Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
Royce
I watch as she walks out of the apartment, small backpack in her hand. She gave me a hazy glance over her shoulder, but I couldn’t look for too long.
I would have gone against everything I said and pulled her back into my arms, not letting her go.
I hate that I upset her, but it’s for the best. Reminders of me breaking up with Ana?s still haunt me, the look on her face and the way I broke her heart with one sentence.
The look in her eyes was the same one that fluttered through Athena’s.
I hurt them both. I know that. But I’m selfish and need to protect myself and my career.
I saw the way my dad lost himself for my mum… I don’t want to be that person. She broke him in a way I had never seen. He gave up everything for her, and I’m not going to make the same mistakes he did.
The door closes and I fall back into the sofa, a heavy sigh vibrating through me. I need out of this slump. I need to get my head in the game for this weekend.
Reaching for my phone, I message Dane and ask him to meet me in the gym in five minutes. It’s past ten in the evening, but I don’t care. I need to work myself into exhaustion. Sleep these wretched feelings out of my system. He replies instantly with a simple ‘Okay.’
Peeling myself from my seat, I pad into the bedroom, and her scent engulfs me in an instant. Everywhere I look, I am reminded of her.
I hate it.
Changing into shorts and a vest, I sit on the edge of the bed and slip my sock and trainers on. I really don’t want to work out, but it’s all I have to numb the feelings. Drink would do it, but I couldn’t drink.
For a moment, I regret the day Athena walked into my life.
No, you don’t.
But I know deep down what the problem is, I just don’t want to admit it.
“Why the late-night session?” Dane asks, spotting me as I lift weights.
“Needed out my head,” I grunt, my chest burning with each breath I take.
“Something happened?” He seems cautious with his words.
“Nope.” My tone is sharp, and I’m sure he knows I am lying.
“Okay.” He puffs his cheeks out, taking the bar from me and placing it back into the rack.
“I need the right mentality going into this weekend. I have become complacent and I can’t risk fucking it up.”
He gives a knowing nod as he sets the treadmill up for me. Stepping onto the track, he pushes it into a fast walk.
“I have dreamt of a season like this for so long, and now it’s finally coming into fruition… I’m scared,” I admit as I break into a steady jog.
“You’re allowed to be scared,” Dane says, watching the screen, his large, muscly arms crossed against his chest. “But you’re not allowed to push people away and sacrifice a future.”
I turn my face to look at him, brows digging down.
“This is my future. Do you know how much this will do for me and the team if I win the WDC?” My fingers tingle with rage.
“I have never dreamt of a wife, family, settling… My dream has always been driving high speed cars around a track. My dream has always been about winning.” I pant, my nostrils flaring as he slowly presses the buttons increasing the speed.
“Then what?” His tone is dull. “What happens when you stop winning, because it will happen… it always does.”
His words floor me. My mouth opens to answer but I can’t fathom the words.
Slamming my hand on the stop button, the tread slows to a halt. My fingers curl around the rail of the tread, my legs like jelly as I lock my gaze on his.
A small smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth. “Think about it.” He slaps his hand on my back before throwing me a towel and walking towards where the water bottles sit.
What happens when you stop winning?
My face is wearing a fierce scowl as I close the gap between me and Dane. Swiping up my water bottle, I squirt it into my mouth. My chest rises and falls quickly as I try and drag as much air into my lungs.
“Look, I want you to succeed in your career, Royce, I always have. But you’ve got to toe the line. There will come a point when this comes to a halt, and it doesn’t matter how much you try and get it back, you won’t be able to.”
Swallowing, I clench my fist by my side.
Fucking Dane.
“I’m done.” My nostrils flare as I grab my phone and room key and storm from the gym.
Muffled words echo around the empty gym, but I ignore them.
Lying on the bed, my eyes are pinned to the ceiling and Dane’s comments float around my head. It didn’t matter how much I tried to shut my busy mind down, I can’t.
I know he is right, and I fucking hate that.
Yes, this won’t last forever. I will stay in the world of Formula One, but then what? I go home to an empty house, maybe get a goldfish, and then sleep on my day off. Is that really the life I want for myself?
Rolling on my side, my eyes fall to my phone that is charging. My body is exhausted. My brain is not. My dad came back and look at him now… owner of a successful racing team and it’s only going to get better.
It’s past midnight, my fingers stretch out and land on my screen. Before I realise what I am doing, I have already pressed call.
