Chapter 23 #2
“You sound like a bear with a sore head.” She’s too upbeat. I can’t stand it.
“I didn’t sleep well,” I admit, yawning.
“That’s a shame.” She doesn’t give a shit.
“I need a favour.” I push to my feet and move towards the lounge as I turn the coffee machine on.
“When do you ever not need a favour, Mr Lexington?” She laughs softly and I respond with a scoff, the coffee machine beeping in the background.
“Any chance you can arrange a ride for Athena’s friend from the airport?”
“Already sorted it, chum.”
My stomach falls for just a second. “Oh.”
“Yeah, Athena asked me last night. She assumed you would retract your offer and well, seems she was right.”
My blood simmers with anger. “It’s not because of last night!” My voice is louder than I intended. “It’s just with briefing and practice… I just…” My words fall short.
She thought I was going to retract my offer.
I fucking hate that she thought that. Hate that she thinks badly of me.
“It’s fine, Royce. She knows you haven’t done it to be spiteful or petty…” She trails off and I pour my coffee into my mug.
“Does she though?” My voice cracks.
“Yes.” Her tone is blunt.
“Right.” I pad towards the window and look down at the pretty city of Monaco.
“I promise she is okay.” Her voice is quiet, almost hushed and I wonder if Athena is close by.
“I kind of wish I never proposed this fake dating,” I say with a sigh.
“What’s done is done, finish the contract…
” She pauses for a moment. “Morning,” she chirps and I am assuming it’s to Athena.
“You’ve helped her out too. She was telling me that her book sales have been amazing since the viral video, and you know, the fact that she is writing an F1 romance book whilst dating an F1 driver… so yeah.”
I nod, as if she can see me. “Is she still doing her signing at Rue’s?”
“Yes, four p.m.”
My heart pitter patters in my chest. “I’ll be there.”
“I know you will.” Nora’s voice is soft. “You’re not a villain, Royce, no matter how they paint you in the press.”
My chest aches.
“You know what you want and nine times out of ten, you get it. Keep your head down, keep doing you. As much as you regret setting this fake relationship up, you’ve only been in the news a couple of times.
The latest is the Cowan saga, but our team are already dealing with it.
We’ll get Cowan to make a statement too.
Just play nice today. Our social media teams will be there, we will focus catching you two getting along, throw Athena in the mix too. ”
I clear my throat. “I think it may be best for Athena to watch from elsewhere today.”
“But…”
“I don’t need the distraction. Put her in the VIP area over the pits. I’ll walk in with her, put on our show, but I can’t have her being where she normally settles. I need this race; she’s haunting me and I just… I can’t.” I gasp, sucking a deep breath into my lungs and ignoring the way it burns.
“Okay, okay,” she whispers.
Tightening my grip on my phone, my chest tightens. Fuck. I’m going to die. My sight flickers, turning fuzzy for a moment as the crushing weight in my chest intensifies.
“Royce?” I can hear Nora’s voice floating down the earpiece of my phone, she sounds a million miles away as it echoes.
“I can’t…” I pant, “catch my breath.”
Panic claws at my throat as I stumble and drop my coffee cup. The smash is loud, but not as loud as the piercing ringing in my ear that penetrates through everything. I squeeze my eyes shut tight.
My legs buckle beneath me as I stumble to the sofa, my phone slipping from my hand as I watch in slow motion as it bounces off the floor. I let my head fall back, resting on the back of the sofa, eyes wide as they pin to the ceiling.
My chest caves, each inhale gets tighter, shallower breaths pass my lips and my lungs burn, begging for oxygen. Black spots scatter across my sight, and I try my hardest to blink them away. Sweat beads across my brows, goosebumps prickle over my skin as a shiver blankets me.
This is it.
This is how I am going to die.
Alone.
It was always going to be this way. Settling into my fate, I let my heavy lids close, ignoring everything around me. No point in fighting.
Footsteps echo around me, the distant voices of Nora and my dad growing closer.
“Royce!” My dad gives me gentle slap to the cheek.
Fluttering my eyes open, I see him, blurry at first but then he comes into focus. The chest pains have eased; my palms are no longer sweaty. Rolling my head to the side I see Nora in a panic on the phone.
“I’m fine,” I mutter, swallowing the sand off my tongue, my throat dry as fuck.
“You’re not.” My dad slowly sits me up, his hands on my shoulders, fingers gripping into my skin.
“I am.” I nod, my eyes moving but it takes my brain a few seconds to catch up.
“Doctor’s on the way,” Nora’s voice floats across the room and my dad nods.
“Fetch him some water.” My dad’s hand is on my forehead as he touches my skin, his brows furrowing.
