Chapter Sixteen
James
One thing I hadn’t let myself think about last night is the fact that I would be seeing Colton in class today.
The man will be making me a lunch and sneaking it into my classroom before our lesson.
He’ll sit in his seat and listen to me lecture, his warm gaze never leaving me, making me feel naked and wanted while I crave hearing him call me a good boy.
Only, would he call me a good boy? Or would he be angry about last night? If he could, would Sir make me lie over his lap while he swats my ass and makes me tell him how sorry I am for missing our call? Would he get and keep me hard for hours but not let me come?
My dick throbs thinking about it, but I continue to ignore my erection while the water of my shower cascades down my body because I know I’m not allowed to touch myself. Sir says I can’t…the Sir I decided last night would no longer be my Dom, so why am I still thinking about him that way?
I will my eager cock to calm down while I wash my hair.
It goes down before I wash my body, and I make sure I’m quick while cleaning my groin because I know it won’t take me much to get hard again.
That says something, though, because last night I couldn’t get out of my head enough to get an erection even if I’d wanted to, but look at me now.
I finish getting ready, and as I head into the other room, I hear the kids joking about Nash eating a bagel after it fell on the floor.
“If all the other shit we’ve been through didn’t kill me, eating off James’s obsessively clean kitchen floor won’t.”
First, gross. Why is he eating off the floor?
And second, my house isn’t that clean. It’s normal clean. I think…
But third—and this is the point that’s got my feet rooted to my hardwood floors—is that I’m not sure I’ve heard him say my name before; at least, not like that.
Not in this normal way you talk about a friend or family member, the way someone would talk about the weather or their plans for the weekend.
When it comes to me, everything he does or says is so angry that I can’t help wanting to hold on to this absolutely ridiculous moment of him basically calling me a clean freak.
I clear my throat before continuing into the room. Nash’s good mood instantly changes, and I’m again reminded that he does, in fact, hate me.
Sadie, though, gives me a smile.
“Your hair still looks perfect,” I tell her.
“Thanks. I like it so much. I’ve been looking up other styles I’m gonna ask Ms. Tasha about next time.”
“That’s awesome. If you ever want to show any of them to me too, you can. You don’t have to, but if you want.”
“Eat up,” Nash tells her before she can reply, being the little father he is to her. I hate that he thinks he has to be, that he has had to be for the last eleven years.
“Also, I wanted to tell you, Nash, if you ever want to play basketball with me too, I’d like that.”
His gaze snaps to mine, for a moment looking like he might say yes, making a burst of excitement grow in my chest, before his features return to scowling. “Why? Because your friend asked me?”
“What? No.” But the truth is, he’s right. I hadn’t asked him before Colton did. “I would like to play with you. I’m probably not as good as Colton, but maybe you can teach me.”
He huffs. “Yeah. Maybe.” His tone tells me there’s not much of a chance of that happening, and then he’s shoving his earbuds in, essentially putting a DO NOT DISTURB sign on himself.
With a sigh, I make my breakfast before the three of us head out. Like always, I drop Nash off first, and I remind him to get the information about basketball tryouts, but he closes the door without responding.
“Don’t give up on him,” Sadie says when the two of us are alone. “I know it’s a lot, but he’ll come around. It’s just…hard on him.”
“I’m not going to give up on him. I promise.”
“He had to deal with a lot from Mom…he was responsible for the house and me. No one has ever kept a promise to us before. That’s why he doesn’t want to trust you.”
I can’t pretend he doesn’t hurt my feelings, but Sadie is right.
Why should he trust me? He’s had a lifetime of people letting him down.
I’m determined to prove I’m not one of them.
“You’re a smart kid,” I tell her. “You’re right.
I’ll work extra hard to make sure Nash knows he can believe in me… that you can too.”
She blushes, nodding, then plays with the zipper on her backpack.
“Are you nervous to go to school today?”
“A little.”
“If anyone says anything mean, I want you to text me. I’ll come right away and pick you up, no matter what I’m doing. And whatever those bullies do or say has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you, okay? You’re better than they’ll ever be.”
“You don’t know them,” Sadie replies.
“I don’t have to. I know you.”
She smiles, mumbles a thanks, and then we’re pulling up in front of the school and she’s climbing out.
“Don’t forget what I said. Call me anytime.”
