31. Maeve
31
MAEVE
“ Y ou had me worried sick,” Lucifer says, his icy blue eyes piercing through me, disappointment radiating from him. It hits harder than I want to admit, and my chromius recoils from the intensity of it.
But more than that, it hurts me .
I feel so sick, so guilty, for leaving.
The regret had set in the moment I was out in the streets with too many eyes on me, but it’s too late now to take the decision back.
I thought that everyone was exaggerating, that maybe I could prove something and get a little more leeway when it comes to processing my fucking emotions. Instead, I’ve made everything so much worse.
My chromius curls in on herself, offering me no support whatsoever. She’s useless when it comes to dealing with the aftermath of my own stupidity; instead, leaving me alone to face the consequences.
“I’ve done everything in my power to make your life as easy as possible,” Lucifer continues, his voice tight with restraint I was expecting him to unleash.
I almost wish he would yell or scream and just get the torture over with. This quiet, seething anger is so much worse.
“I’ve worked with your routine, I’ve not caused any extra stress. I was terrified when I found out you were gone, and then I had to tell Draven and Julian,” he says.
“Julian?” I whisper, my heart thudding in my chest. His name alone sends a chill down my spine, the unease I’d been ignoring rising back to the surface.
My mind stalls at the thought of what happened, to how I embarrassed myself.
“Julian,” Lucifer confirms. “I had called him to talk about… well, I called him to gloat that I was your security.”
For some reason, that pulls a small smile from my lips, but it fades just as quickly.
I thought… I overreacted. The words echo in my head, mocking me. I don’t even understand why it affected me as much as it did. I don’t care, I really don’t.
And yet, the truth is, I do care, and that’s the problem that caused this whole thing.
Sure, my chromius is now relieved knowing that Julian was talking to Lucifer and not… someone else. Her hurt shouldn’t have been as intense as it was, and I should not have let it affect me whatsoever.
We completely overreacted.
“The two of you haven’t spoken in a while?” I ask, desperate to change the subject. I need to escape this moment. His disappointment is suffocating.
Lucifer narrows his eyes. “Are you trying to get out of this lecture by changing the subject?”
“Who, me? No?” I lie, shaking my head rapidly. The knot in my stomach tightens, guilt gnawing at me.
It was only a half -lie. I am curious… but I also want to avoid feeling this way. The pressure in my chest is unbearable, every second under his gaze feels like a weight crushing me.
If I could go back in time… I’d do things differently. Just to avoid this moment.
My eyes dart over to Hadrian, and I really wish I could’ve controlled myself. Things might’ve been different now.
“Maeve, I know you don’t trust me, but you can’t do this again.” His voice has shifted now—firmer, dead serious—and it sends a shiver through me. “Things could’ve been so much worse than just running into Hades.”
“They were,” Hadrian adds, his smug, cocky tone pissing me off. It’s like he can’t help but dig his claws in deeper. “I intervened when she was being stalked by some creep.”
Lucifer’s entire presence changes, darkening, deepening into a more deadly, imposing version of himself. His eyes are pure black, and even the shadows behind him have a more menacing presence. It’s like the air shifts, thickens with the weight of his fury.
He’s angry. At me.
“Not stalked,” I quickly interject, stepping into the storm of his anger to protect myself from the full force of it. It’s intimidating, but I don’t back down. “He was just a little eager and wanting to get to know me.”
Hadrian’s snort is the final strike against the fucker, and if it wasn’t for my desperate desire to keep Lucifer calm and get him into a no longer angry-at-me state, I’d argue with the pegasus.
“Where the fuck is he, Hades?” Lucifer’s words are more of a growl, and despite my anxiety, a dark, twisted part of me shivers in delight.
I’m fucked up.
The fact that his protective fury feels good shouldn’t sit well with me. But it does.
“Taken care of,” Hadrian replies, jerking his thumb over his shoulder without cowering back from his cousin. “Passed out in the street.”
“Not dead?” Lucifer’s lips drop to a pout that should not be cute, but with the angry aura surrounding him, it’s like a psychotic toddler throwing a tantrum.
My legs are trembling, my body feeling completely cold. I don’t like being in the wrong. I don’t like disappointing him.
I shouldn’t care. It shouldn’t affect me this way.
But I do, and it does.
I’m so weak.
Pathetic.
Worthless.
“This is all your fault, you tempting bitch.”
The words echo in my mind, uninvited, and they dig in deep.
It’s all my fault.
My lips quiver, my hands tremble, but I do my best to build the shield, to keep my guard up.
