Don’t You Want Me

Chapter 5

T he transport guy left Lisa alone in the MRI room while the technician finished up with another patient. Wearing her gray and blue hospital gown with matching slippers and sitting in a gray metal chair with a blue seat cushion, Lisa rubbed her arms to find some warmth. The environmental psychologist who designed the color scheme in the hospital must have decided these colors soothed patient nerves. Feeling like she could fade into the background, Lisa wanted to leave a note in the suggestion box that perhaps it would help patients if they didn’t freeze every time they had to get a test done. No matter how soothing the colors might be, shivering from cold didn’t help anyone’s anxiety. She wasn’t sure whether the goosebumps on her arms were from the cold or from nerves at having an examination of her brain.

Taking a deep cleansing breath, Lisa leaned her head back against the wall. She focused on the hum of an MRI machine on the other side of the wall wondering how she was going to unravel this pretzeled triangle of people she had unknowingly created.

For so long, she had daydreamed that she could go back to the past to meet Adam before he met his wife. In her musings, she had thought this would be easy. She imagined that she’d see him first, he’d fall in love with her, and the whole Stephanie-is-Adam’s-wife thing would be avoided. She hadn’t given a thought to the repercussions for the present. And she hadn’t anticipated that he’d meet Stephanie anyway.

***

The MRI technician had a soothing voice. “This test won’t take very long. Have you had an MRI before? Are you claustrophobic?”

Lisa glanced at the long cylindrical machine with its intimidating hole and flat bed. She knew how they worked but had never been in one. It looked like it could swallow her.

“I’m not claustrophobic, I think, but I’ll confess that I’m nervous.”

While Lisa talked, the tech reached into a drawer and pulled out a small plastic bag with black earbuds like the ones given out on airplanes. “Do you like music?” he asked as he handed her the bag. “I love eighties music, and I play it for all the patients. The earbuds will help with the noise. You lay on the motorized bed, and I’ll move it so that you’re inside the cylinder. The songs will distract you. I’ll make sure you’re OK.”

His tone was reassuring, but Lisa wasn’t completely convinced as she put the earbuds in. She lay down, closed her eyes, and hoped this wouldn’t take too long.

Lisa could hear the knocking of the electromagnetic waves emitted by the machine. She imagined she was listening to drums.

Take a deep breath, Lisa. Just focus . She repeated this in time to the music of the machine. As she slowed her breathing, she heard music.

You think you’ve changed your mind

You’d better change it back or we will both be sorry

She could hear the words above the knocking of the drums. But these weren’t drums, were they? In the distance she heard the voice of the tech guy, “Are you all right?” She wanted to answer but couldn’t make words come out. All she could hear were drums and music.

D on’t you want me, baby?

It was a loop, over and over. She could feel the blackness taking over her eyes, darker than when her eyes were closed. Her mind was racing. She knew that this would take her back to Adam, but her heart was racing. The drums, the knocking, the words of the song—it all melded into one cacophony. She could hear the sound of her blood pulsing through her veins, every sense heightened, at the same time that the machine, the room, the light disappeared.

Don’t you want me, baby?

Empty blackness.

***

“Hello?” Adam snapped his fingers in front of her face. “Earth to Lisa. Where are you?”

The noises of the Hungarian Pastry Shop came rushing at her like wind in a tunnel. Everything was loud, sharp—even Adam’s voice—as if she could hear his breathing from her side of the table. She shook her head and looked around, wondering for a moment where she was and how long she’d been here.

“You looked like you went away somewhere,” he said.

She inhaled sharply, trying to regain her composure. “Away? How silly. I’ve been here the whole time.”

“Didn’t feel like that. I’ve repeated the same question, and you just didn’t answer. You kept staring at that picture on the wall.”

Lisa looked around, pretending to be looking at the picture he pointed to, but really, she was just trying to figure out where she was…and when. There was a crude painting of a black circle in the middle of a yellow canvas. The circle was jagged, as if painted by a child who defied the rules of staying in the lines. Little black spots randomly dotted the edges of the painting, some almost falling off the canvas.

“It’s a very interesting painting. I hadn’t noticed it before.”

Adam didn’t seem curious at all. “I think it’s pretty ugly. Any kid could paint that. Even me.” He laughed at his own joke.

He continued to stare at her. “I was asking if you were ready to go.”

