Chapter 11
I n unison, the girls chanted in singsong, “Mommy, Mommy! Snack time! Snack time!” Suzette wriggled out of her father’s arms, forcing Adam to put her down, so she could run to Lisa. “What are you making today? My favorite, please!” Her little voice was shrill in that high octave of the young before their voices change to accommodate growing up. Lisa’s heart beat so fast she felt it was going to pop out of her chest. She looked around at the adults in the room, hoping for a clue of what she was supposed to do, but Zelda had left the kitchen earlier. Emily only shrugged her shoulders, and Adam didn’t seem to notice her silent plea. Lisa could hear the clock ticking as if it were on a high-fidelity speaker. Beaming at his daughter, Adam bent towards Lisa and whispered in her ear, “Don’t you think you should get started, dear?”
Lisa felt all four pairs of eyes on her while she struggled to decide what to make. She didn’t know where to start or how to be a mother, much less surprise children with a snack after school. She tried to remember her own childhood. What would her mother have done?
She tried to calm herself. She had yearned for family, and children needed to be fed, so she was going to make this work. With a determined step, she walked towards the refrigerator to see if its contents would spark an idea. Holding the door wide open, pretending to be in charge, nothing jumped out at her. There was the usual: vegetables, turkey, mayonnaise, ketchup, milk, cheese. Everything you’d expect in a typical fridge. She looked back at the family that seemed weirdly frozen in expectation when an idea came through. With a broad smile, she took out the jar of mayonnaise and bottle of ketchup and placed them on the counter. She wanted to find saltines, but this kitchen was so huge, she had no idea where to start looking. She decided she’d play the “I just got out of the hospital” card and put her hands to her head.
Arms loaded with still-warm kitchen towels from the laundry room, Zelda walked back into the kitchen towards Lisa. “Mrs. Scheiner. Are you all right? Let me help you. You’ve been through a lot lately. What are you looking for?”
Bless Zelda for coming to her rescue. “I’m sorry. I seem to have forgotten where we keep crackers? How silly of me, right?”
Zelda, with her straight-backed primness and confident efficiency, marched like a soldier with a mission towards a cabinet. She opened the door to reveal an assortment of crackers and snacks that rivaled an aisle in a supermarket. Lisa stood behind her and pointed to the box of plain saltines. “Those, that’s what I want.”
Both girls ran over. “We want to help! We want to help, Mommy!”
Lisa looked at Zelda again, eyes begging for more help. Like a saint, Zelda pulled out a bowl, spoons, and plates. “Here you go, Mrs. Scheiner. Is there anything else you need?” Unlike her dour appearance, her tone was gentle and kind. “I can do this for you if you give me directions, so you can take a rest.”
“No, thank you, Zelda. I think I have everything.”
Feeling as if this were a test on how to be a mother, Lisa faced her daughters. “Girls, sit down, and I’ll surprise you with my favorite snack that my mother made for me.”
“You mean Grandma?”
Lisa swallowed hard. Grandma? Lisa hadn’t thought of her mother in a long time, and never as a grandma. She’d been dead for so long that Lisa was used to thinking of her only in the past. Did this odd world contain a mother for her? Best to play it safe until she had more information. “Yes, your grandma made this for me when I was your age. Now go, go, and wait for me in your favorite chairs.”
Lisa grabbed the mayonnaise and ketchup, mixed them in a bowl, spread the mix on saltines, and made little sandwiches. While she did this, Zelda placed small plates on the counter for her. She turned to the table and set placemats before the girls. “Now remember that we have manners, so we keep our elbows off the table and wait for your mother to finish.” Like little soldiers, the girls sat up straight, grinning from ear to ear, waiting patiently for Lisa to finish.
As her first mother job, Lisa was so proud that she had thought on her feet. She brought over the two plates and set them before the children. “Here you go, my lovelies. Yummy sandwiches!”
Suzette and Natalie looked down at their plates, frowned and stared at Lisa. “What’s this?”
Suzette picked up a saltine, examining it closely by twirling it in her fingers, then sniffing it. She made a sour face and declared loudly, “This is disgusting.”
Natalie chimed in. “Don’t be rude Suzie. Mommy made this with love. You have to eat it. Remember we eat everything that’s put on our plate, right, Zelda?” Zelda nodded somberly. Still smiling at Zelda, Natalie leaned over to her sister and half covering her mouth with her chubby hand whispered, “Even if it’s gross.”
Feeling like she had to salvage this moment, Lisa smiled brightly, though her heart was sinking. “Why don’t you try it before you decide?” She took a cracker sandwich and bit into it. “See? Delicious!” She turned to Adam, eyes pleading for help.
