Chapter 60 Derrick
DERRICK
Iwasn’t surprised that Charlie and Everly had left in the morning, but I did find a handwritten note underneath my door.
Derrick,
This week with you has been the best I’ve ever had.
You make me so happy. Something I haven’t experienced in such a long time, which has made me realize I need to make myself happy, too.
You deserve a happy Charlie. You deserve the world, and I hope one day I can give it to you, if you still want me.
You making me feel alive again has made me realize that I need more work, that maybe I haven’t dealt with my past as well as I should have.
But I will for you and for me. I need to be whole again.
I’m sorry for not being ready for you, yet.
I promise when I’m ready, and I sure as fuck hope you will be ready when I am, I’m never letting you go.
You’ll be stuck with me, forever, I hope.
I’m falling for you, Derrick. That night I met you at the party in LA, was the night you changed my world.
You woke up my stone-cold heart, and it started beating again and hasn’t stopped since.
It won’t ever stop beating for you, because it’s yours.
I’m sorry I couldn’t stay, but know I am leaving early so I can come back to you quicker.
You’ve given me something to fight for, Derrick, and I am a fucking fighter.
Love Charlie
Tears are running down my cheeks as I read his letter, over and over again.
No one has ever declared their feelings so openly with me before, and it feels so fucking good because I was worried about what was going on in that big head of his and if he might change his mind.
I don’t think he is going to change his mind.
Derrick: I’ll be waiting. Come back to me soon.
Charlie: I will. I promise.
“Hey, how are you this morning?” Sienna asks as we walk to breakfast together. Evan had taken the boys earlier, letting my girl sleep in.
“Sad. But hopeful. He left a note for me explaining everything,” I tell her, handing it to her.
Sienna starts reading, clutching her chest. “Oh, D, this is …”
“I know. I feel it too.” I smile at her.
She hugs me. “I’m so happy for you.”
“I wish he were here now, but I know he is working on himself and that’s all I can ask. That man has been through so much, and if I have to wait for him to be ready, then time means nothing if this is forever.”
“Might be your wedding that we plan next.”
I nudge her gently. “Don’t get ahead of yourself, we are a long way from that, but it’s going to happen, I hope.”
“He’s all in. And I think it’s great that he realizes that he’s not quite there yet to be the person you need. That is mature. You are his biggest motivator.”
“I hope so. Because this week I started fantasizing about our future, you don’t think it’s too soon. I mean, it’s been a fricken week,” I confess to her.
She shakes her head. “You two were talking every single day for months before cutting things off. You got to know each other in a different way. Look, I’m not the right person to ask because look at Evan and me.
I was knocked up after us being together for such a short time and got engaged all less than a year after my divorce.
But when you know, you know.” I give her a wide smile.
I know Charlie is special, I just hope he can come back to me.
“Are you still going to talk to the agency about your options?”
“Yes. I’ve told Charlie about it. I mean, it’s not like next week I’ll be knocking someone up. It’s years away, but I would like to know what my options are.”
“Well, whatever you decide you have our support,” Sienna states.
I wrap my arm around her and pull her into me, then place a kiss on her head. “I know, boo. So, what are the chances Evan’s knocked you up this trip?”
Sienna groans. “He’s tried.” No doubt he has. “My boys are enough for the moment, but I would really like a little girl.”
“A little Wyld princess. She would have Evan wrapped around her finger, just like the girls have to Christian.”
“Right? He would make the cutest girl dad.”
“You’re getting clucky, aren’t you?” I tease.
“Dammit, Derrick, I am.” She laughs.
There’s a knock at my villa door, and I’m surprised to see Chance standing there. As soon as I see him, I notice the black eye.
“I don’t want to talk to you.”
“Derrick, please, let me apologize,” Chance pleads.
“No,” I say angrily, pointing my finger at him.
“Fuck you. I told you that nothing could happen between us, that I had feelings for Charlie. But no, you don’t give a shit about anyone but yourself.
” Chance is surprised by my anger. “Charlie is a good man. My man. Hopefully, one day more. You nearly fucked that up.”
“Derrick, I had no idea,” he argues.
