Chapter Twenty
Ellie allowed Beacham to take her cloak, her relationship with her butler reduced to short orders and minimal responses.
She turned to Lissa, who had arrived the day before, shortly after Sophie left.
Ellie had cried watching Sophie leave, feeling so absolutely alone, so when Lissa and Anthony arrived, she’d cried again, though with happiness.
It was obvious to her, as it had been to Sophie, that she was very emotional since her encounter with Darius.
She felt as if something terrible was about to occur, and even jumped in church when the vicar had dropped his spectacles.
Unfortunately, Lissa had noticed, and the coach ride home had involved Ellie revealing her disappointment in her husband, which had been rather awkward in front of his brother.
But Anthony hadn’t made a single comment.
“My lady, the nursemaid has requested your presence in the nursery.”
At Beecham’s statement, she frowned since she’d spent the early morning hours with the children. Why would Anna make such a request when she was well aware they had guests.
Lissa waved her off. “Go ahead. I’m going to settle in the parlor and discuss my observations on the sermon with my husband.”
Anthony stepped behind his wife. “In other words, she’s going to tell me what everyone’s behavior told her and see if I concur. Then she’ll hound me about which investigation I’ve decided to accept next.” The man sighed as if Lissa’s questions were tiresome.
She slapped Anthony’s arm. “Don’t listen to him. He loves debating which investigation we should pursue.”
“True. But I’m so much more sympathetic when it appears I’m persistently being nagged.”
Ellie put her hand on her hip. “Do remember, my dear Lord Bellamore, that I know your wife quite well, and never would I believe she has nagged you. Held a dagger to your throat, perhaps, but never nagged.”
At Lissa’s laughter, Anthony smiled. “I forget you two are dear friends. And please, call me Anthony. We are family now.”
A pang of longing hit Ellie’s heart hard, and she moved her hand from her hip to her chest. “Thank you. That is most gracious of you.”
“Come on, husband, we have much to discuss.” Lissa took Anthony’s hand and pulled him toward the parlor.
Ellie stood alone for a moment in the entry, Beacham having disappeared.
The silence as she stared up at the grand staircase seemed to intensify her loneliness.
Going to church had been difficult without Darius, as many had asked about him.
She’d simply given them the same excuse he’d given her, not willing to share her agony with those she barely knew.
Giving herself a mental shake, she started up the stairs. She wasn’t alone. She had two wonderful children who, she was quite sure, loved her almost as much as she loved them. She’d never leave Maggie and Peter, no matter how difficult her marriage became.
When she came to the nursery door, she listened for a moment. She couldn’t hear anyone talking, so the children could be sleeping. She wouldn’t be surprised after how excited they’d been earlier in the morning.
She smiled at the thought and softly turned the knob—then peeked her head in and froze at the tableau before her.
Darius sat at the children’s table drawing something.
Maggie stood at his shoulder, while Peter sat on his lap.
Both children seemed fascinated by the sweeping movements of his pastel crayon.
Ellie’s heart thundered in her chest with pleasure that the children had become more comfortable with their father, but on the heels of that thought was another, much sadder scenario, where Darius and she would have separate times with them.
Deciding that Anna could wait, she started to close the door when Maggie spotted her.
“Mother! Come look!” The little girl ran to her and took her hand, pulling her in. “Father is going to build us a zoo.”
“A zoo?” Ellie didn’t remember telling the children about zoos.
Darius stopped drawing and turned his head to look at her.
Her breath caught at the black and blue skin beneath his eye. What had happened?
He pointed to the paper on the table. “It won’t have live animals. We shall have wooden ones that Peter and Maggie can play with.”
Peter, who’d still been gazing at the paper, reluctantly turned his head. “Papa is building me a big elephant.”
Ellie forced a smile. “An elephant? That’s very exciting. What other animals will you have?”
Maggie let go of her hand as they reached the table, and pointed. “This is the giraffe, and over here will be the hippa…hippamatamas, and here will be the lion.”
Ellie followed Maggie’s finger to avoid looking at Darius. The drawing was not excellent, but the images made it clear what they were. “And what is that next to the lion?”
Peter piped up. “That’s a rino-sorceress. They’re mean and have a big horn.”
