Chapter 27
Shay-Lee
I n the past few days, it seemed like Camilo was eager to make up for our time apart with how much we’d fucked. It would have been lovely if not for the fact it mostly took place in public places, such as the gym bathroom, the back room of the yoga studio, or the conference room at my office. Not that I was complaining, with how hot each time was. I’d nearly forgotten how much I loved sex. Erase that . How much I loved sex with Camilo . And while I did feel guilty about Jordan whenever I got on my knees to suck Camilo’s cock, the guilt was only brief and never enough to make me stop.
You’re allowed to be selfish. That was what Soren had told me, but I knew it was bullshit. I had absolutely no right to cheat on Jordan, but I’d done so much worse in my life that I already had a guaranteed spot in hell. Besides, I promised to break up with him, and I would. In a matter of a week, Jordan and I would be history. Why? Because I still had enough self-respect to know I couldn’t go sneaking behind his back forever, nor did I want to do that. Not only because Jordan deserved better but also—if not mostly—because Camilo did. He deserved so much more than quick fucks in dark parking lots that smelled of piss and burned oil.
We both did .
So, for now, and until I got back from visiting Jordan’s mom with him, I was a cheater. As simple as that. I was a piece of shit who fucked his ex-boyfriend behind his fiancé’s back and owned it. I owned being a shitty person.
I was just finishing wrapping up Soren’s gift—a bottle of pinot noir that I bought at an auction for almost a hundred thousand dollars—when Jordan entered our bedroom. Looking up from my present, I greeted him with a smile when I noticed he had brought a suitcase with him.
“What’s that for?” I asked.
“I want to start packing.”
“What for?” I tied a black ribbon around the bottle’s neck. “We won’t be leaving until Sunday morning.”
Jordan, who went inside our en suite bathroom a moment ago, came back with two of his colognes in hand. “The flight’s tomorrow morning,” he said, putting the bottles in his Dopp kit.
Stopping what I was doing, I frowned at him. “No it’s not.”
“Yeah, it is.” He tossed a few boxer briefs in his suitcase. “I sent you the tickets yesterday,” he added in a by-the-way comment.
My brows creased close. “You didn’t.”
“Sure did. I sent you an email.”
He went back into the bathroom, and I quickly pulled out my phone to check my emails. He did, in fact, send me the tickets. What the fuck?
“Well, it doesn’t matter because I can’t go tomorrow. You know it’s Soren’s party.”
Jordan came out of the bathroom, his face unfazed. “He’s only going back to work. Why does he even need to celebrate it?”
“After he got shot. He’s going back to work after he got shot .” I repeated the tiny little detail that seemed to have escaped Jordan’s mind .
After putting his toothbrush in, Jordan closed his toiletry bag and looked up at me. “Well, I already got the tickets, so just skip the damn party.”
I snorted because he was fucking delusional. “Sorry, but that’s never going to happen.” He knew how much I cared for Soren. “Anyway, I’ll just catch a different flight and join you later.”
Ready to drop the subject, as there was nothing more to say, I grabbed Soren’s gift and was ready to stand up when Jordan tsked. I knew it was nothing but a stupid sound, but it immediately reminded me of Orson, who always made that noise with his tongue. My blood ran cold with the memory of his vicious eyes, which used to follow me like a hawk, at the same time my heart accelerated, and the air in the room turned a bit stiffer—
“Why do you care for that party, anyway?”
“W-what did you just say?” I managed to snap out of my momentary panic and focus on Jordan’s expression, which seemed pissed by the tightness in his eyes.
“I said, why do you insist on going to that stupid party so much?”
Confused because I thought I made myself rather clear, I stood up. “What do you mean why? It’s ’cause of Soren.” Rubbing my arms to get warmer since my skin was still ice-cold from thinking about Orson, I decided to take a shower. “Why are we still talking about it?” I began walking to our bathroom, but as I passed by him on the way there, he grabbed my arm and turned me to face him.
Please don’t touch me.
Suddenly, those words echoed in my mind in a chilling voice, and for a moment, it felt like I was in a completely different room. But then, Jordan spoke, and this odd feeling washed away.
“Because I want you to come to New York with me,” he said.
A frown formed on my face. “So what’s the problem? I told you, you can skip the party, and I’ll just join you in the evening.”
“Now you don’t want me there?” he snarled.
From everything that I had just said, this was what he understood? What the fuck ?
Shocked, I shrugged him off me. “What the hell is wrong with you?” I gaped and rubbed my arm as deep anxiety went through me.
“He’ll be there, too, right?” His eyes studied me intensely, and it got me even more nervous.
“I don’t know who you’re talking about.”