Adam took his cue. “Wow, this is wonderful, babe.” He munched with a smile, but Lisa could see him grimace. “Girls, try it. You’ll like it.”
The girls didn’t look convinced. Lisa left the kitchen, tears streaming down her cheeks. She walked into the unused dining room, with Adam on her heels. He took her in his arms, kissing her tears away. “Babe, don’t be upset.”
Silently, she sank into his warm arms, grateful for this respite, for a sense of normalcy. Adam was all she knew. She snuggled her face into his neck while he held her, closing her eyes and forgetting the awkwardness of the kitchen scene. Wishing this moment could last forever, she drifted off into the fragrance of his skin. The embrace was broken with a tug on her skirt that she tried to ignore. The tugger, however, was insistent.
Suzette’s persistence snapped her to attention. “Mommy, I don’t like your surprise snack.” Lisa tore herself away from Adam, disliking this tiny voice that was sorely interfering with her dream. Reluctantly, she bent down to the child. Something softened in her when she saw the little girl’s lips quivering. “It’s yucky. I don’t like it, Mommy.”
Lisa crouched down onto her heels and wiped the tears from the child’s face, realizing that this was supposed to be her daughter. She searched inside herself and found empathy for this child looking for solace. “Oh, sweetheart, I’m sorry. Why don’t you tell me what you’d like, and I’ll make it for you?”
Disappointment apparently forgotten, Suzette skipped off towards her sister in the kitchen. “Nope. Too late. I’m going to play with Natalie.” She turned around mid-way and yelled out. “But, tomorrow, Pop-Tarts!”
Adam burst out laughing, grabbed Lisa’s arm and helped her up. “Babe, you can’t win with kids. Don’t worry.” He hugged Lisa tightly, kissing her temple and caressing her hair. He felt so strong and safe. She was starting to like this life again when he pulled away from her with a sharpness that felt like a needle scratching on a record.
“I hate to do this to you, hon, but I have to get ready to go. I have a big client dinner tonight. I know it’s your first night back, but you understand, don’t you? Clients come first, right?” He smiled with that toothy grin Lisa loved, but she couldn’t believe he was leaving her already.
“Wait. I just got here. Can’t you reschedule?” She hated the pleading sound in her voice.
“Lisa, it’s a big client, and I can’t say that my wife needs me to stay home to keep her company. You have the kids to keep you busy, and Emily’s here. She can give you a hand if you’re not up to it.”
Emily was talking to Zelda. Adam yelled out, “Hey, Em. You don’t mind staying for dinner with Lisa, do you?”
Emily glared at Adam, opened her mouth as if to say something, closed it, took a deep breath, and said, “Of course. My pleasure.”
As Adam walked off, Lisa felt more lost than ever. The girls were playing in the backyard, and Zelda had turned her attention to chores and to making dinner preparations. Lisa stood in the dining room, staring off vacantly, wondering how she was going to make this marriage, this family, work. She was drowning in an unexpected emptiness. Where was the happiness that she was sure she’d find when she was married to Adam? True, she hadn’t anticipated children so quickly, much less a fully formed family, but she figured this would be easy. She loved him. Isn’t that all that was needed? Maybe this was a mistake? Maybe she had done this wrong? Maybe she should go back and make it better? But how? As her mind swirled with these thoughts, she felt a hand take hers.
That’s when she noticed Emily at her side. “Hey, buddy, are you OK? Do you need to lie down?”
Her friend’s hand in hers brought her to the present like a rush of wind. “I’m fine. I’ll be fine. I’m just…totally lost right now.” A solitary tear ran unbridled down her cheek. “Oh, Em. This isn’t what I expected.”
“You’re tired. These have been long, difficult days. Why don’t you lie down and get some rest? Zelda’s got dinner and the girls under control. I’ll stick around until Adam comes home.” Under her breath, she muttered, “If he comes home.”
Lisa heard her. “What do you mean?”
“Nothing, honey. I meant nothing by that. You’re just confused with all this homecoming stuff. Let me show you where the bedroom is. I’m sure some quiet time will make you feel right as rain.”
Like a child weary from a tantrum, Lisa let her friend lead her upstairs.
***
The stairs to the second floor were grand and sweeping with dark wood that gleamed from persistent cleaning and waxing. Lisa marveled at the shine, not a speck of dust in sight, as she caressed the polished wood on the banister. How could anything be this spotless? As if she could hear her thoughts, Emily said, “Don’t worry. You’re not responsible for this. A cleaning crew comes once a week.”
They walked into a spacious hallway with several identical white doors. Not knowing which one was her bedroom, Lisa gave Emily a questioning glance. Emily shrugged her shoulders and moved her towards a door that was slightly ajar. From inside they could hear Adam singing in the shower.
