Chapter 9
Sage
The hand toying with my hair wasn’t Cash’s. I knew that because I could feel the slim fingers skimming over my temple, cheek, nose, and jawline every now and again.
I wanted to pretend I was asleep both so that I could enjoy Daisy’s gentle caresses and so I wouldn’t have to face the truth about what I’d done the night before.
It wasn’t often that I lost time like that, but I never forgot the events that followed.
I didn’t remember the moment I’d put the knife to my skin, but I remembered hearing Mouse’s voice in my ear as if she’d really been lying right next to me.
I’d felt her chilled skin against mine, absorbed the tremors causing her body to violently shake as we’d waited for them to come for us.
But it had been that piece of metal from the bed in my hand, not a knife, when I’d cut my skin.
I needed to make sure Cash understood that.
Because I knew he’d be blaming himself enough already. I’d heard it in his voice as he’d tried to calm me down.
“You’re a terrible faker, Sage,” Daisy said softly.
I couldn’t help but smile.
And choke up a little.
Of all the things she could have said to me, she was choosing to go with lightness this morning. No accusations, no tears and histrionics, no disgust or judgment or quiet condemnation. Just Daisy being Daisy and calling me on my shit.
“I’m hoping you’ll be tempted to molest me a bit farther south if you think I’m still asleep,” I said.
Daisy chuckled. “Tempting, but since your gigantic boyfriend is just ten feet away, I’ll pass.”
I could hear the shower in the attached bathroom running.
I forced my eyes open and felt something inside of me burst at the sight of her. She looked tired and her eyes were puffy, probably from crying and probably because of me. But her expression was soft, not pitying.
“Do you make a habit of sneaking into men’s beds and hogging their pillows?” I asked. We were facing each other.
“I do when I don’t have a big, beefy arm to rest my head on all night.”
I chuckled. “I can’t wait to tell Cash you think his arm is ‘beefy.’”
We both fell silent as she continued to touch me. It was both comforting and arousing, and with her pressed up against me and one of her bare legs resting over one of mine, that wasn’t necessarily a good thing.
“Why didn’t you say anything, Sage?” she asked. I wasn’t sure what she meant until she added, “Why didn’t you let Cash give you what you needed before things got too bad?”
I stiffened, but when I tried to put some space between us, she wrapped her fingers around my upper arm.
“He told you,” I whispered.
She nodded, then leaned in to kiss me.
It was barely a kiss. Just her mouth brushing mine.
So soft and so fleeting I barely felt it.
“Enough to make me understand how important you are to each other and how what you have is what you both need. Neither of you have anything to be ashamed about.”
I didn’t sense anything in her voice that said she was lying to spare my feelings, so I forced myself to relax. “He gives me what I need. Not the other way around.”
“That’s not true,” she countered. “You two were so busy this week trying to hide things from me, that I don’t think you even noticed that you were each suffering.”
I began shaking my head, but she moved her hand to my cheek to stop me. “I saw him, Sage. I heard him. He wasn’t the real Cash until the moment he sent you to your knees last night.”
Shame curled through me that she’d seen that.
“I didn’t understand it,” Daisy quickly continued.
“But there was something beautiful in it… it was like… it was like you two became one in that moment. It was the same thing I saw at the wedding, and that night in the motel room. I’ve never seen two people so at ease with one another…
but then this week you were both so different and I didn’t understand why.
” She paused and said, “I shouldn’t have come here. ”
“No,” I quickly said, but she covered my mouth with her fingers.
“And I should have said something earlier when I noticed something wasn’t right. I should have made it clear that nothing you two could have shared with me would have changed how I feel about you… about both of you.”
I wanted to ask her what it was she felt, but I was too afraid of the answer.
“Is he okay?” I asked, knowing she’d know what I meant.
She nodded. “God, he loves you so much, Sage.”
I closed my eyes and tried to stem the tears that threatened. But it didn’t work because Daisy began wiping them away as they fell. “Talk to me,” she urged.
“He deserves better,” I croaked.
I knew Cash was in the room with us. I’d felt his presence like I always did a few seconds ago when she’d told me he loved me. But somehow talking to him through Daisy made it easier. “He’s so strong and he gives me everything I need, but he never asks for anything in return.”
