Chapter 24 #3
"Fuck, why do you have to feel so good?" I growl before sliding in again, the sound of her wetness sucking me in, saying without words that I do to her exactly what she does to me, spurring me on as much as it pisses me off.
When I've weighed the risks in every scenario where she runs, I let her go.
I let her go because if she goes, it's what she needs to be happy, but fuck if I'm not reconsidering that stupid train of thought.
Her hips meet every one of my thrusts, her heels digging into my ass, pressing me inside, holding me where she wants me like she wants this to last the same way I do.
"The things that aren't good for us always feel the best." Her words give me pause, and I find her eyes. "Just pretend I'm another warm body, like any other you've used to replace me."
Did she really just fucking say that? "Another warm body? You could never be that, and you know it," I grind out, unable to let her pile on another lie. We’re drowning in enough of them.
I still feel her in my skin and bones. Not a day has gone by where I haven't carried her with me.
Warm bodies are there to fill a void, one her absence carved inside of me.
I wasn't supposed to ever see her again.
She was supposed to be living a beautiful life without me.
But she isn't just another warm body. She bites the corner of her mouth, and her fingers dig into my shoulders.
"Just finish what you started."
Her words hit hard, and I feel them everywhere, burning through my chest and making my pulse race.
She's lying to me, to herself, to whatever we still have left.
I can hear it in her voice, even when she's trying to sound like she doesn't care. I hate this. Hate the way we’re acting like what we had doesn’t matter anymore.
Her voice sounds cold and distant, but when she speaks, I hear its tremble. She's scared, just like I am.
My hands are too rough, moving too fast. I'm being selfish, taking what I want instead of giving us what we need.
I know it's wrong, but I can't seem to slow down.
This isn't how we used to be together. We used to take our time, touch each other like we meant something.
Now we're both fighting while we're trying to love each other.
She says cruel things to push me away, and I respond by being too aggressive, too demanding.
We're hurting each other in the worst way possible, and underneath it all, I can still feel how much we want this. How much we want each other.
We're barely holding on. Every word, every touch could be the thing that breaks us for good.
But even as we're tearing each other apart, even as we pretend this doesn't mean anything, I know we're both terrified.
If we stop pretending, if we let ourselves feel everything we used to feel, we might not be able to handle losing it all over again.
My grip tightens, fingers pressing into the curve of her ass, feeling the strength in her body, the way she fits against me like she was made for me.
The thought hits me hard, and I can't shake it loose.
Maybe I don't get to keep her. Maybe I've already lost any right to call her mine.
But I'll be damned if she's going to forget this… if she's going to forget me.
So I pour everything I can't say into the way I touch her, into every movement, every kiss.
All the words I'm too scared to speak, all the love I'm too broken to admit.
If this is all I get, if this is the last time she lets me close enough to matter, then I'm going to make sure it burns into her memory the way she's burned into mine.
I thrust inside, fast and deep, her moans increasing to borderline screams that have me on the edge of coming.
Were it not for the storm outside, I'd have to cover her mouth.
I've never particularly enjoyed it when my partners were vocal, and now it's abundantly clear that it's always been because they weren't her. I love every intoxicating crescendo.
Her pussy starts to choke my cock like a vise. "I'm going to come."
"Fuck yeah, you are. Come on my cock, heartbreaker.
" The words are out like a reflex because, in my head, they are.
In my head, she is still mine. That nickname rolling off my lips is the last thing I needed to say, but the way her orgasm barrels down and instantly starts milking my cock, it's hard to say she hated it.
My teeth sink into the base of her neck, and her nails dig into my back as I find my release.
A small piece, minuscule as it may have been…
it was there all the same, thinking this could cure the years of yearning and pent-up anger.
That perhaps this moment had to happen so we could find closure—so I could finally let her go.
There was a chance this was what I needed to get her out of my system.
The goodbye that was taken from us. But those are minor vexations compared to the gut-wrenching sensation that all but chokes out whatever soul may have remained when I feel my release leak out of her and drip down my balls.
"Shit." I slam my fist into the wall beside her before setting her down. I don't dare look at her. I can't. I'm already ruined. Seeing the flush in her cheeks from the pleasure I just gave her will be my undoing .
"Dallas… Dallas, are you in here?" Madison's voice slices through the sound of our labored breaths. My eyes flash to the window, where I see it has stopped raining.
"You don't have to worry about me saying anything. I won't tell Madison. It's not like this changes anything." Laney's voice is low, like what just happened between us is a dirty secret.
I freeze and take a second to choose my words and not lose my mind, arguing the lie in every one of her words. This has most definitely changed things. She's still deflecting. There's no way she doesn't feel anything. We are far from over. I set her down and quickly pull up my wet jeans.
"Madison is the last thing I'm worried about. Right now, I'm more concerned about the mistake dripping down your thighs."
Fuck. I shouldn't have said that. Everything is coming out wrong, twisted by anger into something cruel.
Years of things we've never said to each other, secrets I’ve kept, and this is what finally comes out?
This isn't the mistake. We could never be a mistake.
But I should have been more careful. I should have protected us both.
I close my eyes quickly, focusing on my pants. "I forgot to use a condom," I say with my back to her as I search for her top and hand it to her so she can cover herself.
"Dallas!" Madison calls out again, the sound of boots pounding gravel quickly closing the distance. "Dallas, something's wrong with Titan!"
My heart drops, and I straighten, every muscle in my body tensing.
Titan, my stallion, my partner for the past six years, my ear to bend through every late-night ride, for every ten-hour day spent tending to chores.
He's been with me, weathering every storm since I arrived, since my world was turned on its head.
"Go," Laney's voice cuts through the silence behind me, barely above a whisper but sharp, the word carrying the weight of her exhaustion and disappointment.
My anger doesn't just rise. It erupts, flooding my veins before I can stop it. Here we are again. She's assuming the worst, painting me as the monster before I've even had a chance to explain. Before I've had a chance to be anything else.
My knuckles go white against the stall door, wood creaking under the pressure of my grip. I need something solid to anchor me, to keep me from turning around and seeing the look in her eyes, the one that says she's already written the ending to this story.
"I am what you make me." The words leave my mouth, steady and controlled, each syllable measured and deliberate. But they taste like truth and tragedy all at once, bitter on my tongue because no words have ever cut deeper or rang truer.
I want to be her knight in shining armor, her safe harbor in every storm, her always and forever. I want to be the one who makes her laugh until her sides ache, who holds her when the world gets too heavy, who loves her so fiercely that we rewrite the fate the gods decided was ours.
But if she needs a villain and casting me as the enemy is what keeps her whole, what helps her sleep at night, what makes her feel justified in walking away, then I'll wear that mask too. I'll be her darkness if it means she gets to stay in the light.
Whatever it takes. Whatever role she needs me to play. As long as she survives this. As long as she remains whole.