Lisa returned her gaze to him. They were still in the pastry shop. How long had they been here? she wondered. “Yeah, I’m ready,” she said as she stood up. She could see a young woman who looked like Adam’s wife, Stephanie—her nurse—behind the counter staring at them. Or staring at him, really. She wore braids tied with cartoon characters at the ends. Were those blue mushroom people? Emily used to love the Smurfs. She had them all over her dorm room. Lisa couldn’t understand what was going on, but everyone was wearing either lots of spandex and colorful leggings or were clad all in black.

Adam headed to the cash register to pay. Lisa moved slowly, still reeling from the transport. She was getting better at this. She remembered she had been in the MRI machine. She wondered what that Lisa was doing now. She could see Adam, smiling broadly, laughing with Stephanie. She could see him writing something on a piece of paper that he pushed towards Stephanie. A square pillar holding up the ceiling blocked Lisa’s view. As she craned her neck a little to see better, Stephanie grabbed the paper, read it, and put it in the pocket of her apron. Even from this distance, Lisa could see the girl blushing. And giggling. I’ve come this far for nothing. He’s met h er anyway.

Lisa hurried to the register. She put her hand on Adam’s back, letting Stephanie know that this was her man. Don’t even think about it, girl. He’s mine this time . Adam finished paying. As they walked away, Adam in front, Lisa turned her head to catch Stephanie watching Adam. Lisa flashed her most fake version of a smile and saw Stephanie’s fall away.

They walked for a few blocks holding hands in silence while Lisa figured out what to say next. “What was that paper you gave that girl?”

“Oh, nothing. Just the address for the party tonight.”

“What party?”

“I told you. There’s a frat party. You’re coming with me, aren’t you?” Adam pulled her closer while he said this.

Lisa stepped out of his embrace. “Of course I’m coming, but why did you invite her?”

“Come on. She’s a nice girl.” He hesitated. “You’re not jealous, are you?” He pulled her closer again.

“No, but I just don’t see why you have to invite a random waitress you just met. She wasn’t even that good of a waitress. The coffee was cold by the time she brought it to the table.” Lisa heard herself sounding shrill but couldn’t stop.

“You are jealous!” Adam held the r like a pirate and laughed. Again, he pulled her close, only this time he poked her in the ribs. “Come on, babe. She was nice and has no friends. I was just inviting her to a party with hundreds of other people. No reason to be mad at me.” He pouted like a child. Lisa stopped on the sidewalk, staring at his eyes. He gazed back at her, lips curled up with charm. She focused intently, looking for some form of truth. She hadn’t been able to stop him from meeting Stephanie, but maybe this party was where she was supposed to accomplish her mission.

***

Back at Emily’s dorm room, Lisa scoured Emily’s packed closet for something to wear to the party that night. Emily sat on the lower bunk, an open psychology textbook on her lap, twirling a purple pen between her fingers. Lisa muttered to herself, not realizing she was speaking out loud, “I can’t believe we wore this stuff.” There was spandex in bright colors on every hanger, ruffled blouses with black lace, outrageously big shoulder pads on blouses and jackets.

Emily raised her left eyebrow. “What do you mean, wore? Half the stuff in that closet is yours.”

Lisa stopped pushing hangers around. “You know what I mean. I can’t believe we have nothing here that I can wear to a frat party.” She hoped that covered up her gaffe.

Emily closed the thick book with a thud. “Well, Lisa, that’s because we’re not the type that goes to frat parties.”

“What type goes to frat parties, Em?”

“The type that run off with a guy they don’t know and disappear for days only to return to their friend’s room looking for clothes for a party!” Emily’s words lingered in the awkwardness between them.

Lisa sighed and then turned around to see her friend staring at her.

She stepped away from the closet and sat down next to Emily. “Look, Emily, this guy, I know I don’t know him that well, but….”

Emily interrupted abruptly. “Don’t know him that well? Lisa, you don’t know him at all. You met him three days ago; you’ve disappeared, and honestly, I don’t know what’s gotten into you. I haven’t seen you in days, you even cut Shit Lit, which I know you love, and then you barge in here, looking for something to wear to a party that you would never go to if it weren’t for him. What the hell is wrong with you?”

Lisa stared at her hands during Emily’s outburst. Her words stung, but Lisa couldn’t explain. How could she? “Emily, I’m sorry I barged in here. And I’m sorry I disappeared. But, look, you know me better than anyone. Don’t I look different to you?” Lisa paused for effect then crossed her eyes and stuck out her tongue.

Emily stared at her. “You look stupid, that’s what you look like. And your grandmother would tell you not to do that. Your eyes are going to stay that way.” Maybe I could confide in Emily about the ti me travel?