“Are you warm?” he asks and I shake my head.
“I think I had a panic attack,” I admit, feelings of confusion engulfing me.
I’ve never had a panic attack before. Nerves and anxiety, yes, but never a full-blown panic. I only think this because I read a scene in one of Athena’s books that makes wonder.
My dad’s mouth opens before it closes again, his eyes wandering to where the team doctor rushes through.
Nora and Dad step back, talking quietly amongst themselves. Nora is probably filling him in on our conversation this morning, but I can’t focus on that now. I need the doc to tell me it was just a panic attack.
I watch the door with intent, wondering whether Athena knows what’s happened and if she will burst through the door, but nothing. I like to think it’s because she is getting ready for Edel to arrive. Surely, she needs to pack her bits up and move into her own room.
I shake the thoughts from my head as the doctor begins to talk.
“Everything looks good.” Fucking hell, those words are like music to my ears. “I think you had a panic attack.” He nods, casting his eyes over his shoulder.
“It felt like I was going to die,” I admit as he removes the cuff for the blood pressure machine and tucks it into his bag.
“They can be horrible, and I am really sorry you had to experience that.” The sincerity in his voice gets me choked.
Nora gives me a sympathetic look; my dad looks concerned.
“What can cause it?” My dad steps forward just as the doctor rolls his shoulders back.
“Stress, life changes, traumatic events… They can also sometimes occur without one of those triggers.”
My dad nods.
“Are you stressed Royce?” The doctor asks the stupidest question.
I laugh softly as I shuffle forward from the sofa. “Of course I am stressed.” I furrow my brow.
“You need to try and alleviate that.” The doctor gives me a stern look and I nod silently. “Easier said than done, I know.” He reaches down and grabs his bag. “Plenty of rest where you can, Royce,” he calls out before saluting my dad and Nora.
Letting myself slump into the sofa, I feel the burn of my dad’s intense gaze.
“What do you think set you off?” he asks me, walking cautiously over to where I am sitting.
Nora hovers, her thumbs dancing over her phone screen. I ignore his question for just a moment.
“Did you sort out a ride for Athena to get Edel?”
Her eyes shoot to me, giving me a quick nod before she is back on her phone. Relief settles inside my chest.
“Royce,” he snaps and I flick my gaze to him.
“Yes?”
He scrubs his face in frustration. “What set you off?”
Oh, I don’t know, Dad, perhaps the crippling anxiety that I am going to fail.
Or maybe it was the fear of never settling down and ruining my future because I can’t seem to keep anyone close to me.
It could even be the fact that I am plagued by a girl who was only meant to help me and in return I have fallen in fucking love with her.
“Could be a few things, to be honest.” I go with that.
“Could it be more one thing than the other… you know?” He raises a brow and tries to talk in code away from Nora and I scoff.
“She knows.” I lick my lips and her ears prick up.
“Know what?” She steps closer, phone still in her hand.
“About Athena.”
“Oh.” She looks between me and my dad. “Yes, yes, I erm, I know about that.” Her cheeks turn pink.
“You have never let racing get to you before which makes me feel like this is to do with our conversation in the early hours of the morning.”
“Maybe.” I roll my lips, letting my eyes fall to my fingers where I am picking the skin around the bed of my nail.
I hear my dad sigh. “You know my thoughts on this,” he mumbles, lowering himself into the seat opposite me.
“I know.” I don’t look at him.
“Are you going to be okay for briefing?” he asks after a beat or two of silence.
“Yeah, course.” I swallow down the lump that is lodged.
“Okay.” He tilts his chin. “Are you feeling okay?”
I nod. “I am fine, promise.” I ignore the way my heart feels like it’s splintering as each second passes.
“Ana?s is going to Rue’s shop tonight for Athena’s signing, I am assuming you’re going too?” he asks.
“I am.” I smile, finally allowing myself to look at him.
“Good, I think it’s right that you go and support her.” He steps away from me and begins moving towards the door. “I’ll see you in an hour or so.” He waits for me to give him a nod before he disappears.
Once I know he has left, I inhale heavily, my eyes tracking to Nora.
“What are you going to do?”
“I have no idea,” I admit, letting my head slowly roll back as I pin my eyes to the ceiling again.
“You sure you’re okay to go briefing?”
“Yes.” My tone is curt and I instantly feel bad. Lifting my head to look at her, her eyes burn into mine. “I didn’t mean for it to come out like that.”
“I know.” She gives a soft smile. “Are you sure you want separate rooms?”
My nostrils flare. “I think I just need a few days. Plus, she has Edel, so at least she won’t be alone.”
“Okay.”
I know she wants to say more, but she doesn’t. She just rolls her lips tight and walks out of my apartment.