19. Soren
J ames led me to what he called the family room and left me here. I don’t mind waiting for however long Doc needs. It gives me a little time to look into the type of person he is, as I take no hesitation in poking around the room.
The furniture is plush and looks like a good place to spend a few hours in front of the TV, or while reading one of the many books on the shelves. I start with the movies in the cabinet, finding mostly Disney films, which is not what I expected at all, but then again, Doc is…odd, so maybe I should have.
The bookshelves are filled with mostly fiction—surprisingly romance—and a few true crime books here and there. There’s not much else in the room, a few paintings that are rather eye-catching and draw me in, but I don’t recognize the artist’s signature, and there’s really only so long you can stare at a painting on a wall.
Taking a seat on the sofa, I pick up the book on the coffee table, studying the cover. My Italian is almost non-existent, but I know enough to snort at the title. “The Master,” I mutter, turning it over to look at the back of the book.
Really, only Doc would read a fictional book about the mafia while being an associate of the real-life one.
Setting the book back down, I pull my phone out and see a message in the group chat I have with the trips.
NICO
We’re going out tonight. Wanna come with?
SOREN
Can’t… I’m actually at the dr’s house. We’re going to talk about some things
VONNY
Don’t put out on the first date. Gotta give him something to work towards.
DIMA
Fuck that. Dick the dr down
SOREN
I need new friends
NICO
You love us. Agree with V, though. No sex yet
DIMA
Don’t listen to the party poopers
SOREN
I’m ignoring you now
Putting my phone on silent, I put it away just as Doc walks into the room. “Sorry about that, I was checking on Enzo and it took longer than I thought.”
“It’s fine. I can entertain myself.”
He takes a seat on the sofa not too far from me. I want to reach out and touch him, but I don’t. His body language isn’t inviting, and I don’t want to cross any more boundaries, especially since that’s what we’re here to establish.
“Should I go first?” I ask cautiously. “Do you need my credentials? Because my last partner moved out of state for work, but I think he still has the same number. I’m happy to give it to you if it’ll help ease your mind.”
Doc takes a breath and shakes his head. “No. I…I trust that you know what you’re doing, and know what you want. I’m not sure if I can trust why you want me, though.”
Scooting closer, I take a chance and reach for his hand. Doc lets me thread our fingers together, his grip a little too tight. “I think it’s a bad idea because you’re technically my boss. But I can’t deny I’ve wanted you since almost the moment we met. I could see the need in you to submit. It called to the parts of me that want to put you in your place.” I rub my thumb along his skin; for someone who works with their hands, his skin is smooth and soft.
“I don’t know what this is, what we’re doing, but I don’t know if I can keep pretending there’s nothing there.” I look into his cognac eyes and see…far too much. Anticipation, excitement, a little bit of fear of the unknown, it’s all there in those amber eyes of his.
Doc releases my hand and there’s a pang of disappointment running through me, but then he does something unexpected. He slides onto the floor, not quite on his knees, but it’ll only take a few shifts of position in order for him to kneel in front of me. The sight makes my breath catch in my throat and my heart races.
He rests his chin on my knee and I sit up straighter, taking a slow breath as I force myself to calm down and get my shit together. When I feel as if I’m not going to shake apart, I reach out and run my fingers through his medium-brown hair.
“What do you want, Doc?” I ask in a low voice, careful to moderate my tone so it doesn’t come out as an order.
“I…want to see how this goes. I want you to do all the dirty things you’ve been thinking about since we met. I…I want to show you who I really am. Sometimes, having James fuck me rough is enough. Sometimes it isn’t, but I can’t ask him to be what I really need. You and I both know how it’d end if I tried to force him into a role that isn’t his.”
Doc closes his eyes as I thread my fingers through his hair, softly caressing him. He relaxes, tension easing from his body as he turns his head and lays his cheek on my leg.
“I’ve seen how he is around you,” I say. “The way he cares, how he makes sure you not only eat lunch but tosses a snack or two at you throughout the day. If he cares about you, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind being what you needed. But, I also understand why you wouldn’t want to put him in that position.” I grip his hair in my fingers and give it a tug, encouraging him to open his eyes and pay attention.
