4. Dodge
FOUR
DODGE
I shove the trash from last night’s takeout into the bin, grimacing at the ketchup smeared on the counter. Glancing at the clock, I know Autumn will be here any minute, and hurry to grab the Windex, spraying the sticky mess and wiping it down.
Winnie babbles in her playpen, squared off in the living room.
“Yeah, yeah. I know, Daddy’s dirty. I ain’t got anyone to impress,” I grumble under my breath.
She’s not actually judging me, but sometimes I swear I can feel it, especially on the days I struggle to put her clothes on the right way.
It’s not my fault those tiny things come with so many buttons.
Who needs that many buttons for children’s clothes? What the fuck happened to zippers ?
When the counter is clean, I study the rest of my apartment and sigh.
It’s not much, and it’s not very impressive.
I have a couch and coffee table, mainly for my father to sit on when he comes over.
Winnie’s toys are scattered all over the place, and my kitchen is no better.
Most of the counter is her child-sized cups, plates, and a couple of bottles.
We’ve been trying to transition her to more solid food.
It’s hard when her caregivers are scared shitless of her choking.
My little girl is over a year old, but she still feels like my tiny baby.
“Dadada!” My heart beats an extra kick. I wash my hands and then come to stand near her playpen.
“Hi, sweetie.”
Her big brown eyes blink up at me with her mostly gummy smile; some teeth have grown in. She reaches up for me as she pulls herself up to stand on the side of the playpen. Her steps are getting more confident as she walks down to the other side, where she sees a stuffed sandy bear. “Papapa!”
My smile falls. Damn that fucking bastard.
“No Papa today. But I think you’ll like who is coming,” I tell her, glaring at the little bear that my father had given her when she was born.
I hadn’t realized she associated the stuffed animal with him, and while adorable, I have a feeling she isn’t going to like seeing him less. And what upsets her, upsets me.
The doorbell rings, and I stand with a sigh as my stomach twists.
Yet another person I’m bringing into her life, and I have to hope they stay a little longer.
I hate how much it makes me feel like I’m failing Winnie.
The only consolation is that she’s young enough not to remember Ember much, as cruel as it is to say.
Who’s to say she would have been a good mother to Winnie?
Now neither of us get the chance to find out.
It’s not like I have a choice, either. The garage relies on me to run it, and it’s not like anyone else in town is jumping to help babysit. Most of the town stays away from us, so I wouldn’t be quick to trust them if they offered, anyway.
I open the door and wave Autumn inside. She’s just as hot as yesterday. Her blonde hair hangs in loose curls over her shoulders, and the T-shirt and jeans hug her curves just enough to show off her body. There’s a twinkle in her hazel eyes that make me want to get to know her more.
I’m in trouble for having an attractive nanny, but yesterday she looked like a natural with Winnie. The duffel bag at her side rustles as she walks by, and I frown.
Her cheeks flush. “Sorry, I couldn’t secure the room for another night. I didn’t want to chance them throwing away my stuff.”
My eyebrows furrow. “Where you staying at?” I hadn’t bothered to ask Daisy or Tink about any of that, trusting them to send a prospect to her. Instead, I spent the evening with Cowen going over as much of her background as he could find. He’s the best at technology out of all of us.
“The motel across town,” she says, setting the bag right next to the door.
“Which one? There’s one that’s ours. I can get the room discounted.”
Autumn’s lips pinch shut, and she nods, but the smile she gives in thanks tells me it won’t actually help.
Before I can ask, Winnie lets out a high-pitched squeal, and we both turn to look at her.
She’s caught up playing at a table she’s bracing over, setting off some lights.
She’s been getting more comfortable standing lately, another bittersweet reminder she’s getting older .
Autumn walks past me, a real smile on her face as she comes to kneel at the side of the playpen. My little girl looks over at her.
“Hi, Winnie. Do you remember me from yesterday?” Autumn asks softly.
Winnie stumbles over to her, trying to reach over the side of the playpen to grab her. Autumn looks up at me, as if asking for approval. I’m not sure for what, but I nod anyway.
She lifts my girl into her arms, and stands, tickling her belly a little. “Hi, Winnie. We’re going to have so much fun together.”