She nodded. “Yes, they can be dangerous. Will there be zebras?”
Maggie’s finger immediately moved. “Right here. And father said we need to add a dragon and call it Draco.”
Ellie’s heart hitched at Darius’s thoughtfulness. “Where will he be?”
“I wanted to have you choose his placement.” Darius’s voice slid through her. It wasn’t angry or contrite, just controlled, formal.
“I’ll have to think about it.”
He looked first at Peter than Maggie. “I want to talk more about the zoo with your mother. You two can decide what other animals you would like.”
“Yes!” Peter hopped off Darius’s lap. “Maggie, where’s the book?”
Immediately, Maggie ran to a bookshelf and grabbed a book from it before plopping down on the floor as Peter hobbled over on his crutch.
Darius rose, forcing her to look at him. “Shall we?” He held his arm out toward the door.
She gave a short nod and strode forward. Now that he was back inside the house, she didn’t know how to feel. She was angry and hurt, but also curious. Anthony’s letter to Darius still confused her. She’d planned to ask Anthony about it at dinner, but now she had Darius at hand.
They continued down the hall in silence until he stopped at the first door to her glass terrace and opened it.
She stepped through before him and strolled to the settee where they’d first made love. He hadn’t been in the room since then. If he thought to seduce her, he wouldn’t succeed. She was far too angry with him and just hoped she could keep from yelling.
Settling her hands on the top of the settee, she controlled her voice. “Did you come home just for Christmas, or will you be staying for a while?”
He’d been walking toward her but halted at her question. “I would stay here every day for the rest of my life, if I could.”
“And are you going to tell me why you can’t stay here with your family?
I mean, tell me the truth about why you hide away in a single-room building in the middle of the north wood?
” She waved her arm toward the window where her telescope was still set up, since she’d continued to watch the building at night.
Though it had been lit, she’d seen little movement except Mr. Archer entering and exiting, along with Beacham.
Darius looked to the window and ambled over to the telescope. He set his eye to it then stood again. “This is how you found me.”
“I had hoped to discover a new star cluster, but instead, I discovered you on this very property, when you said you were traveling. Why were you there?” Her voice had risen, her anger taking over her hurt. “I want to know what could pull you from your family and yet be so near.”
“The answer to that is me. It’s me that forces our separation. I do not wish it.”
“By Jupiter, don’t talk to me in riddles! I’m not your brother. I don’t like mysteries. Tell me plainly or don’t tell me anything and just get out!” She pointed toward the door, her patience gone, her heartache resurfacing.
He took a step toward her then stopped. “I beg your forgiveness for being so cryptic. I’ve only told a few people why I must retreat to the north wood, and only one of them knew all.”
She crossed her arms at the reminder that others knew but she had been left in the dark. She’d always enjoyed the dark, but not when it meant a lack of knowledge. It just hurt. “Anthony?”
Darius raised his right brow. “My brother? No. He only knows what he saw when we were younger. No, the one person I truly shared my secret with was Dinah.”
She didn’t think the pain of betrayal could be worse, but hearing that he’d shared something of great importance with his first wife but kept it from her had her gripping the back of the settee until her knuckles turned white.
“I see. You felt comfortable confiding in her.” She couldn’t look at him, the softer feelings she’d held for him shrinking even more.
Once again, she wasn’t quite good enough.
“I understand. Then there is no need to share with me what you shared with her. I would not presume to impose on such a sacred trust.”
She forced herself to let go of the settee and turn toward the door.
Darius snorted. “Hardly a sacred trust.”
His words brought tears to her eyes. She wasn’t even worthy of learning a secret that wasn’t important?
She didn’t turn back toward him, not willing for him see how close she’d come to loving him, but that tiny flame she’d kept going after reading Anthony’s letter extinguished itself.
“I should not have intruded on your privacy. I shall not bother you again about it…or anything.” She walked to the door.
“Ellie, wait.”
She didn’t. She closed her hand around the knob and turned it. Just as she started to open the door, it was slammed shut, the knob slipping out of her grasp, Darius’s hand firmly on the wood.
“We have not finished our conversation.”
His voice had grown cold, which made it so much easier for her. “Was there something else we need to discuss?”
“Yes.”