Don’t You Want Me

Chapter 18

T rying to get a handle on her emotions, Lisa took a few deep breaths, so she could focus on what Stephanie was saying.

“Lisa!I need to find my car and go home. I’m done trying to help you. It’s time to help myself.”

Sighing, Lisa walked down the few steps to the sidewalk and looked both ways. Nothing seemed familiar, not from the life with children and not from her previous life. Traveling had left everything in shambles, and she had no clue where to go next.

Stephanie tapped her on the shoulder. “We’ll go to my house, get a cup of tea, and sort this out.”

“How are we going to find your car if we don’t even recognize these streets?”

Stephanie grinned. “Because, my friend, while you were busy bemoaning your fate and being messy and confused, I searched my purse and found this.” She opened her hand with a flourish. “Voila! A car key.”

Stephanie started back towards the diner with long strides while Lisa ran trying to keep up. When they arrived, Stephanie pointed the key in the air and pressed the alarm button.

Within seconds, Lisa heard a blaring siren. Stephanie looked gleeful. “Aha! I knew it would work.” She turned off the alarm as they approached what looked like a brand-new shiny metallic gray BMW. The inspection sticker on the windshield had the year 2008 in large dark numbers. “Hmm. This world seems to agree more with me than with you, Lisa.” She opened the passenger door and motioned for Lisa to get in.

The car seats boasted a plum-colored soft leather that felt like butter. It even had that new car smell. When Stephanie sat down and closed the driver’s side door, the seat moved to accommodate her. When the car started, the audio system turned itself on to a list called “Stephanie’s Favorites.”

With what Lisa thought was a bit of a smirk, Stephanie remarked, “I guess this is my car after all. Now I get to see what my favorite music is in this world.”

Lisa felt defeated. How could this be? It seemed the tables had turned. “This is all very nice, but how are you going to get to your house? You didn’t even know this was your car.”

Stephanie fiddled with controls on the front panel. “Let’s see what this navigation system does.” A lighted map appeared, and at the top the banner spelled clearly—Home.

With that, Stephanie turned to Lisa, whose eyebrows were furrowed. “It’s good to have nice things, isn’t it?” The note of sarcasm didn’t escape Lisa.

***

They drove for a few miles until the navigation system brought them to a quiet residential neighborhood with fine houses and tree-lined streets. It looked very similar to where Lisa had last lived. The thought that this Stephanie now had everything that Lisa wanted was more than she could bear, but there it was—evidence that the twists and turns had upended the world even more than before.

Stephanie pulled into the long driveway of a three-story home and stopped the car in front of the three-car garage. “This is amazing. Looks like I’ve made out in this deal, doesn’t it?” She turned to Lisa and grinned from ear to ear. “Maybe I won’t want to go back to ‘reality,’” as she crooked her fingers with air quotes.

One of the garage doors was open, revealing a red corvette. Lisa couldn’t help herself. “Well, isn’t that simply cliché?”

Stephanie replied, “Don’t be a hater. If what you say is true, you had your turn.”

They got out of the car and headed to the front door. Stephanie stopped. “Let’s not go in the front door. Let’s go through the garage and see what we can find there instead.”

They tiptoed quickly across the garage and through a door that was surprisingly open. It led to a hallway with a laundry room on the right. To the left, stone steps led up to an expansive kitchen and family room. The skylights in the vaulted ceilings filled the rooms with sunlight. The kitchen was pristine, with a large center island counter made of marble with a sink in the corner and shelves beneath stacked with cookbooks. The floor was a rust stone that matched perfectly with the hardwood floors in the family room with an enormous sectional sofa of dark brown leather dominating the space. The giant TV screen on the wall and the score of video game consoles on shelves beneath were proof that whoever lived here enjoyed playing. Sliding glass doors behind the sofa led to a patio with an Olympic-sized swimming pool, a colorful and fragrant garden, and a backyard complete with an outside kitchen and tables and chairs for lounging.

