Chapter 32
Chapter Thirty-Two
L ila
My flight arrives thirty minutes early and I decide to walk to a coffee shop and get myself an espresso while I wait on Max. I'm giddy with happiness that I landed the role of possibly my lifetime, but a part of me feels nervous and sad. I don't want to leave New York. I don't want to move to L.A. and I don't want to end things with Max like this. But when I'd received his text message saying that we had to talk, I had a feeling that he was going to tell me it was over. I had a feeling that he'd been offered the job in D.C. and was going to tell me he was going to move.
It broke my heart. I just didn't know how to think or to feel. I didn't know how my life could be upended by someone I hadn't even known for six months.
I drink my espresso and think about calling Zara or a Skye or Juniper, but I don't even want to talk to anyone. I just want to sit in my feelings. I can feel tears starting to roll down my cheeks as I sit here. I'm sad. I shouldn't feel so sad. I should feel happy. I’m about to achieve a milestone that I've been thinking about since I was a little girl. I finally landed a role in a movie. I was going to be the star of a film with a producer that had actually worked for big studios and they wanted to submit to Sundance and to Cannes. If everything goes well, I could become a real name in the industry. It could lead to real roles that pay a lot of money and could very well set me up for stardom.
But as I sit here holding my cup, I realize I don't care about any of that. I didn't get into acting to become famous. I went into acting because I love the creative ability to be different people and live different lives and soar into different worlds. And maybe part of that was because I didn't have my own life. I didn't have my own love. I didn't have my own dreams other than acting, but now I do.
My phone beeps and I see that Max is five minutes away. I smile as I look at his name on my screen. Max has grown into the most important person in my life and it's scary. I finish my espresso, fold up the little paper cup, and put it into the trash. I grab my suitcase and roll it toward the front so I can jump into whatever car Max is arriving in.
I wonder if Henry is surprised about our relationship. He's always very polite and nice to me, but I wonder if he feels like everything has moved so quickly.
My phone rings and I answer. "Hey."
"I'm pulling up right now."
"Okay. I'm standing outside," I say. I look to the left and I see a bright red Mercedes pulling up. "Nice car," I say as I stare at the G Wagon.
"Hey, that's me," Max says, grinning.
"You're in a Mercedes?"
"Yeah, I rented one to pick you up."
"You're picking me up without Henry?"
"Yes, I do know how to drive, you know."
"I know, but you always have the driver."
"I wanted to pick you up myself," he sounds emotional and I’m not sure why. I’ve never heard his voice this deep before.
I watch as the Mercedes pulls over, stops, and Max jumps out of the car. He comes running to me, and because I'm stupid and girlish, I run to him too. He lifts me up and swings me around and kisses me as if he hasn't seen me in years. And I kiss him back, holding on to him like this is the last time we will ever be in each other's company. I kiss him as if he's going away to war. I kiss him as if I don't know if I'll ever see him again, and then he sets me back down.
"I like what you've done with your hair," he says, grinning.
"It's just a ponytail. I've had it in a ponytail many times."
"I know," he says, grabbing my hand and squeezing. "How was the flight?"
"Not bad. Long, but I guess not as long as an international fight."
"True." He walks over to the car and opens the passenger door. "In you go, my dear."
"Thank you. You're such a gentleman."
"I try. It's the southern man in me."
"I guess I should have dated more southern men in my life."
"Well, you won't be doing that anytime soon, I hope," he says, though, there's a concerned look in his eyes.
I just grin and he slams the door shut. I watch as he grabs my bag and puts it into the back of the car, then slides into the driver's seat.
"So congratulations again. You're going to have to tell me all about this role. What's the movie about?”
"It's called Animals Behaving Badly ," I say, staring at him.
"What?" He raises an eyebrow as he starts the car and pulls out. " Animals Behaving Badly ?"
"Yeah." I laugh. "It's not really about animals. It's about men and women, because at our base we're all animals."
"Okay, and what's your role?"
"I'll be playing the role of Lisa. She's just graduated from college and she is dating a middle-aged man who's married."
"Ouch," he says.
"Yeah, but it's even more complicated than that. He's actually the husband of her lifelong friend."
"What?" he says. "Her lifelong friend who's also graduated from college?"
