Chapter 18
18
brOGAN
T wo more long, torturous nights crawled by with agonizing slowness, and there was still no sign of Esme at The Purple Fang. Not seeing her was slowly driving me to the brink of madness.
The only thin thread of sanity I clung to was Lizzy's reassurance that Esme was still showing up at Ancient Magicks for her shifts each day. So at least I knew she was safe, even if she was deliberately avoiding me. And honestly, I couldn't say that I blamed her. After all, I’d told her to stay away from me, and I guess she was finally doing as I asked.
But fucking hell, I thirsted . And I was hungry . And I…I…
God, I wanted things I had no business wanting.
I had the night off, but I'd come to The Fang anyway, hoping to see her. I knew she was only keeping her distance because I’d blown her off the other night, but it wasn't like her to just leave things alone and slink away like this. No. Not the Esme I'd grown to know. She was too tenacious for that. She'd show up again sooner or later.
She would. Because I had no idea where to find her other than Lizzy's shop, and she was always gone before it was dark enough for me to stop in.
When I couldn't sit still any longer, I asked Kenya—who was covering the bar tonight while Elias performed—to give me a call if Esme showed up, and then I stalked out of the club. Letting the door slam behind me, I pulled my jacket collar up around my neck and headed down Bourbon Street. Taking a deep breath, I inhaled the lingering scents of booze, sweat, and sin into my lungs, and tried to calm the commotion in my head so I could think.
I was only a block and a half away when I caught a whiff of something else beneath it all. A spicy sweet scent that I'd know anywhere. One that pulled me up short and made my blood burn and my fangs ache. Every fucking cell in my body immediately came alive, and I wanted nothing more than to crawl out of my own skin and under hers. And I still wouldn't be fucking close enough.
Esme.
I followed that scent like a shark scenting blood in the water, my feet carrying me down the street and into another club before I'd fully processed where I was going. The deep bass of endless dance music reverberated through my bones as I easily shoved my way through the crowd of humans, ignoring the irritated looks and drunken curses thrown my way…
Because there she was. In the middle of the damn dance floor, arms raised above her head as her hips undulated to the heavy beat. Her thick dark hair was pinned up off her neck, the bare skin of her back glistening with a light sheen of sweat. Her gorgeous breasts were barely covered by a silky black shirt that was cut almost as low in the front as it was in the back. A short black skirt exposed her shapely legs, accentuated by high heels.
And she wasn't alone.
Some asshole wearing too tight jeans and a backwards baseball hat had his fucking hands on her hips, grinding against her like he had any right at all to fucking touch her as his eyes devoured the smooth curves of her cleavage. Rage and jealousy clawed up my throat as my vision bled red at the edges.
MINE.
Between one breath and the next, I was across the dance floor, shoving my way between them. I grabbed the guy by the front of his shirt and bared my fangs in his face as my voice burrowed into his brain.
"This ain't your girl. As a matter of fact, she's not even your type. You prefer crazy redheads who make your life miserable, although you'll take a narcissistic blonde if the options are slim. And now you're going to fuck off before I rip your fucking throat open for touching my female, and you’re not going to remember this woman or anything I just said.”
The guy's eyes went wide, and he stammered something I couldn't hear over the buzzing in my ears.
"Now," I growled.
I released him and gave him a shove. Blinking at me in confusion, he turned away and started making his way toward the bar at the back where a group of girls wearing party tiaras were doing shots. I watched him for a few seconds, wishing all these people would leave so I could make good on my threat.
When that didn't happen, I closed my eyes and fought to get a grip on the bloodlust surging through me before turning back to Esme. She stood completely still in the middle of the dance floor, staring up at me, her chest rising and falling as she tried to catch her breath, her dark eyes glittering in the pulsing lights.
"What are you doing here?"
She didn't look angry. She looked…scared. Because I'd caught her fucking around with that guy?
Grabbing her arm, I pulled her off the dance floor, ignoring her protests as I dragged her through the crowd, down the nearest hallway, and out the back door into the alley behind the club. The door slammed shut behind us, muffling the pounding music.
"What are you fucking doing, Esme?" I demanded, backing her up against the brick wall and caging her in with my arms. "Is this where you’ve been the past two nights? Avoiding me so you can grind on other guys in some shitty club?"