On the other side of the kitchen was a large dining room followed by another small living room. A grand staircase flowed from there towards the second and third floors. Standing at the bottom of the stairs, Stephanie and Lisa heard voices from the second floor.

Lisa noticed that all the rooms but one had the doors open. The noise came from the room with the door closed. She strained to hear, but the sounds were muffled.

As Stephanie started up the stairs, Lisa grabbed her arm. “Wait. Are you sure you want to go up there?” Something told Lisa they might regret seeing whatever was happening behind the closed door.

Stephanie shook off Lisa’s hand and replied with abrupt shots for words. “Of course—I’m going up there. This is clearly my house. What? Are you jealous?”

Lisa softened her stance. “No. Maybe. OK, yes, I’m jealous. But I’m also scared. I don’t know how this happened or how we’re in this position now. But what I do know is that whoever’s up there, and whatever’s going on, will change you and me forever. I’m just wondering if we should lie low and listen first before we go barging in.”

Stephanie walked back down the two steps and led Lisa towards the family room. She stopped in front of the sliding glass doors. “Listen up, Lisa. I’ve spent far too many years of my life watching you have the life I’ve always wanted with Adam. I didn’t believe you at first when you said you traveled through time, but I gave you the benefit of the doubt. So, I played along. And now we’re here, and it’s clear that I now have what you had before.” Stephanie stared out at the expansive garden. “I mean, look at that pool. Look at this whole place. It’s gorgeous. You had this when I met you. Now it’s mine and not yours. This is what I thought about as we held hands in the diner—that I wanted what you had. Thanks. I’m really grateful for the time traveling tips.” She leaned towards Lisa and kissed her on the cheek. “You can leave now. I’ve no further use for you.”

Dumfounded, Lisa watched Stephanie head towards the stairs. Had she been double-crossed? “Stephanie, wait!”

Stephanie stopped in her tracks but didn’t turn around. Desperate to find the right words, Lisa pleaded.“Stephanie, none of this is real. I have to explain.”

Rolling her eyes, Stephanie faced Lisa. “There’s nothing to explain. And it is real.” Stephanie pinched her left arm. “See? I can feel that. Whatever you had planned didn’t work. Like I said, it’s my turn.”

At that moment, Lisa heard someone coming downstairs. Before she could alert Stephanie, a tall blonde woman entered the kitchen. She had long straight hair parted down the middle, icy blue eyes and chiseled features and looked like she’d stepped out of a fashion magazine except that she was wearing a man’s white collared shirt, unbuttoned, yet opened just enough to show off plenty of cleavage. She was barefoot with bright red polish on her toes that matched that on her long fingernails. Under the shirt she was wearing nothing at all.

She looked startled when she saw Stephanie and Lisa staring at her. “Oh, I didn’t know anyone was here.” As if this were her home, she walked towards a cabinet and grabbed a drinking glass, then filled it with water from the refrigerator door. “You must be the new cleaning ladies that Adam hired. He didn’t tell me you were coming today.” She looked around as she put her lips to the edge of the glass. “I guess you’re done already.” She took another sip. “I must commend you. The place looks spotless, and you were silent.” She giggled. “Or maybe we were too busy to hear you.” More giggles. As she put the empty glass in the kitchen sink, she remarked, almost casually. “You’re way better than Zelda was.” She walked back from where she came and threw over her shoulder, “Be darlings and lock the door on your way out. I don’t want Adam’s wife to catch us by surprise when she comes home from wherever she disappeared to.”

***

After the initial shock wore off, Lisa motioned to Stephanie to step outside.

“Listen,” said Lisa to Stephanie. “I know you think you were smarter than me, and you got what I had, but this is what results from messing with time.” She pointed upstairs. “Up there is your evidence. If you want to catch him in the act, go up. See for yourself.”

Her face flushed and with quivering lips, Stephanie replied, “It’s not fair. This is just not fair.” She punctuated each word with a slap to her thigh. “This is obviously my house. And that woman upstairs is not you, and it’s not me. He has yet another woman? This isn’t what I wished for.”