“No,” Hadrian replies, an almost mocking lilt to his words. He’s enjoying this, feeding off the way I squirm, the tension in the air. “Didn’t really fancy murdering someone in front of my mate, cuz. Didn’t think it would be a good first impression, you know?”
“We’re not mates, and no impression would’ve been a good one,” I reply sharply, my temper flaring, as I scoff at the showmanship. I wonder if it’s a pegasus trait—wanting to show off and be the best, despite no fucker actually caring.
I gesture to Lucifer with a sarcastic grin. “Your cuz here thought it would be good to show up covered in the blood of his enemies, and I hired him on the spot.”
Kind of.
Lucifer cracks a grin, and some of the tension fades out of me. He has a way of disarming me when I least expect it. “Oh, princess, I do love your fire.”
“I’m really, really sorry,” I say, turning back to Lucifer, doing my best to focus on him fully. His eyes are trained on me, likely searching for a lie, but he won’t find one.
Not this time.
I mean it with my whole heart. I am sorry, and I know I messed up.
Clearly Ari, Jasper, and even creepy Caspian, weren’t lying about my allure or whatever kind of draw I have because people seem very interested in it, compared to when I lived at the compound.
I’m vulnerable, and with my anxieties and haphephobia, I have no ability to protect myself. I’m a liability, and I need people around me to keep me safe right now.
I don’t like that feeling. I don’t like relying on others to keep me safe, relying on other people to constantly show up. Lucifer’s been in my life for one day, and already, he’s worming his way into everything.
A Graves.
I’m a fool, and I can’t understand how he’s carved out that tiny little hole in my barrier to at least get this level of acceptance .
I don’t trust him. I don’t know if I ever will be able to.
But there’s something here, something he currently seems determined to build on.
If it weren’t for his genuine hatred when it comes to his uncle, I’d suspect he was Adrian’s ultimate secret weapon. It’s a plot twist I’d never see coming.
“You terrified me, pretty princess,” he utters, the bravado and shadows fading, the anger leaving, and in its place is true honesty.
It shatters me to my core. My chromius lets out a heartbroken wail.
Dramatic bitch.
“I won’t do it again,” I promise, my voice steady, unlike the trembling of my legs. It’s all I can offer, but it feels so inadequate.
“Show me your hands,” he demands, his tone softening. I furrow my brows but do as he says, holding my hands out. “Promise again—no crossed fingers, no takesy-backsies.”
He shouldn’t be able to make me giggle when I’m this anxious, but he manages to rip one from me anyway.
“I promise I won’t run off again.” I make a show of wiggling out my legs to try and prove I’m not crossing my toes, too.
“Thank you,” he says with a heavy sigh, as if the weight of the world has just been lifted off his shoulders. “I’d have given you the shake of your life, if it wouldn’t send you into a meltdown. I was ready to set this shitty little pride on fire, one weasly cunt at a time.”
I snort, and most of the tension fades out of me, as his expression relaxes for the first time since he’s entered this alleyway.
“I’m really going to need to start carrying my taser again,” I mutter, trying to regain some control over the conversation.
“You don’t need a taser, baby, not with me at your side,” he says, and those weird tummy flutters erupt once again—unwelcome and unsettling.
“Your taser? That’s so fucking adorable,” Hadrian sounds so judgy and snobby, it grates on me. Is he really implying that I’m cute ?
What a fucking prick. My temper flares, and if I had it on me now, I’d knock the fucker on his ass and let Lucifer loose on him.
I don’t think Atticus will care as much about any murders when Lucifer is taking out the family trash.
“I’m not huge like you,” I reply, giving the dickhead a sneer. “Can we ditch him, please, Lucifer? I might have to murder him myself if not.”
“I thought the princess didn’t touch?”
Pain shoots through me, but I snarl at him instead. “Trust me, I wouldn’t need to touch you, for you to be murdered.”
“Not yet,” Lucifer replies, shaking his head at my pout. “I’ve got questions for him.”
“Ugh.” I don’t argue. I’ve already pushed enough for one day. “Are we heading back to the office? Draven’s probably as pissed as you were.”
“He was worried about you, princess, but he’s not mad,” Lucifer says, shaking his head. “But, no, we’re taking you home for the day.”
My heart drops, panic filling me once more. My mind is racing, too many negative thoughts that I can’t even hear properly based on the volume of them. I can’t fuck up this new job.
I’ve just got Adrian off my back.
I’ve found something I genuinely want to do.
And I don’t hate my new boss.
I can’t fuck this up.