I expected Cash to chime in and argue with me, but it was Daisy who answered.
“That’s not what I see, Sage. I see a man who needs you just as much as you need him.
I see someone who’s spent a lifetime questioning whether he’s strong enough.
You give that to him. You’re proof that he is.
And I saw you guys at the wedding. I’ve heard you bicker on the phone when we’re talking.
That light that’s inside of you, Sage… that light that those terrible people in your past tried to snuff out…
you share that with him. Every time you smile, laugh, say his name.
Every time you lean into his touch, or press a kiss to his shoulder, or just look up at him with that thing – that look that tells him you’re okay, that you’re both okay – he feels that.
Just like he takes some of the darkness away from you, you do that for him too. Don’t ever doubt that.”
I was stunned speechless. How had she managed to see so much in such a small span of time?
“Is it true, Cash?” I asked softly, though I kept my eyes on Daisy. Her thumb was sliding back and forth over my lower jawline.
I felt the bed dip behind me. I twisted my upper body so I could look at him. Daisy’s fingers fell away, but didn’t go far. I felt them on my chest, right over my heart.
“It’s true,” Cash murmured.
He’d told me as much many times, but somehow seeing it through Daisy’s eyes made it more real. And that had shame sifting through me. Cash’s word should have been enough. But I knew why it hadn’t been.
Because I’d trusted him with every facet of my body, but I’d never truly given him everything. I’d always held back part of myself.
“I’m sorr—”
That was as far as I got before his mouth sealed over mine. He kissed me deeply and my body instantly responded. I reached for the back of his neck to hold him to me. I felt his hand cover Daisy’s, which was still on my chest.
And I knew why he’d done it.
I’d felt Daisy moving away from me as soon as he’d kissed me.
Because she thought we didn’t want her there.
Cash kissed me for several more seconds, then pulled back.
His eyes met Daisy’s across my body, then he whispered, “Thank you” to her.
Before she could respond, his hand curled around the back of her head and he carefully drew her forward.
His mouth covered hers much like it had mine.
Daisy gasped in surprise and Cash took advantage by slipping his tongue into her mouth.
From the way Daisy stiffened, I had to guess either she’d never been kissed so thoroughly… or she’d never been kissed at all.
I could have happily lay there all morning and watched them kiss, especially because Daisy started tentatively kissing Cash back. But Cash drew back from the kiss. His eyes held Daisy’s for the longest time, then he looked at me. I knew what he wanted, and I wanted it too.
And not just because he wanted it.
My eyes drifted to Daisy and I saw the exact moment understanding dawned.
A host of emotions filtered across her pretty face as she tried to make sense of what was happening.
I was certain she’d pull away and run, but then something in her expression shifted as she looked between me and Cash.
Then she was leaning over me, her hand still pressed to my chest.
I was happy to let her lead.
I’d already tasted her once, but the kiss had been too fleeting.
Now as she pressed her mouth against mine, I took in everything about her.
Her taste, the warmth of her breath, the softness of her lips, the slight hitch in her throat as she hung over me.
Then she was kissing me harder and I knew what she wanted.
I opened for her and she tentatively stroked inside.
My body lit up like a wildfire and it was all I could do not to grab her and roll her beneath me.
I moved my hand, but not to reach for her.
Cash’s fingers linked with mine as Daisy and I kissed and suddenly everything made sense in my world.
The kiss didn’t last much longer than Daisy and Cash’s, but it was enough to know that all the feelings I’d been trying to deny were very real.
For her.
And for Cash.
I wasn’t in love with Daisy like I was with Cash… not yet, anyway. But it wouldn’t take much. I suspected the only thing holding me back from falling head over heels for her like I had Cash was the self-preservation instinct that’d had me keeping Cash at arm’s length for so long.
Cash kissed me softly and said, “How about some breakfast?”
I was hungry, but I needed something else first. I sat up and linked my fingers with Daisy’s so she wouldn’t flee, but I turned all my attention on Cash. I cupped his cheek with my hand. “I love you so much, Cash. So very much. I should’ve said it sooner—”
He kissed me to silence me. “You did, baby. Maybe not with words, but I heard you just the same. I love you.”