“Royce.” His voice is thick, full of sleep and a pang of guilt slices through me. “Is everything okay?”
“I need to talk,” I keep it short, to the point.
“Now?” He yawns and I hear the sound of his bed cover being thrown back.
“Go back to sleep, Ace, I’m just on the phone to Royce,” he whispers.
The sound of him kissing her floats through the phone and my heart twists.
“Where are you?” he asks, the gentle swish of fabric against fabric suggesting he is getting dressed.
“In my apartment. I'll come to you.” I move for the door but my dad interrupts me.
“No, I'll come to you.” His tone is rushed, the door closing softly.
Cutting him off, I move from my bed and grab the dressing gown from the back of the door. Her scent wraps around me like a comfort blanket, only to smother me with pain. My feet drag down the hallway before I open the door to my dad stepping towards me.
“Hi,” I say, my voice groggy.
“Hi.” Dad frowns as he walks past me and into the lounge area.
“Do you want a tea or coffee?” I pad cautiously towards him, no idea why I feel nervous. He declines, his head shaking softly.
“What's wrong, Royce?” He sighs, scrubbing his face. He looks tired. This is not ideal seeing as we're racing in two days.
“I need advice,” I whisper.
He glances at the large clock hanging nearby. “At twelve-forty in the morning?”
“Afraid so.” I sigh, sitting opposite him.
His eyes lock on mine and I can tell he is worried. Maybe the thinks I have an issue with the team, or maybe he thinks it an offer of a new seat. I would never move. He knows that. But I swear he doesn't think it's because his son is having girl problems.
“Do you regret giving this up for mum?” I shoot the words out like bullets and watch as they hit his skin.
His eyes widen ever so slightly at my question. He wasn't expecting it and I caught him off guard. He blinks, taking a moment to register the words.
“Not one bit.” His lips turn down momentarily and relief makes my shoulders sag. “But I was further along in my career. I had the Constructors’ and Drivers’ Championship under my belt. I made sure I had that before I stepped away...”
His eyes flicker down to his wedding band, tucking his thumb under as he rubs the cool gold ring. “Why are you asking?” A slither of humour graces his lips.
“I don’t know.” I shrug
“So, you decided to call your old man out of his bed before race weekend to ask if I regretted my decision?”
I nod. He laughs loudly, then winces, probably thinking he may wake Athena.
“She isn't here.”
“Ah.” The penny drops. “You broke it off.”
“It was fake.” The words taste bitter on my tongue. “Plus, as soon as I did, she was out with Cowan!”
“I see.” He rolls his lips. “You’re jealous and now you’re worrying you’ve fucked up?”
I shrug a shoulder.
“Royce,” he says as he edges forward, “I know what you want, I can see the hunger and how hard you're working to get there.
Trust me, you're going to do it, but it doesn't mean you have to be scared to fall in love.
Many of the drivers have partners. It doesn't stop their ability to race.” He swallows and my eyes burn into him.
“You can still achieve all you've ever dreamed of whilst living, Royce.” He stands, hands folding into his pocket. “Don't leave it until it's too late.”
I swallow down the lump that has lodged into my throat.
“I see the way you look at each other. There is nothing fake about your relationship.”
I shake my head. “There is nothing between us but a contract.”
He scoffs, raising his brow at me like he doesn’t believe me. “Okay, son.” He paces towards the door before grazing his gaze across his shoulders. “All good?” he asks and I give a nod.
I am not okay. Far from it. All he has done is put me in a bigger head fuck than Dane had.
Fuck.
Waking, I slowly turn and groan as I do. I feel wrecked. I don’t have time to be tired. It’s free practice one today, and briefing, which means unfortunately I will be in a room with Cowan for a few hours. Silly prick. I can guarantee he’ll be baiting me.
As soon as my brain kicks in, it floods with thoughts of Athena. I wonder what she’s doing, eating, wearing… Everything about her consumes me. She had her book signing in Rue’s store today and her friend was flying over. It gives me an unsettled feeling deep inside of me.
Sighing, I drop my head. I forgot I offered to get her.
Checking my phone for her flight details, I make a note that it falls between briefing and practice.
Scrubbing my hand across my face, agitation bites at my neck.
Realistically, would I going to be able to get there and back in time?
I hate to disappoint her but if briefing runs over, I don’t stand a chance.
Clicking on Nora’s name, I dial, and she answers within two rings.
“Morning,” she says, her tone bright.
“Morning,” I grunt; mine is not.