“I need to go back to work for my client meeting,” I protest, my voice sounding small and pathetic. I drag my feet as we walk, not liking the simmering tension in the air or the budding knot of anxiety.
“Draven’s going to handle that, then he’ll be meeting us at your flat,” Lucifer replies, his tone clipped like he’s trying to keep his frustration in check.
I feel like absolute shit. I know I deserve it. I shouldn’t have left. I shouldn’t have run. This is my fault, and this punishment, whilst a little confusing, is again my own fault.
I’ve messed this up.
I’ve fucked everything.
I act like Adrian is the poison in my life, tainting everything he touches, but it’s not him. It’s me.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper the words, barely audible. But both men hear me anyway and stiffen.
“I know you are, pretty princess, but that doesn’t change that you’ve had three men completely terrified for the last thirty minutes, okay? We’re all just going to need a breather and have you where we know you’re safe,” Lucifer says softly.
I glance back at the alleyway, where the man that Hadrian knocked unconscious is still laid. He’s surely not dead, but it must’ve been a pretty vicious blow.
“He’ll be fine, I’m sure,” Hadrian says with a shrug. “And if he’s not, I’m sure someone will contact us.”
I don’t care about whether he’s okay or not. I don’t even care if Hadrian gets in trouble for it. Not my problem.
I am however worried about Draven and Julian’s reactions. I look up at Lucifer through my eyelashes, a timid feeling flooding through me.
“Do they… do they know I’m okay?” I ask.
He nods his head. “I texted them when I got here and found you, okay? Let’s not worry anymore and get to the car.”
We walk in silence, the tension between us thick and suffocating.
I nod miserably. I hate this feeling. I hate having disappointed him, I hate the pressure in my chest, and I hate the almost smugness from my chromius as I’m being dealt with.
By the time we reach Lucifer’s car, I’m choking back vomit and doing my best to stay upright. I’m pathetic with how much I’m letting my anxiety affect me.
It’s toxic.
“Get in the back, Hades,” Lucifer says, giving his cousin a dirty look.
Hadrian huffs. “I was going to anyway, but why?”
Lucifer unlocks the car and gestures for me to get in. I pause when I see a familiar pink bedsheet covering the passenger seat. It’s mine, I recognise my own scent attached to it.
“What is this?” I ask, my voice small and unsteady.
“Why the fuck is it pink?” Hadrian asks, laughing. “You’re such a sap, cousin.”
Lucifer, unbothered, says, “I took a bedsheet from your room to figure out the kind of material you like so I can get a proper seat covering made. I know how much the material of the seats affects you, so I tied it on for now. I ripped it, but I’ll replace it for you.”
“I… have no words.” A weird feeling flutters in my tummy, the pressure on my chest tightening that much more as the heavy weight of disappointment forms.
I’m running off from him when all he’s done since entering my life has been to try and be a good security guard.
He’s not unreasonable.
He’s not overbearing.
He’s just… diligent.
And I ran, knowing it would annoy him, knowing it might scare him.
Whilst I was off running around, he was sorting out his car so I had somewhere comfortable to sit without panicking.
Fuck me.
I was getting so lost in my own selfish wants and needs, crying about how ridiculous I am for letting another Graves upset my day… I’m sick of these panic attacks and the dramatics that come along with them.
I’m sick of being so fucking worthless.
My head drops, and I can’t face looking at him or my new seat covering. The effort was wasted on me when I don’t deserve it.
“I’m really sorry,” I whisper.
“I know you are. Get in the car, baby,” he says gently, a soft expression on his face.
I nod and sit on the seat, hating how comfortable and at ease I am now. It’s something so simple, and he did it for me without even asking or complaining.
He’s not made me feel like a burden or judged me.
He just… did it.
For me.
Tears well up in my eyes, and I turn to look out of the passenger side window. Lucifer and Hadrian don’t speak as they get into the car, and Lucifer takes off as smoothly as always.
“I was upset,” I admit quietly after several minutes pass. I want to try and explain, try and justify this mistake.
“Why?” Lucifer asks.
I bite my lip, unable to answer. The truth feels too heavy to speak aloud.
“I’m sorry you were upset,” Lucifer says, his voice full of genuine concern.
“It’s not a fucking excuse to go running off,” Hadrian chimes in, his tone biting. “There will be none of that shit ever again. You’re a rare mythical shifter who is weak and unable to protect herself. You cannot be trusted alone, and it’s ridiculous that you?—”
“No,” Lucifer says, pulling to a stop in the middle of the road. He turns around to glare at his cousin, the venom in his tone causing me to flinch. “You might be a dick, but you are not a dick to her . Do you understand me?”
