15. Lunita
Chapter fifteen
Lunita
Emily
The little girl led the way and kept that stuffed lion close to her.
Following, I climbed out the window and stepped onto the narrow fire escape. To my surprise, the metal of the fire escape felt cold and real in my hands.
I looked down.
The view below was a black, endless abyss.
I put my gaze back on the little girl as she went up. “Are you afraid of her?”
“No.” She giggled and began to run up.
“Hey.” I picked up my pace. “Wait for me.”
The clang of our steps echoed against the brick building as we ascended.
Each rung swayed under our weight.
A growl sounded, pulling my gaze down to the darkness.
I shivered. “What’s that?”
“Demons.”
“What the fuck?”
The little girl’s voice was eerily calm. “They can’t reach us up here though.”
“Why not?”
“They just can’t.”
Her confidence should have comforted me; however, it only deepened my unease.
I shook my head. “How do you know that?”
“I just do.”
“But where the hell did the demons come from?”
“Us.” The little girl turned back. “They are born from our fears.”
I halted midway on the cold rungs. “Fears? Oh. Wait. I get it.”
Calm stilled me.
“It’s fucking. . .demons like. . .we all have demons inside of us sort of thing?”
“I don’t know, but. . .” The little girl gave me an odd look. “Each time you’re scared, you feed them, you give them power.”
“But, they’re just a metaphor.”
“They have sharp fangs.” She turned and started running back up the fire escape.
“Demons with fangs.” I hurried after her. “No. They’re just. . .personal shit. Just focus on that. Don’t get lost in this. . .illusion of a reality.”
Up and up we went.
Once we reached the top, the sound of jazz filled the air.
I got onto the roof. “Wait.”
Last time, the place had just been a roof, but now it was a breathtaking garden on top of the building. Rows of flowers in every shade imaginable filled the space, accompanied by luscious, swaying trees. Blooming vines climbed up trellises and spilled over the building’s sides.
I took it all in. “How did this happen?”
The garden was a mesmerizing display of color—from the deep purple of the dahlias to the bright pink roses.
“We can grow stuff up here now. We couldn’t before the gardener. Now we can.” The little girl skipped around yellow sunflowers. “Isn’t this cool?”
“Y-yes.” I turned my view to the left.
There, Lunita danced.
It was a mirror image of me, but not me too. Her white sundress glimmered and flowed around her body.
Black and red flowers decorated her head.
Around Lunita, tons and tons of candles flickered, casting a warm, golden glow over her body. Her movements were an oddly mesmerizing blend of chaos and grace. She arched her back and did this maddening twirl.
Weird, yet beautiful.
Wrong, but also right.
Petals fluttered with every sudden turn, every abrupt halt that punctuated her eerie performance. Their colors were vivid splashes against the night, alive in the ghostly luminescence that bathed her.
With her hands out to her sides, she kicked one foot up and then began leaping around. There was a deliberate, almost ritualistic quality to those steps.
I almost let myself get lost in the sight, but the wounds from Olga’s death were still in my heart, scarred and bleeding.
“After what you did, you’re dancing?” I kept the knife at my side.
Anger rose in my chest.
Lightning struck the dark sky.
Lunita stopped dancing and gazed at it.
The little girl stopped skipping and sat down on the ground, watching the both of us.
Then, Lunita noticed me. Her expression changed from one of peacefulness to something darker, more menacing.
She leaned her head all the way down to her shoulder like a crazy person. “Little girl, is that an illusion? Did you put her there?”
“No, ma’am.” The little girl propped the stuffed lion next to her. “She’s back and came through the front door this time.”
Lunita frowned. “Bet she’s come to kill us. Stupid. Stupid.”
The little girl turned to me.
“Let’s see.” I placed the knife in front. “Come here, Lunita.”
She watched me, that white gown rippling in the cool breeze. “You needed me to save the day. I did. I just didn’t know it wasn’t a real threat. That’s your fault.”
“What the fuck are you saying?”
She let out a long sigh. “You pulled me up—”
“Oh fuck you! I didn’t pull you up to fuck the gardener!” I took steps forward, needing to be close enough to grab that bitch by her hair or arms. “You wanted to ruin our life!”
“You were scared!
“No, I wasn’t!”
“You were! That’s why I came—”
“You fucked the gardener—”
“That part’s different. I wanted to smell the flowers with my nose. and he put flowers in my hair.” She touched her head. “And. . .and anyway I respected you—”
“The fuck you did—”
“I only did it in the butt!”
The little girl gasped and covered the lion’s ears.
“What more did you want?” Lunita pouted.
“I fucking want you to stay up here on this roof and stay the fuck out of my life.”
“Hog. Hog. Hog. All the time.”
“What?” I glanced at the little girl. “What the hell is she saying.”
The little girl kept her hands over the lion’s ears. “She thinks you hog the body.”
“It’s my fucking body.” I pointed to Lunita. “Get your own fucking body!”
