Chapter 7
L isa didn’t know how to answer Adam’s question. How did she feel? She looked around the room to make certain she was sure of her location. Yes, still in the hospital, but she felt different. The caller ID on the phone was evidence of a change. Was it possible that she had been successful? Goosebumps covered her arms. Her throat was tight as she opened and closed her mouth several times trying to find the right words. She wasn’t sure how much Adam knew or what had happened.
This was a new world, one where Adam was her call in case of emergency. That meant he was more than a lover. But what exactly had happened?
“I’m feeling better. Where are you?”
“I’m still at work, but I’ll come by when I’m done. I wanted to know if you needed anything. And did you talk to any doctor today? Did they do the MRI? Do you have results?”
Lisa still didn’t know where to start. Adam laughed. “Sorry. Too many rapid-fire questions, huh?”
“No, that’s fine. Sounds like you’re worried.”
“Of course I’m worried, sweetheart. My wife is in the hospital for undiagnosed head trauma that makes her black out. How could I not worry?”
My wife. They were married. Lisa looked down at her left hand and saw empty fingers. She wondered momentarily why there was no ring. Maybe she took it off for the MRI. She got up from her chair and found her purse. There, inside the coin pocket of the wallet was a pair of rings. A gold engagement ring with a single small round diamond and a simple gold wedding band.
She didn’t recognize these rings. She had never seen them before, but they were in her wallet, obviously hers. She lovingly put them on her finger, trying to emulate what Adam would have done on their wedding day. But she had no memories of this wedding. She noticed that she remembered every detail of her wedding to Marcus. But her wedding to Adam was a blank page.
Adam broke her reverie. “Hello? Are you still there?”
Lisa returned her attention to the call. “Yes, yes. Still here. No word yet on test results. What time are you coming?”
“I told you. As soon as I get out of work. I’ve arranged for Zelda to stay late with the kids tonight, so I can stay with you as long as you need me.”
Lisa scrunched her face, struggling to remember details she didn’t know. “Who’s Zelda?”
“What do you mean, who’s Zelda? Our nanny. What’s the matter with you? You don’t remember the name of the woman who’s been taking care of the girls since birth?”
They had children. Daughters. She had no memories of this. She didn’t know any details of this life she had created from her travels to the past. She had created the future she had dreamed about, and apparently had lived it on some plane, but she hadn’t participated in it at all. Now she had to figure out how to navigate this new world.
Lisa returned her attention to the call. “Of course. Sorry. My brain’s gone mushy with all these tests. Hospital food doesn’t help.” She tried to keep her tone light. “So, what time will you be out of work?”
Adam snapped. “I told you already. I’m not sure.”
Lisa was jolted by his response. She wasn’t sure how to react. She didn’t know this Adam. He was neither past nor present that she knew. His voice got softer. “I’m sorry I snapped a little. It’s been hectic at work, and with you not around, it’s been crazy at home. I’ll probably get to you around six or so.”
“No apology needed. I’m not going anywhere. Maybe I’ll have some news by the time you get here.” She added that last piece just to have something to say. She felt so disjointed not knowing the routines of his life.
After they hung up, she examined the phone for the first time. There, on the welcome screen, was a picture of two little girls with identical faces. They had long hair with soft brown curls. Their eyes were deep brown, large and expressive. They were laughing, hugging each other, in polka dot white and blue summer dresses with blue bows pulling their hair back from their foreheads. They looked like they were about five or six years old. They had sweetheart lips and chubby cheeks. They were beautiful. And apparently, they were hers.
Lisa scrolled through the phone, looking for more pictures, feeling like she was snooping on someone else’s life. She wanted to see what she was like now. But when she clicked on the Photos icon, she was surprised to see that it was empty.
Not one picture to show for all these years of her life. It was as if she had sprouted into this world from the nothingness of the universe. She could remember her past, the one she had come from where she and Adam were lovers, where she had pined away for him and where she had traveled to her youth to meet him, so she could change the future.
Now she was here in this strange new world where she had everything she had dreamed of—children, Adam as her husband, a family. She had succeeded. But she knew nothing about this life.