In that instant, Lisa felt the weight of all that she had tampered with come crashing on her. The cost of her selfish decision to interfere with Stephanie and Adam meeting, marrying, and having a life together was apparently this jumbled mess. Back at the diner, she had tried to steal Stephanie’s authentic life by desiring to return to a time when her mother was still alive. But that wasn’t real either. Lisa knew that, but she had tried to ignore it, her self-cherishing pursuits having blinded her to the truth.

This was not what she had intended. And this was not the person she wanted to be. Her actual mother would not be proud of her if she knew of Lisa’s machinations. And this was the price—she had nothing now. No children, no mother, no husband, not even a lover. She lived in a run-down tenement. If she explored this world any further, who knows what other calamities she’d find?

And worse than that, she had shown Stephanie no mercy when she took advantage of her and switched her life around. The poor woman had not even had a choice in the matter. Watching her cry in front of her, Lisa felt moved to tears herself. She had to undo this mess.

“Stephanie, listen to me. I’m sorry. This is all my fault. I need to tell you the truth.”

“What more is there to tell me? That this is just a bad dream? I’m done with your stories and your plans to fix things. Nothing gets fixed. I’ve been in love with Adam for years, and he’ll never be mine. This is just proof of that. Even when he’s supposed to be mine, he’s not.”

Lisa wondered about the truth of that statement. Even though this Stephanie didn’t remember their real lives, she was right about one thing. No matter on what plane they were living, Adam was always with someone else. He was the constant lie in their lives.

Lisa walked over to the pool, took off her shoes, and sat down on the border with her feet dangling in the water. It felt cool and refreshing. “Come over here. It feels nice. We might as well enjoy it a little.”

Stephanie sat down beside her. She leaned down, placing her hand in the water, and twisting it this way and that, causing ripples to move outward in a circle that got wider with each turn of her hand. Watching the ripples, Lisa played out different scenes in her mind, looking for a way to unravel the knot she had created.

B oth women were silent for a while. Stephanie finally spoke up. “I thought really hard about taking everything away from you when we were at the diner. I figured that if this time travel thing were real, I could think about what you had—the big house, the fancy car, and the handsome husband.” She smiled at Lisa. “Clearly that backfired.”

Lisa replied. “What I do know is that ever since then, nothing’s been real. And nothing feels right. And I haven’t gotten what I wanted all along anyway. Adam has never been mine to love. Each time I travel back and forth in time, something else changes, but the constant is that he’s always messing around with someone else. It backfired because it’s not real, because it’s based on another lie. The truth is the only thing that’s going to get us back to our actual lives. As much as it pains me to lose my children and my mother, they’re not real either.” Lisa reached for Stephanie’s hand. “But yours are. And they’re entitled to have their mother.”

As Lisa thought out loud, she got excited thinking she might have discovered a way to return things to normal. “I don’t know how it works. Maybe because you came with me from a life track where you were Adam’s lover and not his wife…. Maybe if we went back to that life first, then we could jump back to the real world.”

S tephanie got out of the pool and walked to a lounge chair where a stack of plush towels lay neatly folded. She grabbed a towel, and as she dried her legs, spoke into the air, “This sure is a pleasant way to live, but, if you’re right, Lisa, then I have a family waiting for me somewhere.”

She continued talking as she walked around the garden with Lisa following her. “How am I supposed to believe you, though? How do I know that you’re being honest this time and that you’re going to take me back where I belong? I don’t remember any of this life you claim I had. How do I know this isn’t another trick of yours? Maybe you’ll take me somewhere, so that I’ll be the one living in a tenement and not in this beautiful house?”

Lisa sighed. “You have no way of knowing if I’m telling you the truth. But I beg you. Search your heart. What does your gut say? That guy upstairs with the blonde…is that what you want? A beautiful house with a man who has no concept of honesty? Who wants that?”

As if on cue, Stephanie and Lisa both glanced up at the house and saw Adam in the window looking down at them. He waved, as if nothing were wrong. Lisa shook her head in disbelief but wasn’t surprised.

