11. Ally
11
ALLY
“ G irl, what was that about?” Val asks the moment that Ethan steps out of the room.
“What?” I ask, going back to stocking the cart.
“Did you see the way he was looking at you?” She motions toward the door with her thumb. Her brows are arched and she’s wearing an amused smirk.
“What are you talking about?”
She rolls her eyes now. “He totally likes you.”
That makes me laugh. “You know, I feel like we’re sparking a friendship. I’m glad I get along with him so well. Honestly, I was a little worried when you told me about him last week.” I close the drawer I just stocked and pull open the next one.
“No, I mean he likes you. Like really likes you.”
I snort. “You’re insane.”
“No, I’m not.” She walks over and closes the drawer I’m working on so that she has my full attention. “You don’t understand. A lot of nurses and student nurses come through here. I’ve seen how he acts with long-term staff and the women who breeze through here. He tends to avoid them all. He gets closest with those he’s worked longest with, but he does not strike up random conversations with or befriend anyone else. I’ve worked here for five years, and he barely talks to me. I saw the way he looks at you. He almost smiled. I swear, Ally, I’ve never seen that man smile. He. Likes. You.”
Her words cause my face to heat up. “You think so?”
With her brows lifted and her eyes wide, she nods.
I can’t help the smile that tugs at my lips.
She takes a step back. “You like him, too.”
I roll my eyes at myself. “I don’t know. I mean … of course, he’s good-looking,” I say, opening the drawer once again. “It wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if he liked me. Other than the fact that he’s my boss.” My high comes crashing down once again.
She laughs. “Only for a few more months. Once you finish school, you don’t have to take a position here. Go to another hospital. Then you and Dr. Hottie are free to bang your little hearts out.” She giggles and turns to leave the room.
I sigh and go back to my work. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I get him off my mind? He haunts my every thought. When I shower, I think about him and the way his eyes darken when we’re alone. When I sleep, I dream about kissing him, touching him in ways I’ve never touched anyone. I’ve held onto my virginity this long, why does it seem like it’s staring me in the face now?
I wasn’t one of those girls who only wanted to give it to someone special. I was more concerned with holding onto it until I was sure that getting involved with a guy wouldn’t wreck my future like it had my mother’s. She got pregnant with me and my dad left before I was born. Then she did nothing but bounce from guy to guy, trying to find someone to love both of us, and that only resulted in more pain. I never wanted to be like my mother, so I stayed away from boys for as long as I could. Now, here I am. A twenty-four-year-old virgin who can’t stop thinking about having sex with a man who’s twice her age and her boss.
I finish my work and move on to the next room. The floor gets busy, and Val and I run our butts off until lunch. Tray isn’t due for a shift until this afternoon, but he comes in early to have lunch with me in the cafeteria.
“How’s your day going so far?”
I nod and get in line. “Good. The morning was slow, but things sped up and have held steady since. I’m glad it’s lunch. I’m starving.” I grab a tray and gather my silverware as we move down the line.
“I’m sorry for taking off from the club the other night. I thought you were going with Grace. I had no idea that she was leaving with the dude she met.”
I wave my hand through the air before picking up a salad. “Don’t worry about it. You thought I was going with her. She thought I was going with you. I’m fine. That’s all that matters.”
“Yeah, but all your stuff was stolen. I feel so bad.”
“It’s not your fault. I never should have had so much to drink. I never walk away from my stuff like that. I don’t know what happened. I guess you can blame it on the tequila.” I laugh and grab an energy drink.
“Did you get everything straightened out?”
I nod. “Yeah, I called and reported all my cards stolen. Whoever took them hadn’t tried to use them yet, thank God. The bank canceled my debit card and issued me a new one. I just need to go to the DMV and get a new driver license. I lost all the cash I had in my wallet, but it could be much worse.”
“How much cash? Was it a lot?”
At the end of the line, I hand my money over to the cafeteria worker to pay for my lunch. “Only like a hundred bucks.”
She hands me my change, and I drop it into the pocket of my scrub top. Grabbing my food, I turn to find a table. That’s when my eyes lock with Ethan’s from across the busy room. He’s sitting at the far corner table with another male doctor. He has his lunch before him and the doctor at his side is talking away, not noticing that he doesn’t have Ethan’s attention. I offer up a tight-lipped smile before pulling out a chair and sitting at an empty table, sitting in a way that keeps me facing him so I can see just how long he stares my way.
