Chapter 7 #2
“Yes, Sir,” Sage said softly, and he immediately lifted so all his weight was on his knees.
Daisy had left the room at some point, and it honestly wouldn’t have surprised me to find that she’d left altogether.
Hell, she could even be calling Ronan and telling him what freaks we were and begging him to come and get her.
I got to my feet and took my time cleaning up the dish Daisy had dropped as well as the blood that had dripped onto the floor.
I wanted Sage to be uncomfortable enough that he’d have to work to please me.
It would give him something to focus on besides whatever shit was in his head that had driven him to all this.
I finished cutting the roast and put it back in the pan after making the gravy. It’d been about twenty minutes since I’d ordered Sage to get up on his knees. I went to stand in front of him. “Stand up.”
He quickly got to his feet.
“Eyes on me,” I reminded him. The fact that he hadn’t immediately looked at me was an indication that there was still some shit going on in his head that didn’t belong there.
“Take all of the things you need for the salad to the table.”
Sage went to get all the items off the counter and I cleared off some space at the table for him to work. I’d already cleaned the knife he’d used to hurt himself and I’d put it back on the counter. I watched him pick it up, but he didn’t linger on it.
I felt a curl of relief go through me.
Once Sage had all the things organized on the table, I said, “Sit down. I’m going to watch you make the salad and if you don’t do it the way I want, you’ll start all over again and keep going until I’m satisfied. Do you understand me?”
Sage nodded. “Yes, Sir.”
I knew what I was about to do was overkill, but I needed him to focus on the one thing that was sure to dispel the memories and insecurities that were still occupying too much of his mind.
“You want to please me, don’t you Sage?” I asked.
“More than anything, Sir,” he whispered.
“Good. Then work slowly and carefully.”
Sage lowered himself into the chair and I sat down kitty-corner to him so I’d be able to see every play of emotion across his face and if something happened with the knife, I’d be able to take it from him.
I sensed rather than saw a presence behind me, but I didn’t dare take my eyes off Sage to look at Daisy.
Not when he was handling the knife.
I told Sage exactly how I wanted him to cut every single vegetable.
I even went so far as to tell him how many times he should slice things and that I wanted the slices even.
The meticulous work required a considerable amount of focus and with every slide of the knife, Sage relaxed more and more.
I didn’t voice my approval, just nodded when he finished a vegetable and looked at me for permission to move onto the next.
The whole thing took a good half hour, but by the time he was done, he was breathing easier and his frame looked looser. At some point Daisy had sat down at the table, but I hadn’t looked at her and neither had Sage.
More proof he was where he needed to be.
“We’re going to eat and then you’re going to clean the dishes, then this kitchen.”
“Yes, Sir,” Sage agreed. I put my hand on the back of his neck and clasped it gently.
“You did good, my boy,” I said softly.
Sage sucked in a deep breath and nodded.
I let my hand linger as I took in his breathing. I let my fingers slide along his throat and felt that his pulse was slow and steady.
Yeah, he was back with me.
Fully and completely.
“Clean this up,” I said as I motioned to the salad fixings. “Then serve the food.”
Sage jumped up to do my bidding. I finally cast a glance at Daisy, but for once, I couldn’t read what she was thinking.
On the one hand, I wanted to apologize for how all of this must have looked to her, but on the other hand, I didn’t want to give her even an inkling that I was ashamed of what Sage and I had. I’d wanted to believe that she was someone who’d understand, but maybe I was asking too much.
I returned my gaze to Sage as he got things ready. I made sure to give him small corrections now and then as he worked and when we were sitting down to eat, I told him exactly how much food to eat, what order to eat it in, and that he had to eat it all.
I was taking things to the extreme, but I knew Sage needed that tonight.
Dinner was a quiet affair, and I stayed with Sage in the kitchen while he cleaned up. Daisy excused herself shortly after she finished eating. I highly suspected she’d be gone by morning and while that tore at something deep inside of me, I had to believe it was for the best.
After Sage was done cleaning, I took him to our room.
We showered together, but I knew he was done emotionally, so I turned things around so I was the one taking care of him.
I took my time washing his hair and body and murmured words of praise in his ear the whole time.