“She was reckless. She was stupid,” Hadrian argues, but his voice falters under Lucifer’s icy stare.
Stupid, worthless, girl.
“Hades, I will fuck you up if you don’t shut your mouth,” Lucifer warns, and his eyes flash black.
My chromius practically nods in appreciation, but my guilt and anxiety just grows. I’m not only causing Lucifer stress, but I’m now causing issues between the two of them.
Not that I give a fuck about Hadrian, but I’ve been a big enough dick to Lucifer today, and this seems to be the one family member he isn’t on terrible terms with.
“Understood,” Hadrian replies. He looks at me through the rearview mirror, agitation in his body. “I’m sorry I snapped.” His apology is half-hearted, and it pisses both me and my chromius off at the way he’s disrespecting us.
There’s some loud horns beeping from the cars behind us, but Lucifer doesn’t care. He doesn’t move, just stays stopped as Hadrian and I battle this out.
“But not for your words?” I ask, raising a brow.
He shakes his head. “You need to hear them.”
“I understand that I fucked up. I won’t do it again, as I promised. But, quite frankly, it’s none of your business.”
“I am your mate.”
I snort, and even Lucifer’s lips quirk as he starts the car back up.
“You’re not my mate,” I reply. “And honestly, you’re just embarrassing yourself by continuing this. Julian’s already tried it, and it failed.”
“Tried what?” Hadrian asks, his blue eyes darkening.
“Pretending to be my mate for Adrian’s ultimate goal of controlling my entire life.”
Lucifer cackles. “Be careful what you say, Hades, our mate really, really hates Adrian Graves.”
“Why? My uncle isn’t terrible,” he says with all the ignorance of a man who doesn’t actually know his uncle very well.
I scoff, and Lucifer’s laughter dies off, both of us exchanging knowing glances. I like the Devil, fuck the twins who are fighting for Adrian’s love and affection.
It’s quite embarrassing, really, to depend so much on one man.
“Sure, he’s not,” I reply sarcastically. “He’s such a good samaritan, we should name a national holiday after him. Does so much for our people that, honestly, we should all bow in his presence.” I gag, flipping off the pegasus in the back seat.
Hadrian sneers back at me. “My uncle is a great man, and the fact that you can’t see it is testament to your character, not his.”
I scoff again, not bothering to argue. Hadrian would probably die for Adrian if his uncle just asked nicely. That kind of loyalty to a man he doesn’t even truly know says so much about him.
Lucifer doesn’t argue, either, and a tense air swarms the car, all three of us lost in thoughts.
The tension has only grown by the time we get to my flat, and Lucifer lets us in. I have no idea when he managed to get a key for my place, but I don’t complain. It’s better than needing to get up to let him in each morning.
“Ari, it’s just me!” I shout, and she comes out of the living room to meet me with a concerned look on her face. She’s wearing a pretty pair of dungarees, ones already stained with mud.
She must be going to the gardening lot today.
“What are you doing back?” she asks with a frown. “Everything okay at work?”
“Long story,” I mutter, giving a half-hearted shrug at her raised eyebrows. “Anyways, this is Hadrian.”
“Hadrian?” Her pitch rises as she takes in the strange man in the room.
“Julian’s twin brother,” Lucifer says, waggling his brows as if this is the most excitement he’s ever had in his entire life.
“I never expected him to look like that,” Ari says, examining Hadrian with a keen eye. She steps closer, and Hadrian’s eyes narrow, but he doesn’t move away from my elephant roommate.
“What did you expect him to look like?” I ask with an amused grin. The discomfort on Hadrian’s face makes everything from today seem better.
“Weasly?” Lucifer asks, waggling his brows. “Short?” He gasps. “Ugly?”
“I don’t like this,” Hadrian says with a frown. “Why are we picking on me? I don’t even know you—no offence. Why are you—hey, don’t touch me.”
I erupt into giggles as Ari laughs and moves away.
“We’re on about your twin, not you,” I say, and Ari laughs at the face Hadrian pulls, but it stops my giggles and amusement. I personally just find it annoying knowing that Julian pulls the exact same face.
He crosses his arms in front of his chest. “I mean, we’re identical. Any insult towards him is one to me.”
“So bratty as well,” she says, shaking her head.
“That’s the same in them both,” Lucifer reveals. “They’re pretty similar, honestly.”
“Ugh,” Ari says with a pout. “Maybe it’s a family trait.”
“Hey!” Lucifer protests, giving her a sad look. “I thought we were friends.”