Studying me, Lunita kneeled, placed her hands on her knees, and then leaned over. “Something is not right with you.”
“You’re one to talk.”
Still kneeling, she looked at the ground. “Anyway. he k-killed my Flower Man. Mean old lion. You couldn’t save him.”
My heart ached, but I shoved that empathy away. “Kaz would never share us.”
She lifted her view to me and went back to a standing position. “I’m not his.”
“That’s something we agree on. However, for these remaining days, stay out of my fucking body and life—”
“It is not your body!” She screamed and began jumping up and down. “It’s not! It’s not! It’s not!”
“No! No!” Now, the little girl clapped her hands over her ears as her eyes widened with fear. “Please, stop! I don’t like this part.”
Lunita went still and glared at me. “Get us out of New Orleans.”
“Why? Scared that your time is up?”
Lunita gazed at the knife in my hand and rolled her eyes. “You can’t kill me.”
“I think you are a figment of my goddamn imagination, so yes I can kill you.”
Lunita laughed. “We all thought that in the beginning. You’re just late.”
“I’m not. . .” I tensed. “I’m not late.”
“You just found out.” She raised a fist in the air. “I am real.”
“You’re not.”
“I have feelings. I have desires.” She kicked the ground in frustration, sending a flurry of petals into the air. “I am a woman. I am a superhero. This is my story.”
The little girl giggled.
I blinked.
Lunita gave me this strange smile that chilled me to my bones. Her lips curled upwards into this unsettling curve. She bared her teeth like a predator about to pounce. “I am you, stupid.”
I put the knife between us. “But which of us came first?”
Lunita quirked her brows. “Why would that matter?”
“Do you know?”
“I came before you.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“No.” She pouted.
“Then, you could be wrong.”
“It doesn’t matter who came first.”
“It does.”
“It doesn’t because she came before the both of us.” Lunita pointed to the little girl.
“What?” I turned her way.
The little girl nodded.
“No.” My nerves frazzled. “I-I’ve been in charge. I am. . .I’m the main person. . .um that’s been. I had the baby—”
“You’re the Boss.” The little girl pointed at me and then gestured to Lunita. “And she is the Monster.”
Thunder boomed in the sky.
I struggled to keep my balance. “Okay. so. . .maybe I didn’t come first, but I did. Like you all think I didn’t because I’m split into—”
“You’re the Boss .” Lunita leaned awkwardly to the side and raised her hip up. “I’m the Monster . She’s the Little Girl . Everyone knows that.”
“So. . .” I shivered and felt like passing out, but somehow I remained standing. “So. . .you’re saying that the little girl is the host?”
“What’s the host?” the little girl asked.
“The original person.”
They both exchanged glances and then looked at me.
I sighed. “The one who was born Emily.”
Lunita rolled her eyes. “We were all born Emily.”
“But, she was the first one.” I touched my chest. “And. . .I think. . .that’s me.”
Lunita chuckled. “We always think that.”
“Listen.” My hands shook. “I know Max—”
“We all know Max, except M.” Lunita shrugged.
Every nerve in my body felt like it was on edge as if my skin was a live wire.
They watched me in silence.
I didn’t know how long it took me to get back some semblance of mental control. A cold shiver ran through me. “W-who’s M?”
Lunita shrugged. “The Professor .”
My heart hammered against my ribcage. “T-this is another. . .personality?”
“No.” Lunita appeared confused. “M is another one of us.”
Sorrow hit me.
“No.” My vision blurred as tears formed in my eyes. “N-no more. . .people. Okay?”
The little girl picked up the lion and hugged him to her.
“P-please, guys. T-that’s it. No more.”
“It’s time for you to wake up.” Lunita began walking my way.
“What? No!” Panic surged through my body, and a primal instinct to survive kicked in. “Stay over there. I need more answers before I kill you.”
“Bye bye.” Lunita raced toward me.
“Fuck you. I’m staying.” I got in a fighting stance, feet planted firmly on the roof, ready to counter her attack. My muscles tensed.
Once Lunita came close, she reached out to shove me off the roof. Her movements were wild and lacking the precision of a trained fighter.
I acted on pure instinct, seizing her outstretched arms and using her own momentum against her.
Lunita crashed to the ground.
The little girl watched us and clutched the lion to her chest.
“Okay then.” Lunita looked up. “Super charge!”
“What?”
She roared and shot up from the ground, charging my way like a maniac.
In a swift, fluid motion, I twisted, flipped her back to the ground, got over her, and placed that knife to her neck.
She widened her eyes. “You really want to kill me ?”
“I don’t know if I am the host or the original or whatever, but I do know this.” I pressed the blade closer to her throat. “I’m going to get rid of you no matter what?”
To my utter shock, Lunita laughed. The noise rang out, sharp and unsettling, as she lay beneath the knife.
“You think that’s funny, bitch?”
“Kill me.” Those eyes gleamed with a mix of madness and challenge.