Emily broke the silence. “Fine. If you like this guy so much, then go for it. But be careful. You say there’s something special about him, but I say he’s just a player. I have this gut feeling that he’s going to break your heart, and I just don’t want to have to pick up the pieces when that happens.” Emily reached for Lisa’s hand and gave it a squeeze. Lisa opened her mouth to speak, ready to tell the truth, but while she hesitated, Emily let her go, sighed loudly, stood up, and, heading for the closet, said, “But he makes your eyes sparkle, so let’s see how we can turn you into some frat girl for tonight.”

***

The party was in full swing by the time Adam and Lisa walked in the door. The music was loud, the room full of smoke, beer cans everywhere, people dancing, laughing, guys and girls crushing themselves into one another’s space. How did we breathe with all this smoke? Lisa wondered. Adam pulled Lisa by the hand, making his way through the throng, looking for his friends and beer. “Isn’t this great?” he yelled into her ear when they finally stopped by the keg. She could barely hear him above the din. Plus, she was looking for Stephanie. She was hoping not to see her, but she had seen the intensity on Stephanie’s face at the pastry shop. Lisa knew she’d come to the party.

She turned to Adam with a smile that belied her worry. “Yeah, babe, this is great!”

Adam leaned down to kiss her. “I’m so glad you came with me. I’m the luckiest guy here.” The world disappeared in that kiss. Adam was the first to pull away. “I like the way your lips fit mine,” he whispered. Lisa had no words while they stared into each other’s eyes. For a moment, she felt they were alone, back home, in the present, in the future, sharing one of those lazy stolen afternoons in a hotel. She started to mutter something she thought would be profound when Adam broke the spell.

“Hey, look who’s here!” Unbalanced, Lisa turned to see Stephanie standing there, arms at her sides, wide grin on her face. Adam reached over and grabbed her hand to pull her closer.

“You said to come, so I did,” Stephanie added.

“I’ll get you a beer,” Adam smiled cheerfully while he strode away, leaving the two of them alone.

Lisa seized the opportunity. “So, do you live around here?”

“With my parents in the Heights. I go to school downtown, but I work part-time at the Hungarian Pastry Shop.” Her voice was soft, as if she were shy. She seemed gentle, maybe a little scared. She looked around, clearly out of place. She was wearing simple jeans and a light blue collared blouse, her hair held back with a plastic barrette. Lisa chuckled to herself that Stephanie here was dressed in her future colors.

They both looked back to where Adam was talking to some guys. Stephanie took a step towards Lisa.

“Is he your boyfriend?”

“Yes.” Lisa’s answer was a sharp thud, like a nail hit by a hammer.

“Oh.” Stephanie stepped back again, busying herself with looking around the room.

Lisa decided to use the opportunity.

“Don’t play coy. You know he’s my boyfriend. You waited on us today.” Her words sounded sharper out of her mouth than they did in her head. Lisa knew who this woman would become. She knew her. She was a caregiver; she was kind. Lisa felt a blanket of guilt wrap itself around them, pushing them closer together. “Look, I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be mean.”

Stephanie reached over to whisper in Lisa’s ear. “I just wanted to make sure. He asked me to meet him later tonight. That’s why I was asking you. I don’t want to break you guys up.”

Adam showed up just then. “Hey, hey, glad you guys are getting to know each other.” He handed each of them a plastic cup. “My buddies hooked me up with the good stuff, not just plain beer.” Lisa couldn’t stop looking at Stephanie.

“Drink up, drink up, ladies. We’re here to party!”

Lisa touched Adam’s arm. “Babe, is there any food anywhere here? I’m really hungry, and I’m sure Stephanie is too.”

Almost too happy to leave them alone, Adam saluted Lisa. “Your wish is my command, m’lady. I am on the case.”

Both women looked at him as he sauntered away, greeting people as he passed like some kind of politician.

Lisa’s eyes were black with fury. “What do you mean he asked you to meet him later?”

“Listen, don’t get mad at me. I’m being honest with you. I wasn’t sure if you were serious or just friends.”

Lisa didn’t know what to say to that.

Stephanie kept talking. “Maybe he’s not as nice as you think. Have you known him for a long time?”

How could she answer that? Lisa thought. “If this is your idea of a joke, it’s not funny, Stephanie.”

“I’m being honest.” Stephanie’s voice trailed off as Adam approached with a bowl of potato chips in one hand and another beer in the other, grinning widely.