"No. So when she was younger, she worked in a bakery for money for college, and the owner of the bakery is her friend Simone, and the guy she's having an affair with is Simone's husband."
"Oh, that sounds horrible."
"Exactly. She feels super conflicted. She loves him because she thinks he's the love of her life. Yet, she feels incredibly guilty because she's betraying Simone who's always been there for her."
"Well, yeah, she should."
"And well, basically Simone ends up dying."
"Oh, this sounds a little depressing."
"It is kind of sad. But then when Simone dies, Lisa is left a bunch of letters."
"Letters from Simone?"
"Exactly. And she reads the letters and basically, she finds out that Simone knew that she was having an affair with her husband and that Simone didn't blame her. And that Simone just wished for her the strength to leave him and to actually have her own life."
"Wow. That's dreadfully nice of Simone."
"Well, it turns out that Simone had also been the other woman and that the husband was actually her best friend's baby daddy. And that Simone had stolen him from her best friend, and that's why she knew that she couldn't judge my character because the saying is as you get them is how you lose them. Anyway, there's this scene where she goes down to the ocean and she realizes that she doesn't like who she's become, and that even though she's been blaming him, she also isn't any better." I stare at him. "Sorry, I've just been going on and on."
"No, it sounds really interesting. It sounds like a role you can really sink your teeth into."
"Yeah. I thought that it was nuanced enough to really push me to my limits because obviously, I think my character's a dog and a bitch, and I would never be friends with someone who slept with a married man. But I guess that's part of being an actress."
"I guess so," he says. "I'm excited to see the movie. When do you have to go back to L.A. to start filming?"
"I'm not sure," I say. "We might be going to Canada and a small town in Croatia."
"Oh." He looks at me. "So you won't even be in the States."
"I'm not a hundred percent sure yet. I think they're still figuring out the shooting locations." I lick my lips nervously. "So how was D.C.?"
"I wasn't in D.C., Lila," he says after a couple of moments.
"What? What do you mean you weren't in D.C.? Where were you?"
"I went to South Carolina," he says as he merges onto the freeway.
"But you were in D.C. looking for a job. Were you in South Carolina looking for a job?"
"I don't know where Marie got that from, but I wasn't looking for a job. I'm a partner at a law firm, Lila. You know that."
"I know, but your aspiration is to become a Supreme Court Justice. I thought there was some job that…"
"Oh, you and Marie really do not know much about the law and the pathway to becoming a judge." He starts laughing. "There's no job that is going to make it easier for me to become a Supreme Court Justice in D.C." He shakes his head. "I told Marie I was going to D.C. because I didn't want her to know I was going to South Carolina."
"Oh, was it about her and the baby?"
My head starts pounding.
"No," he says. "It was about something else."
"Are you going to tell me?" I ask him, wondering if he trusts me enough to tell me what was going on in his life.
"Lila, of course I’m going to tell you. I didn't want to tell you beforehand because I didn't want to ruin the surprise, but perhaps that was a mistake."
"What surprise?" I wrinkle my nose. "It's not my birthday. You're not throwing me a surprise party or something, are you?"
"No," he says. He takes a deep breath and pulls over to the right and gets off.
"What are you doing?"
"I need to have this conversation with you face to face. I think there's a little park around here," he says.
We drive for about five more minutes in silence before he pulls over and we get out of the car. He grabs my hands and pulls me toward him.
"So Lila, there's something I have to tell you.”
My heart races. He's going to dump me I think to myself. Tears rush to my eyes.
"I love you."
"What?" I say, and I can't stop the smile from spreading across my face.
"I love you. Like stupidly love you. Crazy, stupid, intoxicating love."
"You love me? What? That's why you pulled over? Are you just going to keep saying that or…"
"Or what?" he says teasingly.
"What do you want me to say?" I pause, pretending I'm stupid.
"Really Lila?"
"I love you too, Max. Obviously."
I reach up and put my arms around his neck. He leans down and kisses me long and hard.
"I love you more than there are stars in the sky," I say.
"Good," he says.
"Good? That's it?"
"No, I just wanted to make sure that we were on the same page before I tell you why I was in South Carolina."
"Um…you're making me nervous."
"Lila, I went to South Carolina to get my grandma's ring."
He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a little black box and opens it. I stare down at a beautiful diamond ring. My jaw drops.
