Chapter Twenty-Two
After he and Ben were situated in their adjoining rooms below deck, Julian brought the older man up on deck. This would be Ben’s first sea voyage and Julian wanted to make sure he had a sound familiarity with the side of the boat in case he was to need it.
They came across their hosts, and Julian expressed his thanks once again after introducing them to Bentley.
“No need to thank us,” Lady Darlington said.
“Then I shall thank your niece.”
“I’m glad she overcame her resistance to your joining us,” Lord Darlington offered.
Julian felt a twinge of guilt knowing the man surely wouldn’t be glad Julian was onboard if he’d known he’d taken liberties with the man’s ward. It had only been a kiss, but Julian knew Lord Darlington would not be pleased.
“It is a good day to sail,” the man said.
Julian agreed. The sun warmed him despite the January breeze. It seemed everyone wanted to stay up on deck for as long as possible.
Lord Darlington bowed as they went off to greet the other guests.
It was as Julian was greeting Mr. and Mrs. Leighton that he noticed Miss Bantham. Elaina. Standing near the front of the ship. He could practically feel the eagerness to set sail radiating from her.
She was wearing a gown and a shawl. He should have expected as much. But in his fantasies of her, she was always wearing snug breeches and a thin shirt. And there had been plenty of fantasies in the months since he’d seen her at the ball. The ball where he’d attempted to make things right, but instead had danced with her.
“There she is,” he whispered to Bentley, though why he thought he needed to whisper was beyond him. She was still much too far away to hear him.
“Shall we move forward to greet her or run in the other direction? I’m never quite sure.”
He’d told Ben what happened at the ball. How his plans had been turned on their nose thanks to Lainey. Ben, of course, didn’t seem surprised that she had forgiven him so easily. If Julian understood his valet’s mumblings correctly, he’d said something about dramatics.
Julian chuckled. “Neither am I, but I think for the moment I’d prefer to do neither.”
“Stand here staring at the lass, then?”
“When you say it like that it sounds rather disturbing.”
“Quite.”
“Do you think women are like food, Ben?” He blurted without thinking.
He turned to see his valet obviously thinking. Surely, he was trying to puzzle out what Julian meant.
“What I mean to say is, any food seasoned with hunger tastes like the most wonderful meal one has ever had. Do you think the more deeply you know a woman, the more beautiful she becomes? I must admit when I first met her, I thought her pleasant enough, but seeing her now with the breeze blowing whisps of her hair about, she is the most beautiful creature I’ve ever encountered.”
“You’ve missed her,” Ben said.
“Yes.” Julian was nearly shocked by the truth of it. “Yes, I have missed talking with her. Hearing all the things she finds interesting. Making her laugh.”
She turned her head to brush her hair from her eyes and noticed them.
He warmed over when a smile pulled up on her lips and she waved.
“I’m not sure if she missed you, my lord. But I’m certain she has missed me.”
Julian chuckled at the man’s wit.
When Julian didn’t move, he added, “Perhaps we should go speak with her.”
“Yes. Right. We should.”
Their gazes held as he closed the distance between them. He wanted nothing more than to kiss her. The way her eyes lowered made him think she had considered the same thing, but recovered rather quickly.
“Miss Bantham, you remember my friend and valet, Mister Bentley.”
“Of course. It is a pleasure to have you aboard, Mister Bentley. I hope you will find travel by sea enjoyable.”
“Thank you. It is so wonderful to see you again, Miss Bantham. Might I say how lovely you look? The morning air agrees with you.” Ben was quite the charmer with the ladies. Elaina blushed prettily from his compliment.
“Please, allow me to show you around,” she offered.
The three of them strolled the deck together, Elaina explaining the different parts of the ship and their uses. When it was time to set sail, they made their way to the side of the vessel so they could watch as the shores of England grew smaller and smaller.
It was not long until they arrived in Calais for additional cargo and a few more crew members before they were off yet again.
Fortunately, Ben took to sailing like a fish.
“I must admit to a great deal of excitement,” he said as he dressed Julian for dinner at the captain’s table that evening. “Thank you for allowing me to join you.”
“After putting up with me for so long, you deserve a vacation, old chap. I know I’m not the easiest person.”
Ben tapped him on the shoulder so Julian would look at him in the mirror.
