Chapter 15
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
When I looked up, I realized that the spotlight was directed at me. I was the one onstage. I was the one people were bidding on. My skin felt tight.
From the back of the room, someone said, “Stop.”
The crowd gasped, and the auctioneer seemed irritated. But then the spotlight focused on him. On Jasper. “She’s mine.”
Jasper’s eyes were on me when he said those words, and I felt his voice reverberate through me like a tuning fork. His declaration sang through my blood with the very truth of his words. Of all the people in the room, he was the only one who saw me. Truly saw me.
His eyes never left mine, and I knew he was checking in with me. Trying to make sure I was okay. I was far from okay, but having him here with me made everything seem better.
“You have to win her first,” the auctioneer stated.
“I will,” Jasper said, and there was no doubt in my mind that he would. My nipples pebbled at the command in his tone.
The setting changed, shifted. The next thing I knew, Jasper and I were in his office, and he was staring down at me. I wanted him so much I felt as if I were going to burn from the inside out with longing.
“Beautiful.” He knelt between my legs, kissing his way up my calves, my thighs. His touch was reverential. Every stroke of his hands was done in a way to comfort me. Please me. “Absolutely beautiful.”
I shivered from his touch and the intensity of his expression. He was so…resolute. So focused on doing everything he could to bring me pleasure.
With his hands midway up my thighs, Jasper peered up at me, seeking permission.
Confirmation. He might be the one in control, but he was making it very clear that I held all the power.
I watched his hazel eyes swirl with desire.
And when I inclined my head in assent, something in him seemed to both relax and coil tighter still.
He kept his eyes locked on mine as he glided his hands the rest of the way up my thighs.
His palms were smooth, strength radiating through his hands on my skin.
My breath gusted out of me the closer he got to my center.
And when he used his fingers to spread my folds, inspecting me, I let out shaky, “Fuck,” finding it increasingly difficult to remember words. What they meant. Anything.
Jasper continued teasing me, circling my clit. He alternated his pressure, his tempo, until it felt as if my heartbeat were centered between my thighs. When I gasped, he latched on to my reaction, holding that tempo. Slowly, ever so slowly, increasing his speed.
“That’s it,” he coaxed. “I want you to scream my name as you come on my fingers.”
I held his gaze as long as I could, my body unraveling. I held his gaze until my legs were shaking and everything in me was clenched tight. It was such a strange sensation—this feeling of tension and release.
“I’m so close.” My head fell back against the chair on a moan.
“Take your time,” Jasper said, leaning forward to tease my nipples with his mouth as he inserted one finger into me. “Take all the time you need.”
My skin flushed with heat, my pleasure rising with every stroke of his finger. He added another, using his thumb to circle my clit at the same time. Oh god. I’m going to come. I need to come.
I groaned, rocking my hips, seeking more friction. More…something. “Please,” I whined.
“Please, what?” he asked, a smirk playing at the corner of his lips. When I said nothing more, he added, “Don’t be shy, love.”
My head dropped, and I jolted awake with a start. What the…
I blinked a few times, trying to reorient myself. I was on the private jet with Knox, Kendall, Nate, Emerson, and Jasper. I blinked a few more times and tried to slowly, discreetly, slide to a more upright position.
Because…fuck.
I’d just had a sex dream about my boss. In front of him and his family. In front. Of him. And his. Family.
Oh god. I felt as if I might throw up.
The dream… It had felt…so real. I’d woken with a start, horny and confused.
What if they’d noticed me sleeping? What if I’d moaned in my sleep? Or said something embarrassing? Oh god. What if I’d said something incriminating?
My cheeks heated, and I wanted to hurl myself out the nearest emergency exit, parachute be damned.
I knew what Zara would say. She’d tell me it was my subconscious trying to force me to see the truth of the situation. She’d claim that my mind was telling me what my body—and my heart—already knew.
And I’d tell her it was a dream. Nothing more.
But in my gut, I’d know she was right.
Right. Okay. Just…stay calm. No reason to freak out.
Or at least, I didn’t want anyone else to realize I was freaking out. About the dream. About what it meant. About my feelings for Jasper.