Where did they live? Did she have friends? What were her children like? She didn’t remember their childhoods. Had she been pregnant? What did that feel like? It looked like they were twins. In her past, she had experienced pregnancy and childbirth with disastrous results. This time she was a mother. But she knew nothing about it. She felt the pang of loneliness with that realization.
She looked at the photograph of her daughters again. They were so lovely. How old were they? What foods did they like? Were they good students? Did they sleep well at night? Were they affectionate, playful, energetic? Did they like to read? These children, and this life, were strangers to her, and she was going to have to learn everything. How was she supposed to do that without giving away her secret?
Lost in these thoughts, trying to calculate her way out of this mess, Lisa didn’t hear Stephanie at the door. A cough brought her back from her reveries. Stephanie stood at the at the threshold with a computer on a cart, charting notes, her eyes fixed on her work, not looking at Lisa. “Hey, how’s my favorite patient? Feeling more rested?”
Lisa was shocked to see Stephanie here, still her nurse. She wasn’t sure what she had expected, but seeing Stephanie brought her back to the reality that everything had changed, yet some things had not.
Man, I can’t get rid of this girl . “Your patient is feeling very well, actually.”
Stephanie walked towards her. “Good to hear. I was worried about you after that MRI debacle. The technician told me that you scared them so much they put your test at the top of the list for review. They should have results later this evening. They had to send the test to a radiologist who specializes in pineal gland issues.”
Stephanie walked over to the windowsill, leaned down, and smelled the flowers Lisa had received earlier in the day. With all of the day’s excitement, Lisa had forgotten them. “Your husband Adam is so romantic, sending flowers and telling you he loves you. So sweet. I wish I had a husband like that.” Stephanie audibly sighed, her back to Lisa.
For the first time since the discovery of her time travel abilities, Lisa felt guilty, as if she had stolen Stephanie’s life. She was the one who now had daughters. And she was the one who was married to Adam. What does Stephanie’s life look like now? She didn’t need to wonder for long.
When Stephanie turned around, the look on her face was not wistful or sweet. Her smile seemed plastic, and anger coated her voice, like the dark, crusty film on milk that has been boiled too long. “I’ve never been able to find a guy like that. I met one once, in college, that I thought might be the one, but he disappeared. And I’ve had no luck since then.”
Lisa’s hands had turned cold. There was something clearly off with this Stephanie.
“I’m sure that someone wonderful will show up in your life. It’s just not been the right time.”
“Maybe. What I’ve found is that all the nice guys are married.”
Lisa had no response. What could she say? Just a little while ago, she would have said the same thing, but now, in these shoes, her mind was too confused and jumbled for any witty repartee or sage advice.
Stephanie straightened her back and focused her attention on Lisa. “Nothing to be done about men, right?” She took a deep breath. “So, while we wait for these results, you get some rest. Hopefully, you’ll have answers soon that will help figure out what’s going on with your headaches. I’ll come back later to check on you again.”
Left alone, Lisa wondered how she was going to learn about her new life. Adam was coming to see her in a few hours. She couldn’t face him with a blank slate instead of memories. Could she confide in him? What would she say? Oh, honey, you know, I went back to college when we could have met, and we did, and I made sure that I got rid of your girlfriend who would have been your wife, so now she’s not, and instead I am, but I have no idea what happened between the last time I saw you in the past when we were eighteen or so, or now in this new present when we’re fortyish, so be a dear please and fill in all the blanks of the last twenty years or so? That approach wouldn’t work very well. For sure, they’d put her in a straitjacket and leave her in a padded room.
She needed a better plan. Maybe someone could give her an update of her life. Someone she could trust. She grabbed her cell phone again. Other than Adam, there was no one listed in the contacts. Her phone, and her life, had been blanked out with a restart and both required a new software installation. Lisa got up and paced the room from one end to the other. She stopped at the window and looked out at the Hudson River. She was fortunate to be in one of the few hospitals in New Jersey where one could see the Manhattan skyline. At least that hadn’t changed much from her other past. Until now, she had taken all this for granted and hadn’t even bothered to notice the view.
