Chapter 7 #3
“About forty years ago, there was this defrocked priest who started his own religion that was based on his extreme views of the bible. He started this thing called the Church of Pure Love. He and his religion were denounced for his beliefs, but of course, there were some people who bought into his preachings. He managed to gain a small following and soon there were sects popping up all around the country. They were tiny – just a dozen members here and there, not enough to gain any kind of foothold or even attract media attention… until something happened that shoved them into the limelight.”
Daisy stiffened and she automatically tightened her fingers on Sage’s.
“About fifteen years ago, the police were called about some farm animals wandering loose on some property just outside this small town in Mississippi. The farm belonged to a woman whose husband had died a year earlier. She’d moved to town and had rented the farmhouse and property out to a group of people who’d said they were starting a commune. ”
“A commune?” Daisy asked. “That’s where a bunch of people live together and grow their own food and stuff?”
I nodded. “Yeah, exactly. People never really saw or heard from these residents of the commune – they’d wander into town occasionally, but kept mostly to themselves. Anyway, the police were called and went to the property to see what was going on. What they found…”
I shook my head because I felt sick just thinking about it.
“In the basement was a large alter. In front of it was this bed all made up in white. There was a large circle of dried flowers around the bed. The main floor of the house had been converted to have several beds in it. There was no television or radio… no phone either. Upstairs were several bedrooms. They all had locks on the outside… padlocks.”
Daisy’s free hand went to her stomach and I knew she knew where I was going with my story.
“All the rooms were empty except one. The sheriff kicked in the door of the one that was still locked. Inside he found two kids. A boy and a girl. He thought they were both dead at first. They were lying on a cot in the middle of the room. There were no other furnishings in the room. Just a bucket that was used as a toilet and a second bucket that had water in it.”
Daisy began shaking her head and crying. Part of me wanted to stop so she’d never have to hear the rest, but I wanted her to know… I was desperate for her to know. I selfishly needed to share it. It had been a burden to carry it by myself for so long.
“The sheriff went to check the kids… to see if he could figure out how they’d died.
They were covered in blood, but he realized it was just the boy’s blood.
He’d sliced his arms open with a piece of metal from the mattress frame.
The sheriff couldn’t tell how the girl had died because he didn’t see any wounds on her. That was when he saw the boy move.”
“No,” Daisy whispered as she began shaking her head.
“They managed to save the boy. He hadn’t cut deep enough to kill himself, but he’d lost a lot of blood.
He was unconscious for four days. When he finally woke up, he told the police that he was a member of the Church of Pure Love.
He wouldn’t talk about the girl… only said her name was Michelle, but that he’d called her Mouse.
The police began investigating the Church of Pure Love to see if they could figure out what happened.
They discovered that the ‘Pure’ part of the religion was based on the idea that love in its purest form happened between the innocent… kids.”
Daisy covered her eyes with her hand.
“Do you want me to stop?” I asked.
She shook her head violently and croaked, “No. Finish it, please.”
“From the evidence they were able to gather, they determined that the followers would put two kids together and force them to have sex while the followers watched. The kids who refused were punished…”
“Punished how?” she whispered.
My eyes fell to Sage. “The adults took turns with them until the kids gave in,” I managed to get out. My throat felt tight and my insides were cold as I tried to force away the image of Sage on his knees in that basement.
Telling them to stop and knowing they wouldn’t.
I leaned down and pressed a kiss to his head.
“I don’t know the specifics of what happened to him,” I said softly as I stared at my lover’s copper hair. “He wouldn’t speak of it to anyone and the members of his specific sect weren’t found. He was placed in foster care until he was eighteen.”
“How… how old was he when…?”
“He was fourteen when the cops found him. The girl was twelve.” I paused before saying, “When I met him, he was living two lives. He was the happy-go-lucky guy who could make anyone smile or laugh. But he hid the side of himself that was still linked to his past. Whenever he felt like he was slipping back into that world, he’d go to the kinds of places where he could find a guy who’d drive the pain inside away by inflicting pain on the outside.
He didn’t care what they did to him or even how many guys there were at once, as long as they hurt him enough so he didn’t have to feel. ”
I carded my fingers through Sage’s hair. “All his hate and rage and anger needed an outlet. But it was the lack of power that was killing him. He gave himself to people who would hurt him, but it was never about the pain. That wasn’t what he was really looking for.”
“He wanted to not feel helpless,” Daisy said softly. Her eyes were on Sage.
I nodded. “Letting people use him felt like his choice, but it wasn’t.
” I looked up at her. “He chooses to let me take away his pain for a while. He chooses to trust me to do it in a way that quiets the noise in his head, but doesn’t leave another scar on his soul.
He chooses to give me all the power because he knows I will never truly take it from him.
What you saw tonight was an extreme version of it, but you also saw what happens when he doesn’t get what he needs. ”
Her eyes fell to the stitches on his arm.
“It’s because I’m here, isn’t it?” she asked as her eyes met mine. “He’s been quiet since we left Columbus… he doesn’t talk to me or look at me or…”
Her words dropped off.
I was reluctant to tell Daisy how deep Sage’s feelings for her ran, since that was something that he needed to tell her himself, so I settled for saying, “What we have doesn’t make sense to the outside world, Daisy.
He and I both know that. We’ve never been in a position where we had to hide it.
It was something we should have talked to you about before you made the decision to stay with us. ”
She was silent for a moment before saying, “Maybe he needs to talk to someone… a professional.”
I knew the comment wasn’t meant to be judgmental… it was the logical response. But I couldn’t deny it hurt just a little. Mostly because she was voicing something I knew to be true.
“He has. We both have. Not about the dynamics of our relationship, but we’ve both been in therapy.” I glanced at Sage. “He was forced into it when he was a kid.”
“And you?” she asked.
I sighed.
In for a penny, in for a pound, I supposed.
“Mine was court ordered… after I nearly beat one of my mother’s boyfriends to death.”