LOGAN
Chapter Eighteen
As much as I wanted Bex to tell me what she and her mother were talking about, I also knew it was the first time that she had spent any real time with her family since everything came to a head three weeks ago. She needed the time with them. Especially her mother.
I was transferring the car seats from Cassie’s car to mine when I felt the presence behind me. It was one I welcomed. Because it meant they were ready to forgive me.
“I meant what I said.” Nick’s deep voice held a warning. “Please don’t leave her again.”
That was an easy one to deal with. “I have no intention of going anywhere. You know that.”
I turned around and all four of her brothers were looking at me. Mason wasn’t smiling but he nodded to let me know everything would be okay.
“But you did leave.” Ollie wasn’t as forgiving as Nick.
I didn’t really know where Jake stood, either.
The secret was thrust on him and I was grateful he kept it.
Ollie was hurt, though, because his wife had also known.
“I know that was the plan. She goes to the army and you go to med school. And then you got a full ride. But you left at one of the worst times of her life.”
“She didn’t want me around.” I felt my voice rising.
I had dealt with my anger at Bex a long time ago, that didn’t mean it couldn’t resurface.
“She pushed me away. Staying here without her and my kid, hurt like a mother fucker. I was eighteen when we graduated. And I did what she asked. I didn’t fucking know better.
” I was screaming. “She pushed me away, what was I supposed —”
The rest of the sentence was muffled as my face was pulled into Nick’s shoulder. “You come to us. I hate that you involved Jake. He was sixteen, for fuck’s sakes. I hate that Mason punched you.”
“But mostly.” Jake whispered behind me. “We hate that you went through the worst time of your life alone.”
I shook my head. I didn’t deserve their understanding. I left. I abandoned my kid and the woman I loved. “That doesn’t matter. I was okay.”
Nick pulled away from me. “Really? You call systematically making your way through the female population of New York, okay?”
Well, maybe not.
Oliver looked at me. The warmth in his eyes was something he only reserved for family.
I was glad to be included in that once again.
“I was the player. Maybe even Jake. You? You were one of the good ones. We all knew something was wrong when social media had you tagged with a different woman every week. Now we know why. But for fuck’s sakes, no more secrets. ”
“Thanks, guys.”
I was grateful for these men. Men who became my brothers because I was their brother’s friend. Or maybe because their sister loved me. I knew she loved me back in high school. And I believed she would find her way back to me again.
Bex came out of the farmhouse holding a mint green bundle.
She was closely followed by her dad carrying Landon.
I went over, took Vicky from her and placed the little princess into her car seat.
Her dad then placed a sleeping Landon into his.
He stirred for a moment before Dom put a stuffed toy between his head and the edge of the seat ensuring he was comfortable with something familiar.
Since Julie lived in the same building as me, she offered to take Dom in her SUV. She also had two kids but her car was a lot more family friendly. Something I would need to look into.
With hugs all around and promises of playdates and agreement to go and watch Cooper and Mattie in their first little league game over the weekend, we all got in our cars and one by one, we made our way down the paved single car path.
Through the drive back to my apartment, I stayed behind Julie, not only because my kid was in her car.
But because Julie also needed protection.
In fact, we were using her need for protection as a cover to hide Dom until a safe house could be secured.
Nick wanted to use one of the Salingers ones but as the Marshal assigned to us had mentioned, if the place was compromised, the state would not help them.
Not that Nick cared, but he was buying a new property, anyway. Drama Queen.
Besides, where we were was a little inconvenient but it wasn’t unsafe.
I was completely willing to wait until everything was in place for us to move to a safe house.
The other thing I needed to consider was that Landon had been traumatized enough.
Dom was older and the trauma would hit, no doubt, but he held onto that attitude like a security blanket.
Vicky was a baby who was loved, fed, and cared for.
She was unlikely to have any lasting damage.
But I was worried about Landon. If it meant him finding a little security, I was willing to keep Dom on the couch for a little longer for Landon to hold on to it.
I knew I was being unrealistic, the way we were living was no way for kids to live.
They needed space. They needed a lot more than I was currently giving any of them.
We pulled into the tenant’s parking, Julie headed for her bay and I headed for mine. Since we were on different floors our bays were a ways from one another. All the kids except Dom were asleep.
I took Landon out of his car seat, and Bex took Vicky. Dom and Jules met us at the building’s elevator each holding one of Julie’s daughters.
“I’m just going to help Julie get the girls upstairs, then I’ll be down.”
Bex’s eyes went wide and stern. She looked so much like her mother I half expected her to sound like the older woman as well. “Straight up and down. No dawdling.”
I was surprised when he didn’t roll those eyes. Perhaps he wasn’t so much resentful as he was just a teenager. “Where else would I go?”
