29. Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Allie
Sitting in this diner surrounded by the smell of eggs, bacon, and sweet maple syrup is seriously twisting my stomach.
The nerves haven’t let up all morning ever since Nora first stepped into my car, all through the drive here, and even now, while I sit across from her in some random breakfast diner in the heart of Boston.
Coffee mugs clink loudly in my ears as I try not to think about how many people are packed into this place.
I figured a Monday morning wouldn’t be too crowded, but here we are, surrounded by strangers while I shift uncomfortably in my seat, trying to come up with a way to apologize to my best friend.
I slowly stir Half and Half into my coffee, trying to swallow past the rising bile in my throat. Because nothing would make this apology breakfast more awkward than throwing up all over Nora’s mountain of blueberry pancakes. I can already see how that would play out.
I watch her pour a thick, glistening layer of syrup over the stack and immediately have to avert my eyes. But everywhere I turn, the smells are just as unbearable.
Gripping my mug tightly in my hands, I let its warmth seep through the ceramic and carefully lift it to my nose in hopes it’ll drown out the other scents.
After taking a slow sip, I set the mug down gently and lift my eyes until they land on her from across the table.
She still hasn’t looked up once. We’ve been here for at least thirty minutes already, and she hasn’t said a single word.
Just ordered her food and scrolled through her phone until the waitress dropped off her multiple plates.
But I haven’t said much of anything either besides, “Thanks for meeting me,” like this was some business arrangement.
I try to clear my throat, a futile attempt to break the silence, but even that doesn’t make her glance up. She just stabs her fork violently into her home fries, more than likely picturing my face in there somewhere.
Then, my phone vibrates deep in my pocket, echoing loudly across the restaurant since these damn chairs are plastic. It causes a few people to shoot me annoyed glances, and I suddenly want to sink farther into my chair. Or maybe even crawl under the table.
I pull it out quickly and check the message.
Jaxon
Hey sweetheart. Just wanted to say you got this, and I’m a message away if you need me. If I don’t answer, I might be in the booth, so try James. Love you.
My smile widens after every reread. Each time is better than the last, and the butterflies flood through my stomach.
I haven’t told him I loved him back, yet. I’ve been trying so hard to make sure that’s exactly what this feeling is before spewing it out there. But I know without a doubt that I do. There’s no other name for this feeling I have just seeing his name on my screen, or every time we’re together.
But the first time I say the words, won’t be through a text. I want to look into his eyes when I say it, so he knows how much I mean every word.
You’re going to do great. Remember, you deserve this. And don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. See you when you get out, handsome 3
“Let me guess… that was Jax,” Nora says, finally breaking the silence. The way she says it, I can’t tell if she’s annoyed or just stating a simple fact. There’s almost no emotion in her tone, and she still hasn’t bothered looking up from her monstrosity of a plate.
My eyes fall to my lap, and I nervously start picking at my fingernails.
“Uh… yeah. It was,” I admit quietly.
She drops her fork onto her plate and reaches over to grab the stack of French toast she also ordered. Now I’m just wondering if Gareth even fed her while she was over there.
“Look, I don’t want you to think I’m not happy for you. I am. I just… don’t get why you couldn’t tell me. It’s not like you were the only one sleeping with someone on vacation,” she says nonchalantly with a shrug.
I blow out a long breath, finally feeling like I can fill my lungs now that she’s speaking, since I sure as hell didn’t know how to start.
“Honestly?” I shrug, shaking my head. “I just didn’t want to be talked out of it. It felt like something I needed to do for myself, and I know you guys care. I just wanted to feel like I was in control for once.”
She pauses cutting before her eyes flick to mine. “But I was doing the same thing, Allie. Did you try to talk me out of it?”
I blink a few times, then shake my head. “Well… no.”
“And why was that?”
I laugh nervously. “Because you’re an adult. You’re capable of making your own decisions with your body.”