Feeling like she was moving in slow motion, Lisa reached for Stephanie’s hand and grasped it. “What do you say, Steph? Blow this popsicle joint?”

“All right, Lisa, I’ve got nothing to lose here and no choice but to trust you. Take me home, wherever that may be.”

Lisa felt sorry for Stephanie. She had no idea what was going on. She was on this ride because of Lisa, and it wasn’t her fault that they were in this predicament. Lisa couldn’t even blame her for having twisted the trip with her thoughts of revenge. No, this was all her responsibility, and she had to fix it.

“Stephanie, let’s return to the diner where we first arrived here. We’ll play the song, so we can get this pretzel untwisted and go home.” Lisa crossed her fingers hoping this would send them back.

They left the pool and dried themselves with the plush towels stacked neatly on a lounge chair. With a flourish, they threw the towels in the pool, and laughing, they both looked up towards the window where they had seen Adam. Almost in unison, they gave the house the middle finger and ran back towards the car.

***

Back at the diner, they settled themselves in a booth. The waitress from before returned with her dowdy face. “Can’t get enough of this place, huh?”

Lisa chimed quickly. “Just two coffees please. Black.”

Once the coffees arrived and the waitress turned her attention to other customers, Stephanie pulled out the phone and found the song. “I’ve got it.” She placed the phone on the table between them, and they reached across and held hands.

Lisa squeezed Stephanie’s hands and pleaded with her eyes. “This time, no strategizing or lying, agreed? We’re both going to concentrate on returning to the right place. Deal?”

“Yes, yes, we already agreed to that, Lisa.”

Stephanie pressed play and returned her hand quickly to Lisa’s.

The music started, and Lisa felt the now familiar buzzing and swooshing blackness descend upon her. Her last thought was, This time it’s goin g to work.

***

For a few seconds, they kept their eyes closed and their hands tightly clasped. Lisa’s hands were hot and sweaty. She opened one eye and looked around the diner but nothing seemed to have changed. They were in the same dreary spot.

“I don’t think it worked,” she said.

Stephanie opened her eyes and frowned. “Wait a minute. Didn’t we have coffee mugs in front of us? They’re gone.”

Lisa noticed the table was empty except for large diner menus stacked to the side. “We didn’t have menus before.”

Stephanie moved her hands all over the table as if touching the contents were more reliable than her sight. A no-brand bottle of ketchup with drippings down the side sat at the end towards the wall of the booth. There was also a sugar bowl and a glass bottle of honey. A jukebox was affixed to the wall.

And there was no cell phone in sight.

“Where’s the phone, Lisa?”

Lisa patted the table, then looked underneath. “Maybe it fell down.” Crumbs and some withered french fries littered the floor beneath. She was surprised she didn’t find roaches.

“No phone down here.” Oh, this isn’t good. Now whe re are we?

Wringing her hands, Stephanie raised her voice. “Now what, Lisa? What mess are we in this time?”

“Let’s just relax and be calm. I’m sure we can figure this out.” She waved to the waitress, who came over with a pot of coffee in her hand and placed it directly on the table. She wore a pin with her name on it. Mary.

“Are you ready to order?”

Grabbing a menu, Lisa used her sweetest voice. “Hi, Mary. What a lovely name. Actually, my friend and I have a bet going and were wondering if you had a newspaper somewhere?”

“Girls, I’ve been on my feet for about four hours straight today, and I still have another four to go. You think because you’re young and beautiful, I have time for stupid girl bets? If you’re ready to order something, order it. If not, then go find someplace else to play your games.” Mary held her pen over a small dirty notepad and raised her eyebrows in anticipation.

At hearing the description young, Lisa glanced over at Stephanie. She looked different from when they sat by the pool. Her hair was now in a ponytail, and she wore big-rimmed glasses. She wore a blouse with a frilly loose tie that turned into a bow. Lisa raised her right eyebrow remembering those were all the rage among the office set in the mid-1980s. She wore no rings, and her hands were smooth as silk. Lisa looked down at her own. No rings there either.