She stood there for a while, lost in thought, trying to figure out the timeline on her own. “Her other past.” Even the language she was using made no sense. The past, the other past, the present, the future. Everything was jumbled. A whole new language had to be invented to explain what, where, or which when she was in. She hadn’t even been able to figure out how it worked. It was as if she were two separate people floating on boats in parallel-flowing rivers. Her choice of vessel determined which life she’d lead.
But what happened on the other route while she was here?
When she was Marcus’s wife, she knew she stood in the present. There was a clear demarcation of past, present, and future. She knew what she wanted: to be with Adam. She loved him. She wished and wished, and then her wish came true. She started traveling to the past. But it wasn’t the real past she remembered. It was a new past. And in that past, she remembered her present—the one where she was married to Marcus. That was a solid marker. It was secure and fixed like a true north.
Until she changed the past. When she encountered Stephanie and decided to take Adam from her, everything altered in the future. So here she was, in this new future/present, and she was Adam’s wife. They had a family.
I have daughters. I am a mother.
That thought should have made her happy. She would have been delirious with joy in the past if she had had that thought. But now, what now? In this moment, she remembered nothing of how she got here. She had the life she had been wanting, but she had missed it all. She had no memories.
Lisa leaned her hands on the windowsill, gripping the edge to keep her balance. She felt her body heavy with a deep sadness that weighed her down. How was it possible that she had what she wanted, yet she wasn’t happy?
She knew how to handle problems in the past, but she felt rudderless here. She lost track of how much time she had stood at the window. As she chewed on her lower lip, still searching for an answer, she noticed the wind picked up, turning the clouds into long fluffy oblong shapes with gray undersides. They looked as if they were painted on a pale blue canvas. Staring at them, Lisa’s face broke into a big smile. Out of nowhere, the thought came to her. Emily! Her ride or die friend. Emily would know what was missing.
Lisa went back for her phone. She looked in the contacts again, but she realized she didn’t need any help. She dialed the number she had been dialing for what seemed like more than one lifetime.
Emily picked up almost on the first ring. “Oh my God, Lisa, where the hell have you been?”
Laughing, Lisa plopped herself face down on the bed, happy to hear the familiar reprimand. “Why do you care, you haven’t called me.”
“Oh. My. God. What is the matter with you? I’ve been calling you for days, the phone goes to voicemail, and then I get the message that your mailbox is full. I thought you deliberately blocked me.”
Lisa sat up abruptly. How could Emily not know I’m in the hospital? “Why would I block you?”
“I don’t know, but I was literally about to start calling hospitals to find out where you are. I was starting to panic when you didn’t even call me to find out about Jojo.”
Lisa wasn’t sure how to respond. She didn’t know what she was expecting, but an angry Emily hadn’t crossed her mind. How was she going to get Emily to tell her the whole story?
“Ummm. Emily?”
Aggravated, Emily responded. “What?!”
“Who’s Jojo?”
“You’re joking right?”
“No, I’m not.”
“Jojo is your dog. Did you hit your head or something?”
“Well, kind of….” Lisa let the words trail off as she tried to figure out how to broach the subject of her memory. “Look, something big has happened, and I need to talk to you. I’m in the hospital. I had a car accident, remember? And stuff has happened that is confusing me, but you’re the only person I can talk to about this. I really can’t talk to Adam, and anyway, you’re my best friend. Right?” That last word rang in the air for Lisa. It dawned on her that she didn’t know if Emily was still her best friend in this dimension. Oh God, what if Emily isn’t close to me anymore? Then wha t’ll I do?
Emily sighed loudly. “You must have hit your head hard to ask such a stupid question. We’ve been through the ringer and back, and now you wonder if you can talk to me? What did you do? Kill someone?”
Lisa stayed silent. Kind of….
Emily spoke again. “Where are you? I’ll come see you.”
“Palisades General. Fourth floor. Adam will be here in about three hours, and I need to talk to you before he gets here. Can you come over now?”
“On my way.”