Chapter 14
I didn’t speak a word to her the whole drive home. My hands hurt from gripping the steering wheel as I seethed with anger and annoyance.
I’d left her alone for less than two hours. I had known she was going to be a handful the moment I asked for her help, but I don’t think anything could have prepared me for this. She’s insufferable. It’s like she’s trying to get a rise out of me with everything she does and everything she says. Like she was created by God himself to be the fucking kryptonite that would bring me to my knees.
How could she do this to me? And what the fuck am I supposed to do about it when every fiber in my being is screaming at me to lean in and let myself out of this cage?
I don’t think she could’ve picked a more inconvenient time if she tried.
Getting out of the car, I slam the door behind me. I stomp up the steps two at a time, trying like hell to get my temper under control. I hear Ivy’s heavy breathing behind me as she runs to keep up, my steps taking at least two of hers as she jogs up the stairs. I’m not even winded.
“Leo, wait. I’m sorry, okay? Aren’t you going to at least hear me out?” She bends over, propping her hands on her knees as she tries to catch her breath.
“What’s to tell, Ivy?” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “You were bored, so you decided to make things more fun, right?”
I take a step toward her, but she doesn’t move.
“You did what you always do, and now, I’m the one who’s going to have to explain to my dad why we have to pay for Jett’s restaurant to be professionally cleaned and why half the town had their tits out at a company event. Do you have any idea how big of a mess you created? Do you even care?”
She coughs out a bark in between her pants for air and begins to pace, her arms held over her head.
“You’re so goddamn selfish. You never stop to consider how your actions affect anyone but yourself. Do you even feel remorseful, or is this some kind of game for you?”
She shakes her head, tears welling in her eyes, but she doesn’t speak as she stumbles and leans against the front porch railing.
Something’s not right. Are her lips turning blue?
I move toward her, my heart kicking up a notch as worry rises in my chest. “Ivy, what’s wrong? Can you not breathe?”
I tilt my head and move in front of her as she claws at her throat, a panicked expression forming behind her eyes.
“Asthma attack,” she says between coughs, then wheezes some more.
I look around, holding her steady. “Fuck. Okay, do you have an inhaler somewhere? Do you keep one on you? In your purse or something?”
She shakes her head and closes her eyes as she tries to take another strained breath. “It’s in my … in my dresser,” she croaks out.
I barely wait for her to finish before tearing off in a sprint through the house. I pull out her dresser drawer and dump the contents on the floor, then move to the next one, dumping everything out in a panic until I find what I’m looking for.
Who keeps their life-saving medication tucked away in the bottom drawer of their dresser, next to their workout clothes, and not with them in a purse or something?
I sprint back through the house and find her doubled over again, wheezing and coughing.
“Here. Here. Breathe this in.” I shake it up and hold it out for her, encouraging her to take deep breaths.
She takes a few puffs of the inhaler before her wheezing quiets and she’s able to take deeper breaths. She relaxes a little as I hold her to me, tucking her under my arm as my own breathing starts to calm.
“There you go. I’ve got you.” I smooth her hair down and kiss the top of her head as I try to blink back the fear that flashed before my eyes, watching her struggle like that. Feeling like the biggest asshole for screaming at her while she was having an asthma attack.
Fuck. I didn’t even know she had asthma.
“I’m sorry,” she says with a cough.
I move to sit in a rocking chair, pulling her into my lap. My trembling hand rubs circles along her back to soothe her, but truthfully, it’s more for me.
I take my own deep breaths, urging myself to calm down now that I know she’s safe. “Shh. Let’s not talk about that right now. I just need you to focus on breathing and calming down, okay?”
She nods her head, and I feel a hot, wet tear land on my arm, and it almost kills me, knowing that I had anything to do with that tear. Despite my anger, I should’ve noticed she was struggling, and instead, I made her chase me up the steps and tore into her, unloading all my pent-up frustration.
Eventually, her wheezing turns to whimpers, and I realize she’s crying, so I spin her to face me. We’re both soaked now, my oxford shirt hanging off one of her shoulders. She straddles a leg on either side of me, and I cradle her to my chest, breathing in her sweet scent.
My heart aches with each and every sob she lets out, which just makes me hold her tighter as my protective urges settle back down in the place I’ve kept them trapped for far too long. Fuck, it feels good to hold her like this, to be the one who comforts her while she cries … even if I’m the reason for her tears. I forget how much I’ve missed having someone to care for, how much I crave being needed. And more than ever, I am keenly aware of just how much I’ve been missing, of what I truly want.
I bring my hands to her waist, running my thumbs along the exposed flesh of her hips, hating how even the faintest of touches of her skin has my body responding. This is the last thing I need right now, but somehow, I can’t seem to shake the desire from my mind.
What if it could be different this time? What if she was into it too?
I shake the thought from my head. This isn’t the time for that. The poor thing just had a fucking asthma attack, and I’m wondering if she’d fit into my lifestyle.
What the fuck is wrong with me? Get your head out of your ass, Leo.