"Wow, that's amazing."
"Not as amazing as you," he says. "I wanted my grandma's ring because I wanted to use it to propose to you, but I realized that I've been selfish. I've been rushing this relationship because I love you and we've just connected so well and I think you're the funniest, most brilliant woman I've ever come into contact with. But I've realized that we still don't know each other well enough to make that step."
"What do you mean?"
"I met you and I knew you wanted to be an actress, but in the last month we haven't once talked about your acting. And to be honest, I haven't even thought about it and that's not right. I need to prove that I support you in every which way and…"
"I didn't realize how serious you were about the fact that you wanted to become a Supreme Court Justice," I say, nodding. "And I feel like I should have asked you more about those goals when we first spoke about it.” I feel guilty for not having asked him more about his aspirations in life.
"I don't even want that anymore," he says. "I realized that I wanted to go down that route because I wanted to prove to my dad that I was the best I could be, because I had issues with him about his dreams for me. But I don't want to become a Supreme Court Justice. I don't need to prove anything to my dad. I love being an attorney. I love my partners and I love the work that I do, even when I sometimes represent those who do not stand on the same moral ground as myself."
I laugh slightly.
"I love you, Lila. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want you to be my wife. I want to have kids with you, but I also want you to achieve your goals and dreams and I can wait."
"Are you not going to propose to me anymore?" I say, staring at him and then at the ring in his hand.
"I didn't want you to have to…"
"Are you not going to propose to me anymore, Max Spector? You went all the way to South Carolina to get a ring and now you're not going to propose to me?"
"I don't want to stop you from…"
"Proposing to me is not going to stop me from going for my dreams." I glare at him.
"So you're saying you would say yes?"
"Ask me and see."
He looks down at me with so much love in his eyes that I feel like my own heart is going to burst out of my chest. He drops down onto one knee and grabs my hand and looks up at me.
"Now, this is not what I had planned or the romantic proposal that I was going to create for you, but I suppose sometimes spontaneity in life means more. I love you Lila Haversham. I have loved you since the first moment I saw you. I think we are soulmates that have been searching for each other for our entire lives. I believe that if we were here before, we were together. I believe that our souls are tethered to each other. Our spirits know that they're home. I want to marry you and I want to make you my wife. I want you to be the mother of my children and I'm willing to wait however long it takes for those children to come. I will follow you around the world. Whatever you want. I just want to be by your side. Will you marry me?"
"I feel like I have no words," I whisper.
And as I stare down at him, I realize that he's everything I ever could have wanted and dreamed of. The tears spring to my eyes and I jump up and down.
"Yes, Max. Yes! I love you so much. I love you so much. I will marry you. I will follow you around the world as well. You are definitely the other part of me. Your heart is my heart."
He slips the ring onto my finger and hugs me close to him. I reach up and touch the side of his face and kiss him.
"You know something, Max Spector?"
"What?" he says.
"When I was on the train that day and I was trying to practice my lines, I couldn't cry because I wasn't connected to the emotions. I wasn't connected to the character because I'd never had my heart broken in such a way that it meant anything to me. I'd never been that distraught by a relationship, and now here I am crying with happiness and tears that will never stop because I love you so much and I realize that's something I never had before. That's why I hadn't yet made it as an actress, and I think that's why this audition went so well for me. Because I feel the words as I say them now. I'm not just acting a part. When I say you're my heart, you're my soul, you're my everything, I feel it in every fiber of my being because you, Max Spector, you are all those things and more to me. I love you so much and I know this has gone incredibly quickly, but when you know, you know."
"I love you Lila, and before you even offer, do not even think about giving up that job. We will make it work."
My jaw drops as I stare at him. "How did you know that I…"
"Because I know you. I know how selfless you are. I know how much you love me as well, and I know you'd give up that role just to be with me. Well, now it's time for me to give up something for you. If we have to go to Croatia, to Canada, to freaking Timbuktu, I will go. I want you to make it as an actress. I want you to become a star and I will do whatever I can to make it happen."
"You know what I realized, Max?" I say softly.
"No. What?"
"I realized that my dream isn't necessarily to be an A-list actress and star in movies. It's to create. I've always wanted to write and star in my own show and I love New York way more than I love L.A."