Pointing in the direction of the sounds, Lisa said, “I guess that’s my bedroom?”
“That’s your man there, babe. I’ll be in a guest room if you need me.” As she walked away, she added. “Last door at the end of the hall.”
Hesitantly, Lisa pushed open the door and entered a huge bedroom that looked more like a living room than sleeping quarters. The walls were painted a grayish pink. A four-poster, wrought iron, king-size bed reigned in the middle of the room with a comforter and sheets that were golden hued and silky, strewn about carelessly as if lovers had just walked away from it. To one side was a sitting area with mahogany bookcases and a teak coffee table with a now cold porcelain teapot, an empty cup, and a plate with crumbs, evidence that Adam had eaten breakfast there at some point. A crystal vase of white peonies vied for attention at a spacious writing desk near a large window that overlooked a tall oak tree. A short hallway with more doors opened to the left of the desk. Lisa ventured towards them, opening each door to discover walk-in closets the size of her former life’s bedroom. One was filled with dark suits, collared shirts, and men’s shoes, the other with a dizzying array of dresses, skirts, blouses, designer bags, and high-heeled shoes. Lisa wandered in her closet, touching everything until Adam’s voice startled her. He stood in the threshold, still wet from his shower, wearing only a pale blue towel around his waist. His hair sleek from water, she noticed his corkscrew curls escaping where he had tucked them behind his ears. She wondered why she noticed such a detail, even while mesmerized by the opulence around her.
His voice was smooth. “Going somewhere tonight while I’m out?” he asked.
She cocked her head to one side, momentarily forgetting that until now she didn’t know her surroundings. Like an explorer in unknown terrain, her senses felt more acute than ever. His face was closely shaven, and he smiled at her with a satisfied look. Behind him, the door to his closet was open, and she noted that he had hung a dark blue pinstripe suit and crisp white shirt on a hook, apparently what he was wearing to his dinner meeting. His dark eyes were bright with a dash of mischief. She could smell his delicious cologne, musky, aromatic. Like an animal with heightened senses, she could also smell deceit.
She shrugged her shoulders in response to his question. “I’m just looking around to see if anything’s changed while I was gone.” He approached her, pulling her to him and kissing her neck. “I’m going to miss you so much tonight. Forgive me that I’m leaving you?” he murmured tenderly.
Lost in his embrace, she responded softly. “Of course I forgive you. But do you really have to go? When will you be home?” As she said the words, she heard herself sound whiny and pleading.
He stepped away and went to the closet. As he started to dress, he threw out a casual reply, “I’ll be home as soon as possible, but this client likes to eat and drink, and the client comes first. So, knowing him, I’ll be home very late. Don’t wait up for me.”
Feeling oddly shy while he dressed, Lisa stepped away and sat on the sofa by the coffee table. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll find something to do.”
He laughed. “Are you kidding? With those two kids, you’re always complaining that your hands are full!”
Lisa shrugged, not sure how to respond. She casually turned the pages of a photography book on the coffee table. Who was the photography buff? Her or Adam? She was a mother now. She should know she’d be busy with two young children in the house. There was probably homework to be done. And dinner. And chores? In this house with a bevy of servants, did those girls even know what a chore was? How was she going to take care of all this? She hadn’t known these children when they were babies, and it had been forever since she’d changed a diaper. Motherhood is learned by experience, with trial and error, and she’d had next to none. How was she supposed to know what to do?
Her mind wandered to Marcus. A snarky voice in her head told her he wouldn’t have left her alone on the first night of coming back from the hospital. He would have known what to do with children. He was one of four siblings. She remembered that he had been so excited about the baby; he had made lists and plans. She wondered if she could find him in this world. Maybe she could call him and ask him? She shook her head at the silliness of this thought. Still, it persisted.
“Adam, do you remember Marcus?”
She could hear Adam mumbling in the closet. He walked out with a pair of socks and shoes in his hands, grimacing. “That nerd you dated once? Why are you asking about him now?”
Lisa continued to feign interest in the book as she mindlessly turned the pages. “I just wondered if you knew where he was. He popped into my head recently, and I just…you know, wondered what had become of him.”
“I have no idea where your ex-boyfriends may be, Lisa. What kind of stupid question is that?” He sat down in a chair to put on his shoes. “And why the hell are you wondering about an ex now?”
Lisa could hear the note of frustration in his voice. Not wanting to start an argument, she changed the subject. “Never mind. Just silly thoughts.”
Dressed and ready to go, Adam kissed Lisa on the top of her head. “Why don’t you stop thinking of old flames and just take a nap. The kids will only be entertained but so long with Zelda. Pretty soon they’ll be clamoring for your attention, and then you’ll start complaining as usual.”
With that, he turned and walked out the door.