I tried to settle myself, using the condensed version of his five-finger exercise. I peered out the window. I concentrated on the fluffy shape of the clouds dotting the blue sky. Feel. I could feel the smoothness of the leather seat beneath me.
I inhaled slowly. I could smell…coffee? Not the usual cheap airline coffee, not for this billionaire family.
It smelled like something out of a fancy Italian coffee shop.
Rich and creamy. It made me long to visit the Huxley Grand in Bergamo again, walking down the cobblestone streets as the church bells rang.
And taste. I could taste my minty toothpaste. I let out a slow, measured breath and turned to my fifth sense. I could hear the hum of the private jet.
Feeling a little calmer, though still a bit off-kilter, I blinked a few more times as if to clear my vision, hoping no one had noticed.
Knox and Kendall were so lost in each other, they were oblivious to anything else going on.
Emerson was working on her computer while Nate read what I assumed was a printout of a script.
Jasper, however, was staring right at me.
When I met his gaze, he arched his brow as if to ask, “Everything okay?”
“Yeah. Yep.” I turned away. My cheeks were so hot I thought they might burst into flames at any moment.
How he could look so put together was beyond me. I was a wreck and not just because of that dream. I’d barely slept last night, my mind spinning with fantasies about what might have happened had the waiter not interrupted us.
I’d tossed and turned, twisting the sheets around me while I’d replayed our conversation in the stairwell over and over. Jasper’s voice, raspy and full of anguish as he said the words that had left me stunned.
“I’ve been here, waiting for you.”
“I want to know that you’re all in.”
All in. Those two words had circled my mind like a record on repeat. All in. All in. All in.
What did that even mean?
Part of me was disappointed he hadn’t come to my room last night. The other part was relieved because I still didn’t have an answer for him.
I’d tried to picture it. Us—together. I was thrown back to a memory from last summer, from the last time he’d tried to suggest more.
I appreciated that he’d offered, but it didn’t change anything. My life, my friends, my job, were in London. I couldn’t abandon Sloan, and my ex would never agree to let me move so far away with our son.
“My life is here,” I said, misery marking my tone.
I didn’t want it to end either, but we had to be realistic. And a long-distance relationship was not realistic. Not with the demands of our work schedules or my home life. And not when I needed this job, now more than ever.
If having an affair with my boss’s brother was reckless, wanting a relationship with him was even more so. If anyone found out… I didn’t want to think of the consequences for either of us.
Which was why I had to end this. I couldn’t let Jasper believe we had a chance. I couldn’t let him hope for anything more than this moment.
He dropped his forehead to mine, a somber expression on his face. I hadn’t expected to see him again before he’d left, but he’d surprised me by coming to the office before his flight.
“You know where I am if you change your mind.”
And you know where I am, I thought. He didn’t mind if I was inconvenienced, but he wasn’t willing to make the sacrifice to be with me? It was just like something my ex would do.
And in that moment, I realized that I was falling into my same old patterns. And I refused to do that. I didn’t want to be in another “relationship” where I was putting in all the work. I didn’t want to let myself fall for another man who would never be the partner I deserved.
These past few weeks, they weren’t reality. And leading Jasper on—giving him false hope—wouldn’t be good for either of us. So I forced myself to say the words, “I won’t.”
“Would you like anything to drink?” Tabitha asked, snapping me out of the memory.
“I’m okay for now.” I smiled. “Thank you.”
I stood and headed for the bathroom, stumbling in my eager attempt to escape.
She tried to help me, and I declined the assistance, embarrassed.
I darted inside and quickly locked the door, hating how frazzled and out of control I felt.
I prided myself on having my shit together. And right now, I was a hot mess.
I braced myself on the edge of the sink and stared at my reflection in the mirror.
Why? Why did it have to be him?
Why did our chemistry have to be so strong?
Was it, as I’d often wondered since our fling, the forbidden element that made everything that much hotter with Jasper? Or was it just…him?
I had a feeling I knew the answer, but I hadn’t been willing to admit it to myself. It seemed like there were a lot of things I hadn’t been willing to admit to myself, including how much I liked Jasper and not just because the sex was amazing. Which it was.
Finally, accepting that I couldn’t stay in here forever, I washed my hands and dried them before exiting the bathroom.