She’s shaking like a leaf, all pitiful and teary-eyed, and I think I’d do anything to put a smile on her face right now. The world is off-balance when Ivy cries, like a unicorn without its wings or a black-and-gray rainbow, and it knocks the breath from my lungs, making my heart hurt.
I lift her chin and wipe the tears from her cheeks. “Baby girl, I hate seeing you like this. Tell me what I can do to make it better. Do you need medicine? Water?”
She shakes her head and purses her lips as I brush her wild, wavy hair from her face, cradling her against me as she sobs.
“Are you hurting then? What’s wrong? What can I do for you to make you feel better?” I ask, feeling helpless.
She sucks in a shaky breath and sits up. “It’s not that.” Cough. “I just don’t want you to be disappointed in me.” Cough. “I didn’t do it on purpose, and I feel so bad about everything that happened.” Cough. “It all just happened so fast, and I didn’t think?—”
“Shh.” I press my finger to her lips. “You’re getting yourself worked up again, and you’re going to make your asthma flare back up. You need to take a deep breath.”
She sucks in a couple of deep breaths through her nose, and when she’s breathing easier, I pull her back to lie on my chest.
“Tell me about the asthma. Is it something you struggle with often? Because I really think you should carry your emergency inhaler on you from now on.”
“No. It’s usually only activity-induced, but I’m pretty good at catching it before it turns into an attack. I haven’t had a flare-up in years. I used to get them when I was little though, when I’d get upset.”
I rub my hand down her back in a soothing motion, trying to keep her calm as best I can. “And I upset you tonight. When I yelled at you.” It’s not a question. I know I caused this, and I don’t need her to take it easy on me. I need her to tell me I did this; I need her to be angry with me.
She sucks in a breath, and her voice shakes. “I just felt so guilty because you were right. I messed up tonight, and I feel so bad about it, and I just want you to know that I didn’t do it on purpose. Not exactly anyway …” Her voice trails off, and my hand stills.
“What do you mean by that?”
“It’s just …” She sighs, and the tears start back up. “My twin sister and I had this list …”
I tilt her chin up, silently encouraging her to keep going as my hands trace her small frame like they’ve got a mind all their own.
“Like a checklist?” I ask, she nods and scoffs a laugh.
“Something like that. Fern called it her Fuck It List. It was all the things we were going to do together after we graduated …” Her voice trails off, and she wipes her eyes with the back of her hand.
“Okay, so you and your sister had a checklist … of things to do together. I still don’t understand what that has to do with starting a wet T-shirt contest during a work event.”
She looks down, pulling the sleeves of my shirt over her hands. “My sister died when she was seventeen. From lung cancer.”
“Ivy, I’m so sorry?—”
“She told me she’d help me complete the list from wherever people go after they die …” She bites her lip to keep from crying as her eyes well with tears. “It all just happened so fast … I guess I just felt like she was making it happen. She had enter a wet T-shirt contest on the list.” She looks to me and shrugs. “I know that sounds crazy, but it’s like ever since I got here, I can feel her. Not like when she was alive, but like the veil separating us is thinner …”
“Ivy, that’s …”
“Insane. I know.” She shakes her head and wipes her nose on my sleeve, and that little gesture almost makes me laugh. Only Ivy would use a five-hundred-dollar shirt as a hankie.
“That’s not what I was going to say at all.” I slide my hands up her toned thighs, feeling a rush of bravery come over me. It’s almost like since I’m consoling her, these touches don’t count, so I want to get in as many as I can before I come back to my senses. “What else is on the list?”
She fidgets in my lap, then crosses her feet, tucking them behind my back, and suddenly, I am keenly aware of our wet bodies and how thin the fabric separating us actually is.
Her soft body feels so good, pressed up against mine, and I urge my cock to calm the fuck down because this is neither the time nor place, but images of Ivy’s perfect nipples flash through my mind anyway. The way her shirt clung to her tits, carving out the shape of her curves and confirming she was even more perfect than I’d already imagined.
I bite my cheek, urging the thoughts from my mind, focusing on how angry she made me instead. But somehow, that just excites me more, and my cock strains beneath her, growing harder and harder by the second.
“And camping,” she says, and I realize I just zoned out when I see Ivy biting her lip, eyes curious and twinkling with mischief. Just how I like them.
For a moment, I forgot what we were talking about, but I quickly put it together as I dig my fingers into her hips that are beginning to roll across my lap. Fucking hell, she saw right through me just now, didn’t she?
I clear my throat. “Camping, huh? Seems pretty mild compared to a wet T-shirt contest. Sounds like your sister had quite some range.”
“She specifically wanted to go camping in the Appalachian Mountains. I was thinking I’d go tomorrow evening if we don’t have any couple plans or events to be at? I know I probably caused enough trouble tonight?—”
“Absolutely not.” I shake my head and tighten my grip on her waist to stop the rocking.
And just like that, the bubble clouding my vision pops.