“Is that what you need, Doc? Someone to care for you?”
His eyes a dark amber that are watching me intently. “James says I need a keeper. I wish I could say he’s wrong but…I’ll admit I’m not always good at taking care of myself. I don’t expect that from my partner, though. What I have with James is worlds different than anything I’ve ever had with anyone else. He’s my… I guess you can say he’s as close to a soulmate as you can get.”
“I can see that,” I mutter.
“Does that bother you?”
I shake my head and brush some hair away from his face. “No, I don’t mind if you have a friend, or two. Who maybe sometimes takes care of you, whether that be with food and water, or even fucking your brains out. I expect commitment, but that doesn’t always have to mean exclusivity; at least not in the way other people mean it. You can be devoted to me while also fucking someone else.”
He gives me a small smile. “You don’t have to explain it to me. I’ve seen how Tennant, Hollis, and Roman have navigated their relationship this last year. And maybe that’s not the same thing because all three of them are in a relationship together, but I understand what you’re saying. I’ve only been in monogamous relationships, but there honestly haven’t been many of those over the years. I’m not sure how it all works, but I’m glad it won’t be an issue. I’ll do a lot for my partner and my Dom, but my relationship with James is non-negotiable.”
“I understand, Doc. I may not get it, not yet, but I understand meddling in your relationship with him is off the table. That’s the reason we're having this conversation—setting boundaries.”
“And what’s one of yours?”
“Honesty,” I say simply. “Tell me the truth, in everything , and we’ll be okay.” I watch him carefully.
He nods his head slightly. “I’m a lot of things, Soren, but I’m not a liar.” Doc takes a shuddering breath as I gently scratch at his scalp. “My name,” he says. “It’s the only other big boundary I have. Don’t ask; me or anyone else. I burned that person to the ground when Cristian saved me from myself. I’m Doc. You can call me a slut, a hole, a cumdumpster, anything and everything you can think of. But my name is off limits.”
“Okay,” I whisper. Extracting my fingers from his hair, I gently ghost them down his face to his mouth, smoothing my thumb across his bottom lip. “I’m sorry I crossed a line. I can’t promise it’ll be the last time I mess up. I’m human, and I’ll be the first to admit that I’m far from perfect, but it will never be intentional.”
He keeps his eyes on mine as he gently licks the tip of my thumb. My breath catches in my throat and Doc shifts, adjusting himself on the floor. “What’s next?” he asks in a quiet voice.
“I want a chance to earn more than just your body, Doc.”
He gasps, eyes fluttering closed as he takes in my words. “I don’t know if I can do that,” he says. “I’ve had relationships, but there have only been two people I’ve ever loved, and neither of them was romantically.” When he looks at me again, there’s something dark I can’t decipher in them.
“Cristian and James are the only two people who have ever gotten me. I don’t know if I can ever trust someone on the same level. Offering up my body and that part of myself is easy, especially to someone who knows what they’re doing. But…only two people know the person I was before, and in order to love someone, I think I’d have to give that up as well, otherwise it’d be too hard to say I’m still being honest.”
I understand what he’s saying, and I respect him for it. And maybe I fall a little, but I shove that feeling to the side, unwilling to entertain it.
“That’s okay. Just give me a chance to show you I can be what you need.” I smooth my thumb over his lip again before pulling my hand away.
I itch to touch him all over. I want to undress him and coast my hands over every inch of flesh, but we have to do this right, even if that way might kill me.
“What do you want, Doc?”
He shudders before moving backward until we’re no longer touching. I watch with rapt attention as he shifts his position on the floor again, this time going to his knees. He keeps his eyes on me, even as he lowers himself into position, his back staying straight as he sits back on his heels.
His hands lay on his thighs palms up, fingers loosely curled inward, and only then does he start to lower his head and eyes.
“No,” I command. “Eyes on me, always. Unless I blindfold you, or tell you otherwise, I want you to see everything I do to you.”