Chapter 10
R iding in Emily’s car, with the top down, Lisa’s eyes teared up from the loveliness of a gorgeous sunny day with its impeccably blue sky. Emily had an extra hair band, so that Lisa’s hair could stay under some control as the wind whipped it around.
She tried yelling. “Emily, I need your help. I have questions.”
“What?! I can’t hear you.”
Lisa put her hand on Emily’s. “Pull over.” With gestures, Lisa was able to make herself understood. There was a field nearby, and Emily drove into it, parking the car in a nearby spot.
“All right, Lisa, what do you want to talk about? Going to the past again?”
“Yes…no…I mean. I need your help. I don’t know what I’m headed into. I don’t know my daughters’ names. I’ve never been to this house. I don’t know anything, Em. Do you understand that?”
Emily looked incredulous. “You mean you were serious when you said that before?”
“Of course I was serious! Why would I make that up?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never had a friend who comes back from the past.” Emily swallowed hard and grabbed Lisa’s hand. “Why don’t we go for a walk, and I can answer your questions.”
As they got out of the car, Lisa felt a rush of relief. Was Emily was believing her now?
The park Emily had picked had a man-made lake in the center. In the middle of the lake, a water fountain intermittently spouted a stream high into the air. An asphalt path with a stone border circled the lake, surrounded by woods full of tall oak trees. The ground was covered in wildflowers of all types: daisies, sunflowers, hyacinths, pansies. It looked like someone had run around with seeds and strewn them everywhere to create a painting of riotous colors—blues, purples, yellows, pinks—no organization, no pattern, just joyful colors and scents. Not a single cloud interrupted the bright blue of the sky.
Emily locked arms with Lisa, like they used to do in college, and they walked along the path. “OK, girlie. What do you want to know?”
“Well, for starters, tell me about my daughters. What are they like? I have only one picture of them in my cell phone, but I don’t know how old they are, their names, their school. I know nothing about these children that I supposedly gave birth to. Why don’t I have pictures?” Lisa’s lip trembled as the enormity of what she didn’t know hit her again.
“How am I supposed to know why you don’t know any of this? I’m not the time traveler. Isn’t there a manual for that somewhere?”
Emily was trying to joke, but this was no laughing matter. “This isn’t funny. I need serious help.” One solitary tear rolled down her cheek. “Please. All I ever wanted was Adam and a family with him. Finally, I have it. And I know nothing about it. It’s as if I’ve been living my life somewhere else, and now I’m back here and don’t remember anything. I don’t want to screw up anything to lose it. As it is, I’m already scared that he’s cheating on me.”
Emily took a deep breath. “I’ll tell you as much as I know. But remember that I’m not there all the time. There will be inside jokes and things you all share that I know nothing about. If you really can’t remember, you may have to ask Adam directly. If he wonders why you don’t know, then just blame it on your brain episodes. Deal?”
She nodded her head in agreement. “Now let me have it.”
As they walked, Lisa noticed several women pushing babies in strollers. One pair of friends talked animatedly while their toddlers ran ahead, gleeful as children tend to be, carefree and joyous. Lisa tried to pay attention to Emily but repeatedly got distracted by the sight of so many mothers and their children. As they neared the playground, Lisa saw a woman pushing a young boy on a swing. She could tell she was his mother by the way she kissed the top of his head each time she caught the swing to push him back. He squealed with delight at the affection, threw his arms in the air and yelled, “Again!” In front of them, a man who seemed to be the father, took pictures. He laughed when he heard the boy’s cries.
Lisa stopped to watch them. The boy was about four years old with curly brown hair and ruddy cheeks. His little fists pumped the air, and he threw his head back as the swing moved back and forth. “Higher! Higher!” he yelled.
The wind picked up, and blew Lisa’s hair into her face, momentarily obscuring her sight. Her thoughts swirled, and her feet felt unsteady, as if she were spinning, but she knew she was standing still. She realized she’d been feeling like this since joining this version of reality. That’s how this felt, like a different reality, as if nothing were normal. Unsteady and needing something solid to tie her to this present, Lisa gripped Emily’s hand and pointed at the child. “Isn’t he cute?” Emily said.
