33. Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Three
Allie
I slowly peel my eyes open, trying to let them adjust to the harsh fluorescent lights hanging above me.
I blink a few times, willing the pressure in my head to ease while a spike of pain radiates through my eye sockets.
It feels like I’ve downed ten glasses of wine, and now I’m clinging to the worst hangover of my life.
When the blur finally begins to fade, I glance down and see wires. Everywhere.
Heart monitor leads spill over me, a blood pressure cuff is tight around my arm, and an IV drip hangs from my left forearm.
I try to shift in the bed, but a searing pain rips through my abdomen, making me want to double over, but I physically can’t.
What the hell happened?
I search my mind, desperate for answers—but it’s blank. I remember going to breakfast, making up with Nora, us singing in the car.
Then it all hits me at once.
Screeching tires. Nora’s screams. Blood. Everywhere.
The images rush through my mind so fast it makes my heart race, too fast .
The alarms beside me blare, and suddenly, three nurses burst into my room, and everything’s happening so fast it makes my head spin.
One nurse rushes to the monitor beside me, another snatches the clipboard from the end of the bed, and the third hurries to my side, gripping my hand tightly.
“Everything’s okay, Allie,” she says with a soothing voice.
I look over at her as the room continues shifting around me.
“What happened? Where’s Nora?” I ask frantically, trying to push myself upright, but another sharp pain sears through my stomach, and I collapse back against the bed with a wail.
“I need you to take a deep breath and try not to move. You just had surgery—” she starts, but I cut her off.
“Surgery?” I exclaim loudly. “Where the hell is Nora?”
The nurse at the foot of the bed looks up from the clipboard and quickly moves to my side, pushing away the other nurse. She places a warm hand on my shoulder, trying to calm me.
But it’s no use. Nothing is working.
I just want to know where Nora is.
“Allie,” she says, her voice soft and soothing. “We really need you to take a deep breath. Do you need something to help calm you down?”
I force a few deep breaths, even though all I want to do is scream until someone gives me a damn answer.
“I just want to know what happened,” I say, my voice breaking on every word, my head sinking into the bed.
She sits on the edge of the bed, grabs my hand, and tilts her head. “Sweetie, you were in an accident. The doctor will be here any minute to explain everything. We already paged him. He’s on his way.”
“Can you at least tell me if Nora’s okay?” I ask, my eyes burning with tears.
Just as she opens her mouth, there’s a soft knock at the door, and it creaks open. A tall man steps inside, wearing light-blue scrubs and a matching cap, salt-and-pepper hair peeking out underneath. He carefully shuts the door behind him.
“Hello, Allison,” he says, walking over to the wall for sanitizer. “I’m Dr. O’Neil. I performed your surgery today.”
The nurse gives me one last compassionate look before she lifts off the bed and exits quietly with the others.
I can’t tear my eyes away, I just watch him lather his hands with sanitizer, the smell already burning my nose.
He reaches my bedside in a few strides, picks up the clipboard from the foot of it, and studies it for a second.
“What happened?” I ask quietly.
“You were in a car accident,” he says softly, setting the clipboard down before pulling one of the chairs up to my bed.
He sits, and when his eyes meet mine, they’re warm, but it does nothing to calm the panic still bubbling in my chest.
“When you got here, we found pieces of the windshield had entered your abdomen. We had to rush you into surgery to get the glass out. Usually, it’s pretty straightforward. We’d put you under, take it out, stitch you up.”
He pauses, then leans in a little more. “But when we opened you up, we found one of the shards had done more damage than we expected. It didn’t just nick your fallopian tube, it severed it.”
My chest tightens. A lump rises in my throat, and my hand shoots up to cover my mouth while a sob threatens to spill its way out.
He gently places a hand on my shoulder. “Allie… there’s more.” He says gently. “We tried everything, but the damage was too severe. We had to remove the entire tube. You still have the other one, but it looks like there’s some scarring we believe is from endometriosis.”