“What do you mean, absolutely not? I wasn’t asking for your permission. If we don’t have an event or anything, then I’m going camping?—”
“Do you really think I’d let you go camping—which involves hiking sometimes up very steep cliffs—alone after you just had an asthma attack from running up the stairs?” My voice comes out a little harsher than I intended, but for fuck’s sake, I’m still coming down from my own freak-out, watching her struggle like that. There’s no way I’m letting her out of my sight to spend a night in the mountains alone. No way in hell.
She crosses her arms over her chest. “You don’t get to tell me what I can do. You’re not my boss … well, not for real.”
“Do you even know how to camp? To set up a tent? Any basic survival skills whatsoever?”
She just blinks.
“In the Appalachian Mountains?” I shake my head. “That’s good, Ivy. Do you not remember what those mountains were like the night we first met? You practically threw yourself down a cliff because you thought something was chasing you. Hell, you were lucky it was only me. It could’ve been anything out there.”
She rolls her eyes. “You’re so dramatic. Of course I was scared. I wasn’t prepared, and you were making scary sounds, stalking me like a creep.”
I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “Let me set you up a little tent in the backyard. You can spend the night out there under surveillance, and I’ll feel better knowing you’re safe.”
She pulls her legs from around my back and climbs off my lap, sending a cool gush of air in her absence. “No. That’s not how the list works, Leo. It has to be in the mountains. You might control everything else around here, but not me.”
She opens the front door to go inside and tries to slam it in my face, but I catch it just in time. I keep in step behind her as she stomps through the house, down the hallway, only stopping when she makes it to her bedroom door.
“Don’t you walk away from me when we’re in the middle of a conversation!” I grab her arm and spin her to face me.
“Stop telling me what to do. I’ll do what I please, when I please.”
Grabbing the top of the doorframe, I brace myself and lean in closer. “Listen to me, you little brat.”
She lets out the faintest of gasps, and I know I have her right where I want her. The push and pull of power hangs heavy as the space between us grows hot and charged. We’re like two magnets fighting to keep from colliding, and I have to physically brace myself against the doorframe to hold myself back.
Everything about Ivy Lane is maddening—from the way she fights with me about anything and everything just for the fun of it to the way her pulse kicks up when I push back. The way she looks at me with those warm honey eyes that are full of sunshine and curiosity, like I’m some kind of puzzle she wants to piece back together or a toy she can’t have.
As much as I’d love to give her what she wants, I can’t afford the distraction.
I know a handful when I see one, and I simply do not have the capacity to go there … no matter how much fun it would be.
I shake my head. I can’t let myself think like that right now.
“You’re not going camping in the fucking mountains. It’s too dangerous. That’s final.”
Her eyes scan me up and down, and my breathing is now ragged as something like white-hot rage seethes through me, fueled by a fear so intense that my stomach is tied up in knots.
“You know, for someone who hates being called Daddy, you sure do love acting like one …”
My body goes completely still, and the silence around us is deafening. “Let’s not do this tonight, Ivy. Please, I’m begging you not to start your shit …” I stare at her, my eyes pleading as a small ember of something that feels a lot like hope sparks in my chest.
She pops a hip, looking like she isn’t the least bit affected by my warning. “You could just go with me.” Her eyes trail down to my tented erection, and she gives me a coy smile. “You’re getting awfully worked up over … camping.” She presses a finger to my chest. “Or is it the power struggle that you enjoy so much?”
“You think I enjoy this? Constantly fighting with you? I’m exhausted in every sense of the word while it seems like it’s your life’s mission to annoy me. Is this all a fucking game to you?” I ask through gritted teeth.
She cocks her head to the side and shrugs. “I think you enjoy my games more than you care to admit. The sooner we stop lying to ourselves, the sooner we can work some of this frustration out of our systems … and start having a little fun.”
Her words are like a wet blanket, pulling me back into the present moment and sobering me. I take a step back, putting some much-needed space between us.
She’s right; I can’t really tell her what she can’t do, but I do have the choice whether I join her. All this back-and-forth, mixed with the way she was just grinding on my lap, has my body all mixed up. Hot and cold. Aggravated and protective … and so fucking horny that I can hardly see straight.
It’s Ivy’s signature move, and fuck if I don’t love to hate it. Maybe I am a masochist after all.
“I hope I bought you some hiking boots on your shopping haul because you’re going to need them.”
“Really?” Her eyes light up, and a smile breaks across her face. “You’re seriously going to take me?”
I roll my eyes as I tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “Apparently, I have a hard time saying no to you. Trust me, I’m just as surprised as you are. I’ll take you camping, but you have to promise to listen to me. I don’t want you to get hurt, and the woods are dangerous … especially at night.” A cold chill works its way up my spine, and I shiver at the thought of it.
I can’t believe I’m doing this … but if anyone could get me to go camping in those woods, it’s this beautiful, spirited woman standing in front of me.
“Thank you, Leo,” she squeals, wrapping her arms around my midsection in a surprisingly tight grip. “This is going to be so much fun!”
I don’t know if Ivy and I have the same definition of the word fun, but I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t admit that making her happy feels better than just about anything I’ve experienced in all my thirty-five years.
And that thought alone scares the shit out of me.