“Miss me?” he asked both of them.

Lisa and Stephanie looked at Adam, then back at each other. The music seemed to be getting louder since they had arrived. He stood there with a goofy smile. He put the beer and the chips down and stood between the two, one arm around each shoulder. “Man, you two are so beautiful.”

Stephanie pulled his arm off and turned for the door. The DJ interrupted her thoughts with the sound of scratching records. “Yes, yes, here I am for you all. DJ Baby, here to rock you all night long, wanting to know, needing to know, don’t you want me, baby?” That’s when Lisa heard the lyrics again.

Don’t you want me, baby?

Don’t you want me, oh oh oh?

Adam yelled out to her. “Hey! Don’t leave. We just got here.”

Lisa struggled with her words. The song was getting louder, and she wanted to get an answer before it happened. She could feel it coming now. “Adam, why did you invite her to this party?”

“What do you mean? I thought she’d have a good time. She’s sweet.” Adam kept looking towards the door and towards Lisa.

The five years we have had have been such good times

I still love you

“Adam, please. I need you to be honest with me. Why is she here?” The room was getting darker. She put her fingers in her ears, trying to block out the music.

“I am being honest. Damn it! You’re a jealous freak! I don’t have to put up with this shit.” As he stormed off, the darkness kept growing.

But now, I think it’s time I live my life on my own

I guess it’s just what I must do

Lisa fell to the floor as Stephanie walked back towards her. Lisa felt Stephanie kneeling at her side, screaming, “Lisa! Lisa! Somebody help!”

***

Lying on the MRI bed, struggling to wake up, Lisa saw Stephanie and a doctor running towards her. She held her head in her hands, shaking a little. She opened her eyes and looked up at the concerned faces. “What happened?” she asked no one in particular.

Stephanie was the first to speak. “That’s what we’d like to know.” In her confusion, Lisa noticed Stephanie’s concern but couldn’t figure out where she was. A guy in a white coat was talking, asking her questions, but she couldn’t understand what he said. It sounded like he was in a bowl of water and all that came out of his mouth were gurgling bubbles. He was balding with little round black glasses that made his eyes look small. His brow was furrowed. His name was embroidered above the pocket on the left side of the coat. The small details, like the neat blue stitching of his name and the ink stain on the point of the pocket captured Lisa’s attention. The shape of the letters mesmerized her, as if this were the only thing that mattered right now. The name was in cursive and ended in M.D. Cursive writing is a lost art , she thought. Hmmm…Robert Pons, M.D. I guess this guy’s a doctor. Stephanie’s here too; she looks different. We were at the party, and now we’re here. Did she come bac k with me?

Dr. Pons was still talking, making her open her eyes wide while he looked at them with a pen light. He kept flashing the light, switching from one eye to the other. “Follow the light, Lisa.” How did he know her name?

While Dr. Pons continued his examination, Stephanie reached her left hand for Lisa’s right and gave it a little squeeze. Lisa took her eyes away from the doctor and focused her gaze on Stephanie’s hand. The wedding ring jolted her back into the present. This was Adam’s wife. She half listened to the doctor’s explanation.

“It doesn’t look like anything abnormal is going on. It’s concerning that you seem to have fainted while undergoing the MRI, but let’s see the results first before we jump to any conclusions. We should have the results later today or tomorrow, and then we can talk. I think it’s best if we keep you under observation until we can figure out next steps. How does that sound?”

Lisa turned her attention to Dr. Pons. “Yes, uhm…I suppose that sounds fine.”

With a perfunctory goodbye, he turned on his heel and walked out the door, leaving Stephanie and Lisa still sitting on the MRI bed. They were quiet for a few seconds, just staring at each other. The MRI tech cleared his throat, catching Stephanie’s attention. “Shall I call for transport for the patient, or will you take her back to her room?”

Stephanie stood up, pulled on her scrub shirt to straighten it, and replied. “No need for transport; I’ll take her back.”

The women were unusually quiet as Stephanie pushed Lisa in a wheelchair to her room. Even in the elevator they said nothing. Lisa was lost in thought. What was going on in the past while she was here? What was Adam doing now? Stephanie? Were they together right now in college in 1982? Did they take her to a hospital when she passed out at the party?

Their arrival at the room brought Lisa back to now. Stephanie walked her towards the recliner. “Did you want to lay down or stay up for a while? You’ve had quite the afternoon.”