Tray comes up and claims the seat to my left. From the corner of my eye, I see him sit down, open his energy drink, take a sip, and dig into his food. I notice that his lips are moving, but I don’t hear a word because I’m too occupied by the man across the room. I notice everything about him, every small detail like the two lines that form between his brows when they furrow, the way his jaw ticks and his Adam’s apple bobs, and how he wets his lips by pulling them into his mouth. I notice his shirt grow tighter across his chest when he inhales, and I see his hands tighten into fists as they rest on the table.
“So, what do you think?”
“What?” I ask, snapping out of my daze. I tear my eyes away from Ethan and look at Tray.
Tray is looking at me with an amused expression. “I said that we have this big exam in Milton’s class on Friday. What do you think about a study session? We could order pizza while we cram. Quiz one another.”
“Oh,” I breathe, looking down at my salad in its plastic container. Suddenly, I’m not so hungry, but I remove the lid and rip the top off the package of dressing, squeezing it out across the top. I glance toward Ethan again, finding that he’s still watching me, and this time, the doctor sitting beside him is watching me, too. I force my eyes back to my food. “It’s so nice of you to offer, but I don’t get much from study groups. I’ve always done better working alone.” I look at Tray, offering a nervous smile as I hope he doesn’t get offended.
“Okay, I understand. Are you prepared for the exam?”
I shrug, unable to think about anything right now other than the two men who are watching my every move. “I guess we’ll find out.”
He chuckles. “Yeah; I’m not either. I’m hoping that I know more than I think I do.”
A nervous laugh slips from my lips as I pick up my fork and start to stir my salad to spread the dressing. Tray goes on to talk about another topic as he eats, and I smile, nod, and laugh when I feel it’s needed, but I don’t listen. I can’t. I can’t focus. I can’t eat. All I can do is glance over every few minutes to see if he’s still watching. He always is.
Knowing he’s watching makes me nervous. I can’t eat, but I can’t sit here and do nothing, so I take sip after sip of my energy drink until I can finally excuse myself. Grabbing the tray with my uneaten salad, I stand, tossing it into the trash before exiting the cafeteria and rushing to the restroom. I clutch onto the sink and hang my head as I close my eyes, trying to calm my nervousness. I hear the door open, and my eyes pop open. I turn to look, expecting him to have followed me, but instead, I come face-to-face with the lady from reception.
She looks at me like she’s worried about my health. “Are you okay?”
I breathe a sigh of relief. “I’m fine. Just a little overwhelmed,” I tell her.
“You’re new. That’ll wear off,” she says with a kind smile before going into one of the stalls.
I turn back to the sink and wash my hands, take a deep breath, and head back to work. When I arrive on my floor, even more nurses are on staff than there were this morning, so I resume my earlier duties of stocking the patient rooms. Since I’ve already done half the floor, my rolling cart now needs stocking, too, so I take it to the supply room to fill.
I roll my cart into the supply room and open a drawer full of face masks, latex gloves, and disinfecting wipes. I grab several boxes of each and take them back to my cart. I go back and forth from cart to shelves, from shelves to cart. The door opens, and I turn to see Ethan walking into the room. He freezes when he sees me but then immediately begins gathering the items he needs. He doesn’t speak, and neither do I. We both keep our heads down and work, trying our best to ignore one another even though my body is hyperaware of his.
I’m standing at the shelf when a long yawn slips from my lips.
“You should eat better,” he says from somewhere behind me.
I don’t turn to look at him. “What?”
“You’re tired, and it’s only the middle of the day. You should eat better. You know, have more for lunch than just a can of Red Bull. Working in a hospital is a very demanding job, and it will take it out of you. If you want to make it to retirement, you need to eat meals that are high in protein.” He steps up behind me now and my back straightens because I can feel the heat of him soaking into me. “Excuse me,” he says, his hand moving to my hip as he reaches up above my head for something on the shelf.
My body ignites from that touch, and it feels like my hip is blistering. Tingles break out, rushing through my body, and causing every hair to stand on end. He lifts onto his toes and when he does, his groin grazes my ass. It’s only barely and only for a second, but for a moment, I feel his erection pressing against me, and it sets my soul on fire in a way I’ve never experienced.
In the blink of an eye, the moment has passed. He takes what he needs from the shelf and removes his hand from my hip before backing away.
“Enjoy the rest of your day,” he says, turning and walking away.
I don’t move until I hear the door close behind him. The second I’m alone, my breath rushes from my lungs, making my body weak. I grab the shelf to stabilize myself, high on the hormone he just caused my body to release.
Once upon a time, I couldn’t understand why people were so focused on sex all the time. Suddenly, I understand it and I haven’t even had it yet. But I want to. More than ever before. How am I going to give my body what it wants, keep my job, and manage to keep my life from going off the rails? I’m not sure there’s even a way to answer that.
My life used to be so simple. Now, it’s anything but.