Chapter 33
thirty-three
. . .
REAGAN
Finn’s hands were on my waist, his mouth on my neck the second we walked in the house later that evening, smelling like fresh air and hay.
Pushing him away nearly killed me when all I wanted to do was bury my face in the warmth of his skin.
“What’s wrong?” he asked when I pulled back, his brow furrowed in concern.
I reached up and smoothed the creased skin.
“I need to read Lainey’s journals.”
Finn’s expression cleared. “Okay, no problem. West and I were going to go up in the plane again anyway.”
“This close to sunset?”
He nodded. “We think it’s a good idea to check the areas we’ve flagged to see if there is any nighttime activity. You know, lights on, vehicles in the drive. That sort of thing.”
“That sounds like a great idea,” I agreed.
“You gonna be okay here alone?”
“Of course.”
“Arm the system the second I leave, and call one of my brothers if you need anything.”
“Yes, daddy.”
Finn stilled, and his pupils expanded, irises going dark and stormy. Reaching for me, he gripped my ass and dragged me against him. I could hardly protest before his mouth descended on mine.
The kiss was crushing and punishing, feral and reckless.
I fucking loved it.
The way his tongue stroked mine, his teeth nipping my lips, his fingers digging into my flesh hard enough to bruise.
When he slowed the kiss and broke free, both of us were breathing hard.
“I’ll show you ‘daddy’ later, belle.”
I grinned. “Promise?”
“Promise,”
With a final quick kiss to my mouth, he stepped away to call his twin. In ten minutes, the two drove away from Finn’s house.
I waited another ten to be sure they didn’t come back for anything before I made my move.
What Finn didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him, and I knew without a doubt he would not approve of my own evening excursion.
I experienced only a moment of trepidation as I parked in the deserted lot at Sunset Ridge. If something were to happen to me, there would be no one to hear my struggles, no one nearby to come if I called for help.
But this was something I had to do, and this ridge seemed like the best place to do it.
Pushing my misgivings to the side, I got out, collected my camera bag and the box of Lainey’s journal pages, and moved toward the edge of the cliff.
Delaying the inevitable, I took far too much time setting up my cameras, one for a timelapse of the sunset, and the other to snap shots as I felt like it. Once that was taken care of, I spread out a blanket I’d stolen from Finn’s linen closet and dropped onto it.
I dragged the box to my side but didn’t open it and withdraw the first stack of pages right away.
Instead, I stared out at the horizon, allowing it to soothe me.
I highly doubted I’d find anything in the journals that would shock me or turn the tide of the investigation into Lainey’s disappearance, but I knew I needed to rip this bandage off.
At last, I lifted the lid and pulled out the bundle representing Lainey’s first journal.
The one I got her for that first birthday after Mom and Dad died.
Was I ready to confront those demons?
Never.
But I didn’t have a choice.
Inhaling deeply and willing myself to remain calm, I dropped my eyes to the first page.
Dear diary…
It seems so silly to write that. I’m a 23-year-old woman, not a teenager spilling her inconsequential high school dramas onto these pages.
Though, at the time, those high school dramas sure felt awfully big and insurmountable, didn’t they?
Given what I’ve endured since, I’d give anything to go back…
My eyes blurred with tears almost instantly, some of them dropping free and splashing onto the pages.
Our parents’ deaths had hit both of us hard.
For me, the survivor’s guilt was downright debilitating the first few months afterward.
There had been days when I wished I’d died with them, simply so I wouldn’t have to endure the unending agony of living without them—of remembering their final words and breaths.
While Lainey and I had talked at length about how we were feeling in those days, and had done our best to talk about the good times with Mom and Dad in an effort to keep their memories alive, I supposed I never stopped to consider what it had been like for her.
For the first time, I’d experienced something she couldn’t begin to understand.
She’d been grieving for them, but also for me.
Struggling with how to help me, while also recognizing the only way out was through.
Hours passed in a blink, my eyes and mind eating up the words faster than I could turn the pages.
