Chapter 31
Chapter Thirty-One
M ax
"Thanks for the ride, Henry.” I say as I get out of the car and head into the office.
It's Monday morning and I've been gone all weekend and I'm missing Lila. I can't wait to see her. It's been the longest amount of time we've spent apart since we decided to start seeing each other.
I head inside and walk toward my office, but I frown when I see that she's not at her desk. It's already eleven o’clock. I grab my phone and call her, but it goes to voicemail.
"That's weird," I mumble out loud, then I decide to call Marie.
"Hey, big bro. How's it going?" She answers on the second ring, sounding her usual cheery self.
"Hey, I'm good. I was just wondering if you know what Lila's been up to."
"Um no. Why?"
"She's not at work."
"Oh, she's not back yet?" she says.
"Back from where?"
"Oh, I don't know," she says quickly, and I frown. What's she talking about? "So how was D.C.?"
"What are you talking about?" I say.
"You were in D.C., right?"
"Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course. It was fine."
I chuckle slightly. I hadn't been in D.C., but I had told Marie I was going to D.C. because I hadn't wanted her to know where I was really going and guess what I was really doing. Because I didn't want her to slip up and tell Lila anything.
"Why are you laughing?"
"I'm not laughing. I was just thinking about something," I say. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, everything's fine," she says. "Why didn't you tell Lila you were going to D.C.?”
"Um, she knew I was going away this weekend."
"Yeah, but she asked where you were going and you didn't tell her."
"Because I didn't want to lie to her."
"Why won't you tell her you're looking for a job on the Supreme Court? Why didn't you tell her you were going for a job interview?"
"What are you talking about, Marie? I never said I was going for a job interview."
"Then why did you go to D.C.?"
"I didn't go to D.C.," I admit, frowning. "I just told you I was going to D.C. because I didn't want you to know I was going back to South Carolina for the weekend."
"Oh," she says. "Wait, why did you go back home? Oh my gosh. It's not because of me, right? Is he angry?"
"I did go to see Dad, but it had nothing to do with you." I frown. "Why did you think I went for a job interview?"
"Because you said you were going to D.C. and I figured that was the reason why. Why else would you go?"
I sigh. "I have no idea where you got that from, but whatever."
"Lila thinks you went to D.C. for a job interview as well."
"What? Why would she think that? Wait, you told Lila I went to D.C,. for a job interview?"
"Because you didn't tell me that you were going to South Carolina and you didn't tell her either. If you were going back home, why wouldn't you tell her?"
"Because I didn't want her to know." I sigh. "Marie, sometimes you have to just keep your mouth shut. Okay?"
"I'm sorry. I just didn't know that you weren't still pursuing your dream of being a Supreme Court Justice."
"What are you talking about? You don't pursue a dream to become a Supreme Court Justice by moving to D.C. That's not how these things work." I sigh. "Anyway, you do or you don't know where Lila is?"
"I don't know. She told me she was going away this weekend and I haven't heard from her. But I know she was upset that you didn't tell her about your trip and yeah, maybe that's my fault because I kind of told her that you wanted to become a Supreme Court Justice and you might be moving."
"Marie, why would you do that? You know that…" I pause. "Anyway. I’ll talk to you later. I gotta go. Okay?"
"Okay," she says. "Sorry."
"I know you didn't mean to make any trouble. I love you. I'll talk to you later."
I hang up and shake my head. Fuck I think to myself. I try calling Lila again, but it goes to voicemail. I decide to leave a message.
"Hey, it's me, Max. I really need to talk to you. Can you call me when you get a second?"
I hang up and pace back and forth. There's no way I'm going to be able to think about work while I'm wondering where she is. I decide to go and speak to Skye and see if she has any idea. I drop by Kingston's office and see her standing there talking to Juniper.
"Hey, you two."
"Oh, hi Mr. Spector," they say in unison.
"Can I ask you a question, Skye? Maybe you as well Juniper."
"Sure," Skye says, nodding. "What is it?"
"You don't happen to know where Lila is, do you?"
Skye looks at Juniper and Juniper looks down at the ground. I frown.
"So, I'm taking it that you do know where she is. Can you tell me? I really need to speak to her."
"She is not in New York right now," Skye says, looking nervous.
"Will you tell me where she is?"
"I don't really know if I should." She looks down at the ground as well.
"Please. I don't really know what's going on here and I really would like to know."
"Lila's in L.A.," Skye blurts.
"What?" I blink. "What are you talking about? Why is she in L.A.?"
"She had an audition." Sky shrugs. "And she's made it to the last round and it seems like she might get the part."
"An audition for an acting gig?"
"Yeah." Skye nods. "This could be really big for her career. You know it's always been her dream to be an actress."
"I know," I say, nodding slowly. "Thanks for the information."
I head out of the room and back to my own office, where I close the door and sit down. It’s true. When I met Lila, she told me she wanted to be an actress. That had been her dream and goal and we haven't talked about it once since we'd started dating and all of a sudden I feel guilty. All of a sudden I feel like I haven't really allowed her to be herself. I've been so happy with the relationship as it was going that I hadn't thought about her other dreams. But it was also true I hadn't thought about my own dreams of becoming a judge. My life is going perfectly now that she’s in it. I realize that maybe I've been selfish.
I call her again, but she doesn't answer. This time I send a photo of myself with a wry smile and then I text her.