“I’ll sit for now, thanks.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Lisa watched Stephanie inch toward her while she grabbed a throw blanket. “Are you cold?”

“No, but I could use the comfort.”

Stephanie looked pensive. She gave Lisa the blanket and helped her tuck it around her waist. “You know, Lisa, I had this weird sensation when I was holding your hand earlier, on the MRI bed, that I know you from before you came to this hospital. I hadn’t had that feeling until now. Isn’t that strange? Have we met before?”

Lisa wasn’t sure how to respond. She had more questions than answers. How could she tell Stephanie that she knew her when she was young and a waitress? How could she share that she had just been with her, younger, carefree, in college, not knowing what lay ahead in their lives?

In what seemed like years ago, she had daydreamed of going back in time to ensure that Adam didn’t meet Stephanie. On all those nights when she waited for Adam to show up, she fantasized that she could change the past and the future. By some miracle, her fantasy had come true, and she was able to fly backwards in her life. But now the past seemed determined to continue as if she had never set foot in it. Lisa was in a boat on a river of time, aiming for a particular dock, and no matter how hard she rowed, or where she stopped, she kept hitting upon the same obstacles. Regardless of how hard Lisa tried to thwart Stephanie from meeting Adam, she always showed up. And now, if Stephanie was sensing she knew Lisa from before, did that mean traveling was also impacting the present?

Returning from her reverie, she focused on Stephanie, the nurse, the caregiver. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, trying to find the right words. “What do you mean that you feel you know me from before?”

Stephanie averted her eyes, and her cheeks flushed a little. “I don’t know how to explain it. When I held your hand, I got a sense that I met you before, that we were connected somehow.” She paused and took a deep breath. Lisa listened intently, urging Stephanie to continue. “Go on. What else did you see?”

Stephanie laughed nervously. “It’s not so much that I saw something, but more like a feeling, like when you have déjà vu.”

She kept talking, rushing her words. “I don’t know. It sounds kind of crazy because I also got this feeling that you know my husband, and I know you don’t because we never met until you got admitted to my floor, but somehow my husband—his name is Adam…. I have this feeling in my gut that Adam and you and me are connected in some odd way.”

Lisa stared at Stephanie in silence. A million thoughts crashed into each other at warp speed. What do I do? Do I tell her? She’ll think I’m nuts. How does she know me? She wasn’t there, not this Stephanie. It’s the other Stephanie who was there. This is a mess. How do I sort this out?

Stephanie smiled with a furrowed brow. “Crazy, right?”

There was no point in hurting this person who was so kind. Lisa found her voice. “I don’t know what to think, Stephanie. Maybe you had a dream or something. I read in a magazine that happens with people who are caregivers. They take on the problems of their patients. Maybe that’s what’s happening here. You know I have a medical issue. And you’re afraid you can’t help me.” Even to Lisa’s ears this sounded like gibberish, but she didn’t know what else to say.

Again, Stephanie lingered in an awkward silence. She covered up the moment by smoothing out the blanket on Lisa. “This is all crazy nonsense. I’m probably sleep deprived. You just get some rest. It’s almost the end of my shift, and I have a ton of work to do. I’ll check in on you before I leave.” Before Lisa even had a chance to say anything, Stephanie marched out of the room.

Alone again, Lisa grabbed her cell phone and checked for messages. Nothing from Adam and nothing from Marcus. Figures. Men continued to be unreliable. She didn’t want to think about all this. Her head was going to explode with all the possible permutations. She was in the present, going to the past, changing the present, presumably changing the future, and she had no idea how she was doing all of this.

S he wanted to call Emily. Maybe Emily had some wise words that would help her sort out this situation. How would she open the conversation? She hadn’t even told her about the time travel. Emily didn’t even approve much of the affair. How was she going to handle Lisa traveling back to change the future? Hey girl, I’ve been traveling back in time to when we were in college, and yeah, I wanted you to know that it’s making everything weird. Emily, with her logic and blunt answers would tell her she was crazy. She wasn’t ready to hear that. She still had hope that she could make things work for her and Adam. But Emily was the only person she could trust with this mess, whether or not she created it. But did she create it? Was any of this in her control? Did any of this have anything to do with these strange headaches she had? Nothing made sense anymore, not that it did much before anyway.

She dialed Emily’s number and got voicemail. It was too much to leave in a message. She hung up, hoping Emily would notice the missed call and try her later. In the meantime, she felt jittery. She turned on the television hoping the news or a boring daytime show would help. Unwittingly, she landed on a music channel.

