charlie is going to claim you something fierce, mark my words,” Jackson warns me.
A shiver slides down my body. “Can’t wait.”
Jackson smiles. “I wish you had known him before the accident. The two of you would have been so much trouble together. I think he would have been the only man to give you a run for your money.”
“Don’t doubt it. He did tell me back in the day he had a reputation.”
This has Jackson smiling widely. “He was a fuck boy for sure.”
“My kryptonite.” I chuckle.
“He was a respectful fuck boy. You would have loved it.”
“I’m sure I would have.”
Then Jackson’s face falls. “I hate how much he’s changed. I’m sorry, D, that you’re not getting the old version of him.”
“Hey, now, don’t get upset. This version of Charlie I can handle too.”
Jackson nods. “He deserves to be happy.”
“And he will be, I promise you I’m not giving up on him. If we have to move slowly, I’ll move fucking slowly. I understand his fears now he told me about Lyle.”
Jackson’s eyes widen. “He did?”
“He’s told me about the dark thoughts. He’s also shared with me the future he envisions.
But he also told me he does still have a lot of work to do before he can be whole again.
Charlie’s been honest with me this week with his feelings, thoughts, and fears.
I can’t ask for anything more than honesty. ”
“You’re a good guy, D. I couldn’t wish for anyone more perfect for him.”
Aw. That is sweet. “Come on, let’s celebrate your brother getting his girl.”