Chapter 17
ETHAN
My heart felt heavy with lead as I drove around aimlessly.
Kiara was pregnant with my child. Our baby.
We had created a small life on the night of prom when we had made love with each other.
My eyes welled up and I wiped a tear with my sleeve.
I parked the car in the garage and turned off the engine.
Kiara was probably inside her room, crying for the unborn baby she couldn’t save and blaming herself. I knew her too well to know that she was blaming all this on herself.
Fuck.
I would have been a father right now. Would she have told me if she knew that she was pregnant?
She would have. She would have flown back to New York to tell me she was pregnant.
But she wasn’t. I don’t know how she coped with the pain of losing a baby all alone.
I wonder if this was the first time she was telling anyone else.
I needed to be with her. I couldn’t stand her blaming herself for everything.
With my feet padding against the floor, I opened the door and clenched my jaw.
She was curled up in a ball, her hair hiding her face and clutching a pillow to her.
Closing the door behind me, I laid down beside her on the bed.
I finally sighed in relief when the feminine, musky scent of her black vanilla and coconut wafted in my nose.
I ran my hand through her silky hair, tucking strands back from her face.
I moved the pillow away, which was wet with tears and wiped her cheeks.
Even sad, she looked like an angel sleeping on the bed.
I kissed her forehead and leaned back.
She stirred beside me and gazed at me through her half-lidded eyes, “Ethan?”
I cradled her to my chest and whispered, “It’s okay. I am here, Bella.”
Her fingers clutched my shirt, “Please forgive me, Ethan. I am sorry. I never wanted this to happen.”
Rubbing her back, I said, “Go to sleep, Kiara.”
When she relaxed in my arms, I kept my hand on her stomach and tugged her closer to me.
Waking up with a petite body pressed against you was one of the best feelings in this world.
Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes and looked at Kiara who was snuggling with my chest. Her cheek was pressed against my heart, lips agape, and her long soft hair was splayed against my arm and the pillows.
She smelt like coconut and black vanilla, reminding me of the days when I used to wake up cuddling with her or on the floor because she had accidentally kicked me off the bed.
I gently ran my hand through her hair, remembering last night. She was pregnant with our child. The child we had made with love. But she didn’t tell me she had a miscarriage.
“What are you thinking about?”
I looked down at Kiara, her face was propped up against my chest. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I said, “I was wondering how our life would be if you had delivered the baby.”
A small smile tugged at my lips as I continued, “We would buy a house with a white picket fence and I would propose to you. I would drop our children at school every morning and stay up late to make you Italian hot chocolate while you are busy writing your novels. We would have movie nights while cuddling with our kids.” Tears glistened in her gold-flecked brown eyes.
I cupped her cheek, wiping the tear, “And we would make love in the afternoon because that’s the only time we will have no kids running around. ”
I let her cry at this fantasy of ours as she sat up, turning her back on me. My throat clogged up as her shoulders shook with the small sobs that she was trying so hard to hide.
I sat up and kissed her shoulders, “Please don’t cry, Bella. I . . . I didn’t want to make you cry.”
She shook her head and looked at me, tears leaking down her eyes, “This is all my fault, Ethan! If I would’ve never left, then there would have been no accident and our baby would not have died. We would still be together, married, and living happily in our own home.”
Her voice made my heart crack as I realized she was blaming herself for everything.
I pulled her closer and made her look at me, her eyes were red with tears.
“Kiara, listen to me. I forgive you for pushing me away for all these years just so you could be in a better place and be happy with who you are. I don’t regret anything because it’s alright, love.
You did what you thought was better for yourself .
. . for us. I admire you for having the courage to stand on your own, publish your novel, and teach younger minds.
That car accident wasn’t your fault, Kia. Stop blaming yourself for everything.”
She said nothing for a while before blinking her eyes, “How could you say that after all I did and left you?”
I cupped her cheeks and gently wiped the tears with my thumbs and whispered, “It doesn’t matter anymore because you are here right now. I forgave you for everything, and I could go through that all over again if it means having you in my arms right now.”
Her brown doe eyes widened when she gazed at me for a long time, her pupils dilating as she glanced at my lips.