A wave of nausea rolls over me. It’s like my heart’s just dropped straight into the pit of my stomach.
“Does this mean… I can’t get pregnant?” I whisper, eyebrows pulling together as I try not to fall apart.
I need Jax .
“It means it’ll be hard,” he says gently. “But not impossible. There are still options—IVF, surrogacy, adoption. All of them are great paths if and when you’re ready.”
He gives my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “If you do get pregnant naturally, it’d be considered high-risk because of your injuries. But you’re not alone—we’ve got some amazing support groups for this sort of trauma. I’ll make sure the nurse gives you all the information before you leave.”
He offers one last kind look before getting up and heading toward the door.
“Wait!” The word bursts out of me, my voice cracking. “What about Nora?”
He pauses, his hand still on the door handle. “The nurse said you have a few friends waiting outside with your husband. Would you like us to bring them in?”
My husband?
“Y-yeah. Please,” I say, my voice sounding just as confused as I feel.
“They’ll be right in,” he says with a soft smile before the door clicks shut behind him.
And then I’m alone. Sitting in this stiff hospital bed, feeling cold and hollow .
My chest tightens, and all I can think about is wrapping my arms around my girls. The thought that I almost didn’t make it. That I was so close to never seeing them again. It’s tearing me apart.
But before the breakdown can hit full force, there’s a soft knock at the door. Then a nurse pokes her head in.
“Allie? You have three visitors, but we can only bring in two at a time,” she says. “Do you have a preference on who comes first?”
“Can you send Nora and Ana in? I’d like to see Jax after, please,” I answer quietly.
“Sure thing, hon,” she says, and slips back out.
I close my eyes, trying to ride out another wave of emotions crashing over me.
The pain. The confusion. All of it.
I take a deep breath and do my best to hold it together. I can’t fall apart in front of them. Not when I know they’re carrying their own pieces of this. We all are.
The door creaks open, and Ana walks in first with Nora just behind her. They move slowly and take the chairs beside my bed. Nora’s arm is in a sling, and she has a split eyebrow, but she’s here. Breathing.
And I’m so grateful she’s okay.
“Hey,” Ana says softly, placing a warm hand over mine.
Nora sinks farther into her chair and takes in a sharp, trembling breath.
“Nora, it’s okay,” I whisper, reaching out and motioning for her to come closer.
She slides her chair forward and gently lays her head on my lap. I start rubbing slow circles on her back, trying to soothe her while she quietly falls apart.
“I’m so sorry, Allie,” she says, looking up at me with tear-streaked cheeks and eyes full of guilt.
I shake my head, trying to keep my voice steady. “You don’t need to be sorry, Nora. This isn’t your fault.”
“Yeah, but if I hadn’t been such a jealous bitch, you wouldn’t be here.” Her voice cracks while she sits up, gesturing toward the hospital bed. “We were just supposed to grab breakfast. And now you had emergency surgery, and I find out I’m pregnant ? What the hell is happening?”
Wait. Nora’s… pregnant ?
Nora’s pregnant. And I might never have another baby.
The thought hits like a punch, stealing the air from my lungs.
I’m trying to hold it together, but my emotions are tearing me to pieces—and right now, they’re winning.
Part of me is happy for Nora since she gets to bring another life into the world. But the other part? The one still reeling from the loss I haven’t even begun to process? That part is shattered.
I’m mourning everything Jax and I might never have. The little kicks. The late-night cravings. Building a nursery. Hearing a baby call me “mama” again for the first time.
It’s too fucking much.
I can’t hold it in anymore. I drop my head, and a sob rips out of me. It shakes through my whole body, and the tears come fast. Pain flares in my side, tugging at the fresh incision, and it only makes the sobs worse. My chest feels like it’s folding in on itself.
Ana’s voice is tight with worry as she quickly gets up and sits beside me on the bed. “Allie, what is it? Are you okay?”
Nora grabs my hand, squeezing it like she’s trying to ground me. “Should we get Jax? Do you want him?” she asks, her voice laced with panic.
