Chapter 38
Chapter Thirty-Eight
C hrissie woke early next morning, and decided to get herself ready and go down to breakfast. She couldn’t bear the coldness she could feel emanating from Nisha, and snuck out of their room before her companion awoke.
The heap of pain au chocolat and jugs of fresh coffee were just what she needed to start the day. She had just enough time for a small cup and a pastry before going to rouse the children. Hopefully it would give her the space to gather her thoughts.
Chrissie took her journal from her bag, wondering where to start. She took a sip from her coffee and began to write. She began with the bookshop, then moved onto Nisha’s dimple, that night and then the coldness that had returned to their tempestuous relationship. She revisited her rules. She had abandoned all three, at least partially.
Rule 1 – don’t fall in love. She put a giant question mark next to that one. She wasn’t in love, was she? She was in something, but she wasn’t sure what. Something that made her heart ache and her blood pound and her brain race. Lust? No, that sounded tawdry. This was more than that. Whatever it was, she definitely wasn’t sticking to the letter of Rule 1.
Rule 2 – question everything. Well, she was certainly questioning everything now. But should she have questioned things earlier? Should she have questioned herself and where things were going when she was kissing Nisha? Should she have questioned her desire to escape from the school trip? Quite possibly. But as she remembered that kiss, that night, she felt her skin heat and the hairs on her arms stand up. Her head might be questioning it, but it was clear her body had no doubts.
What did that even mean?
Rule 3 – give back. She’d abandoned that the moment she had thought of herself above her colleagues – her friends – and disappeared into the reverie of the bookshop. Hardev might never have gone missing if she hadn’t gone for so long. She had been stupid and selfish. She berated herself internally.
Chrissie finished the last crumbs of her pain au chocolat, packed away her notebook and climbed back upstairs. She went straight to the dormitories and knocked loudly, shouting “wakey wakey” to the children, most of who were very much awake already.
She opened the door to one of the dorms. “Come on, Francis, I know you’re tired, but you’ll perk up no end once you’ve had one of those giant pancakes. I think there’s still some Nutella left after you and Dottie attacked it yesterday morning,” Chrissie said with a laugh. Francis hopped out of bed. “Ok, everyone, get yourselves dressed and washed. And Hardev, please brush your teeth this time.” She closed the door on a hubbub of activity, and turned to see Nisha in the hallway, having just done the same job with one of the other rooms.
“Morning,” said Nisha levelly. “Dan and Philippa have done the other rooms, so all the kids should be ready to eat soon.” She smoothed down her freshly showered hair. “I missed you this morning.”
“Oh, I couldn’t sleep past six, so I went down and had a sneaky quiet breakfast to myself.” Chrissie kept her voice light, relieved Nisha seemed less annoyed this morning.
“Look,” said Nisha, her eyes screwed up, “I think I was a bit harsh yesterday.”
“I can understand why,” said Chrissie, her voice low, not wanting any wagging ears to hear their conversation.
“I know. I just think that perhaps I took it all a bit too personally. I mean, given what I did to you all those years ago, just disappearing,” Nisha trailed off. “I just think I need to keep this in proportion.”
“For what it’s worth,” Chrissie told her, leaning back against the hallway wall, “I think you were right. I got wrapped up in myself, and I shouldn’t have done that.”
“But don’t we all, sometimes?” said Nisha. Chrissie felt some of the weight that had been on her chest begin to lift.
“Maybe,” said Chrissie. She was desperate to continue the conversation, but at that moment Philippa joined them in the hallway, followed closely by Dan.
“Now all we have to do is wait for that horrible lot to put their clothes on,” said Dan with a sleepy smile. Chrissie smiled back in his direction. He was so unrelentingly positive and kind. She was grateful for his presence on this trip. He seemed to take everything in his stride. She wished she could be more like that.
“Well if any of you see Dottie wearing that Taylor Swift T-shirt on again, I’d appreciate it if someone could let her know it’s rank and she needs a clean top today,” said Philippa. “I’m trying not to helicopter parent her while we’re here, as she needs to experience the trip like all the other children, but my goodness, if I have to look at that chocolate stain down the front one more time, I may well lose my mind.”
“On it,” said Nisha with a chuckle. “And you know what, good for you for taking a step back. I don’t think a lot of parents would manage it.”
“It’s good for her,” said Philippa. “Her dad’s away so much, we live in each other’s pockets. It can be a bit like being a single parent at times.” She adjusted her hair. “Don’t get me wrong, most of the time it’s absolutely fine. But sometimes…”
“I get you,” said Chrissie, “I get like that towards the end of term.”
“I get like that one week into term,” added Nisha, and they all laughed. A door opened. “Go and change your top, Dottie,” said Nisha, as the children started filing out into the corridor.