38. Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Allie
“Are you sure you guys have to leave today?” Nora asks softly.
When I glance over, I see it written all over her face—she’s worried. She’s messing with the hem of her shirt, twisting it between her fingers like she’s trying not to say more.
I carefully place the folded shirt in my suitcase and push myself upright, one hand instinctively pressing against my side. I try not to let the wince show.
“I wish we didn’t,” I admit. “But yeah. We really do.”
She looks up at me, finally letting go of her shirt. “Promise me you’ll text the second you get home?”
The way her voice cracks makes my chest tighten. It almost makes me want to say screw it and stay—but I can’t.
Thing is, I’m scared too. My anxiety’s been in overdrive since the second I woke up. The idea of being stuck in a car for hours? It’s terrifying. But I need to go. I need to get home. I need space to have my own feelings, and I need to see my girls.
“You know I will, Nor,” I say, pulling her into a hug. “It’s gonna be okay.”
A soft knock at the door pulls us apart. It creaks open, and Jax peeks his head in.
“Hey, love,” he says gently. “Car’s packed whenever you’re ready.”
“I’ll give you guys a minute,” Nora says while she stands up and slips out quietly.
Jax watches her go, then turns back to me with a little smirk and walks over, dropping down onto the bed next to me.
It’s wild trying to wrap my head around this trip being over. Packing up, leaving this house… this place that somehow became so much more than just a vacation house.
I fell in love here.
I stepped way out of my comfort zone.
I grew, and not as a mom, not as a nurse, but just… as me .
This place reminded me who I am.
Jax leans in and kisses my temple, his arms pulling me into his chest. I breathe him in, trying to lock his scent in my memory. Something to hold onto when he’s not just a short drive away. At least for now. It’s just a few weeks until he can visit.
“I guess we should hit the road before we get stuck in traffic,” I murmur, not really wanting to move.
The corner of his lips twitch into a small smile, and he tucks a loose piece of hair behind my ear. “Whenever you’re ready, love. No rush.”
I lift my head and look up at him. “Promise you’ll drive safely?” My voice is already shaky, the nerves creeping in again.
He holds up his pinky, grinning. “Pinky promise.”
I let out a soft laugh and wrap my finger around his. He pulls our hands to his lips and kisses the top of my finger, holding my gaze.
My eyebrows pinch together. “Wait… you kiss pinky promises?”
“Obviously,” he says with a playful shrug. “It seals the deal. Or at least that’s what my niece told me.”
I smile and reach up, resting my hand against his cheek. The familiar roughness of his stubble brushes my palm, and I press my forehead against his, taking a slow, steady breath.
He slides his hand to the back of my neck, his thumb tracing slow circles at my hairline
Tears sting the backs of my eyes, but I blink them away and reluctantly whisper, “I’m ready.”
After a tearful goodbye with Nora—most of the tears coming from her and Ana, since thank God they finally made up—we make our way to the driveway. But something tugs at me, pulling me to a stop. I turn around.
The house.
The place where I fell in love.
Where I finally let myself breathe. Feel. Heal.
So many memories packed into just a few weeks.
Then the sound of gravel crunching pulls me out of my thoughts.
I glance over and spot a sleek black sports car pulling into the driveway.
Jax and I both stare while Gareth climbs out, slides off his sunglasses, and hooks them onto the collar of his shirt.
He leans casually against the car, eyes flicking our way.
“You guys heading out?” he calls.
Jax gives a quick nod. “Yeah.”
“Cool. Safe trip. I’ll see you at the studio tomorrow, yeah?” Gareth says as he starts up the path toward Nora.
Jax’s brow tightens just a bit. “Uh, yeah. I’ll be there,” he mutters, sounding guarded.
I glance up at him, frowning. “Hey,” I murmur, tipping my head toward Gareth. “You sure everything’s okay?”
He gives me a tight smile and shrugs. “Yeah. I just… don’t really know how we’re supposed to record without a drummer.”
My eyes go wide while I glance between him and Gareth. “Wait—what do you mean without a drummer? Did Casey quit?”
He lets out a heavy sigh and slides his arm around my shoulders while we start walking toward the car.
On the way, he fills me in on everything.
On how he went to their hotel room yesterday, and how things blew up.
The disgusting things Casey said, the fight that ended with Jax getting slammed into a glass coffee table, and how he walked out without even knowing if the band was still standing.
I bring my hand to my mouth, shaking my head slowly. “Jax, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to cause—”
Before I can finish, he stops walking and gently cups my face. His touch is soft, but there’s no room for argument in his voice. “This isn’t your fault, Allie,” he says, eyes locked on mine. “We can replace a band member. I can’t replace you .”