She gestures toward me, like I’ve just made her entire point.
Well… I guess I did just say her whole point.
I look down, slipping the hem of my shirt between my fingers. “I’m… sorry, Nora. I should have told you. I just honestly didn’t think it would even last long enough to be worth mentioning to anyone,” I admit quietly, still not looking up.
“Why didn’t you think it would last?”
“Because I’m me… and he’s, well, him,” I say with a soft chuckle, then look up to meet her eyes. “I really didn’t think I could handle the whole no-strings-attached thing. But I was thinking about the bucket list and all the things I missed out on in my life.”
She narrows her eyes at me, one brow still raised high. “Oh, don’t tell me you guys fell in love.”
She says “ love ” like it’s a dirty word. Although there’s a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.
I look down quickly, tucking my hair behind my ears. “Yeah… we did.”
“Girl,” she says flatly, and my heart sinks.
My eyes flick up to hers—and that’s when I see it: the start of a genuine smile.
“That’s the number one rule of fuck buddies.”
I laugh, shaking my head. “Wait, so you and Gareth?”
“No!” she exclaims. “Absolutely not. Just strictly fun.”
Why does that for some reason make me feel worse?
Nora’s mid-bite when syrup drips from her French toast, pooling on the plate beneath her. She holds the fork up to her mouth, then lowers it to look at me.
“I’m sorry for what I said. About all of it. I don’t have an excuse, I was just hurt,” she says sincerely.
I give her a small smile and reach across the table with my heart cracking in two. When her hand meets mine, I give it a light squeeze.
“I’m not going to say it’s okay because it wasn’t. But I do forgive you, and I hope you can forgive me for keeping this from you. It won’t happen again, I swear.”
She smiles, too, squeezing my hand back. “You better not,” she says quietly. “Now. We have some serious catching up to do. I need all the details.” She quickly raises her finger, pointing at me. “And don’t you dare leave anything out.”
My eyes widen while I glance around the diner. “Here?” I whisper.
My gaze immediately lands on a sweet elderly couple nearby who definitely look like they’d clutch their pearls if I started talking about how Jax spit wine into my mouth the other night.
Nora laughs, pulling my attention back to her.
She shakes her head. “No, not here. I’m full. And you didn’t even order anything, like a total psychopath. We can go back to the house if you want,” she says, wiping the corner of her mouth with a napkin.
My smile is wide, and I nod. “I’d love that.”
My nerves evaporate, like they were never even there.
I’d been so worked up the last four days, convinced we’d cause some kind of scene in this diner—for nothing.
This probably wouldn’t have spiraled the way it did if I had just stopped making excuses and listened.
Really listened to her instead of trying so hard to be heard.
I guess now I can check “ Life Lesson ” off the bucket list.
After paying the outrageous bill, we slide into the car, and Nora’s hand flies straight to the radio. She puts on Backstreet Boys, and just like that, we’re back to our usual karaoke car session like nothing ever happened.
And that’s how it should be. Friends fight. We’re human, and sometimes we take things too far. But it’s what you do after that really matters.
“Oh my god, you have no idea how much I missed this. Gareth never lets me touch the radio.” She groans, throwing her head back against the seat.
I scrunch my nose. “Now I’m kind of wondering what Jax would do if I tried,” I say with a laugh.
“Well, now you have to try it,” she replies while I turn out of the parking lot.
We ease through the city with the windows down, serenading half of Boston like we’re the ones on tour. Not even pausing our session at red lights, drawing all kinds of judgmental looks, but we don’t let it stop us.
Nora and I share a glance, then scream the lyrics to “I Want It That Way” in perfect, off-key tune. A horn blares behind us, and when I look up, I realize the light’s already green.
I wave an apology out the window and laugh before I press my foot to the gas, the car lurching forward.
We don’t even make it fully into the intersection before I hear—
Screeching tires.
Horns blaring.
And Nora’s screams.