By the time I had him curled up in bed next to me, his eyes were already half-closed.
He was asleep within a matter of minutes.
It wasn’t until his breathing evened out that my own body began to crash. All of the fear and uncertainty hit me at once and I automatically hugged Sage closer to me as I tried to calm down.
Too close.
Too fucking close.
I felt tears sting the backs of my eyes.
How the hell had I fucked this up so badly?
A soft knock on the bedroom door had me wiping at my eyes. Since I knew who it was, I softly called, “It’s open.”
I expected a fully dressed Daisy to come in and tell me she was leaving – that her cab had arrived and she was heading to the airport to fly to Seattle to stay with Ronan after all.
But she wasn’t dressed.
She was wearing pajama shorts and an oversized T-shirt. She hovered in the doorway as her eyes fell on Sage, then me.
“Make me understand,” she whispered. Her voice sounded raspy and I wondered if she’d been crying.
“Come sit,” I said as I motioned to Sage’s side of the bed. He was pressed up so tight against me that there was plenty of room for her. Since Daisy had moved in, Sage and I had started wearing pajama bottoms, but neither of us had shirts on. But I doubted Daisy would notice or be bothered by it.
She was clearly too upset to notice much of anything.
After climbing on the bed, she sat crossed-legged. She kept twisting her hands, proof that she was very agitated.
“What do you think you saw down there?” I asked, since I needed to get a read on where her head was at.
She looked at Sage. “I… I don’t know what happened to him, but you… you…”
“I what?” I asked gently.
Tears slipped down her cheeks. “You humiliated him.”
The comment stung, but I’d been expecting it.
“He was upset and hurt and you… you made him cook and clean and you…”
She shook her head. Her disappointment in me was palpable.
“Is that all you saw?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I don’t know what I saw.”
“Yes, you do.”
She wiped at her face. “He liked it,” she finally got out. “The things you said and did, they relaxed him.”
Good. At least she’d seen more than just me supposedly belittling my lover.
“He doesn’t like it, Daisy. He needs it,” I clarified.
She mulled that over for a moment. “That night in the motel. After the wedding… it was like that between you two, but I thought it… it…”
“You thought it was limited to the bedroom. That I controlled him only when it came to sex and that he got off on it.”
She nodded stiffly.
I sighed and dropped my eyes to look at Sage. “Did you notice how he wears long sleeves a lot?” I asked.
My question seemed to throw her off. She shook her head.
“He only does that around you. Because he doesn’t want you to ask about these.” I carefully moved one of Sage’s arms so that Daisy could see the thin scar running from the inside of his wrist almost all the way to his inner elbow.
She gasped when she realized what she was seeing.
“Whatever he used to do it with luckily wasn’t sharp enough to sever a vein or artery,” I murmured.
Daisy moved closer to Sage so she could touch the scar on his arm.
Then she gently folded his arm so it was resting along his hip and she covered his hand with hers.
Sage sighed and pressed into me, even as he turned his hand so he could link his fingers with Daisy’s.
I knew he was still asleep, but it didn’t surprise me in the least that he’d reach for her while lost in the peace that only sleep brought him these days.
“He’s never told me what happened to him when he was a kid, but I found out some of it on my own.
One night a few months after he and I started sleeping together, he was having a nightmare.
He mentioned ‘pure love’ and ‘mouse.’ I tried asking him about it the next morning, but he wouldn’t tell me anything. ”
“Couldn’t you have ordered him to?” Daisy asked, then seemed to realize what she’d asked. Her cheeks colored and she dropped her eyes.
“What we have doesn’t work like that,” I explained.
“What you saw in the kitchen was extreme, but it had to be to bring him back. I give Sage orders and I control what he does, but only because it’s what he wants and needs.
I only have that power over him because he gives it to me.
But while he trusts me implicitly with his body, his mind is another story.
When I tell you what I know about his childhood, it might make more sense. ”
Daisy nodded.
“When he wouldn’t tell me about his nightmare, I took a chance and googled the words he’d spoken. What I found was enough to make my blood run cold.”
I had to force myself to take a deep breath to try and quell the rage that was already starting to bubble up at the memory of what I’d found.