“I’m talking about Diesel,” he snapped, voice low. “He’s going to be there tomorrow, right?”
Yes.
“Maybe, I don’t know.” I attempted to sound as believable as I could, but I doubted he bought it, telling by the scowl on his face. Feeling suffocated, I turned to walk away when he once again grabbed me.
“It’s because of him, right?” Veins strained his rigid neck. “You just want to see him, don’t you? That’s why you want to go there, because of Diesel.”
Stunned by this sudden shift in him, I had no idea what to say. Maybe it was because of the shouting, or simply because I just got caught, I couldn’t do a thing to defend myself and instead stood there with my lips parted. Thankfully, I snapped out of it fast enough.
“What the fuck is your problem? Where is all of this coming from?” My brows pulled close before I released myself from his hold.
Biting his lips, Jordan averted his eyes away from me. He stayed silent, and I wondered what was going on inside his head because at the moment, he seemed so unstable. But hey, I was the only one to be blamed for it. I’m the screwup, right?
“If it isn’t true, then skip the party and come with me,” he said, his eyes back on me. Only there was no love in them, just suspicion and hurt.
Holding his stare, because I didn’t want to ignore his pain as I had so many times before, I allowed his question to sink in for a few seconds before answering it with a simple—
“No.”
I decided to be selfish.
I decided to be selfish because my love for Camilo was bigger than my conscience, and I did, in fact, want to see him at the party tomorrow. I wanted to see him so badly that even now, in the midst of this awfully tense atmosphere, I considered pulling out my phone and calling him just to hear his voice.
Jordan’s eyes widened with what I assumed was shock.
“Shay-Lee,” he pleaded my name, but his prayers fell on deaf ears.
“My answer is final.” I turned my back to him. “Do whatever you want with it,” I said and began walking toward our shower because, shit , I wanted to lock myself away from him.
Anxiety trickled through me with fear that Jordan might already know about Camilo and me, and my heart was going faster by the minute. And even though I wanted to break up with Jordan, I didn’t plan to tell him I cheated. In my head, we’d break up, and after some time had passed, Camilo and I would be together. Was it foolish of me to believe such a thing could happen? Maybe, most definitely yes , but it no longer mattered. Not with how I could still feel Jordan’s stare burning a hole through my back.
I thought of just telling him the truth and be done with it, but was quick to dismiss the idea since it was risky. Wait, what? Risky ? Why would I even think that? Yet, before I could dive deeper into this nonsense—considering how Jordan wasn’t capable of hurting a fly—he spoke again, and his words caught me off guard.
“Dylan told me that you might be hiding something away from me, and now I’m beginning to think he might be right.”
Did he just say… “Dylan?” I hissed his name while slowly turning to face Jordan, my eyes narrowed. “What the hell does he have to do with us?”
Jordan’s expression hardened. “I like talking to him, and unlike you, he actually listens to me.”
Not knowing where all this was coming from and honestly too tired to care, I raised my hands up. “Okay, wow.”
“What?” he snarled, his voice tight with unspoken anger.
“Nothing.” I shrugged.
“Dylan is nice to me, and he’s someone I can talk to. ”
“So maybe you should marry him instead,” I muttered under my breath and regretted it immediately as I watched the horrified expression on Jordan’s face.
“Why would you say that?” His eyes were hollow like he’d just seen a ghost.
Shit .
I pinched the bridge of my nose while trying to think how to explain myself. “Listen, Jordan—”
“Why the fuck did you just say that?” he shouted, cutting into my words.
Taken aback and, quite frankly, panicked , I said the first thing that came to mind. “It was just a slip of the tongue, Jordy, come on.”
“Is that what you want?” His brows knitted together while tears glistened in his eyes. “Is that actually what you want?”
Telling him yes seemed to be too damn cruel, but the same went for lying. I couldn’t bring myself to open my mouth and spit more lies, so instead, I kept my mouth sealed, and I guess that was enough of an answer.
Pressing his lips together, Jordan nodded to himself—a defeated look on his face.
“Fine. Then you go ahead and enjoy your party.” He reached for his suitcase that until now was on our bed. “Also, don’t bother joining me in New York. I’d rather not see your face.”
He then wasted no time before grabbing his suitcase and leaving the room. The second I heard the front door slam behind him, I breathed in relief. Whatever just happened was a complete shitshow. From mentioning that stupid Dylan to bringing up Camilo, I had no clue what was going on and what he knew or didn’t know. And while this fight left me rather confused, it also brought me a bit of hope that Jordan might end up breaking up with me , which would save a lot of pain. Mostly on his side. But I guess I’d have to wait until he got back from NYC to find out.