She glared up at me defiantly, wrapping her arms around herself against the cold that I didn't even fucking think about before I dragged her out here. "It's none of your business what I do or who I dance with, Brogan. You made it pretty clear you don't want anything to do with me."
"Bullshit," I growled, leaning in closer until our faces were only inches apart. Her scent was driving me wild, desire ripping through my gut. "You know damn well that's not true, no matter what I said. I just…I can't fucking think straight when you're around."
"Maybe you should have considered that before you accused me of putting a love spell on you and kicking me out," she hissed back at me. “Before you completely ignored me at the club like I wasn’t even there and slammed the door in my face.”
My jaw clenched as I fought back the wave of shame that crashed over me, beating me down. She was right. I had accused her of that, even though deep down I knew it wasn't true. I’d heard her calling me, and I’d run like a fucking coward. This thing between us, this unrelenting need that consumed me—it wasn't magic. It was completely real. And it scared the ever-loving shit out of me.
"I'm sorry," I gritted out between clenched teeth, the apology feeling foreign on my tongue, even as I leaned in, running the tip of my nose along her bared throat. Unable to help myself, I tasted her salty skin. Her pulse beat wildly against the tip of my tongue, only winding me up more. "I shouldn't have said that. And I shouldn’t have ignored you. I just...you're in my fucking blood. And I don't know which way is up half the time."
She was intoxicating, making my head spin and my body ache. I wanted to devour her, to claim her, mark her as mine for all the world to see.
But even as unbridled lust pulsed through me, something within me screamed at me to stop. This was wrong. I was wrong for wanting her like this. It was too much. Too consuming. Uncontrollable.
Lust is a sin. Desire is a weakness. Control yourself or be damned.
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block out the insidious whispers. But they only grew louder, mingling with the pounding of her heart and the rush of her blood through her veins.
"Brogan…" Her breath ghosted along the skin of my cheek. She wanted me too. I could smell the sweet musk of her desire. Feel the way she trembled against me.
"I can't...I shouldn't..." I choked out, my hands clenching into fists against the brick wall, but I couldn't force myself to back away. "You don't know what you do to me. The things I want to do to you..." I couldn't even say it out loud.
My entire body shook with the effort it took not to grab her and take what I so desperately craved, my fangs throbbing in time with Esme's racing pulse. Every instinct I had screamed at me to sink my teeth into her soft flesh, to drink deep and lose myself in her intoxicating essence. But I couldn't. I wouldn't .
But fucking hell, I wanted her.
She was MINE.
"Esme, I..." My voice came out strangled. "We can't do this. I can't do this."
No. I needed to remember what she was. She was a witch. A bruja . Her soul was damned.
Ahh…I breathed in through my nose and out my mouth.
But so was mine.
I squeezed my eyes shut, images of fire and brimstone flashing behind my eyelids. Sinners burning for eternity. Witchcraft was evil. A perversion. And my feelings for her were sinful.
But I fucking wanted her. I did. God help me, I did. And that only made it worse. Made me worse. An abomination in the eyes of the Lord.
I almost laughed at how hypocritical I sounded. If she was all those things, then what the hell was I?
Yet those whispers from my past, the ones that had controlled me for so long, grew louder and louder until they were an incoherent roar in my head.
The wind shifted, and suddenly they were drowned out by something even more powerful than my shame—Esme's scent and the wild beat of her pulse beneath the delicate skin of her throat. It was a call I couldn't ignore, not anymore.
Fuck. I was damned either way, caught between my desire and my disgrace, with no way out.
And I was so thirsty …
With a groan of surrender, I bent my head and pressed my cold lips to the warm hollow of her throat as my hands slid down the wall to grip either side of her head. Her breath caught. Her pulse skipped a beat beneath my thumbs before it raced even faster than before. My fangs elongated, the back of my throat burning with thirst as I whispered, "I'm sorry." Then I reared back and struck, breaking the skin easily, moaning with exhilaration as her thick blood flooded my mouth and throat. I swallowed hard, the flavor even more tantalizing than I remembered, a wild mix of red-hot spice and honeyed sweetness. I drank deeply, greedily, my hands fisting in her hair as her fingers gripped the fabric of my shirt.