I search his eyes, looking for even the smallest bit of doubt, but there’s none. A small smile tugs at my lips, and I lean in to kiss him.
“Are you sure?” I ask quietly, guilt creeping in even as my heart does a full somersault just thinking about him choosing me .
“I’m sure,” he says, his voice is steady as he opens the car door for me. “Now, come on. Let’s get you home.”
This was a terrible idea.
We should’ve just tried to rent the house for another week—or hell, maybe two. But no, I wanted to go home.
We thought leaving early would save us from the traffic nightmare, but it’s Boston. Every hour is rush hour.
I glance down and realize I’ve been gripping Jax’s hand like it’s the only thing keeping me attached to Earth. I drop it quickly.
“Sorry,” I mumble, rubbing my thumb across his knuckles. “I didn’t realize I was squeezing so hard.”
“Don’t be sorry, love,” he says calmly. “You can crush my hand if it helps.”
“How are you feeling?” he adds, glancing over quickly.
I blow out a shaky breath. “A little better now,” I half lie.
He gives me a look, one brow raised, before sliding his hand over to my thigh and giving it a gentle squeeze. “You sure?”
Instead of answering, I hook my pinky around his and bring it to my lips, kissing it like he taught me. “Pinky promise,” I whisper.
We leave our pinkies locked in my lap while I try to breathe through the tight knot of anxiety still sitting heavy in my chest. Just a few more hours. Then I’ll be home. Safe.
My phone dings.
I glance down at the screen and laugh. “Girl, I’m right here. Why are you texting me?” I ask, catching Ana’s eyes in the rearview mirror.
“Oh, just open it,” she says with a smirk.
I do—and my heart skips a beat.
It’s a photo she just snapped of me kissing the pinky promise between Jax and me. The caption: was too cute not to capture .
A smile spreads across my face, and I save it, then shoot a copy to Jax. Thank God he managed to grab a new phone yesterday.
I lean my head back, eyes closing to try and sleep for the rest of the drive. But I already know how that usually goes. I’ve never been able to fall asleep in cars.
Time drags, but eventually, I shift in my seat, feeling Jax’s hand still warm on my thigh. I reach down and give it a light squeeze.
He squeezes back, flashing me a smile that makes everything feel right. Even safe.
I don’t think I could have made it through this entire drive without him.
“We’ll be home in about fifteen minutes,” Ana says from the back seat.
I glance out the window, and we pass the Dunkin’ Donuts we stopped at on the way to Boston just a few weeks ago.
I can’t help it. Without thinking, I lean across the center console and plant a soft kiss on Jax’s cheek. He grins, and I feel the scruff of his stubble against my lips.
A few minutes later, Jax parks the SUV in front of my little place, and he looks out the windshield.
“So, this is your place?” he asks while his eyes scan across the flowerbeds that line the fenced-in yard. A small smile tugs at the corner of his lips before he turns to meet my eyes.
Ana lets out a groan and opens her door, swinging her legs out. “Yeah, isn’t it the biggest mansion you’ve ever seen?” she teases and hops out of the car.
Jax laughs, hitting the button to pop the trunk for Ana before stepping out himself.
I unbuckle my seatbelt and toss my phone into my purse, but before I can get out, Jax is there, opening the door for me. His hand is extended, and I take it, stepping out of the car into the cool, fresh air.
It’s lighter here, easier to breathe in—unlike in the city.
“It’s beautiful up here,” he says, walking toward the back of the car. “The mountains were incredible on the way up.”
“Yeah,” I reply, leaning against the tailgate. “It’s so quiet. I could sit on my back porch and just think for hours.”
He grabs my suitcase and one of Ana’s from the trunk, stepping back so I can close it. We head up the few steps, and I pause before reaching for the door handle.
“Just a heads up, it’s not exactly like my aunt’s house,” I say nervously.
We step inside, flicking on the light switch, and the living room comes to life. I’m glad I cleaned up before we left for vacation.
If the girls were here, there’d be toys everywhere, and I’d have to warn him away from plopping on the couch before feeling around first. But right now, it’s actually sparkling clean. Straight pillows line my navy-blue couch and plants that thankfully didn’t perish in my absence.
“It’s better,” he says, stepping farther in while he looks around.
I smile and take his hand, leading him into my bedroom. I flop down on the soft, wine-colored comforter I’ve missed so much.
He sits beside me, carefully wrapping his arm around my waist.
“We should probably talk about what’s next, huh?” I say quietly.