Chapter 16
Sixteen
Polly
I wasn’t an idiot. When I’d gotten my library card, the first book I’d checked out was about designations. It was a guide made for teens just coming into their designation, but it had helped. Most people grew up knowing this stuff. They’d met dozens, if not hundreds of Alphas, Betas and Omegas before they went through their own transition.
Then I’d gotten books on religion. On cults. On modern technology. On social and cultural norms. Politics. I’d spent hours curled up on the couch with Rio, or in Llew’s suite, or at the breakfast bar while Max cooked and I read. I consumed all the knowledge I could lay my hands on, like a greedy little sponge.
So I knew Omegas went through heats. And I knew that they tended to start when Omegas were just a little younger than my age. I’d just never had one, so I thought that perhaps I was just a little defective. The guys didn’t seem to care—not that I’d ever brought it up—or if they did care, I wasn’t ready for them to kick me to the curb yet. I would happily stick my head in the sand.
So I knew what heats were in theory, but how did they know that I was going to go through a heat in ten days? And what did it mean? What would it be like?
The books didn’t go into specifics on that. I knew sex happened, and that if people didn’t have a Pack, there were clinics where an Omega could go and get clinical help. The book hadn’t been very specific what kind of clinical help you’d get.
I looked at August, the only other Omega I knew. “I wasn’t on suppressants.”
“Did you have daily vitamins? Supplements? Anything like that?”
I realized exactly what he meant. We’d all had morning vitamins given out by Sister Roberta. I’d always gotten an extra one, because I was the child of Melize. They’d said it was to rid me of her taint. Of course it had been suppressants.
“Yes. I feel like such a fool.”
Llew squeezed me reassuringly. “How could you have known? You are bright and beautiful, Sweet Thing. You can’t know what you don’t know.” I wasn’t sure about the logic around that statement, but I still nodded.
August leaned forward, and I got caught in his pretty brown eyes. “You were abused, Polly.” I flushed, my gut feeling sour at his words. “None of this is your fault. The people who were supposed to love you, supposed to care for you—they hurt you, emotionally and physically. Llew is right; why would you question the people who were supposed to care for you?”
In my head, what they were saying made sense, but it might take my heart a little longer to catch up. “So my heat… What does that mean?”
August wet his lower lip, dragging it between his teeth in a way that was entirely transfixing. I wanted to taste that lip. I wanted to drag it between my teeth. I wanted to feel it against my skin.
Llew rumbled beneath me, and someone groaned.
August’s face looked flushed. “It means that you’ll find yourself feeling more aroused by your mate, and his Pack members and, uh, anyone else you find attractive. You’ll want to arrange your nest—the guys have explained your nest?” I nodded, and he continued. “You’ll want to make it and remake it. You’ll feel irritable, and things will annoy you more. Irritating smells and sounds will make you want to overreact. I once threw my clock out the window, because the ticking sound made me irrationally grumpy just before my heat.”
I laughed softly, thinking about the crunchy peanut butter I’d tried this morning. And the feel of the cotton balls in the bathroom. Both had made me gag. “Okay. I knew that from the book at the library. What isn’t in the book? During my heat itself, what happens?”
The guys all looked uncomfortable, but also maybe a little intense? August sucked in a deep breath, his gaze bouncing around at the guys too. “So when your heat starts, you’ll be in pain. It’s like a deep cramp low in your belly, and your Omega knows only one thing will ease it. Alphas. An Alpha’s knot, to be exact. You’re lucky—your Omega is smart. She knew that Llew was a good Alpha, and she made him yours. He will ease the pain as soon as you let him. Consent is key, always, so if you want to go to a clinic for your heat, I know this Pack would support your wishes,” he said with steel in his tone that invited them to argue, so he could eviscerate them.
“Of course we would. Whatever Polly needs,” Max agreed quickly.
I noted again that they were immediately all using the name I’d chosen. They respected my wishes as soon as I voiced them. I felt safe with them; I wouldn’t want to go to some clinical setting with strangers for my heat. Not when I could have my Alpha.
My eyes drifted to Rio. My Alphas.
So I shook my head. “No, I want to be here. I trust these men.”
August inclined his head. His eyes were warm and maybe possessed something like longing? I knew longing. I’d longed for a different life for an eternity.
Shaking my head, I looked at Max. “And Betas? Can I have Betas with me too?”
“You can have anyone or anything you like during your heat. It’s your moment.”
My Omega lurching in my chest, I looked at August from beneath my lashes, wanting to climb into his lap. “What about another Omega?”
August froze. It was like he was a statue, his eyes flying wide. “That’s unusual, but not unheard of.”
I knew what I wanted, but it wouldn’t leave my lips. I wasn’t brave enough. I dragged my eyes away from August’s and looked at the other men in the room. “Okay. And the heat itself, I’ll want to have sex a lot?”