She tasted of dark, forbidden things. She tasted of sin. And I moaned against her skin, leaning closer, unable to stop even as a small part of my brain warned me that I was definitely losing control. I didn't care. I wanted this. I needed her .
Her soft moans and ragged breaths fueled my hunger, stoking the heat inside me until I was on the verge of incinerating from the inside out. My hips bucked, relentless as I ground my hardened length against her, seeking relief I wouldn’t find until I was inside her.
" Dios mío ! I want you," she whispered.
Her hands moved between us, freeing my cock from the confines of my pants. I hissed against her throat as she wrapped her fingers around my width and stroked.
MINE.
The word ricocheted through my head. Through my soul.
My hands tightened around her head, holding her still as I sank my fangs in deeper, claiming her with my bite as I rocked my hips, surging into her hand, over and over, unable and unwilling to stop. Her other hand wrapped around the back of my neck, holding me to her throat, her soft cries of pleasure muffled by my shoulder.
It wasn't enough to quench the fire that burned between us. It only fueled it higher, hotter, until we were consumed by the flames. I wanted to brand her as mine, to mark her so deeply that no other male would ever mistake her for theirs again.
Suddenly, she pushed against my shoulders. "Brogan, stop! You have to stop!"
Although it took more willpower than I thought I possessed, I released her from my bite, licking the wound to help it heal. But I didn't let her go.
Oh, no. It was too late for that.
As she whispered urgently to me, half in English and half in Spanish, I slid my hands beneath the silky black shirt she wore and felt the goosebumps on her skin. I had no idea what she was going on about, but it suddenly occurred to me that I had her bare back pushed against a rough brick wall and I stepped away, ripped off my jacket, and wrapped it around her.
Before either of us could think too hard about what was happening, my lips claimed hers again.
I wanted her mouth—I needed to taste her. Fuck, I wanted to taste her everywhere. Her lips parted and my tongue pushed inside, tangling with hers as her fingers curled into my hair. She tasted like grapefruit and tequila, her citrusy flavor intoxicating, making my head spin.
But it still wasn't enough, not even close. Even though I'd just fed recently, I was starving. I wanted to crawl under her skin and consume her from the inside out. Wrap her around me until there was no her and no me. Only us. As these thoughts burrowed into me, the kiss turned hungry, messy, savage, my tongue dominating hers, my hands roaming over her soft curves as my teeth nipped at her lips.
My God, I was so fucking lost in this woman. I wanted to devour her whole.
My hands gripped her waist, pulling her hips tighter against my cock, not caring when the zipper of my jeans dug into the swollen flesh at the base. I was so hard I expected the skin to rip open any moment. Her fingers dug into my shoulders, holding on as I rocked against her.
Esme moaned into my mouth, and I nearly lost what little control I was somehow managing to maintain.
Running my hands down the outsides of her thighs, I found the hem of her skirt. She froze against me, but only for a moment, then she slid her heels on the pavement, spreading her thighs open for me.
Good girl.
Memories still screamed in my head, but they were muffled as the warm, musky scent of her desire rose between us, stronger than before. I clenched my teeth, knowing she was wet for me without having to touch her. I slid one hand up her leg and then between her thighs. She was barely covered by a silky scrap of cloth that I easily moved aside, groaning into her mouth as I slid a finger into her liquid heat. She rocked her hips, and I ground the heel of my hand against her clit, thrusting my finger in and out, matching the wild rhythm of our kiss.
I was gonna explode, but I couldn't stop touching her. My other hand dropped to her round ass, the flesh overflowing my palm when I squeezed.
"Brogan… por favor …please…"
Tearing my mouth from hers, I fell to my knees before her so I could worship her as she deserved.
" Dios —"
The first taste of her on my tongue was like nothing I'd ever experienced. Hot, wet, and satiny smooth. And sweet. So fucking sweet. Esme's fingers dug through my hair as she threw one leg over my shoulder and shamelessly ground against my mouth, her little breathless sounds as loud as a siren in my ears.
About to come all over the wall between her legs, I growled low in my throat, struggling with the need to have her come on my mouth but also around my cock. Because it was going to happen. I was going to have her. Tonight. Right here. Right fucking now.
