Chapter 16
KIARA
I groaned, covered my face, and squeezed my eyes shut. Was it possible to have cramps when you get pregnant?
Or am I getting my period?
I didn’t know.
Another small moan of pain escaped my lips when the insides of my abdomen churned.
This doesn’t feel good at all. Thankfully, I was alone in my teachers’ office so no one could see me like this.
I decided not to take any painkillers and focus on working and arranging the worksheets for my next class.
I frowned, looking at my stomach. Why wasn’t I getting pregnant?
Ethan and I had been having sex like rabbits since he teased me and celebrated with me with his tongue while I was sitting in that same chair.
He had been gentle but rough when I begged him to.
The sex was definitely amazing, and neither of us wanted to part ways in our post-coital bliss so we would wake up next to each other almost every day.
Then why am I having such bad cramps?
I checked the calendar on my laptop and realized I was two days late for my period.
I bit my lip and noticed that I had to visit Sabrina Young, my therapist, for a session.
I had contacted her this week and had a virtual session, but I knew I needed to go see her in person and talk to her.
She was my father’s friend and one of the best in her field.
My attention diverted to my phone when someone sent me a message. I unlocked the screen and read it.
Ethan: Something special is baking for you.
My eyes widened at his words, and I looked down at my stomach. Did he know? No, of course not. He must have meant something else.
Me: I wonder what that is . . .
Ethan: Come home early to find out. I will be waiting, Bella.
Despite the mild cramps, I was smiling when I went to my next class.
When I entered the house, the first thing I noticed was the delicious smell of something baking in the oven. It smelt like a bakery.
“How was your day?” Ethan asked from the couch he was sitting on, his laptop perched on his lap. He removed his eyeglasses and smiled at me as I gingerly walked toward him.
“It was okay,” I muttered and peered in the kitchen to see what he had baked.
I took a sharp breath when he stood behind me, his hands wrapping around my waist and making me face him. His eyes were bright and clear, his shirt clean with his washed pair of denim.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked, nuzzling his face and pressing a small kiss on the pulse of my neck.
Taking a shaky breath, I pulled away from him. “Not really. I will go get changed.”
Ignoring his frown, I rushed inside my room and taking my pajamas, I locked myself in the washroom. I gripped the edge of the sink when I felt another burst of cramps in my lower stomach. How could I ever face him again? After knowing the truth, he would hate me. Forever.
But I knew I had to tell him. It was eating me alive.
I took a quick warm shower, and I wasn’t surprised when I saw Ethan sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting for me.
“What happened at school, Kiara?” he asked in his deep, husky voice. It wasn’t a command, but he wasn’t going to leave without hearing my answer either.
I sat beside him. “I got my period,” I mumbled, looking down at my hands.
For a while, he didn’t say anything and then enveloped my hand in his big ones. I sighed, feeling the soft pressure of his lips on my forehead.
“I am sorry, Bella. We can try again.”
“Don’t apologize, E.”
I squeezed his hand and took a deep breath before facing him. “I need to tell you about something else.”
He nodded, waiting patiently for me.
“Promise me you will think it through.”
Ethan lifted my hands and kissed my knuckles, “I promise, Bella. Now, tell me what’s bothering you?”
I thought back to that day in London and tears welled in my eyes. “When I was in London, I was driving with my roommate at the time, Lea. I stopped at the red light, and we were talking about her crush when—”
A teary sob escaped my throat, and he squeezed my hand, “Tell me, Bella.”
“I am so sorry, Ethan,” I sniffled. “We got into an accident. The driver of the other car was drunk. I had moved in time to cover Lea, but . . .”
“Take a deep breath,” he ordered and left my hands to stand up, “One more, Bella. Here, drink some water.”
When my breathing came back to normal, I remembered the harsh impact of the other car, the scream of Lea, and the sticky blood coating my fingers.
The heaviness of my body when someone dragged me out of the car and how the last thing I had seen before losing consciousness was a shard of glass in my abdomen.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I tried my best to gather myself. I had to tell him. I looked at Ethan’s worried face and said, “I saved Lea, but unfortunately my head had taken a blow. I was concussed and a shard of glass had pierced my abdomen.”
He took a sharp intake of breath, and his eyes went to my waist. “It’s better now.
I woke up the next day, and the injury healed within a few days.
But that’s not important.” My bottom lip trembled when I continued, “When I woke up, the first thing the doctor said to me was that he was sorry for my loss.”
Ethan shook his head, “I don’t understand.”
“I was pregnant, Ethan.”
As soon as I voiced out those words, silence settled in the room. Ethan stared at me, his body frozen. He blinked and shook his head.
“What?” he asked, his voice a mere whisper.
“Yes, he said I was eight weeks in and the fetus had died on impact as . . . as a shard of glass was impaled in my lower abdomen,” my voice broke and warm tears slid down my face.
“You were pregnant,” he whispered, staring between me and my stomach.
“We didn’t use a condom that night, Ethan. I was still on birth control pills, but I—” A sob broke out of my throat as I said, “I am so sorry, Ethan.”
“You mean to say . . . that we made a baby while we made love to each other?” Ethan said more to himself.
“I am sorry I hid this from you. I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t have the courage.”
“Until now,” Ethan said sharply, his eyes blazing with anger. “Until today.”
I tried to hold his hands, but he shook his head. Ethan stood up and paced the room, running his hands through his hair. “I need some time, Kiara. I am going out.”
“Ethan, please don’t.”
He slammed the door shut behind him as I slumped on the bed, hiding my tear-stricken face in my hands. I covered my stomach with another hand as I cried for our unborn child like I had on that day and the reality that I couldn’t save him . . . or her.
We had made love the night of the prom and I had left the next morning, but a part of Ethan had stayed with me, and I didn’t realize that the signs were all there.
I had puked and my breasts were hurting and blamed the signs on jet lag or sudden weather change.
That accident still shook me to my core.
Even though I had saved Lea, I had let my baby die.
No, I had let our child die. I was the one responsible for it.