28. Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Allie
I didn’t sleep a damn wink last night.
I’m pretty sure my tossing and turning kept Jax up half the night too.
He never complained though. We spent most of the morning wrapped up in the same blanket I have lazily draped across my lap now.
All we did was talk, trying to figure out where we go from here.
But honestly? I can’t even focus on any of that until I figure out things with Nora.
It’s something about me that I wish I could change. My empathy is just… too much. Once I know I’ve upset someone, it feels like the entire world is ending. People tell me it makes me a good nurse, but they don’t get how many hours of sleep I lose just thinking about every patient I come across.
Jax practically begged me to go with him to the studio, not wanting me to be alone while I’m this upset. But what the hell would I do? Mope around and risk dragging him down during something so huge for his career? No thanks.
Instead, I promised I’d stay right here on the couch and not check my phone too many times.
I already broke that one, but he’s not here to find out.
The creak of the door breaks the silence, sending my anxiety straight through the roof. It grips my throat tight like a vice; the thought flashes that maybe it’s Nora. Maybe she’s finally ready to talk and just couldn’t bring herself to do it over text.
“Any update?” I hear Ana call out, and then the sound of the door closing behind her.
My heart slowly falls into my stomach.
I look down and smooth out the throw blanket across my lap, as if that tiny motion might somehow settle the urge clawing inside me to grab my phone for the millionth time today.
“Nope,” I say quietly.
I shouldn’t be surprised at this point. Three whole days have passed, and not a single word from Nora. Yet I still am.
I throw my arm over the back of the couch, watching Ana step farther into the room. She pauses in the doorway and leans against the frame as her eyes sweep across the space.
“Is Jax still here?” she asks, her eyebrows furrowing slightly.
I shake my head. “No, he left about half an hour ago. They had to get ready for the studio tomorrow morning.”
She presses her lips into a tight line. “Ah. That’s right.”
Then she crosses to sinks into the cushion beside me. The second she connects to the seat, she steals my blanket like the thief she is, tugging it until it’s stretched across both of us.
She turns to me, tilting her head to the side. “I’m sorry she still hasn’t reached out, Allie. I wish I could say I’m surprised, but… I’m just not,” she says with a shrug. “You’re both stubborn like that.”
My head drops against the back of the couch, eyes locking onto the spinning blades of the ceiling fan.
“It just sucks,” I blurt out, sharper than I mean to. “I finally feel like I can actually fall apart and not be terrified of losing the one thing I know I deserve. And I can’t even enjoy my last week with him. Instead, I’m just carrying around this… guilt.”
And then my eyes are stinging, and the tears hit— again .
Jax tried canceling with the guys because he felt guilty leaving me here with how much I keep crying, but I told him I’d text if I needed him and I’m trying really hard not to need him.
I cover my face with my hands, trying to steady my breathing and swallow down the sobs already pushing through my chest.
Ana scoots closer, gently wrapping an arm around my shoulder. “For what it’s worth, I’m fucking proud of you,” she murmurs.
I look up at her, blinking rapidly so I can actually see her face instead of just the blurry shape through my tears. “Why would you be proud of me right now? Don’t you see what’s happening?”
She lets out a soft laugh. “It might be shitty right now, but the second Nora mentioned a bucket list, I saw that flash of fear in your eyes.” She gestures toward my face. “But if you ask me? You checked off every single one of those boxes the moment you took a chance with Jax.”
“Yeah, but look what happened!” I choke out, the sobs already hitting in violent waves. “I lost a friend over it.”
“You’ve gotta stop focusing on the negative here, Allie,” she says gently. “Let me ask you this. Are you happy with Jax?”
I blow out a shaky breath and nod. “Unbelievably.”
“Then that should be the only thing that matters,” she says softly.
“But,” she starts again, turning in her seat to face me.
“You also hid it from her, Allie. She’s one of your best friends , and you hid your happiness from her.
If I were her, I’d be upset too. That being said though, it gave her absolutely no right to say the things she did. Drunk or not.”
I look down while a wave of shame floods through me.
They both have a point— fair points. I didn’t think about any of this when Jax and I made this decision.
The only thing I was focused on was that this was my life , and I just didn’t want to be judged.
Judged as a mother, as a nurse, or judged as a human being with morals and standards.
“I just don’t know what to do,” I choke out, dragging my hands down my face. “How am I supposed to fix this if she won’t talk to me?”
“What about suggesting some one-on-one time?” Ana suggests softly. “You guys haven’t had that all vacation.”
That was supposed to be the entire point of this vacation—the three of us hanging out, no stress, no distractions. Then Nora starts seeing Gareth, and nobody bats an eye. But when I start doing the same thing, all hell breaks loose, and I lose a friend over it.
S he didn’t lie to her friends about it.
I give her a tight-lipped smile and then pick up my phone from beside me on the couch. My fingers tremble slightly typing one more message to Nora.
Hey, listen… I really want to just talk this out. Can we please meet up tomorrow morning for breakfast? Just the two of us? It’s on me.
My phone vibrates almost instantly with an incoming message.
Nora
K
I have to physically swallow the knot forming in my throat at that response—and how quick it came. Although, on a more positive note, that means she was getting my messages, and didn’t block me. That’s at least something.
“I guess we’re going to breakfast tomorrow,” I say, flashing Ana the proof.
“That’s good!” she exclaims, nodding.
I nod too. “It is. God knows we needed at least some sliver of good news.”
“Speaking of good news…”
My eyes flick to hers, watching her smile grow rapidly across her face.
My posture straightens, and I turn toward her quickly like an eager puppy. “Tell me!”
She laughs. “Okay, I haven’t told anyone yet, and I know we’re in a situation where hiding something blew up in your face, so I’m a hypocrite”—she pauses, smiling wider—“but I got an email the other day.”
Her eyes sparkle before she digs her phone out of her pocket and hands it to me.
I read it over, my heart picking up with every word. My hand travels to my mouth, covering it in complete shock.
“Your book was nominated for an award? In New York ?” I gape, needing to say it out loud because it feels too good to be true.
She nods, her eyes shimmering with unshed happy tears. “Yeah, I was going to tell everyone at the barbecue, but you know.” She chuckles awkwardly.
I wrap my arms tight around her neck, squealing with excitement.
“I told you it was amazing! This is incredible news,” I gush.
And then, suddenly, I’m sobbing again. Tears streaming down my cheeks—except this time? This time, they’re happy tears.
“It’s like I said,” she says through a deep breath. “Everything’s going to work out, Allie.”
And for the first time in the last few days, I’m finally starting to believe that. The guys go to the studio tomorrow, Ana’s freaking book got nominated for an award I know it deserves, and in the morning, I’ll finally get to figure things out with Nora.
We’re only here for a few more days, so we really need to sort this out.
Or it’s going to be one hell of an awkward drive home.