“Don’t allow your father’s harsh opinion of you to cloud the truth, my lord. You are a kind man. A true gentleman.”
“Thank you, Ben.”
“Miss Bantham is a gem. Lovely inside and out. Perhaps that is what you see when you look upon her now.”
“She was very angry at me before, and for good reason. But now that she’s not…” He remembered their kiss and wished for her taste on his lips even more than whatever would be served for dinner.
“Well, don’t keep her and the others waiting.” He brushed Julian’s shoulder in more a pat.
In the captain’s quarters, Julian had hoped to be seated next to Elaina, but his title placed him in the seat of honor next to Captain Cartwright.
“Is this your first voyage to Africa?” the man asked.
“Yes. I traveled the continent. But it was rather without imagination. This will be an adventure.”
The man nodded in agreement as Julian looked down the table and spotted Elaina.
An adventure, indeed.
*
Lainey enjoyed themeal and conversation with Mr. Randolph who had accompanied them on a number of expeditions. At three and forty, the man’s weathered appearance did nothing to detract from his handsomeness.
Lainey had once considered him a viable partner. After all, they were often on the same digs and enjoyed each other’s conversation. But there were no real emotions involved.
She’d thought it wasn’t necessary. But that was before she’d gotten to know Julian. At times she felt there might be too many emotions between them.
She glanced in his direction again and found him watching her. She pressed her lips together to keep from smiling as Mr. Randolph was speaking about a guide who had lost a foot to a crocodile and therefore was not a cause for grinning with joy.
But joy was surely what she felt bubbling inside her stomach at Julian’s attention.
If she’d thought for a moment he had only kissed her in order to make his way on this ship, it was clear that wasn’t the case. For he was already on the ship. His attendance assured. Yet he still looked at her as if he wanted to be closer to her.
When dinner was over, she found him on deck, leaning on the rail with the wind blowing his dark hair. He looked perfectly comfortable in any situation, she envied him that since she was quite the opposite. Never truly fitting in anywhere.
When he saw her, he stood up straight and offered a smile and a bow.
“Good evening, Miss Bantham.”
“My lord.” She curtseyed thinking it odd to be so formal with someone she’d kissed. But surely it was the way it was done. She couldn’t go about calling him by his given name where anyone might hear.
Except they were alone at the moment so perhaps the formality was meant to keep distance between them.
“It’s a beautiful evening, is it not?” She nodded at the sun setting with a colorful display like fire across the horizon. She pulled her shawl closer to fend off the chilly air. Soon she wouldn’t have need for such things.
“It is. I’ve never seen the sky seem quite so big.”
“Yes. The ocean serves as a mirror. Reflecting back the beauty of the heavens.”
They stood in comfortable silence for a few moments, taking in the view even as the sun dipped below the horizon. When the colors on the water dimmed, he turned to her.
“Why am I here?” he asked.
“Do you mean in the broader scope of existence? Seeing such a powerful display often makes one feel small.” She knew, of course, what he was asking but decided to have fun with him.
He laughed as she expected.
“Why did you give your approval? Why did you allow me to come on the expedition? I didn’t sway you by kissing you, did I? I didn’t mean to—”
“You didn’t sway my decision. As I said, I had already decided.”
“But you hated me.”
“My uncle asked me to evaluate your abilities. While I might not have wanted you to join us initially, I had to consider your request fairly. You are worthy of this opportunity, Julian.”
“Thank you. I will do my best to ensure you don’t regret your decision.” His smile seemed more relaxed. If she’d still doubted his intentions, his reaction would have put her at ease.
He was a good person. He never meant to hurt her and had gone well beyond what was necessary to redeem himself.
“I doubt I will come to regret anything when it comes to you, my lord.” She cleared her throat when she realized what she’d said aloud. “I’m only glad I managed to see past my anger. I would have surely missed out on a wonderful friendship, had I not.”
Friendship? Were they friends? They had kissed. Did friends kiss? Or was she supposed to pretend the kiss hadn’t happened? How would she manage to ignore something like that?
After a few moments of silence, she decided it would be best to handle the situation straight on. They would be spending too much time together in limited space on their journey to Egypt.
“Please forgive me, I’m not certain how one interacts with someone they have kissed after the fact. It feels rather awkward and I don’t wish it to be.”