August’s face slipped back into its professional mask. “Yes. Orgasms will ease the pain. You’ll be insatiable, and it’s the job of the people you pick to join you in your heat to tend to you. To give you countless orgasms and, uh, the proteins in male ejaculation can also act to ease the pain. It might be worth considering going on some birth control immediately. I’m sure the guys won't mind going to get tested so you know they’re clean.”
“Free from sexually transmitted diseases, because they’ve had sex before.” And that was the sticking point for me. I was untouched. Well, maybe not so untouched now that Llew woke me up every morning with his mouth on my nether parts, but still.
As if he could sense my thoughts, Llew turned me on his lap so I was facing him. There was just me and my Alpha in the room. “I can feel you through the bond, Sweet Thing. Whatever you decide is the right course of action. If you want to be… more present when you make love for the first time, I will worship your body and the gift you’re giving me. If you want to wait until your heat, that’s okay too. If you aren’t ready for any of this, we can find a way to put it off for however long.”
“More suppressants?” I asked softly.
Llew nodded. “Probably. They’re illegal, because they’re really bad for an Omega’s endocrine system, and long-term use causes serious, sometimes irreparable harm. But this isn’t a normal case, and if you need more time, I’ll get you more time. You’ve been through a lot; this is just one extra thing for you to deal with.”
What they’d been giving me had screwed with my system? “What kind of harm?”
August gave me a reassuring look. “It’s nothing to worry about right now, I promise, but it can cause damage to your hormones, which govern all sorts of things like your immunity, your growth, your reproductive systems, your metabolism. I can help you book an appointment with an endocrinologist, if you wish. But you’ve been off the suppressants for a little while now, and I’m sure the Alphas can sense the change in your scent that indicates your heat is coming soon.”
I looked between Rio and Llew, who both nodded softly. Huh. “Do I smell better or worse?”
Llew snuggled into my cheek, inhaling me deeply. “Better. So delicious, it makes me want to eat you up.”
I gave him a small grin. “More so than usual?”
“Like I would happily die between your thighs, then in my will request the Pack puts that I died eating out my Omega on my headstone, so everyone knows how irresistible you are.”
Max groaned. “Laying it on a little thick there, aren’t you, Llew?”
He shook his head, his little grumble-moan spreading through my body. “Not thick enough.”
Rio held up a hand. “Before this devolves into a lot of sexual double entendres, do you have any other questions?”
I had more questions than I could possibly express. Or that I wasn’t scared to express anyway. I knew that I didn’t want my first time to be during the haze of the heat. I wanted to know what to expect, to be in my right mind. I wanted to enjoy what was happening, not just because my Omega was screaming that I was in pain.
I also kind of wanted to see what a penis looked like, especially one with a knot. Could I ask Llew to show me? Could I ask Max to show me his too, so I knew how they compared?
The idea of seeing their cocks made desire slowly drip through me like hot coffee, which was insane, because last week I would’ve been horrified if some Alpha had shown me his dick. Now, not only did I get excited by the idea of seeing it, I also wanted to know what it would feel like—in my hand, in my mouth, inside me.
I rapidly shook my head, trying to push down the dirty thoughts. “Uh, not right now. Can I call you and ask if anything comes to mind?” I asked August.
“Absolutely. I can get you a phone, if the guys already haven’t, and you’re welcome to call or message me day or night. I’m here to support you.”
A ball of emotion lodged in my throat. It had been a lot, this whole week. This whole month. This Omega’s kindness was like a balm across the aching wound of my betrayal. “Thank you, August.”
Reaching over to me, he stroked my arm softly. “You aren’t alone in this. You’re not alone ever again. I promise.”
Silence dropped over the room, but it wasn’t awkward. We were all lost in our own thoughts, memories, dreams.
Max cleared his throat. “So, uh, you have around ten days, and if you’re feeling up to it so soon after the mall, Rio and I had an idea of an outing you might enjoy. I think maybe even Llew could come to this one. August as well, if he isn’t busy tomorrow, or wants to play hooky from work.” His smile was wide and bright, and I was reminded once more that he was beautiful, in case my eyes had forgotten.
“Don’t leave us in suspense, Maxie,” Llew rumbled.
“I thought we might take our Omega to the zoo.”
I gasped, excitement buzzing through my veins. “The zoo?”
“The zoo. There’s one about an hour from here. It’s midweek, so the place shouldn’t be too busy, but it’s got some cool animals. I thought you might enjoy it.”
I launched off of Llew’s lap and straight at Max. You could tell he was military-trained, because he caught me easily, his reflexes ensuring he quickly plucked me out of the air and into his arms.
When Rio grumbled about it being his idea too, I reached across and pulled him into the hug. This was what happiness felt like. I might not have chosen them purposefully, but I wouldn’t change them for the world. The people at the Homestead might have believed that being an Omega was Melize’s curse, but right now, it felt like she’d given me a gift.
I was going to hold onto it tightly with both hands.