Emotion claws at my throat. They look good together, a little too good, as if Autumn could be Winnie’s mother. They have similar hair color, and I swear they have the same round nose. It’s adorable, and it draws up a feeling I don’t want to acknowledge. Something I never felt when Ember held her.
I swallow it down and drag my gaze away from them.
“Let me show you where all the diapers and stuff are,” I tell her.
It’s better to get this over with, so I can get to the garage.
As much as I hate leaving Winnie, I've gotta put in the work to get my cut from the club’s earnings.
I’ve got to prove myself now more than ever, since my cousin betrayed the club last year.
Autumn nods, following me down the hallway into the nursery set up right off my room. The other bedroom is farther, and I wanted to keep her close when she was a newborn.
“It’s a little small. It was an office space I converted, so there’s no closet, but I keep most of the diapers and wipes in a basket on the table, extra in the drawers below.”
“Creams and stuff too?”
I point it out. “Though she hasn't had any type of rash since she was a newborn.”
She smiles up at me. “And the bath stuff? Do you keep it in here or in the bathroom?”
“Bathroom.” It’s right across from the nursery, since the one in my room only has a standing shower. This is basically Winnie’s bathroom at this point.
When we walk back to the kitchen, I show her where I have some of the baby food stored. “My fridge is a bit empty right now, but just let me know what you like and I can stock it with food. ”
Autumn nods. “I’ll come up with meals that Winnie and I can eat together. I’m not picky. At her age, we should try to start transitioning her to more solid food.”
“Yeah, I…” I stop myself from explaining because it doesn’t really matter. It’s an excuse. Something ugly curls in my stomach, like I’m not doing enough to be her father, and I know Autumn didn’t imply that, but it doesn’t go away.
I clear my throat, pushing that shame down, and wave toward the back porch. “It’s not very large, but I was thinking of getting one of those water table things, I think that’s what they’re called.”
She smiles. “It’s perfect, Dodge.” Then she frowns, looking at Winnie. “Is it Dodge at home? Or only when in the…club?”
Her innocence is cute, and it makes my cock hard.
I grimace, trying and failing at making it go down before turning away from her.
I shouldn’t be getting a hard-on for my nanny.
Fuck. I try to focus back on her question.
“Uh, my parents weren’t very creative. Dodge is my name.
It’s just the perfect road name too. But usually, she calls me “Dada” or “Daddy” I guess,” I explain .
Autumn tickles Winnie. “Okay, ‘Daddy’ it is. You can call me ahh-mmm.”
The word is a straight shot to my cock, a carnal desire I shouldn’t acknowledge.
“Ahhh!” Winnie’s scream makes us both wince.
Her excitement settles some of the nerves rumbling in my chest. It’s on the tip of my tongue to warn Autumn about harming my child, but I stop myself.
I don’t want to start this relationship with threats, and she doesn’t seem like the type.
But then again, I never thought my cousin would betray the club, so I’m struggling to trust my instincts at the moment.
That’s not her fault, but I can’t help that I don’t trust her just yet.
“I gotta get going. Anything else you need?”
She looks up at me, her cheeks turning a pink that stuns me for a second. It adds a pretty flush to her skin, and my thoughts stray to wondering if she flushes like that while being fucked. “Your number? Does she have any allergies or medical conditions to worry about?”
I blink, hating myself for where I went again. “I’ll write my number down, and nothing like that. At least, that we know of.” I scratch the back of my neck, uncomfortable with how I continue to seem like I don’t know shit about my kid.
“I already fed her breakfast too,” I say, and she nods, sitting on the floor to play with Winnie.
I leave them there as I change out of my sweats and T-shirt, then find a random paper to write my number down.
I add Shaw’s in case she can’t get a hold of me for whatever reason.
He mostly stays home with Mik now, taking care of their kid, but I know my old prez will help her without a second thought if she needs it. That’s just the brotherhood we are.
Gage doesn’t blink when I turn on the wall projector and aim it right over the bay.
I didn’t warn Autumn about the cameras because I want to see what she’ll do when no one is watching.
I have trust issues, I know that, but I don’t play when it comes to my baby girl.
This is my compromise on not giving her any warnings in person.
“I can put Viper nearby too,” Gage says, looking up at the rolling video of my living room .
“Thanks. She doesn’t seem like trouble, but you never know.”
He nods, moving over to the car across from mine.