Unsurprisingly, there wasn’t anything I didn’t already know, but I found myself reliving certain moments through Lainey’s eyes.
Laughing at her commentary on the morning after a lost night in which we drank too much tequila and danced on the bar at our local dive.
Remembering the trips we’d taken in the early days of Twin Flames.
The bad days had been rock bottom, a black pit I wasn’t sure we’d ever claw our way out of.
But being reminded of the good days showed me that we had. And they were a good reminder that we still had each other.
At least, I hoped that was the case.
Lainey’s journals were surprisingly stingy on the details of our time in Dusk Valley, only a few pages in recap of our hikes and the photos she couldn’t wait to develop.
Mentions of the guy she’d slept with didn’t begin until a few weeks after our return.
He messaged me again. I keep blocking his number, and he just keeps getting new ones. I’ve considered changing mine, but I refuse to let him win. I know I need to tell Reagan what’s going on, but I don’t think I could stand to see that “I told you so” look in her eyes…
“Oh, Lainey…”
I never would’ve judged her for that—which she learned when she did finally tell me. After all, I wasn’t a saint and had participated in a hook up of my own that night.
But what I’d never understood is why she didn’t tell me the guy’s name. Why hadn’t she given me some sort of identifying information to use in case he ever showed up—or that I could pass on to the police if she ever went missing?
Then again, this kind of escalation had never been on our radar. We thought that, because we lived across the country, we were safe.
I wondered, what would’ve happened if I hadn’t gotten sick? If I’d been the one to come back to Dusk Valley? Would he have taken me? Lainey and I were twins, after all, and this guy had fixated on me since I’d arrived in town.
Once I’d gotten through those first months’ worth of entries and past our return from Dusk Valley, I began scanning, knowing I didn’t have time to read them all cover to cover. I looked for any mentions of names I didn’t recognize or secrets she hadn’t shared with me.
So intent on searching for information that stuck out, I nearly missed it.
The entry was dated three days before Lainey left for Dusk Valley, when we both realized I would be too sick to make the trip as originally planned.
I have to go back to Dusk Valley. It’s not Reagan’s fault.
Shitty timing for her to catch the flu, but it’s not like she did it intentionally.
I am equal parts terrified and excited to return to Idaho.
Excited, because I’ve really honed my craft in the last seven years, and I am excited to shoot the landscape using my new skills.
I love meeting new people, so I’m really looking forward to working with the Wallis family.
But I’m terrified because, for the first time since that night, I’ll be within spitting distance of him. For all these years, I feel like I’ve been bracing myself, waiting for some ultimate showdown with my harasser.
And now, I’m willingly entering his ring.
Maybe he left, but I sincerely doubt it.
I hope LT is ready for a fight.
LT?
Who the fuck was LT?
Little turd? Loose trash? Lowly tool?
My imagination supplied childish nicknames, but I had to admit, I felt better for having thought them.
Taking the task more seriously, I ran through my mental Rolodex, searching through the names of all the people I’d met in Dusk Valley, trying to find the one that fit those initials.
Unfortunately, I came up with nothing.
The remaining few journal entries didn’t yield anything else.
She mentioned the pizza from Mozzy’s, giving in to the colder temperatures and moving from her campsite into the motel, and her plan to check out the Swallow again.
I want to see if it’s changed, she’d written. Maybe I’ll run into Rea’s soldier too.
She’d be so fucking giddy to know Finn and I had made our way back to each other, and I couldn’t wait to tell her.
When I finally looked up, the lower curve of the sun was kissing the horizon. Knowing I had seconds to capture it, I scrambled to my feet, piled the loose pages into the box, and grabbed my camera.
I allowed my mind to wander while I took photos, but by the time the sun had fully sunk, the stars blinking to life, I hadn’t come up with any ideas for who LT could be.
Having no desire to remain out here alone after dark, I quickly packed my things, stowed them in my SUV, and set off toward the ranch.
Thankfully, my phone remained free of messages from Finn, so I knew he and West hadn’t touched back down and gone home yet.
Hopefully, I could beat him there.