L isa sighed deeply. She’d been in this house for less than two hours, and already she was lonely, if not regretful. Turning to the unmade bed, she decided to heed the advice and lay down on the side closest to her. As she curled into the soft covers, she drifted off to sleep, wondering again what Marcus would say if he were here.
***
The first thing Lisa did when she woke up from her nap was look for a clock. She felt like she had been sleeping for hours, but the sounds of laughing children in the house told her it wasn’t as late as she thought. She lay back and wondered what came next. She should get up and figure out the dinner routine. Zelda had been helpful with the snack fiasco, so maybe she could continue to play the amnesia victim to learn about her family from the housekeeper.
She started by trying to figure out which side of the bed was hers. One quick look at the nightstand next to her answered her question. It was stacked with books filled with bookmarks with drawings by the kids. There was a teak meditation clock, assorted pens, a notebook, and a small vase with tissue flowers, also clearly child-made. In contrast, the other nightstand held nothing but a coaster made of cork holding a half-empty glass of water. Obviously, she had lain on her side of the bed. As she was about to hunt in the drawer for more clues, she was interrupted by the door banging open and a rush of children’s arms and legs tossed on her, jumping wildly on the bed, bending down with each bounce to kiss her face and her hands. They laughed and squealed with delight, carrying her away in a smothering of love. Lisa joined them, adding a tickle fight to the melee. Emily stood near the door, watching with arms crossed, smiling. She made her voice loud to be heard above the fracas. “See? I told you a nap would make things better!”
“Mommy, get up, get up! It’s dinner time. Zelda made the best!”
More tickles ensued while Lisa asked slyly, “Oh yeah? What’s the best?”
Both girls screamed in unison, “Chicken nuggets!”
Lisa looked at Emily and mouthed, “What?”
Emily laughed and came closer to grab one child from the bed. “Don’t worry. The chicken nuggets are for the kids. Zelda made something better for the grown-ups.”
Natalie kept tickling Lisa, and Suzette tried to make Emily join the fun. “Who says we’re grown-ups?” Lisa asked between spasms of laughter.
***
Dinner over, Lisa had the girls help clean up the kitchen, then sat with them to finish the last bits of homework. Emily joined them in the family room to watch a Disney movie before Lisa got them ready for bed. There were baths, pajama selection issues, and story time. Then tucking in and kisses goodnight and, “One more kiss please, Mommy,” and, “One more drink of water, please.” Lisa felt she had been working a full day by the time she got downstairs and joined Emily with a glass of wine. She looked at her phone and saw that it was past nine o’clock already with no word from Adam as to when he was returning.
Emily sipped her drink quietly while Lisa stared at the phone. “Maybe I should find out what time he’ll be home?”
Emily cleared her throat. “Didn’t he tell you not to wait up for him? That you have me here to entertain you?”
“He was serious about that?”
“Didn’t I tell you I have a guest room in your house? Did you think I was joking?” Emily looked at Lisa closely as if seeing her friend for the first time. “You really don’t remember anything about your home, your marriage, and your children? Is it the pineal gland thing you have?”
Lisa rubbed her hands on her face, searching for the right words. They came out in a breathless rush as if speed would make Emily believe her. “Emily, I wasn’t kidding about the time travel. Maybe the pineal gland has something to do with it. I don’t know. It sounds like a lot, but it’s true. I remember my old life. I was married to Marcus, but I was having an affair with Adam, who was married to Stephanie. They were the ones with two kids. I went back to our college days, interrupted Adam and Stephanie, and you were with me. And now I’m here, in this new life that has everything I ever wanted, except Adam’s just as elusive now as he was when he wasn’t my husband.” She paused. “And now I feel guilty about Stephanie being all alone, and Marcus. I don’t even know what happened to him.”
Emily put down her glass and draped her arm over her friend’s shoulder. “I don’t know how to help you.” She paused, brows furrowed in thought. “I do know that Adam is out a lot. He spends most days out of the house, returning late. You complain about that to me all the time. I spend a lot of time here with the girls, but you’ve been a good mother, even if a bit indulgent.”
She paused again, took a deep breath and continued. “I don’t know if I understand this time travel thing you keep talking about, but I will believe you and try to help you. But know this, Lisa. Whatever you thought you’d have here with Adam, I can tell you from what I’ve seen, it’s not that good. You’ve even told me you’ve considered divorce, but the girls keep you here.” She added more softly. “And the money.”
Lisa listened intently, trying to absorb her new reality to reconcile it with the past. She picked up the phone and dialed Adam’s number. It rang then went to voicemail as if he had declined the call. She repeated this a few times, until the call went immediately to voicemail. Now it seemed he had turned off the phone.
She had just as little control here as she did in her other life.