16. M
Chapter sixteen
M
Emily
We made our way down the fire escape, with Lunita leading the way. She glided through the shadows, her movements slick and seamless like a phantom.
I followed, my heart pounding in my ears. The silence was broken only by the occasional groan of the fire escape. I kept my mind clear, not wanting to hear any echoes.
Shit was already creepy enough.
The little girl trailed behind us and clutched the lion under her arm.
When we made it to the apartment, Lunita twisted her face in disgust. “I hate this place.”
“Why?”
Lunita climbed inside the apartment. “It smells like her .”
I followed. “Smells like who?”
Coming inside with us, the little girl answered behind me, “It smells like our mom.”
Lunita sucked her teeth and hurried through the apartment as if a monster were about to jump out and eat her.
My heart ached. “I don’t remember our mom at all.”
“Lucky for you.” Lunita opened the door and walked through it.
I got out into the hallway. “She hurt us?”
“A lot.” Lunita sneered and headed down the hallway.
I called after her. “What did she do?”
The little girl got to my side. “Don’t ask. She doesn’t like to talk about it.”
I pursed my lips.
The little girl whispered, “I miss Mom.”
There was an odd longing in her eyes, a misunderstood sadness that made me want to pull her into an embrace.
But I didn’t.
I couldn’t.
To touch her would be to agree to all of this, and there was still part of me that was hoping it was all a fucked-up dream.
Yet, sadness washed over me. I looked at the little girl. “I’m sorry.”
“Come on!” Lunita’s voice echoed from down the hall. “We don’t have all the time. I have my own life.”
“Girl, bye. You’re lucky I can’t kill you.”
Lunita snorted and picked up her pace.
Rolling my eyes, I continued forward and gazed at the little girl. “What did you name your lion?”
“Kaz.” She grinned. “Of course.”
“Of course.” I lifted my view, not knowing how I should feel about that.
The little girl spoke, “You keep asking about a host.”
“There’s got to be a core person. That’s what I read. This would be the person that was the starting point to us.”
“We don’t know where she is at.”
“But you know who she is?”
“No.”
“Then, maybe I am the starting point.” Hope filled me.
The little girl giggled. “You’re not.”
I frowned. “Why is everyone so certain? You all could be mistaken.”
“You’re the Boss because when she made you, she finally knew what to do.”
I blinked. “She made me?”
“I think you were created to protect us. To take the brunt of everything bad. . .so we wouldn’t have to.”
My gut twisted. “That can’t be right. I don’t remember the bad stuff.”
“You were there when X died.”
Pain bit into me. “That’s. . .different.”
“Instead of the Boss, I wanted to call you the Shield, but they outvoted me.”
“I think you all are wrong.” I picked up my pace.
Lunita’s voice rang out from further down the corridor. “Hurry up!”
“I’m going to slap her.”
The little girl grinned. “It wouldn’t hurt her.”
“But, it would make me feel good. Sometimes that’s all I need.” I thought about where we were going. “So, this M is going to have answers?”
“Yes, but there won’t be tons of answers. We are pretty simple.”
“We are not simple. Figuring out me. . .us. . .this is like trying to solve a puzzle without all the pieces.”
“Or maybe it’s a puzzle with too many pieces.” She giggled.
I frowned. “That too. . .”
We got to the end of the hallway.
Lunita stood in front of a bright yellow door marked with a silver number 3. Instead of opening the door, she faced me. “This is the rules.”
I leaned my head to the side. “What rules?”
“Never bring up Felicity.”
The little girl nodded. “Never do that.”
I quirked my brows. “Who’s Felicity?”
“Doesn’t matter.” Lunita lowered her voice. “Don’t say that name, and if he says the name then pretend you didn’t hear the name.”
Horror hit me. “I still can’t believe I have a he inside of me.”
Lunita widened her eyes. “What? You do?”
“What do you mean I do?”
“A he is inside of you? What’s the he’s name?”
Confused, I raised my eyebrows. “His name is M.”
Lunita pointed at the door. “But, this is M?”
“Yes. I have a personality that is a man, and he’s inside of me.”
Lunita and the little girl exchanged glances as if I were losing my mind.
Lunita sighed. “M is not inside of you. He’s in his office.”
“Let’s just have her talk to M.” Gently, the little girl turned the knob and pushed the bright yellow door open.
We stepped into a room that contrasted sharply with the rest of the building.
