Chapter Twenty-Three Artemis
Chapter Twenty-Three
Artemis
We’ve moved into March and the weather is a little nice today. So after school, Ryan and I decide to go to the nearby park to read and discuss the book he stayed up all night devouring.
We find a secluded spot and drop our backpacks to use as pillows. Then we settle down, where Ryan wraps his arm around me, tucking me close to his chest. Did I mention he smells good? And he’s so comfortable. My eyes shut.
He gently taps my cheek. “Are you sleeping?”
“Mhm. Did anyone tell you that your chest is so comfortable?”
“No. Can’t say that anyone has.”
I laugh, then sit up. “I really like you.”
His hand goes to my hair, where he smoothes it down my back. “I really like you, too. Sorry I can’t be more…”
I shake my head. “It’s fine. I mean, I just want you to smile, but I know you need time for that.”
He nods, pressing his forehead to mine. “I want to smile. To laugh with you. I want to show you just how much you mean to me.” He sighs. “But I can’t. It’s like something is holding me back.”
I take his hand. “That’s fine. Like I said, we’ll go at whatever pace you’re comfortable with.” I lie back down and he does the same.
We read and discuss the book, but I notice his mind isn’t really here. “Hey.” I touch his arm. “You okay?”
He brushes his hand through his hair, staring at the space in front of him. “My mom would have loved you.”
“Would have…? Where is…I mean, what happened to her?”
His tortured eyes flit to mine, then back to the space before him. “She…they…” He shakes his head. “I…”
I place my hands on either side of his face. “It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me.”
“But I want to. I want you to know everything.”
“We have time for that.”
He shakes his head. “Maybe once I tell you about it, I can be free. Happy. I can treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I could be a normal boyfriend to you instead of a brick wall.”
“Ryan, you’re not a brick wall. I see so much in your eyes, when you let me.”
He nods slowly. “And I want you to see so much more. I want to finally feel something else other than pain and guilt and anger all the time.”
I don’t know what to say, so I hug myself at the cold that’s not due to the wind.
“Six weeks ago, I went to a party,” he says in a monotone.
His gaze is still fixed on the spot before him.
“I was the best soccer player on my team. Was popular, went to every single party. That night, I went to a party like I normally did, didn’t think anything of it.
But when I got home…” His Adams apple bobs as a hard swallow makes its way down his throat.
“When I came home, I found my house on fire. And my parents…my parents were trapped inside.”
I grab both his hands, my heart skipping a beat as tears fill my eyes. “Oh, Ryan.”
“Firefighters couldn’t find them. The flames were too strong. I was sure they were gone. I couldn’t stop yelling.”
I squeeze his hand.
“But then I saw my mom. She was sticking her head out the bathroom window. My dad was right behind her, holding her close. The firefighters tried to save them, but they were too late. The door burst open and then…” His voice chokes up as tears gush down his cheeks.
He buries his face in his hands. “It was all my fault.”
I wrap my arms around him, holding him close. “No, it wasn’t anyone’s fault.”
He shakes his head. “I went to that party. I should have been home. Maybe I would have smelled the smoke, maybe I could have saved them.”
“Ryan, you don’t know that.”
He slowly drops his hands, shaking his head again. “It was my fault.”
“It wasn’t—”
“I caused the fire.”
My lips snap shut.
His hands fist at his sides as his pain turns into anger.
“I was so selfish, so careless. I left my laptop plugged in. It was faulty and I should have unplugged it before I went to the party. But I didn’t, and that’s what started the fire.
” He finally looks at me. “You see, it was my fault. My parents are dead because of me.”
Tears pool in my eyes as I watch him torture himself like that. “No, it wasn’t your fault. Accidents happen. Your parents don’t blame you for what happened.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do. They love you and want you to be happy. They don’t want you to blame yourself. I know they want you to have a good life.”
He shakes his head again. “No.”
I place my hands on either side of his face, staring into his eyes. “I know it, and deep down, you know it, too.”
He doesn’t say anything, his mind seeming not to be here anymore. I give his hand a squeeze and try to be as supportive as I can, but he needs to come to terms with this on his own.
He lays his head on my shoulder and that’s how we sit for a long time. His body is trembling, chest heaving.
“I’m here for you,” I tell him after a little while. “I’ll never leave your side.”
He gazes into my eyes. “You’re the best thing to ever happen to me, Artemis.
” He rests his forehead on mine. “And you’re right that my parents would want me to be happy.
And I want that, more than anything. With you.
And I want to make you happy.” His lips skim my cheek.
“I hope I won’t always feel guilty for what happened, but I can’t shake the feeling off.
” He gives me a hopeful look. “Be patient with me?”
“Always. And you already do make me happy.”
He continues gazing into my eyes. Then his eyes drop to my lips, back to my eyes again. “I have very strong feelings for you,” he says in a low voice.
I dip my head. “I have strong feelings for you, too,” I whisper back.
He bends closer, I bend closer, and the next second, his lips move over mine.
They’re so soft, warm, and a little hesitant.
It’s like he doesn’t think he deserves to have this much happiness.
But I push closer, kiss deeper. I want him to know he does deserve this.
I want to do everything I can to make this guy, this mysterious yet wonderful guy, the happiest person in the world.
I feel the sun shining behind us as we kiss. It feels like we’re in the spotlight this time. Like we’re on stage, except this kiss is real, and the wind around us is the audience giving us a standing ovation.
“Artemis,” he whispers, voice like silk as it tickles my skin.
“Ryan.”
He draws back to look into my eyes. “Thank you. For being here with me, for listening. For being the amazing person you are. I thought I lost everything the night my parents died, but I see now that I don’t have to lose everything.” He pauses. “My grandma wants me to play soccer again.”
“Do you?”’
He holds up his hands helplessly, eyes twisted in pain. “How can I? My parents came to all of my games. They cheered me on louder than all the other parents.” He shakes his head. “I can’t do it without them.”
I slip my hand into his. “I know it’s not the same. But you have me. You have your grandma. And you have my family and the entire town. You’re not alone. Here, you’re loved.”
He rests his cheek on mine. “Thanks. You’re right that I have you and everyone else.
My grandma is desperate to have a relationship with me.
I didn’t know her growing up. She and my dad had a fight and he left to New York and she wasn’t in my life.
But she is now, and I want to make up for all those years. ”
I smile. “That’s great.”
His lips twitch like he’s trying to smile. But it vanishes a second later. “I wish you could have known them, Artemis.”
I lay my head on his chest. “Then tell me. Tell me all about them.”
And he does. We spend pretty much the entire day in the park, with Ryan showering me with many stories about his parents and his life in New York City.
It wasn’t as glamorous as one might think.
He lived in a poor area in Brooklyn, but he was happy.
His childhood was perfect. I’m glad he can hold onto those memories, because they’re very special.
“I’ve been saving up money for a guitar my dad used to have,” he tells me after a little while of staring at nature.
The sun is setting and it’s beautiful outside.
“It belonged to his favorite musician. He saved up a lot of money to buy it, and he used to let me play on it. But then money was tight and he had to sell it. I promised him I’d buy it back one day, and I’ve been selling my drawings to try to save up for it.
But now that my grandma needs those pills…
” He shakes his head. “But it’s okay. What matters right now is her health. ”
I press my lips to his. “You’re so amazing.”
I can tell he wants to argue, but I shut him up with more kisses. His arms latch onto my waist and we fall to the ground, rolling around one another as we kiss.
It might be too early to say this, but I think I’m falling in love with this guy.