"Thank you for saying that," he says. "Even though I would've moved to L.A. with you, I prefer New York as well. And you know what, Lila?"
"What?" I say.
"If you are my fianceé, then I think you should be okay with letting me fund a play that you put on and?—"
"Max, I'm not going to have you?—"
"Hold on," he says. "I haven't finished."
"What?" I say.
"I was going to make a joke about you signing a sex contract with me, but maybe this is not the time nor the place."
"Max, you're too much."
"I know, but maybe not too much that you'll still want to marry me?"
"Of course," I say. "I want to marry you and love you and have your babies and oh my gosh, what is Marie going to say?" I look at him. "She's going to be absolutely flabbergasted."
"I don't think so," he says. "You know that first day that she met you?"
"Yeah."
"She told me that she knew you were the one for me." He grins. "Marie knows me like I know the back of my hand."
"She really loves you," I say, nodding.
"And I love her and I'm so glad the two of you get along because I just feel like the luckiest man in the world."
"And I'm the luckiest woman in the world. Oh, and by the way, Max?"
"Yeah?"
"You know what you said to me that one time?"
"What?"
"You know when you said don't quit your day job?"
"Yeah," he says with a chuckle.
"Well, I'm about to tell you that I'm going to hand in my official notice because as much as I love you and as much as I love working for you, that day job is not what I want to do with my life."
"I know," he says. "And if I'm honest, as much as I love working with you as well, it would probably be a little bit better for my financial status to have an assistant that knew what she was doing and didn't throw her two cents in on every case I took."
"What? I'm still going to throw my two cents in. It's important that you represent people that…" I pause. "Okay, I'll let you do your job if you let me do mine."
"Always," he says, kissing me again. "Now, can I take you somewhere special?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, I haven't seen you in days and I have a cock that needs to be warm."
"Max!"
"I'm just joking," he laughs. "Unless you want to.”
I reach down and slide my fingers inside the front of his pants. I'm surprised to feel that he's already hard.
"Ooh, someone's waiting for me."
"Always," he says, licking his lips. "I love you so much, and as much as I want to keep talking to you, I just need to be inside of you right now, Lila."
"Well then what are we waiting for?" I giggle. "Because I think I've been a very bad girl and I'm going to need you to teach me a lesson."
"Oh, so you want to role play?"
"Of course, big daddy."
“Big Max, you mean.”
“Super Max.”
“Super Max sounds good.” He runs his fingers through my hair. “When we get married, can I tell the officiant that you want to be legally wed to Super Max.”
“No.” I run my fingers down his arms and then wrap them around his waist. I press my head against his chest and listen to his heart beating. He reaches down and lightly squeezes my ass and then rests his head on top of mine. “When we get married, I will be saying yes to Max ‘Big Daddy’ Spector.”
“And I will be saying yes to Maria Conchita Violeta Estella Diaz.” I can feel his chest vibrating as he laughs and then kisses the top of my head.
“You remember her name?”
“I remember everything you’ve ever told me. It’s burned into my brain.” He pulls back slightly and I look up at him. “You would have gotten the role if you went for the audition.”
“Unlikely.” I smile and touch the side of his face. “But thank you for saying that.”
“You’re welcome, my sexy mamacita.”
“I’m glad I didn’t go to the audition.”
“So am I.” He presses his hardness against my stomach and growls. “I just have one request for you.”
“You want me to give you a blowjob now?”
“No, silly.” His face turns serious. “I just want you to know you can ask me anything. At any time. If you are nervous, worried, jealous, whatever. I’d rather you come to me then jump to conclusions about something. I don’t want us to have silly misunderstandings.”
“I can do that.” I nod slowly and then reach up and pull his face down to mine. “I love you, Max. And I trust you. I promise to come to you when my overactive brain starts going crazy.”
“Good.” He says before he kisses me. “Now, let’s go home before we get a citation for public lewdness because I don’t know how much longer I can keep my hands off of you.”
“You love me. You want to marry me. You want to sex me up all night long.” I sing as he leads me back to the car. He presses me up against the door, runs his fingers up my top and then kisses my neck. I reach up under his shirt and touch his warm skin and tremble as he growls against my ear.
“I love you more than you’ll ever know, Lila,” he whispers in my ear. “Don’t you ever forget that.”