“Ah. Generally, one just ignores it and avoids the person so it never comes up again.”
“Is that what you want to do?” She hoped not.
“Heavens, no. I’m much too lazy for such things. Avoiding someone on a ship—though large as it is—seems like too much work.”
They shared a laugh and when it died down, he reached out to take her hand. His touch sent a tingle up her arm and directly to the pit of her stomach.
“Perhaps kissing you again would be the answer. No awkwardness. Just a man and a woman, sharing a moment during a dwindling sunset.”
She gestured to the deck they were standing on. “As large as the ship may be there are not many unmarried women onboard,” she pointed out. Like in Scotland, his options were limited.
He tilted his head and blinked at her.
“I wouldn’t care if there were hundreds of women on the ship. I want to kiss you because you are beautiful and I enjoy kissing you. Immensely. Especially since, as you’ve pointed out, I will suffer no risk of neck strain.”
His words were lovely. What woman wouldn’t want to hear a man desired her? But it was those very words that made her frown for they were completely unbelievable.
He studied her for a moment as if she were an unidentified artifact just plucked from the ground.
“You don’t believe me,” he said quietly.
She shrugged and looked away. “I know I’m not… beautiful. You don’t need to charm me. I would rather you be honest.”
He chuckled and shook his head.
“I have never been more honest. And I know you are not being coy. You truly believe you are lacking in some way? Is it because of what happened at your come out?”
She shrugged but said nothing.
“I know well how hurtful things are more easily believed. I can’t tell you how often I hear my father’s voice in my ear listing all the ways I am lacking.”
“It isn’t true,” she said forcefully.
“And neither is what Robert Bloody Dunnage said that evening. He is no one of consequence. Yet his words have burrowed deep inside your soul and even now cause you to doubt me—someone I would hope you could trust at least more than that bastard.”
She considered his words and was rather embarrassed to admit he was right.
“I guess it is true. The insult apparently penetrated deeply—” Her explanation was cut off. “You’re laughing.”
Julian wasn’t just laughing. He was bent over with his arm across his stomach, fully enraptured in mirth.
“Forgive me,” he said when he had settled enough to speak. “It’s just…” Another round of laughter erupted. “You said ‘penetrated deeply.’”
She pressed her lips together to keep from being pulled into his nonsense.
“Lord Melville, I think you should wear short pants as a warning to all you meet that your humor is still that of an adolescent.”
“Or perhaps you want to see my bare legs?” He winked as she rolled her eyes.
“You are a menace.”
“Forgive me,” he sobered somewhat. “You should know I use humor to distract people from noticing when I’m uncomfortable. Often with inappropriate jests.”
“And why would you be uncomfortable now? With me?”
“Because the pain and doubt I saw in your eyes is my fault. Because of me, you don’t know the truth about yourself. You can’t see it. All you believe are the cruel words Lord Dunnage spoke and my laughter. You are lovely. And a man—especially one who has already had the pleasure of your kiss—doesn’t need a reason to want to kiss you beyond the sheer pleasure of it.”
She swallowed as she looked in his eyes, searching for any hint he was saying this to manipulate her. All she saw was… the truth. She had allowed that piggish Dunnage to shape her view of herself when he wasn’t worthy of that importance.
But this man before her was significant. And he thought she was beautiful.
“Oh,” she whispered.
He smiled. “Now, if you don’t mind, you have the most enticing freckle at the edge of your lip that is beckoning me to lick it.”
She took a step closer in silent approval of his plan.
Like the first time he’d kissed her, it started off as a soft, slow press of lips, but this time it was she who escalated from there.
Knowing better what to expect, she reached for his hair pulling him to her so she could open her mouth and receive him. Mingling her tongue with his as his arms banded around her waist and back, securing her to him completely.
With her eyes closed she could feel the sway of the ship under their feet making her slightly unsteady. She opened her eyes.
He pulled back enough for a smile and kept his blue gaze on hers as he dipped his head to kiss her again.
Kissing is intimate, but kissing while looking at the person was even more so. As if he were looking into her soul. And he was just as open to her. She stared into his eyes and saw all the happiness, excitement, and desire within.
For her.
Everything she’d thought was true burned away, and only Julian’s words remained.
“You are beautiful.”
She believed him.