Decision made, I sat back on my heels. Then I reached up, grabbed her hips, and pulled her down to straddle my lap, my jacket falling from her bare shoulders. Esme cried out when I took my mouth from her, only to suck in a quick breath when she felt the length of my cock slide through the slick folds of her pussy.
But I…I couldn't do it. "Esme." My voice was raw and rough and full of need. "Look at me."
Her dark eyes shot to mine.
"Beg me," I pleaded.
Little lines appeared between her brows as she tried to understand. "What?"
"BEG ME," I commanded.
She searched my face, her eyes sliding closed as I slid my full length against her again.
"Please, Brogan," she begged. "Please. I need you inside of me."
Something broke inside of me as I spread my knees, forcing her thighs to open even more. A hiss escaped me when I fisted my overly sensitive cock, lining it up with her entrance.
" Please, " she pleaded.
My eyes met hers, and then I yanked her down hard, both of us crying out as she stretched around me, her wet heat gripping me, holding me tight inside of her. I bared my fangs as her muscles clenched around me.
Then she started to move, and I could feel the flames of hell tugging me down with every roll of our hips.
"Brogan…" My name was caught somewhere between a curse and a prayer on her lips.
"I know, darlin'," I gasped, cutting off her protests with a bruising kiss as I pulled out and slid back into her, sinking deep with a groan of relief. So deep. She was so fucking tight, squeezing my cock as she took it all, like she was made just for me.
Wrapping my hands around her hips, I matched her movements, slowly at first, but gradually speeding up until I was driving into her hard and fast.
I slid one hand beneath her ass to lift her up and changed the angle, driving deeper as I relentlessly pumped into her. She cried out, throwing her head back, her breasts bobbing in my face, her hands curling into my shoulders, her nails biting into my skin through the thin fabric of my shirt.
God, I couldn't take my eyes off her, and I wished we were somewhere more private so I could strip her bare.
My thrusts grew faster, more desperate, until the whole world narrowed down to us—me and Esme, moving together like two crazy people lost to the sins and desires of our bodies.
And I still wanted more. "Esme…" I wasn't sure what I was begging for, but somehow, she did. One hand released my shoulder and suddenly her wrist was at my mouth.
Time slowed down as I gripped her arm and grazed my fangs over the delicate veins on the inside of her wrist.
"Let go for me," I told her. "Come on, darlin'. I want to feel you."
She watched with hooded eyes as I pressed her wrist to my mouth and sank my fangs through the thin layer of skin there until the veins popped and her blood flooded my mouth once more.
Her body tensed above mine, and she cried out my name as she contracted around me. I moaned, lost in the pulses of her pleasure and the taste of her blood, racing toward the edge until I fell over it, my own release ripping through me so violently it threatened to break me apart.
When it was over, I collapsed against her, holding her tight and resting my forehead against her shoulder as I fought to catch my breath and slow my thunderous heartbeat. I didn't feel the cold. I didn't hear anything except the slowing beat of her heart. I wanted to stay just like this forever, my cock buried inside of her, her blood rushing through my body, until the sun came up and burned me to dust. There would never be anything better in my life—natural or unnatural. And if hell was the price I paid, well, it had been utterly worth it.
But then I would never be able to do this again.
And I already wanted to do it again.
Reluctantly, knowing she would need time before I could feed from her once more, I straightened, sliding out of her body as I lifted her to her feet. As I took in her skinned knees and her blouse falling off one shoulder, reality trickled back in, and I regretted my decision to let her go with everything in me. Reaching for my jacket, I held it out to her, but she ignored my offer as her dark eyes held mine.
We stayed like that for a long moment. Me on my knees before the seductress who'd taken me down, both of us breathing heavily, our gazes locked. My body still hummed with satisfaction, but my mind was already sinking into a pit of regret and self-loathing.
"Esme, I?—"
"Don't," she said quickly, holding up a hand. "Just don't, Brogan. Not now." Before I could respond, she turned and slipped back through the door into the club, leaving me alone in the alley, my body sated but my heart filled with a gnawing emptiness I knew wouldn't be filled anytime soon.