“Yes, you did. I told you. I thought we could be friends, but now I don’t even want that. You need to sort your shit out, Chance, I’m done being your experiment.”
“Derrick, please,” he begs.
“There’s nothing you can say to change what happened. What you did last night was out of line.”
“Fuck.”
“We need space, Chance. I’m so fucking angry with you right now.
Look, I understand we were hooking up, but we were never exclusive.
I thought I made that clear weeks ago that we were having fun.
I wasn’t interested in going back to what we had years ago.
I wouldn’t do that to myself. I’ve found someone who is prepared to have me in the light, not keep me in the dark. ”
Chance’s head hangs. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be that man for you.”
“One day you will be the right man for someone, it’s just not going to be me,” I tell him.
He nods, kicking a stone on the ground. “You really like this guy?” Chance asks, looking up at me.
“I do, with all my heart. We connected a while ago, long before this wedding, and lost touch till now. I didn’t know he was going to be here,” I explain to him.
“I’m happy for you, D. If this man is who makes you happy, you deserve it,” he says quietly.
“He is,” I tell him honestly. He nods again. “Chance, you really need to work out what you want out of life. You have the fame and the fortune, but you don’t seem happy.”
“Because I’m not,” he confesses.
“Are you still going to therapy?”
He shakes his head. “No.”
“Maybe you should go again. I also think you should consider coming out. I think that secret is weighing on you immensely. You can’t be truly authentic to you, and it’s eating you alive.
No one is going to care if you like men and women.
There are so many celebs who are bisexual.
” I can see him listening, but I don’t think my words are going to change him.
“I truly wish you well, Chance, but I’m asking you for some space at the moment. ”
“I get it,” he tells me.
“But if you need me, I will be there,” I add.
He gives me a sad smile and walks away.
Home sweet home.
It was hard leaving paradise and coming back to reality.
I’m straight back into work. We still have awards season and some of the biggest nights coming up, and I need to prepare my clients for their biggest nights.
Charlie had sent me flowers, and they were waiting for me when I got home.
We’ve been messaging nonstop since he left just like we did at the beginning, but this time he is being flirtatious.
He sent a photo to me the other day of him dressed up like a cowboy, that ass in those jeans, shirtless, sweaty, with a cowboy hat, it was pure porn, something I have looked at nightly as I jerk off over it.
I miss him. He’s been telling me that his therapy sessions have been good and he’s working through his problems and starting to feel lighter already. Which makes me incredibly proud of him.
Charlie: How was work?
Derrick: Work is work. I’m just getting home.
Charlie: It’s late.
Derrick: I know. Just so much to do but I’m almost there.
Charlie: Wish I was there to give you a massage.
Derrick: That would be wonderful right now. Wish you were here too. I miss you.
Charlie: I miss you too.
Derrick: I have my meeting with the agency about options for kids.
Charlie: Bet that is exciting. I can’t wait to hear about it all.
Derrick: I’m kind of nervous. What happens if it’s impossible to do?
Charlie: There are loads of couples that adopt babies, they aren’t going to say no to just you. There is also overseas adoption. You have options. This one place isn’t the start and end of your family journey.
Derrick: You’re right. It’s exciting and nerve-racking. I would love to have my kids close to my friend’s kids, but I know that might not be possible.
Charlie: Kids are a blessing no matter when they come.
Derrick: You’re so good at calming me down when I start freaking out.
Charlie: Years of therapy.
Derrick: That will do it. Look, you picked up a new skill.
Charlie: That is true. Got to look at the bright side of things sometimes. Have you eaten yet?
Derrick: No. I grabbed a salad on my way home.
Charlie: You’ve been living on takeaways for the past couple of nights.
Derrick: Cooking for one is depressing. And I don’t have time.
Charlie: Wish I was there to cook for you when you come home.
Derrick: You can cook?
Charlie: Yes.
Derrick: That just made you hotter.
Charlie: Maybe I’ll send you some pictures of me shirtless cooking.
Derrick: Please, I need new material to jerk off to.
Charlie: Me too.
Derrick: Will do. Any requests?
Charlie: Just you.