I cover my face with shaking hands, trying to breathe, trying to think, but everything’s spinning.
Without another word, Ana and Nora both jump up and rush to the door.
“We’ll go get him, Al,” Nora says, her voice laced with worry but trying so hard to be full of reassurance.
Not even a minute later, the door swings open again, and Ana steps in with Jax right behind her. The moment his eyes meet mine, the color drains from his face. He freezes in place, like seeing me like this knocks the air out of him.
He leans over, whispering something to Ana, too low for me to hear. She gives him a small, understanding nod, then quietly slips back out, closing the door behind her.
Jax walks slowly to the bed, placing a warm hand on the back of mine, rubbing soft circles. “Do you need anything, love? Are you in pain?” he murmurs.
I shake my head, unable to speak while the tears still pour. The bed rail clicks down, and then I feel the mattress shift while he climbs in beside me. I curl toward him, pressing my face into his chest, trembling from the emotional and physical pain.
He wraps his arms around me, holding me close, smoothing my hair with a tenderness that breaks me all over again.
“I’ve got you,” he whispers into my ear, again and again. “I’ve got you.”
When my breathing finally steadies, I take a deep breath, still tucked against his chest.
“They said the windshield severed one of my fallopian tubes,” I say, my voice thin and shaky.
He presses a kiss to the top of my head, and I slowly pull back, just enough to meet his eyes.
“The doctor said it’d be hard for me to get pregnant again without help,” I whisper, the words catching on a sob. “And even if I did … I’d be high-risk.”
“I’m so sorry, Allie,” Jax murmurs, his voice breaking with mine.
I can see it on his face—the way he’s trying so hard to be strong for me. But I know this is hitting him too. Seeing me like this? After what happened with his mom? It’s a lot. Still, I can’t stop the words from spilling out.
“I wanted one more,” I admit, barely audible. “I’m so grateful for my girls, I don’t want it to sound like I’m not. I just… I always pictured this big, happy family.”
I draw in a ragged breath, the ache in my chest swelling every second that passes.
“You’re not being selfish, Allie,” he says, tightening his hold on me. “You’re hurting because something was taken from you. It’s okay to grieve that. You have every right to feel this—a ll of it.”
My nails dig into his bicep while I try to hold back another wave of tears, using him as the anchor I never realized I would need this much.
“I’m right here with you,” he murmurs. “Every step of the way.”
“You have to go back to Wales, Jax,” I say, my voice strained. “You’re only here for a few more months, and I have to get back to my girls.”
“Listen to me, Allie,” he says steadily, shifting in the bed to face me. He cups my face in his hands, his thumbs gently brushing away the tears clinging to my cheeks.
“I’m not leaving.”
“But the band—”
“We can make music long-distance. We’ve done it before.
I can’t live without you, Allie. I just…
can’t.” He shrugs, almost helplessly. “I’ll stay in Boston to finish recording, but after that, I’m coming to you.
That’s it. That’s the plan.” He leans forward and kisses my forehead, his lips warm against my skin while more tears slip free.
“I can’t be the reason your dreams fall apart,” I whisper. “I love you, Jax, but you need your music.”
He shakes his head slowly, his eyes never leaving mine. “I need you more,” he says. “Plus, you really think James is gonna want to be away from Ana for more than a few months?”
A soft laugh escapes me while I shake my head. “No. Definitely not.”
“We’ll figure it out. Please don’t stress about that right now,” he says gently. “You need rest. We’ll talk about everything else later.”
He draws me into his arms, and I melt into him, my eyes fluttering closed.
This is where I’m meant to be. The only place I feel safe enough to just be . To breathe. To fall apart.
When I open my eyes again, I have no idea how much time has passed. The room is quiet; the kind of silence that feels like everything is on pause.
Then, a soft knock sounds and the door creaks open slowly.
I stay curled into Jax, blinking to clear my vision while a tall figure steps into the room. They move closer, their shape coming into focus when they lean over the bed.
“Allie?”