I look up at him, seeing nothing but teasing but also authenticity. Is this how quickly normal people become friends? It’s weird.
I shudder. No, thank you. I’ll keep my distance.
My chromius whines at me, but I just ignore her. She’s too needy.
“Tarun’s not whiny, just pathetic,” Hadrian says with a sneer. “Don’t link me to him at all.”
“Lucifer’s not whiny,” I say, and the imp grins at me. “Julian and Adrian are, for sure, though.”
“Tarun whines,” Ari says with an eye roll.
“How do you know my cousin?” Hadrian asks with a frown of his own.
“Oh, this is going to be good,” Lucifer says, rubbing his hands together, glee radiating from him as he looks at Hadrian expectantly.
“So glad my misery makes you so happy, Luc,” Ari says, but she doesn’t lose her smile as she turns to Hadrian. “Tarun was my fated mate before he rejected me.”
“Oh, fuck.” Hadrian’s jaw clenches together. “Are you… do you need anything?”
“He’s a prick,” I say, and Ari rolls her eyes. “But, also, she needs fuck all from you.”
“Yeah, baby cuz, nothing needed from you,” Lucifer echoes with a smirk.
“Anyways, I will give you guys some space to do whatever this is,” Ari murmurs, looking at me with a gentle smile. “Alvie is coming to get me so we can head over to the gardening centre, and I wanted to go out for food. Want me to bring anything back for you?”
I shake my head, and she nods, waving bye to the guys before leaving. There’s a tension in the air that is clawing at the chromius inside me the moment she leaves.
I feel sick.
Lucifer moves to the sofa, sitting to the right of me. Hadrian doesn’t move to sit.
“Come on, pretty princess, don’t be looking at me like that. You’re making me feel guilty,” Lucifer pleads.
“She is the one who should feel guilty,” Hadrian says firmly, and my face drops.
“Don’t talk to her like that,” Lucifer snaps, turning to Hadrian with an annoyed look on his face. “I am in charge—you have the option to be my underling.”
“You’re joking,” I say, my blood chilling. “No.”
“You agreed,” Lucifer reminds me.
“Before yet another Graves declared us mates.” I shake my head. “No, I’d genuinely rather die than have to deal with him as my guard.”
“And you don’t get a choice,” Lucifer reminds me. “Hades won’t do a single thing about you being mates. He won’t even mention it again.”
“I don’t like it,” I say with a frown.
“Well, I don’t like that you ran away from your security detail,” Hadrian mentions. “Julian and I?—”
“Maybe don’t mention his name right now, either,” Lucifer offers. “Maeve here seems a little angry at him.”
“I’m not angry.” I bite my lip. I’m not angry at him, I’m just embarrassed.
I don’t understand why I blew up at him the way I did, and now, I’m eventually going to have to face that music.
“Oh, I thought we hated him,” Lucifer says, shrugging. “It’s hard to keep up with who is on the hated list, and who is on the dislike list.”
I grin at the imp. “Everyone is on the hated list.”
He winks. “Except me.”
“We’ll see,” I reply, giving Hadrian a dirty look. “Your attitude is pissing me off. Get a grip on yourself, and leave me alone. We’re not mates, and neither are Julian and I. I have no mates, and I’m a happy girl living that way.”
Surviving, and not really happy, but I will be. Eventually.
“I can feel the bond.” He sounds so sure of himself that I burst into another round of giggles.
“Oh, baby, you’re going to make him cry,” Lucifer says, and genuine tears form in my eyes.
“You’re the one who is clearly broken,” Hadrian says, sobering me up. “I can feel the bond. It exists.”
“Well, either your pegasus is delusional or you’re a liar,” I snarl, ignoring the intrigue from my chromius. She’s already pathetically latched onto Julian and his lies—I won’t sit here and let her do it again to his dickhead clone. “I feel nothing.”
“Because we’ve not touched, and that’s how your side of the bond gets initiated.”
“What a fun little catch 22,” I snark. “Stop bringing it up—it’s only making me angrier at you.”
“Angrier at me? What else have I done?” he demands.
Lucifer groans. “Can we please stop the bickering? I’ve had a rough day, and since I can’t go out and get bloody, I’d really love to try and decompress together.”
I roll my eyes. “Go get bloody. Satisfy that blood kink of yours. I don’t care.”
“No, you wouldn't, would you?” Lucifer asks.
Hadrian’s eyes flicker between the two of us, an unreadable expression on his face.
There’s a knock at the door, and I smile.
Saved by the bell.
Well, knock, but it’s the same premise.