“Okay. Thank you, James.”
“You’re welcome.” Both of them saying my name in one day. Maybe that’s a good sign, but the nerves in my gut tell me that’s wishful thinking.
*
My heart leaps into my throat as I turn down the hallway and see a tall figure in a hoodie, the hood pulled up over his head, leaning against the wall, hands stuffed into the pockets of his jeans.
I know that body, know those pants and the way they hug his thighs, know the way he stands and the curve of his shoulders.
I wish I could say I’m surprised to see him there. I wish that even with the moment of panic I felt, that my body didn’t almost immediately relax in that way he makes me do. I wish I didn’t want him to be standing there.
I hurry over. “What are you doing here?” I ask curtly.
“I wanted to talk to you about an assignment,” he says, which is probably a lie. He places his hand over my shaking one as I fight to get the key in the lock. “Shh. It’s fine. Get us inside, and we’ll be fine.”
His voice washes over me, makes my skin prickle while little parts of me that feel like they’re sleeping begin to come alive.
The key slides into the lock, and as it does, Colton’s hand drops away.
I open the door and hurry inside, him right behind me.
The sound of the lock clicking back into place echoes through the room.
“I just wanted to check on you,” he says softly, then tugs his hood down. His blond hair is messy, and I have the sudden urge to ask him if I can run my fingers through it.
“I’m fine.”
“It’s okay if you’re not. Yesterday was a lot. I apologize if I crossed any boundaries, especially with Nash. I was just trying to help.”
And he was. That’s the thing about him—there’s no doubt in my mind Colton wants to help. That he’s the type of person who would do anything for anyone in need. Everything we do is because he wants to try and make my life easier, better, and no one has ever been that for me.
“I know. You didn’t do anything wrong. I just didn’t expect it.
I don’t know what to do with yesterday—meeting your friends, the way they helped with Sadie, you and Nash.
That’s not what this is supposed to be.” Like what Sadie said about Nash earlier, I never had someone I could depend on either, and I’m not sure how to deal with that.
“I worry if we depend on you too much, and if Nash gets too close, then what happens when we stop this? And none of that even takes into consideration that I’m your professor.
” I run a hand through my hair, pushing away from my desk to pace the room.
“You’re waiting for something to go wrong. You’re expecting me to disappear or stop doing this, aren’t you?”
Yes. What makes you different from anyone else? What did I do to deserve you?
My ears get echoey, pulse thudding, the twisting and turning in my gut too much to ignore, but I can’t make myself say anything either. What the fuck would I say? “This is why I don’t do this. I don’t know how to do this. People are…hard for me.”
“James,” he says softly.
“I don’t know what to expect, even when you tell me. I know what I should expect, but there’s always a voice inside me that says something will inevitably go wrong.”
“James,” he says again, this time stepping in front of me, hands on my hips, holding me with what I know are calloused fingers. I crave his touch on my skin, wish he could slip his hand beneath my shirt and really touch me…make me feel. I so rarely feel.
“Breathe with me, good boy. Look at me.” His voice is so gentle, yet demanding at the same time. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t deny him.
I meet his gaze, his minty breath ghosting across my skin.
We take a deep breath in together, then exhale.
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
“Please,” is the only word I can make fall from my lips. I don’t even know what I’m asking for, but really, I do, don’t I?
Colton answers my unasked question, sealing his lips to mine, letting me taste him for the first time in months.
He kisses with hunger and dominance, pushing his tongue into my mouth, demanding what I would freely give him.
He pulls me closer, his grip on me tightening, the rest of the world, hell, the whole damn universe slipping away as I lose myself in my Sir.
His mouth slides down my neck, his teeth biting into my throat, making me hiss.
My dick is throbbing, hard as stone from just one kiss, as he runs his tongue down my skin, tasting, savoring.
“I want to suck you,” I say. “Please, Sir. Let me suck you.”
“James…we shouldn’t. This isn’t—”
“Please, Sir. I need it so bad.”
“Fuck,” he grits out, his voice gravelly and harsh. “Get on your knees.”
I’ll regret this later, I’m sure. It will be something else I beat myself up over, that plagues my mind and makes me worry, but right now, I can’t find it in myself to care. I just want to feel good, and he gives me that.
I collapse onto my knees, looking up at him, not moving or touching him because he hasn’t said I can yet.