Chapter 6
L isa and Emily killed time at one of the outside tables of the pastry shop. Sitting there, in the shadow of the Cathedral of St. John the Divine, Lisa marveled at how much had changed since she’d last been here. Thinking about the future in which she lived and sitting here in the past, which was her current now, almost made her head ache. In the time where she actually lived, the giant sculpture of a battle of good and evil stood in the garden next to the cathedral, its countenance glaring at the customers of the Hungarian Pastry Shop. Here, in this past, the garden was filled with only trees and flowers.
Music from boom boxes blasted as kids walked along the sidewalk, some sporting penny loafers and others combat boots and punked out hair. Lisa recognized a song from Men at Work and reached for her cell phone to see if she could find out the name when she remembered there were no cell phones in the ’80s. She pretended to look for tissues in her oversize handbag to avoid describing a cell phone to Emily.
Stephanie had waved to Lisa a few minutes earlier and had motioned for her to wait outside. Emily fidgeted with the rings on her fingers. Lisa, tapping her foot, felt more nervous watching her. “Will you stop fidgeting please? It’s not helping.”
“I’m not fidgeting. You’re fidgeting. How many times are you going to look at your watch? She’s in there. She knows you’re here. She’ll come out when she’s good and ready.”
Lisa stuck her tongue out at Emily. She hated when Emily was right. And she was right a lot of the time. That was always a problem in the future too.
Emily continued. “What could she possibly want to say to you anyway?”
Lisa raised an eyebrow. “Really? Haven’t we been through this already?” Before Emily had a chance to respond, Stephanie pushed open the glass door and stepped outside. She looked at Emily and Lisa and directed herself to Lisa. “I thought I asked you to come alone. Who’s this?”
Emily opened her mouth, prepared no doubt with a retort, but Lisa interrupted her. “She’s my best friend. Whatever you have to say to me, you can say in front of her.”
Stephanie looked Emily up and down with a glare reserved for enemies. “I prefer if we talked alone, but she’s your friend, not mine. Let’s go find a coffee shop where we can sit. I’ve been on my feet for hours.”
They walked a few blocks to an all-night diner. Stephanie sat in a booth across from Emily and Lisa. The place was seedy, with tiled floors that hadn’t seen a thorough scrubbing in decades. The grout was as gray as the tiles. The booths had red plastic cushions with tears on the seats that looked like gaping mouths spilling once-white but now yellowish-brown stuffing. The women had to sit carefully to prevent their bare legs from getting scratched on the seats. Their coffees came in thick, yellowed porcelain cups that had seen many years of hot dishwashing. The pattern on the cups had once matched the pattern of the tiled walls and floors. Now they just seemed tired, accompanied by equally tired, flat spoons.
Stephanie stirred sugar in her cup, appearing to Lisa as if she were delaying the conversation that she clearly was afraid to start. Lisa covered up her nervousness with bravado. “OK, you have me here. What’s with the drama? What do you need to say that’s so important?”
Stephanie put down the spoon and lifted the coffee to her lips. She took a sip, put it down and stared at Lisa. “How well do you know Adam?”
Lisa wasn’t expecting this question. How well did she know Adam? “What kind of a question is that?”
“It’s a simple question. He’s your boyfriend. How well do you know him?”
“Why are you asking me that?”
Stephanie spoke at a rapid clip, her words dropping like stones on a cement path. “Because I’m an honest woman, that’s why, which is less than I can say about you. Look, I like him. A lot. I met him a few weeks ago. He came to the pastry shop, and we started a conversation. Even if I don’t look it, I’m kind of shy around guys. Something about him let me feel comfortable around him. He kept coming back and always found a way to sit at my table. He’d made it clear he was interested in me. I had planned on saying yes to him on the day that he showed up with you. But then he pretended not to know me. I was kind of angry, and to make matters worse, he was obviously flirting with me, and he asked me to come to the party as if he didn’t know who I was. I showed up thinking that he was playing a joke, or that this was some kind of romantic way of going out with me, that maybe you two were just classmates. Or that maybe he was trying to make me jealous, so I’d finally say yes to him. I don’t know. But then I saw you guys at the party together. And now I’m confused because I think I was there first with him, but now you’re in the picture, and I’m just not sure.”
Stephanie paused and took a gulp of hot coffee as if she were looking for strength to continue. “Plus, after you fainted at the party, he came looking for me again. He said that he really liked me, that he just wasn’t that into you.”