I leaned my face closer to hers, breathing in her scent.
Soft rosy blush reddened her cheeks and neck and I wondered how low that blush went.
Her lips pressed against mine with soft, pliant pressure.
I sighed and pulled her over me, holding her from the waist while my hands ran over her hair, which kept falling on my face when I kissed her.
Kiara pulled away first, dimple poking her cheeks as she shyly smiled at me and my eyes danced across her face to see a shy side of her. Gulping nervously, she sat up and mumbled, “I am going to go take a shower.”
Right. She was on her period and didn’t want me to go further.
I smiled at her when she closed the door to the washroom. When I looked down at my trousers, my smile faded away and I let out a groan, running a hand over my face. I had a raging boner just from kissing her.
Damn it, Eiffel.
We had muffins and eggs for breakfast because neither of us had eaten the muffins, which I had baked for her the day before.
We were sharing similar longing glances at each other and smiling and blushing like teenagers.
I wanted to strip her naked and make love to her on the floor, but I knew she wasn’t ready to be so intimate after telling me about the miscarriage.
She was on her period, so she wouldn’t let me touch her.
Later that evening, we snuggled on the couch after having pizza for dinner.
We were watching an action romance movie, and I had Kiara sit on my lap, my arms wrapped around her.
Her fingers lightly trailed over my arms, and it oddly turned me on that she couldn’t stop touching me as much as I couldn’t get enough of her.
“Did you know I had sex with you for the first time after two years?” she said.
My smile dropped, and I blurted, “What?”
She chuckled and pressed her back against my chest, “Yes. I stopped sleeping around once I got the job and then I met Jake.”
“So you guys never had sex. What about oral?”
“A few times, but we never had sex with each other. Even if we wanted to, we both held back.”
“Huh,” I said, “I am surprised.”
“Nothing is surprising about this, Ethan.”
Little did she know there was. If she wanted to wait till marriage, then she was sure that she wanted to settle down with him.
She would have if that idiot hadn’t hidden his son from her.
Thank God for that. But that also means that she trusted me to be gentle with her.
She was more serious about the baby now than ever.
I kissed her shoulder and promised myself to give whatever she wanted from me.
After a while, I had to hold her down when she started squirming. “Kiara. You need to stop grinding on me like that.”
Her cheeks flushed into a beautiful shade of pink. “I . . . I am not grinding on you.” She said while grinding on me.
A small smirk tugged at the corner of my lips as I pressed her butt closer to my bulge.
My smirk widened when I heard her soft gasp and pressed my lips on her neck, kissing her skin.
I lifted her top and skimmed my fingers on the smooth skin of her stomach, then trailed my hand until I could feel how hard her nipples were.
“Ethan,” she moaned sweetly, arching against my touch.
I palmed her breasts, massaged the soft skin, and lightly pinched her pebbled nubs. She squirmed and groaned instantly, her skin extra sensitive.
“Shh, Kiara,” I whispered when she shook her head. “Close your eyes and relax.”
With one hand kneading her breast, I lowered my other hand down her shorts to her underwear. Her breathing stopped. I bit her ear, licking the earlobe. Kiara shivered when I slowly rubbed her clitoris, her pleasure nub was more sensitive as I pressed down on it, her hands gripping my forearms.
I slowly circled it, her legs trembling and her lips eliciting small, sweet sounds of pleasure that drove me insane. If she would have been comfortable, I would have taken her in the shower, but she wasn’t so I didn’t want to push her.
“Ethan,” she gasped, “If you don’t stop . . . I-I, oh, fuck!”
I tweaked and pinched her nipple and repeated the same action to her sensitive clit, her back arching as I held her close to me.
Kiara trembled in my arms and when I rubbed the swollen nub, she exploded with an orgasm, her body writhing, overpowered with hormones.
I kissed her skin and massaged her waist as she slowly calmed down.
I was surprised when she turned around to give me a brief kiss and smiled in between the kisses. “Thank you, Ethan,” she whispered, her amber-brown eyes shining. “For everything.”
Smiling at her beautiful face, I whispered, “You too, Bella.”