“Hey.” The sternness in my voice surprised even me. I would be patient and understanding, but I would not tolerate disrespect. “We’re only looking out for you.”
“Sorry.”
Bex and I shared a look. It was hard to tell which one of us was more taken aback by Dom’s apology. “No problem. If you’re not back in our apartment in five minutes, I will come looking for you.”
The kid nodded as Bex and I stepped from the elevator. She put Vicky in her crib and left me to sort out Landon. Thank goodness they had both taken a bath at the farm and we didn’t need to worry about still getting them into pajamas.
She headed straight to the door. When I came back through to the living room she was standing in the hallway. I knew the moment Dom stepped off the elevator. The brightest smile lifted her lips.
It didn’t take Dom long to wash up and get ready for bed. Even though I needed to tell him what I had planned for the next day. I figured it was an argument we could have in the morning. At that moment, Bex needed to talk to me.
The way she wrung her hands told me it was important and there was a strong possibility I was not going to like what she had to say. As long as she wasn’t pushing me away, I could handle anything. I’d let her do that to me once and I wasn’t about to let it happen again.
She patted the couch next to her as she closed her eyes and exhaled. “I need to tell you something.”
Slowly, I moved to the couch. I was in no rush to hear what she had to say. Especially if it involved her and me not being together. “What is it?”
“You do understand why I broke up with you, right?”
I let out a breath. “You overheard my conversation with your brothers?”
Her nod was swift. “Even though it was not my intention, I knew I was hurting you. But the truth was, I couldn’t handle seeing you. Knowing the decision I made and my reasons for making it, I couldn’t bear to look at you.”
As her words registered my frown deepened. “Wait? What about your reasons? We agreed to give up Dom together. We agreed he would have a better life with parents who could provide for him.”
She nodded. “That was part of it, yes. Definitely. But there was more. I knew you would’ve kept him if I decided I wanted to. And I couldn’t be selfish. Dom needed a better life and…”
Her voice trailed off and tears rolled down her cheeks. Whatever she needed to say had obviously been eating at her for a long time. Fifteen years, if I had to guess. “And what, sweetheart?”
“You had a full ride to an Ivy League school. You wanted to be a doctor.”
I heard the words. They were all in the correct order and the sentence made sense. Still, I had trouble understanding what she was saying. “What did that have to do with anything? I don’t understand.”
“If we kept him, you would’ve stayed and not fulfilled your dream.” She swiped at her cheeks. “No one turns down an Ivy League education and you would have. I didn’t want to be the reason you gave up on your dream.”
Do not lose your temper. Breathe.
“Rebecca Louise Salinger. That was not your decision to make.” My voice went cold as I stood from the couch.
“I understood what you wanted. What you said you wanted. I wanted to give Dom the best life he could have. I wanted him to have two loving parents who knew what they were doing. The idea of him having parents who could provide for him. A father who wasn’t reliant on his girlfriend’s family for love and support.
I wanted him to have all the things I couldn’t provide for him.
Those were the reasons I went along with your decision. ”
“You think I didn’t want that?” She stood and faced me.
I’d always loved how tall she was. When she wore heels, we were eye-to-eye.
At that moment, in her flats, she needed to look up at me a little.
Fear and trepidation swirled in those pretty brown eyes.
“I wanted those things too. And under different circumstances, we could’ve provided for him. ”
“The circumstances were different, Bex.” I turned away from her and moved to the window. “We did have your family. I had gotten into SoCal, I had options.”
“But Columbia was your dream.”
“I was seventeen and from the wrong side of town, everything was a fucking dream.” I turned to her and shoved my hands in my pockets.
“All I wanted was to spend the rest of my life with you. Whether we would struggle because we were on different coasts, or hell, different countries considering your career, or we’d struggle because we were raising a kid and had no business being parents, didn’t matter to me.
We were going to struggle. And then you made the choice and we agreed, it didn’t matter what we wanted, Dom needed a better life. ”
That situation was undisputed. But there was more at play. My life had been manipulated. Granted, it worked in my favor and I knew I needed to be grateful for that. Still, I would give up all the experiences and the women of New York. I would’ve gotten my degree and been a small-town GP. But then…
My anger softened. I pulled her into my arms and kissed her forehead. She was good at her job and had saved numerous lives. “I didn’t want you to give up your dream either. You got to be a Ranger, Bex.”
That was the truth. And I needed to face that. Very few women got to be Rangers. The Bayers gave us that. Yes, I wanted Dom to have the best life he could. And with the Bayers he certainly did. The couple had been wealthy. A thought struck me.
“Bex, no one said but does anyone suspect a financial motive for the crime.”
“Not that I know of. Dorian Bayer’s money was tied up in a trust of some kind. No one could get to it.”
Yeah, the last thing Dom needed was to be targeted for his money.