Tears trickled down Lisa’s cheeks as she watched the tender family scene, and the words came unbidden. With a trembling voice, she said, “That could have been Marcus and me if our son had lived.”
With eyes wide open and a questioning look on her face, Emily turned towards her friend. “Who’s Marcus? What son?”
The questions jolted Lisa. How was this happening? Her entire life had been erased, so now who was she? She had memories of a life that apparently hadn’t occurred. She had been sure that Emily would remember also. But who was this Emily then? And what was she walking into by going to her new house? She didn’t know these children that she now had. The memory of her baby boy came alive and pulled her like a magnet. She felt a pain so strong she doubled over, wrapping her arms as if trying to hold her insides together while she sobbed inconsolably.
Emily held her and moved them away, towards a bench on the other side of the park. They sat there for a while until Lisa stopped crying. Tenderly, Emily asked, “Better?”
Sniffling, Lisa searched for a tissue in her purse while she tried to find the words to tell her friend about the enormity of what she had realized. “Yes, I’m better now. Just terrified.” She didn’t think that this Emily would understand the depth of her feelings. How could she? This Emily didn’t even know Marcus or the baby. Lisa took a deep breath and exhaled. “I don’t remember anything you know, and you don’t remember my past life even though you were a part of it. I’ve lost my compass.” She paused. “I’m scared, Em.”
Emily grew serious. “You’ll be fine. You’ve always been a quick study, and this is no different than taking an exam. The only thing is that you’ll have live subjects as part of the tests.”
Lisa could tell that Emily was avoiding the subject of a past she didn’t know. She decided not to pursue it for now. Later, after she acclimated herself to this new world, she’d talk to Emily about it again. In the meantime, she had to move forward. She stood up, blew her nose, adjusted her hair, and steeled herself to face this storybook life. She poked Emily in the arm. “You think you’re so funny. Not!”
Emily looked at her watch before opening the car doors. “Let’s get you home, and we can figure out the rest. The girls will be back from school soon. The bus drops them off at the corner. The nanny usually picks them up if you’re not home, but maybe today you can get them. I’ll be with you, so you’ll know which ones they are.” Emily paused in her explanation as she started driving. “I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with you. Are you sure it’s not that you just hit your head in that car accident, and you have amnesia? Should I take you back to the hospital?”
***
Emily drove down a pretty, suburban street lined with trees. There were big and small houses, nicely spaced apart with ample room for gardens and trees. The lawns were impeccable with row after row of colorful flowers. Lisa thought it was beautiful but at the same time had a nagging feeling that it was all too manicured and perfect, like when she was a child and her mother returned from the hairdresser with a can of hairspray in her hair to ensure not one strand was out of place for days. Something felt off, but Lisa couldn’t put her finger on it.
As if reading her thoughts, Emily said just then, “Don’t be nervous. It will all be fine.”
Emily pulled into a circular driveway leading to the biggest house, featuring light brick with mustard yellow shutters and a red front door. Lace curtains adorned the windows, each curtain parted perfectly so. The roof was made of burnt orange Spanish tiles. From the outside it looked like a center hall colonial with a huge attached garage that fit three cars. One garage door was open, revealing a spotless space painted light yellow, with carpet on the floor. The garden, like all the others on this street, looked like it was tended to by professionals. Not one thing was out of place.
Lisa stayed in the car for a minute or so, staring at the house, at the driveway, taking it all in. “What’s with the carpet on the garage floor?”
“That’s Adam’s garage for his Corvette. It is too precious to sit on mere concrete. Your housekeeper vacuums it every time he leaves the house in that car.” Lisa could hear the note of disapproval in Emily’s voice.
As they walked to the front door, Lisa realized she had no key. “What do we do now? Ring the doorbell?”
“We’ll just say that you lost your keys in the hospital. I’m sure the help has a spare.”
Lisa raised both eyebrows. “The help? Emily, are we rich?”
As she answered, Emily pushed the doorbell. “Not we, dear. You and Adam are rich. You’re just slumming by being my friend.”
A short woman with a neat bun of dark hair answered the door. She was slim and wore a simple black dress as a uniform. “Oh, Mrs. Scheiner, you’re finally home! I’m so glad you’re well again. We were so worried.” She stepped aside to let them into a massive foyer. “Please, let me take your bag to your room. Hello, Miss Emily.”
