37. Chapter Thirty-Seven
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Allie
Why isn’t he answering?
My fingers are practically going numb from how many times I’ve called Jax, only to end up talking to his voicemail. Again.
I quickly dial his number again and press the phone to my ear.
“Hey, you’ve reached my phone. You know what to do.” The voicemail mocks me.
Again.
I hang up and type out a quick message:
Hey… Is everything okay? Call me
Just as I slip my phone back onto the end table, the door creaks open, and my heart leaps, my eyes darting toward it.
“Hi, Allie,” the nurse announces while she rolls a wheelchair into my room. “Did you get a hold of your ride?”
And just like that, my heart deflates.
I shake my head slowly. “Not yet,” I murmur, my eyes dropping to the floor.
She gives me a sympathetic look, locks the wheelchair in place, and heads for the door.
“I’ll come back in ten minutes,” she says with a small nod, then slips out of the room.
A lump forms in my throat. I haven’t felt this alone in… God, I don’t even know how long. My feet dangle off the edge of the bed, swinging lightly while my mind spirals.
Did he get into an accident? Is he lying somewhere on the side of the road, praying for help the same way I was just a few days ago?
What if—
A soft knock interrupts the thought, and the door creaks open.
Jax steps inside, hoodie pulled low over his head, his feet dragging against the floor.
Is he limping?
“I was going to call you,” he says, moving closer to the bed. He holds up his phone, the entire case spiderwebbed with cracks. “But…”
He sits beside me on the bed, and I can’t take my eyes off his phone. Slowly, he hands it over to me, and I run my thumb across it, feeling the tiny shards of metal catch on my skin.
I try to find his eyes, but they’re hidden beneath the shadow of his hood. All I can see are the faint lines of his face.
“What happened?” I ask softly.
I don’t want to pry, but it’s clear something happened.
“Nothing I wouldn’t do again,” he replies, planting a soft kiss on my temple. “Are you ready to go?”
I nod slowly. “Yeah,” I murmur.
Pushing off the mattress, I’m surprised by how much easier it is to stand. The pain’s still there, but it’s more bearable than it was this morning. I turn to him, hand outstretched. He takes it gently, then shifts his weight from one leg to the other as he stands.
He steps behind the wheelchair, resting his hands on the handles, and gives me a nod to slide in.
“Your chariot, my lady,” he says, dipping into an exaggerated bow.
Usually, I would giggle at his attempt to be silly, but right now, all I feel is worry . The hood. The shattered phone. The way he keeps shifting his weight like he’s trying not to favor one side.
“Are you sure you don’t need one of these?” I half joke, lowering myself into the seat.
“I’ll be just fine,” he replies, unlocking the wheels before carefully pushing me through the door.
When we reach Jax’s SUV, my heart slams against my chest at the thought of getting into a car again. My breath catches, and tears sting my eyes while the fight-or-flight instinct kicks in, begging me to run.
I take a deep breath, refusing to give in.
That was a freak accident, Allie. You’re safe. You can do this.
Jax kneels beside my chair, takes my hand, and squeezes it gently. “You’ve got this, Al. I’m right here with you,” he murmurs. “Take all the time you need.”
His words anchor me, making me feel like I might actually have control over this. I brace myself against the armrests, standing carefully while Jax keeps hold of my hand and uses his other one to open the door. I catch him wincing, his eyes pinching shut, but he doesn’t notice me watching.
He helps me buckle my seatbelt, and for a second, our eyes meet. Instinctively, mine flick to his lips—and I see it.
“Is that a cut on your lip?” I ask, reaching up without thinking, my thumb brushing his bottom lip, making him flinch slightly.
I carefully pull back his hood.
Then I find a bruise blooming just beneath his jawline, right along the edge of his stubble.
“What the hell happened?” I gasp, panic creeping into my voice.
His eyes drop, and I can see the shame in them when he shifts his weight again, still hovering over me.
Tears sting the back of my eyes, and I gently cup his face in my hands.
“Were you in an accident?” I whisper.
His eyes widen, and he shakes his head quickly, placing his warm hand over mine.
“No, Allie,” he says softly. “I’m sorry. It was just a disagreement with the guys.”
“A disagreement ends with you having a black-and-blue jaw and a split lip?” I press, my tone sharper than I mean it to be.
He gives me that crooked smirk, finally meeting my eyes and raising a brow.