Lisa rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on.”
Stephanie motioned to let her continue. “There’s more. He said that he couldn’t keep waiting around for me to decide. I told him I wasn’t sure, that if you were his girlfriend, I didn’t want to interfere. He insisted you were nothing to him. So, what actually is the deal? I wanted to talk to you because I don’t believe in women backstabbing each other. If you’re his girlfriend, then I need to know, because up until a few days ago, I thought I was going to be his girlfriend, but then you appeared, and now you’re in the way, but it feels like it’s all twisted, so….” Her voice trailed off.
Lisa’s eyes opened wide as she grasped all this information. Stephanie’s words rang in her ears. “ Now you’re in the way. ” Did this mean that she was actually changing the past? Was this evidence that her traveling was making an impact? This was her opportunity. All she had to do was tell Stephanie that Adam was her boyfriend, and she’d have what she wanted all along.
This was it.
Emily coughed. “Well, Lisa, is he your boyfriend?”
Lisa stared down at her coffee cup looking for an answer that made sense. She had this chance of a lifetime, and she didn’t know what to do with it. She had Stephanie sitting in front of her, and she had this terrible feeling that whatever she did was going to have an impact that was larger than she had imagined. What if she said Yes, he’s my boyfriend? Did that mean that Stephanie would get out of the way? Did that mean that they wouldn’t get married? It had all been well and good in her imagination, but what if she was actually able to change the future?
Lisa remembered Stephanie the nurse. She was so kind, so dedicated. She was so unhappy with her marriage, but she loved her family. She talked of her daughters and how she adored them. If Lisa said yes, what happened to them? Would the daughters disappear?
The coffee swirled in the cup while she stirred and stirred. What’s the right answer? What’s the right th ing to do?
Her gut told her that everyone’s life was in the balance. The circles in the coffee mimicked her thoughts. Round and round and round she goes; where she stops, nobody knows.
And then she knew.
“You’re damn straight he’s my boyfriend. Has been for weeks, and you’re in my goddamn way. How dare you try to take him away?”
Lisa spit bullets like machine-gun fire. “And this phony-baloney story of how you met him before is ridiculous. Who do you think would believe that bullshit? You said so yourself that he didn’t know who you were when I was in the pastry shop. He may have invited you to the party, but he was trying to be nice because he felt sorry for you. He told me when we left. That he thought you were pitiful, so he figured he’d throw you a bone.”
Lisa stopped to catch her breath, her heart racing. Did she just say all that? Who was she? Emily was staring at her, mouth gaping. Stephanie sat there, quiet, face immobile. Lisa looked her in the eyes, defiant, her face pretending to be certain about her decision. But this was her chance. This was what she had dreamed about. She couldn’t back down. She couldn’t consider the consequences for everyone else. She needed to do what was best for her and for Adam. And she was the best one for Adam.
The silence at the table was palpable. A single tear fell down Stephanie’s cheek. She brushed it away with her index finger. She reached for the rectangular paper napkin on the side of her coffee cup, wiped her finger and then her mouth. She pulled out her wallet and took out two single dollar bills. She turned them, so they were both facing in the same direction, laid them neatly on the table, under her cup saucer. She slid out of the booth and stood for a few seconds next to the table, looking at Lisa. She opened her mouth to speak and nothing came out. She took a deep breath. In a voice barely above a whisper she said, “Fine. You can have him. Good luck with that.” She turned towards the door and, in a few long strides, exited.
Lisa lowered her eyes, intent on her coffee. She knew Stephanie was gone when she heard the jingle at the door as it opened and closed.
After what seemed like an eternity, Emily broke the silence. “That was special.”
Lisa didn’t answer. She motioned to the waitress for a refill, wanting an excuse to delay saying anything. After adding more sugar and milk to the cup, she took a sip, swallowed hard and turned to Emily. “That was the truth. She needs to stay out of the way.”
Emily reached out and placed her hand on Lisa’s arm. “I hope you know what you’re doing. I have a bad feeling about this, but, hey, if this is what you want, then I’m with you.”
Taking a deep breath, Lisa put her hand on top of Emily’s and squeezed her best friend. She noticed how smooth Emily’s skin was, how unblemished from the sun, how soft. In that instant, she noted the passing of years, how they had been friends for so long, how she didn’t want to disappoint Emily ever, and how she felt that whatever decisions she made here were bound to be a disappointment. She took a deep breath again and uttered words she’d been thinking for years. “This is exactly what I want.”