“Hello, Zelda. Nice to see you again.”
As Zelda ran up the stairs, Emily led Lisa around the first floor of the house. She looked at her watch quickly. “It looks like we have about half an hour before Zelda picks up the girls. Let’s just give you a quick tour of the house, so you know where to find things. If you get lost, just blame it on the headaches.”
Lisa nodded without speaking. She was dumfounded by the sheer height of the ceilings, by the pretty light wood throughout, and by all the antique furniture. Each room was painted a different color—some bright, some pastels. All the ceilings were white, giving—at least this floor—a sense of connectedness. The living room was pale green with a large Persian rug that dominated the center. Double doors led to an enormous dining room with a table that sat at least twenty people.
“Do we entertain that much that we have such a large table?” Lisa asked.
“No. I’ve never eaten in this dining room. You don’t like it. Your decorator made you buy that furniture. She’s the one who decided you needed a multi-color house that doesn’t match the Spanish exterior.”
Lisa ignored the sarcasm dripping from Emily’s voice. “I have a decorator?”
“Mhmm. Monique. She goes by one name. Very posh, or at least she thinks so. A family of four could live for a year on what that dining room table cost.”
From the dining room they walked into a bright, airy kitchen. It connected to a den with comfortable couches, a large television set, and plants in every corner. Toys were scattered around. Clearly this was where the children spent their time. The windows looked out onto the backyard with an indoor pool, an outside kitchen, a tiki bar, a fenced grassy area with a swing set, and a wooden castle. Lisa couldn’t believe how different this was from her former life. Obviously, they spared no expense in this house. The kitchen was state of the art with white cabinets, blue and yellow tile, and dishes that matched the walls. Who has dishes that match the walls?
Lisa stood in the middle, mouth wide open, unable to fathom that this is what she had come into. She didn’t even know where to start. But she turned from staring out the double doors that led to the backyard when she heard wild squeals and running steps. “Mommy, Mommy, you’re home!”
Two blonde girls ran into her, hugging her waist at the same time. They squeezed her and jumped simultaneously, both about the same height, faces turned up to look at her. She almost fell back from their impact. Her heart thumped wildly and sweat ran down her back. She couldn’t understand why she felt hot and uncomfortable. She watched these children in disbelief wondering who they were, momentarily forgetting she was supposed to be their mother.
That’s what this all felt like—as if she was supposed to be living in this world, but she was merely a visitor. Maybe not even that, more like an intruder. The clock on the kitchen wall ticked loudly. Every sound was amplified. With the girls still holding on to her, Lisa contemplated whether she should touch them. These children were strangers, but they seemed to love her. The only other adult in the room was Emily, and she looked mildly amused with a tinge of wistfulness. Lisa felt as if she were supposed to be doing something, responding somehow to this outpouring of affection but she didn’t know where to start. She held her arms in the air like airplane wings as if wishing hard enough would help her fly away from these unexpected and unknown emotions. Her face whipped from one side to the other, desperate for some direction.
Emily came to her rescue with a quick step. “Suzette, Natalie! Be gentle. You’re going to push your mother to the ground!”
The girl who answered to Suzette was the older one, a little taller than her sister with bright blue eyes and curls escaping from the lopsided barrettes on each side of her head. “But we’ve missed her, Auntie Emily! She was in the hospital, and Daddy wouldn’t take us to see her, so we want to just love her.” Natalie ignored Emily and continued to hold on to Lisa. In her slight lisp, she whispered, “Mommy, I missed you. I love you so, so much.”
The child’s words tore at Lisa. She lowered her arms and rubbed Natalie’s back. In a trembling voice, hoping this is what mothers did, she said quietly, “Honey, I missed you too.” Lisa watched herself as if she were an actor playing a part. She didn’t know how she was going to do this, but this is what she had wanted, right? She closed her eyes for a moment, losing herself in a tenderness that was so new to her. She opened them when she heard Suzette scream, “Daddy!” Smiling, Adam bent down, picked up his daughter, and walked towards Lisa and Natalie. He kissed Lisa’s cheek. “Welcome home, babe.”
Lisa froze with the realization that she was here and had no clue what to do next.