Don’t you want me baby? Don’t you want me….

Darkness and nothing…

***

Lisa opened her eyes to the sight of Emily sitting in a chair next to the lower bunk bed, staring at her, a cup of water in her hand.

“Ah, her majesty wakes up.” Emily sounded sarcastic.

Lisa tried to talk, but her voice cracked, like she hadn’t used it in a while. “Where am I?”

Emily handed her the cup. “Drink. It’s water. You remember that, don’t you?” Lisa sipped, still groggy.

Sounding angry, Emily continued. “And as to your question, where are you? Where do you think you are, princess? In our room.” Her voice was high pitched, and she paced in the small space between door and desk, emphasizing her words with each step.

“You know, it’s not bad enough that you leave here to go to some frat party with some guy that you barely know. No, that’s not enough. You then disappear for hours, and I have no idea where you are or if he’s killed you or something.” Each word pounded into Lisa’s head.

“But even that’s not enough. You then show up at the door, still drunk, not knowing how you got here, no Adam dreamboat around. Instead, it’s some girl named Stephanie with you hanging onto her. She said she was at a party with you, and she didn’t want to let you walk home alone. She was so nervous that she stuttered. She gave me an envelope, left you in my arms, and ran off. And then you sleep for hours, looking comatose, and you wake up and ask wh ere am I ?”

Emily’s voice rose, shrill and insistent. “The better question is where have you been?”

By now Emily was red in the face, looking like her head was going to explode. Lisa sat up gingerly, not sure what to think or what to say. I seem to be in this position a lot lately , was the only thought that surfaced.

Apparently not done, Emily reached over to the desk, grabbed an envelope and handed it to Lisa. “This is what she left for you.”

Dazed, Lisa asked, “What is it?”

“Genius, what does it look like? It’s sealed. It has your name on it. I didn’t open it.” She sat down in front of Lisa. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on, and I seem angry, and I am, but mostly I’m really worried. You’re acting all kinds of strange. Are you in some kind of trouble?”

Lisa turned the envelope over and over in her hand. The handwriting on the front was neat and precise. Her name was in cursive. Lisa remembered being mesmerized by the cursive name embroidered on the doctor’s white coat in the future.

No one would ever understand all this. Everything was so mixed up. So, what was the worst that could happen? She handed the envelope to Emily. “Open it. Read the letter to me. I also have tons of questions. Maybe this will answer yours. And mine.”

Emily hesitated, then opened the letter and read slowly.

Lisa, if you’re reading this, you’re feeling better. I’m glad of that. Meet me today after work. My shift ends at 10 tonight. Come to the pastry shop alone. Don’t bring Adam. We need to talk about him. Please c ome alone.

“It’s signed, Stephanie,” said Emily. “What is going on? Who’s this Stephanie?”

“She’s the girl who brought me here.”

“No kidding, I know that. I mean who is she to you? And what does she know about Adam? Why does she need to talk to you alone?”

“I have no idea.”

Emily stood up abruptly and slammed the letter on the desk. “Well, you can’t go alone at night to meet some strange girl you don’t know to talk about some strange guy you don’t know. I’m not letting you go alone.”

The truth was that she was afraid of facing Stephanie alone. She wasn’t sure why. Maybe because her plan to derail her marriage to Adam was getting derailed itself? She didn’t know what Stephanie wanted, but she was here again, so she needed to see this through. “Fine. Come with me.”

Emily pointed her finger in Lisa’s face. “And don’t think I’m going to like it, or that I’m going to approve of any of this.” Emily’s harsh tone softened when Lisa jumped out of the bed and hugged her.

Emily tried, in vain, to push her away. “No, no, you’re not going to cajole me into agreeing with you about any of this.”

Lisa kept holding on to Emily as if she were a life preserver. Emily tightened her grip on Lisa’s back, and the room became quiet and still. The posters of The Cars and The Go-Go’s stared back at Lisa, accusing her almost of being an interloper, a fake. She didn’t belong here anymore, barrettes in her hair and a long white shirt that reached her thighs, with shoulder pads that made her shoulders broad and a wide black belt that cinched her waist to look tiny.

Emily continued softly. “Listen, I have this scary feeling in the pit of my stomach that something’s wrong. That you’re in some kind of trouble, and I won’t be able to help you out of it later.”

For the first time in a long time, Lisa felt like she had an ally. “Actually, I expect you will be able to help me. I’m just not sure with what. Then again, you always say you like rollercoasters. Wanna go for a ride?”