“You should see the other guy,” he says, trying to make light of it.
I give him a look. “Jax. I’m serious.”
“I know, I’m sorry,” he says, his voice softening. “I’ll be fine. Promise.”
I want to keep pushing, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned about Jax over the past month, it’s that if he doesn’t want to talk about something, it’s probably really bugging him. And he’ll come to me when he’s ready.
So I let it go, and hope he comes to me soon.
The whole ride back to the house is just as tense as I expected. Jax does his best to keep me distracted, but every time we hit a stoplight, I can feel my heart rate shoot up.
But now, we’re inside, and my head’s resting against his chest, safe and sound.
At least until tomorrow.
“What’s the plan for tomorrow?” I ask, glancing up at him.
“Well, Ana packed your stuff this morning,” he says. “And Nora’s sticking around for a few more days with Gareth to figure things out—”
He suddenly stops, sinking further into the couch. I gently push myself off him and take his hand in mine.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” I ask quietly.
He shrugs, looking unsure. “I just… don’t want it to keep weighing on you,” he admits. “It worries me. I can’t even imagine how tough it’s gonna be for you, with her being your best friend and…”
Tears threaten to spill, but I blink them back.
“I know,” I say, giving his hand a soft squeeze. “I’ll figure it out. But what about you? We never really talked about how you’re feeling, with everything going on.”
He fidgets, eyes scanning the living room like he’s looking for something else to focus on.
“We don’t have to if you—”
“I never thought about having kids,” he finally says, meeting my gaze. “Not once. But the second I met you, and really got to know you…” He shakes his head slowly, like he can’t believe it himself. “I didn’t even realize I wanted something this much, but it doesn’t change how I feel about you.”
He tightens his grip on me, and I feel everything inside me start to spill over.
And then it does—tears are streaming down my face, and I try to hold them back, but I can’t.
He runs his fingers through my hair, gently massaging my scalp while he smooths it down. “I’m so sorry, love,” he murmurs into my hair.
“It’s not fair,” I cry, finally saying what I’ve been holding in.
“I know,” he says softly.
He rocks us back and forth, holding me tighter while my sobs come harder.
This is a part of me I don’t think I’ll ever fully heal from. We may have just started to figure each other out, and we might not have even known we’d want something like this, but it still feels like a loss .
I have no idea how I’m going to handle watching Nora go through her pregnancy. That’s going to be the hardest part. Trying to hide my sadness while trying to be happy for my best friend.
But how? How do I fake it? How do I act like everything’s fine when my world’s falling apart? Like something’s been ripped away from me?
“Woah,” Ana says from behind us, making us both jump.
I quickly pull myself out of Jax’s arms, wiping my eyes frantically.
She eyes us both. “I mean, we’re not leaving until tomorrow. Didn’t you guys already figure out how to make this work? What’s with the tears?” She laughs lightly, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.
I glance at Jax, and he gently runs his thumb under my eyes, catching the last of my tears.
“Ana, come sit,” I say softly, patting the seat next to me.
I turn, watching her face shift into confusion.
“What’s going on?” she asks, taking slow steps toward us before sitting beside me on the couch.
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “The doctor told me I might never be able to have kids,” I admit quietly, my voice shaky.
“Oh my god, Allie.” Ana gasps and pulls me straight into her arms. She hugs me tight, and it’s everything I can do not to fall apart all over again.
“So wait. Does that mean Nora’s staying here?” she asks after a moment, slowly pulling back to look at me.
“Yeah. A few extra days with Gareth. They need to figure out some kind of plan.”
“Good,” she mutters under her breath.
My eyebrows lift. “Wait, why are you saying it like that? Why do you sound mad at Nora?”
She throws her arms up, then lets them slap against her sides. “Because, Allie,” she snaps. “If she hadn’t freaked out about you hooking up with someone, you guys wouldn’t have even gone to that damn diner.”
I shake my head. “Ana, you can’t think like that. It’s not on her. It’s on the asshole who ran the red light.”
I watch while tears fill her eyes, and suddenly, I don’t know what to do. Ana isn’t a crier.
“I just—” her voice cracks. “I need someone to blame, Al. I almost lost my best friend.”
I grab her hands, trying to hold it together while my chest tightens. “I’m still here. And I’m not going anywhere.”
She wraps her arms around me again, holding on tighter than before. “You better not.”