It was an office, bathed in shades of white and yellow. Bookshelves lined the walls. The book titles ranged from classic literature to modern psychology.
A large, comfortable-looking chair sat behind a neat desk with papers and pens arranged in careful precision.
On one side, a small, potted plant rested.
On the other side, stood a man, and it was the male version of me.
Tension gathered in my shoulders. “No. This has to be wrong.”
He leaned casually against the desk, sporting a neatly trimmed beard that framed his face. His tortoiseshell glasses perched on the bridge of his nose.
His long dreadlocks were tied back into a neat bun.
His clothes could only be described as full professor attire—a tweed jacket with elbow patches, a crisp, button-up shirt, and neatly pressed trousers.
I stared at him. A mixture of surprise and recognition washing over me. He was me, yet not me—a reflection from a parallel world where paths had diverged.
Lunita stepped into the room. “The witch taught her how to come here. I told you that I should kill the witch.”
A deep voice left him. “And I said that it would be impossible with the Lion’s people watching her.”
I shook my head. “No. This can’t be real. It’s probably some sort of drug in whatever Delphine gave me because I don’t have a man inside of me.”
The little girl headed over to the bookcase and trailed her fingers along the spines.
“No.” M pointed at her. “Do not touch them. We have discussed this.”
She hurried away from the bookcase.
“We should have told her long ago. I said so.” Snorting, Lunita went over to the chair behind the desk and sat down. “Everyone thinks I’m the crazy one just because I like to kill people, when lots of people like that. I am the smartest.”
He turned to her. “Out of my seat. You know better.”
Lunita sucked her teeth and rose.
“And don’t you dare touch any of my books.” He pointed at Lunita. “I would know.”
“Stupid ole scarecrow.” Lunita headed back to the door. “Your office is boring anyway.”
I studied M and shook my head again. “No way. Someone would have known that I have a male personality. Max. Darryl. X—”
“I actually had many evening conversations with Xavier.” M pushed his glasses up his nose with one finger. “I miss those intellectual talks over cigars and a nice glass of rum.”
“Cigars and rum? With X?”
He nodded.
“And. . .what about Max or Daryl?”
“For some reason, X asked me to not come out for them. That made me mad. I would have loved to shoot hoops with Max. It took me some time to understand why X didn’t want me to talk to them, but eventually I did.” M placed his hands in his pocket. “Never mind the past.”
I just stared at him.
“Welcome.” His voice went calm and measured. “I assume you have many questions.”
I nodded, still trying to process the sight before me.
“Let’s begin with the most obvious.”
“There is a most obvious in this shit show?”
“Yes. I am M.” He gave me a sad smile. “And before you ask, I am a part of you, just as much as you are a part of me.”
Lunita leaned against the door, her arms crossed. “She thinks that you are inside of her.”
M shrugged. “We all think that in the beginning.”
“I told her, but she won’t let it go.” Lunita frowned. “She is not. . .okay.”
“She’s fine. She’s just currently having an existential crisis.” He stopped leaning against his desk and stood. “Allow me to help you get through this. Xavier helped me. I must now pay it forward.”
“So. . .” I swallowed. “ You truly know what’s going on?”
“Oh yes. After Xavier, I went off to further educate myself.” With a confident smile, he strolled over to one of the walls. “As you can see, I’ve dedicated my life to psychology. I’m an. . .academic. Harvard. Oxford. I even began my doctorate at Cambridge, but then my love for Felicity lured me back to the States.”
I gazed at the walls. While there were degrees hanging in that area, I wasn’t quite sure where they were really from. Each frame should have displayed a name, a title, or a field of study, instead it was undecipherable characters, swirling and intertwining like a cryptic script from an unknown language.
The more I focused, the more the characters seemed to dance and shift, as if they were alive.
I turned back to him. “Who is Feli—”
Lunita loudly coughed.
M raised his eyebrows. “What’s that?”
Lunita glared at me. “Don’t do it.”
The little girl turned away from the bookshelf and put her finger over her mouth, shushing me.
“Nothing.” I sighed. “Go ahead. . .M. Tell me more about. . .us.”
“Come. I will need visual aids.” M left the wall of degrees and headed to a door further in the back of the room that I had not noticed before. “Shall we have a lecture on the complexities of our mind?”
“Uh. . .a lecture?” I dragged myself forward, still trying to understand all of this.