***
At the end of her first class the next day, Lisa intended to find Adam and give him a piece of her mind. Still reeling from her decision the night before, she wanted to let him know, in no uncertain terms, that he was to stay away from Stephanie completely. She wanted to leave nothing to chance.
The professor of her geometry theory class droned that day. She remembered she usually enjoyed his funny lectures, but today she couldn’t concentrate. Perhaps the realization that nothing from this class would be useful in the future made her look at her watch repeatedly. Each time that she thought at least fifteen minutes had passed, she looked and the minute hand had moved twice. Finally, after an eternity, she ran out as soon as class was dismissed.
Not watching where she was going, she tripped over her own feet and landed right in Adam’s arms. “Whoa! Where are you going so fast?”
Here he is , she thought. “Oh, I’ve missed you so,” she whispered to herself, not realizing that he could hear her.
“Oh yeah, you’ve missed me, huh? Well, maybe you need to take better aim.” He leaned down and kissed her tenderly. It felt like a first kiss, the kind that stays in the memory banks she’d return to when the loneliness of life threatens to swallow her whole.
She was the first one to separate. She leaned back to look up at him and remembered where she was headed minutes earlier. “I was on my way to see you.”
He laughed. “It’s a good thing I showed up then, otherwise you would have missed me even more.” He stared at her, eyebrows quizzical. “What’s up with you? You look like you’re on a mission. Feeling better from last night? Or still hungover?”
She remembered her resolve, and the words tumbled out. “I’m fine, but you must promise me that you’re not going to see that girl Stephanie anymore. I don’t want her near us. She’s a nutcase.”
Adam frowned, forehead scrunched. “Who’s Stephanie?”
“Don’t play games with me, Adam. You know who Stephanie is. That girl from the Hungarian Pastry Shop. The one you invited to the party last night.”
“Oh, that girl. Is that her name? I barely remember her. Why would I want to see her again? What does she have to do with us?”
Lisa thought for a moment. Should she say anything more or just drop the subject? She pressed on. She needed to make sure that this Stephanie business was squashed completely. “She met me last night. She had this idea that you were seeing her.”
Adam wrapped his arms tightly around Lisa’s back. He leaned his face into her neck, nuzzling her, as if they were not in the middle of a hallway outside of a classroom. Lisa noticed students glancing at them, but she didn’t care. She smelled the skin on his neck, transfixed by his fragrance. “Lisa, I don’t care about anyone other than you. There is no one but you.”
His words melted her. Nothing mattered. No portents of doom, no stubborn conscience or guilty feelings, nothing was going to get in the way this time. He belonged to her.
A professor stood in front of them, harrumphing to get their attention. Lisa looked up, eyelids half shut with a dreamy feel, and realized they were being a bit inappropriate. “If you lovebirds don’t mind, I’d like to close the door, so I can start my class.”
***
Back in Adam’s room, hours later, they lay on the bed, legs wrapped around each other, a thin sheen of sweat covering them both. The day had passed quickly. Time was a harsh taskmaster. When she needed it to move slowly, it ran at the speed of light.
She reached up and ran her fingers through his thick curly hair. She remembered the grays that had started to crop up in the future. She wondered what he was doing right now, not here, but there. She hadn’t seen him in a few days. Was he missing her?
Adam positioned himself even closer to her if that were possible. “I like when you touch my hair like that.”
“Hmmm…yes, you’ve always liked that,” she answered.
“It makes me sleepy,” he whispered.
“Then take a nap.”
She had barely gotten the words out before she heard a soft snore. She smiled. It would be louder in a few years. She didn’t mind. It meant he was spending the night with her.
Unable to sleep, she turned on the radio to find soothing music, so she could relax. She was torn between wanting to spend the night watching Adam sleep and realizing she needed rest. Who knew what adventures tomorrow would bring? As she fiddled with the dials, she heard the familiar tune and the words.
I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar….
And there it was…the nausea, the darkness, the nothingness.
***
Lisa woke up from what she thought was a nap, sitting upright in a hospital guest chair. Still a little groggy from sleep, she picked up the phone as it rang. “ICE—cell,” said the screen.
ICE? Who was IN CASE OF EMERGENCY?
She answered with hesitation. “Hello?”
The familiar voice greeted her. “Hey, babe. How’re you feeling?”
Adam.
He was ICE.
It had worked.