Chapter 25
LANEY
M y shirt is still soaked, clinging tightly to my body as I enter the main barn.
The jeans I'm wearing are heavy and cold.
I desperately want to change, but I'm not at home.
Seabiscuit, the horse I was evaluating on the trail ride, got spooked by the storm, so riding home isn't an option.
However, the closer I get, the more what felt like punishment looks like responsibility.
If I had my horse, if I were back at Fairfield, I'd be able to flee to the comfort of my room instead of facing the music and taking ownership of a choice I made.
Before we took things further, London gave me an out.
He asked me if I was sure, and I said yes, and I fucking meant it.
I wanted him so badly. I still do, but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt.
Having him that way again, feeling him want me, his mouth covering mine as he moved inside of me, was everything.
All that we had lost was suddenly alive and real again, and fuck if it didn't scare the shit out of me.
It's why I pushed. It's why I said things I knew he wouldn't like—that I wouldn't like—and now here I am, still on the outside.
"Stupid," I mutter to myself as I kick a rock, entering the main barn.
"Have you noticed Titan acting any different recently?
" I hear Asha ask in the distance, the sound of her voice turning my head.
Looking east, I see Trigg, Fish, and Abbey gathered in a tight cluster outside of Titan's stall.
I do one more quick scan down my body to ensure my outfit doesn't scream, I just fucked my ex-boyfriend in a stall, and join them.
"Do we know what happened?" I ask, coming to stand on Fisher's left.
"We all reached the stable seconds before the hail started pinging off the roof. Everyone was fine. Madison was helping Abbey untack Gypsy and then went to attend to Titan when she found him lying on his side."
Peering into the stall, I see Asha crouched beside Titan with a med kit spread across the floor, her stethoscope pressed against his heaving chest as London hovers anxiously, his callused hands trembling as they stroke over Titan's coat.
"His bit was bothering him, so I switched to a new one, but otherwise, he seemed normal." London's voice is unsteady. "Just some head tossing and maybe not drinking as much, but after the bit change, he perked right up. I thought—" He swallows hard. "I thought it was nothing."
Asha's shoulders sag as she pulls back from her examination, and a telltale sigh escapes her lips, one that makes my stomach drop every time. Whatever comes next won't be good news.
"Titan is running a fever, and his submandibular lymph nodes are significantly enlarged." Her clinical tone can't mask the sympathy in her eyes. "Combined with the head tossing and difficulty swallowing you described, I think this could be strangles."
London's face crumples as raw devastation replaces hope, and his hands fall limp at his sides.
Before I can move, Madison rushes to console him, leaning over Titan and wrapping her arms around London's neck, pulling him in for a hug. The sight of her comforting him sends a vicious stab of jealousy straight through my ribs.
My hands clench into fists. She's the last person who should be comforting him.
I know how strangles are contracted, and her horse is the likely culprit.
Strangles spreads like wildfire, and until today, no new horses had set foot on this property except Gypsy.
There's no way Titan caught this from Seabiscuit or a Fairfield horse.
"I'll need to collect nasal swabs and blood samples," Asha continues, her voice cutting through my thoughts. "I can process them at the Fairfield's clinic?—"
"No need," Trigg interrupts. "We can run everything in our lab at the stud barn."
Asha nods curtly then surveys our small crowd with the calculating gaze of someone about to deliver more bad news. "This entire barn goes into immediate quarantine. Every horse that went on today's trail ride plus any animal that's had contact with Titan in the past ten days."
"We have a show next weekend," Abbey protests.
"The incubation period ranges from three to ten days." Asha's tone brooks no argument. "No horse leaves this property until we know what we're dealing with. I'll test Gypsy as well, but given the timeline..." She pauses, her meaning clear.
Madison's head snaps up, her eyes blazing. "Gypsy shows no symptoms whatsoever. How can you be sure it's not one of your horses?"
"Because none of my horses have been on this property until today's ride," Asha replies evenly.
"And you transported Gypsy here using a commercial hauling service directly from California.
Those trailers service multiple facilities.
It's entirely possible she contracted the bacteria during transport. "
The accusation hangs in the air, and Madison's face pales, her grip on London's arm tightening.
"London, I'm so sorry." Her voice breaks on the words, tears pooling in her eyes. "This is all my fault."
He immediately cups her face in his large hands, thumbs brushing away the tears that spill down her cheeks. "Hey, don't do this to yourself. I offered Gypsy a stall while you were in town. That was my decision. We don't know anything for certain until those tests come back."
Watching him tenderly console the woman who may have just destroyed his horse and endangered his entire stable unleashes a mix of emotions I was not prepared for.
Rage, heartbreak, and a possessiveness so fierce it frightens me all war for dominance.
He just found out she's likely responsible for his beloved horse falling ill.
Strangles is not a death sentence, but it can be.
I turn away, unable to watch and rationalize how he ran from me when I needed him most. I know these scenarios are not the same, but all of this is too much on the heels of what we just shared. He cares for her, and my stomach can't take it.
I don't even make it halfway down the barn before Fisher is at my side. "Where are you going?"
"I need to get out of here," I say, not slowing my stride.
"You're running, then? What you saw back there isn't what you think."
Those words make me stop. "What is it you think I saw?"
"I'm not sure, but it looked a lot like hurt." He furrows his brow and looks toward the barn. "This isn't the same. Madison isn't Riley. He's not playing a game."
I cross my arms, my annoyance with his speech steadily rising. "Are you saying it was a game back then?"
"No." He runs his hand through his hair, clearly struggling to find the right words, which is new for Fisher.
Fisher doesn't trip over his words. One thing about Fish is that he's always been a reliable rock.
Ever since we were young, he was wise beyond his years, which is why a knot starts forming in my stomach.
His nerves are getting the best of him because he knows what I don't. He has information he didn't have before.
"All I'm trying to say is he cares about Madison. "
I roll my eyes. "I'm so glad you chased me outside to tell me that."
He reaches for my arm, stopping me from taking off. "You know what I'm trying to say. You, of all people, should know the difference between caring for someone enough that you don't want to hurt them versus loving them."
He's right. I do. I sigh. "That doesn't mean I care to witness it." I let the silence hang between us. I'm not here to argue. Am I upset? Yes, but that's of my own doing. "Look, I need to find Seabiscuit. He ran off right before the storm. I hitched a ride with London on his horse."
"Okay, but just to confirm. You're not running?"
I shrug. "Not right now," I say with a small smile. "You gonna help me find that horse?"
"Let's do it," he says as we walk, the gravel crunching heavy underfoot.
Before London left me naked and cold to wallow in what he called our shared mistake, he said, "I am what you make me.
" I want to make him mine, but I'm learning that won't come easily.
I have to accept that being different isn't a betrayal—it's survival.
Making him mine might be painful, but where there is love, there is pain, and with faith, patience, and a sprinkle of luck, I think this pain will be useful not just for me… but for us.