" Hey, we need to talk. "
Just as I finish sending the text, my phone rings and my heart leaps into my chest hoping it's her, but it's my dad.
"Hey, Dad. What's up?" I say.
"Just checking you made it back to New York okay."
"I did. Thank you for checking."
"I just want you to know that I'm proud of you, son."
"What?" I say, frowning slightly.
"Taking on Marie and the baby, looking after her, I know it's not your responsibility, but I know it's most likely what she needs. Her mom and I are a big mess."
"It's okay. You know I love her. I'll always be here for her."
"And you coming and asking for grandma's ring…that was a lot and I'm proud of you. I want to say that I'm excited for you as well."
"I just wanted to get the ring, Dad."
"But it's for an engagement, right?"
"It was," I say, staggering. "But…"
"But what?"
"Maybe now's not the right time. I wanted grandma's ring because I did want to propose to Lila. I think she's the love of my life, but…"
"But what?"
"She thinks I was in D.C. this weekend."
"Okay, and?"
"She ended up going to L.A. for an audition because she wants to be an actress."
"Okay, and?"
"She didn't tell me, but that's maybe because I didn't tell her where I was going. I didn't think she would mind, but I didn't want to have to lie to her. So I didn't want to say any place and I didn't want to tell her I was going to South Carolina to get the ring because I wanted to propose to her and I wanted it to be a surprise." I sigh. "But maybe everything's just happening too quickly. Maybe I am rushing her into something she's not ready for yet."
"She loves you though, doesn't she?"
"I'm pretty sure that she does, and I know I love her. I know she's the love of my life. I know I want to make her my wife, but when I met her, she wanted to be an actress. In fact, she was on her way to an audition that day, but she didn't bother because she needed to make money. And I don't think working for me is her dream, and as much as I love having her by my side, I want her to achieve her dreams and I want her to go for what she really wants out of life and I don't want to stop that because she feels like she needs to stay here with me."
"So you're not going to propose to her?"
"Not yet," I say. "I need to speak to her in person. I need to see what she's thinking and feeling. I love her so much. I don't want to let her go, but I love her enough to want her to do what she wants to do without feeling any sort of guilt."
"This is the one, isn't it Max?" my dad says.
"Why do you say that?"
"Because you love her enough to let her go. That's true love," he says gruffly. "I'm proud of you."
"Thanks, Dad."
"I know you think that I didn't understand when you decided not to train horses. I know you think that I didn't respect your decision to become an attorney and you had something to prove to me, but I respect you more than you'll ever know, son."
"Thank you, Dad. That means a lot."
"You're welcome."
My phone beeps and I see that it's Lila.
"Hey, I have to go, Dad. That's her."
"Good luck, son."
"Thank you." I click over quickly.
"Hey, Max, it's me."
"Hey," I say. "I was wondering when I was going to hear from you."
"Sorry, I was busy."
"I know. It's okay. So how's everything going?"
"Max, I think I have to quit," she says abruptly.
"What?" I frown into the phone.
"I know that I'm your assistant and I know that we're dating and all that, but I've always wanted to be an actress and I just got a role for a movie and I want to take it. You understand, right?"
I take a deep breath. "Yes, I understand."
"This is not how I expected everything to go. Plus, I know you want to follow your dreams, right?"
"Sorry, what?"
"You know, in D.C., becoming a Supreme Court Justice and everything."
I know I should tell her that I wasn't in D.C. I know I should tell her that she's my dream, not becoming a Supreme Court Justice, but I don't want to hold that over her head. I don't want that to be a determining factor in whether or not she takes this role. I want her to succeed. I want her to make it as an actress.
"Are you going to come back?" I ask.
"Yeah. I mean, I'll be back, but I'll have to practice my lines and get ready for this role and I just don't know if I can do that and work for you at the same time."
"That's okay," I say. "When are you back?"
"Tomorrow evening."
"Send me the flight information and I'll pick you up."
"Oh, no, you don't have to do that. I don't want you to have to keep going back and forth to the airport."
"Lila, send me the flight information and I'll pick you up."
"Okay," she says softly. "Thanks."
"Congratulations, by the way. I'm really proud of you. You're really going to be a big star one day, Lila."
"You don't have to say that, Max." Her voice cracks slightly.
"I'm not saying it just to say it, Lila. You're special, and if I've never said it before, I want you to achieve every single one of your dreams. I will always be your biggest supporter."
I want to tell her that I love her. I want to tell her that I'll always be by her side. I want to tell her that I'll wait forever for her, but that's a conversation I need to have in person. That's a conversation where I have to touch her and look into her eyes so that she can see how true and real my feelings are.
So instead, I just hang up and sit in my chair and stare at the door because I don't know what I'm going to do if she tells me that she doesn't want to be with me. I don't know what I'm going to do if she tells me that she wants to focus solely on making it as a star. I don't know what I'm going to do if she tells me she doesn't want me in her life anymore.
My heart breaks for a few moments. Everything I thought I knew about life and destiny, about dreams and goals and making it was wrong. My job doesn't matter. The amount of money I have in my bank account doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is being with the woman that I love. The only thing that matters is getting to hold her in my arms and kiss her and tell her how much she means to me. And I hope, I pray that I'm not losing her. I look at the ring that I've gotten for her, and I hope and I pray that one day it will be on her finger.