I recoiled slightly, shocked. “What?”
Her voice rose. “Do it. Right now. Do it. Do it. Do it.”
“Shut the fuck up.”
“Do it. Kill me!”
I hesitated, my hand trembling as I tried to move the knife away.
But suddenly, she grabbed it, pulling it back to her own throat with a disturbing eagerness. “Come on, Minnie Mouse.”
“Minnie Mouse. Huh?”
“That’s you. Minnie. Minnie.”
“Shut the fuck up—”
“Make me! Cut my throat!”
Blinded by rage and consumed by madness, I lunged forward and plunged the blade into her neck. “Fuck you!”
But, blood didn’t spray on my face.
It was red petals instead. They spewed out of her neck, spilling over my hands and the ground.
I stared down at all the petals. “What?”
Lunita laughed so loud it echoed around the rooftop. “You see? No one can die here.”
I staggered back. The knife fell from my hand. “Last time, you threw me over the ledge, I woke up.”
“You switched.”
“Switched?”
“You got control.”
“So. . .if I throw you over the ledge—”
“I will be in control.” A wicked smirk spread across her face. “We can’t feel any pain in here because this is the Source. The super center.”
I considered her words. “This is the Source? The super center?”
“You shouldn’t listen to Lunita.” The little girl shook her head. “She’s crazy.”
“But, I know things.” Lunita’s face split into a wide, unsettling grin. “This is our mind. You can’t kill a part of yourself. Everyone knows that.”
I stood there, stunned.
Lunita got up off the ground. “Now, you should go.”
“I’m not going without getting answers to. . .”
Lunita leaned her head down to her shoulder. “To what?”
“I need to heal.”
“We are healed.”
“ We are not!” I jabbed my finger in the air. “We are fucking. . .several sandwiches short of a picnic.”
Keeping that head on her shoulder, she widened her eyes. “Then, we should make more sandwiches.”
I stared at her. “Don’t take over my body anymore. I’m trying to create a real life and you’re constantly fucking it up—”
“You put out the stress call.” She straightened her head. “I came. Super powered. Ready for justice.”
“What the fuck do you mean by that?” I looked over at the little girl. “What is she saying?”
She smiled at us. “You both are funny.”
Lunita placed her hands on her hips. “We are a team. And when one of us is in trouble, the other comes to the rescue. Superhero style.”
“I didn’t ask for a rescue. I was handling it myself.”
“You were tired and stressed.”
“Because I just had Emilio and wasn’t sure if I would be a good mother—”
“But, you are a good mother.” Lunita curved her mouth into that odd smile. “A very good mother. Much better than. . .you know.”
I lifted my view up to the sky, that vast canvas of varying shades of grey, intertwining and weaving into each other, ranging from the lightest silver hue to the deepest charcoal.
All blending seamlessly into one another.
I took it in. “How can I be a good mother, if you’re inside of me.”
“I’m not inside of you.”
I put my view back on her. “You are in my head.”
“I am on a roof.”
I let out an exasperated breath. “Emilio and Paolo can’t grow up with this shit, and Kaz. . .he deserves better.”
Lunita beamed. “The Lion loves us.”
“He shouldn’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because we’re crazy.”
“He’s crazy too.”
I swallowed. “Why did you have sex with the gardener?”
“He put flowers in my hair.”
“You hurt Kaz.”
“I thought he understood that I was me and you are you.”
“He doesn’t. You are his . I am his .” I pointed to the little girl. “I’m sure he’s going to say that she is his too.”
The little girl giggled.
“Oh.” Lunita turned around and did this awkward walk away. Each step came out uncoordinated and with a slight limp.
“Oh? That’s all you have to say?” I frowned. “You fucking killed and killed and then fucked a stranger and it’s Oh?!”
She whipped around. “I protected us! Just cause you’re in charge doesn’t mean you get to be high and mighty.”
I screamed, “I’m not in charge!”
The little girl gave me a sad smile. “You’re the Boss.”
“Exactly.” Lunita sighed.
“So then. . .wait. . .” I gazed at my hands. “Then, maybe I am the original.”
“Oh my God.” Lunita loudly exhaled. “The original of what?”
“Us.”
Lunita laughed. “You’re not.”
“I-I might be—”
“You’re not—”
“Then, why am I in charge?”
“Because you’re the best of us. Because. . .” Lunita turned to the little girl. “Because. . .”
“Don’t do it.” The little girl shook her head. “Don’t. We promised, M.”
“What’s going on?” My pulse picked up some more. “What are you two hiding from me? Just say it. Tell me.”
Lunita sighed and headed to the edge of the roof. “M wants to tell you.”
“Oh no. M? The other one. . .Hell no.” I waved my hands. “I don’t want to talk to anymore versions of me. This is all I can do—”
Lunita stepped onto the fire escape and began climbing down. “Come on. You might as well meet him before you wake up.”
“Him?!” I screamed and backed away. “Him?! No. No. No.”