“Thanks, Mary,” she said slowly. “We need a few more minutes to decide.” Mary grabbed the coffee pot in a huff and moved back to the diner’s counter.

“Stephanie, I think we’re back in the eighties.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Look at your hands. Do you have a mirror?”

Stephanie found a mirror in her purse next to her. She pulled it out and gasped. “Oh man, Lisa, you did it again. Take a look.”

She handed Lisa the pocket mirror. The face that stared back was a barely older version of her college self. And, of course, a bow tie and very curly high hair.

Turning to the jukebox, Lisa went into action. “Fine. It didn’t work perfectly well. That doesn’t mean we can’t try again. We’ll play the song from the jukebox. This time we’ll focus on the year also.”

She pressed the buttons on the jukebox. Letter D for “Don’t You Want Me.” Nothing.

Letter “T” for the Human League. Nothing. “It’s not here,” she whispered to Stephanie.

“What are you talking about?” She called out to the waitress, forgetting all her manners. “Hey, Mary, what year are we in?”

“Aren’t you girls too old to be playing games? It’s 1984, you idiots.”

Stephanie turned back to Lisa. “1984. That song still played in 1984. And it must be in this jukebox. It looks like it hasn’t been updated in years.”

They were stunned. For one, this time, they traveled back to 1984, not 1982. And two, how could the song not exist?

Lisa sat up straight in her seat. “Do you remember the name of the band leader?”

“Phil Oakey. Why?” answered Stephanie.

Lisa attempted being hopeful. “Because maybe it’s catalogued by the singers’ names?”

Stephanie searched by O, then by P. Nothing. They finally resorted to going page by page. More nothing.

Tired and scared of being stuck, Lisa thought out loud. “Emily. I have to find Emily. I’m sure she’ll have it in one of her mixtapes.”

“And where is Emily now, Lisa?”

“In the phone book, of course.”

***

On the corner of the street, they found a phone booth with a large yellow book, miraculously intact. “Found her! No phone number but there’s an address. 5905 Hudson Street—the same building where we found my name the last time we were here. Maybe it’s improved a bit?” Lisa tried to contain her expectations. This has to work. Emily will have the song, we’ll play it, and all wil l be well.

The building was exactly the same. She looked at the apartment listing, and this time found both of their names: Lisa Coronado and Emily Martinez—4B. They were roommates, so that was a good sign. Lisa rang the buzzer and were let in without a word.

The building was run-down—the stairs filled with dust and dirt. The elevator had an Out of Service sign, so they headed to the stairs. Up four flights, they found Apartment 4B. From inside they could hear loud music playing, some kind of punk rock mixed with synthesizers. The two women looked at each other with raised eyebrows. Stephanie spoke first, “I guess she’s really into music.” She knocked on the door several times, each time louder than before.

The door swung open to reveal a slight woman who looked like Emily but wasn’t really her. Emily’s straight hair hung to her shoulders, her jeans were baggy, her shirt some sort of bohemian style, and a cigarette dangled from her fingers. She raised her arms to hug Lisa. Lisa coughed from the smoke. “Leese, babe, where’ve you been? You disappeared a few days ago and never called me.” Emily stepped back from the embrace and turned back into the apartment. Lisa and Stephanie followed her into a mess. There were empty Chinese food containers everywhere, discarded cans of beer lying around on their sides, and ashtrays overflowing with butts on almost every flat surface. The music was even louder inside than in the hallway.

Lisa stared at everything in disbelief. This is where she and Emily lived? “Can you turn down the volume? We need to talk.”

“You always complain that I play the music too loud,” Emily turned the knob on the boom box. “Where were you all this time? You grabbed an overnight bag and left in a huff. I thought you were dead or something.” Emily stopped talking long enough to stare at Stephanie. “Who’s this?”

“This is Stephanie. A friend.”

“So, are you coming back to stay, or are you moving in with Stephanie?”

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t play games, Lisa. When we were fighting, you said you were moving out. And now you’re back with a stranger, so I’m wondering if you’re breaching your lease with me. You said you were tired of living in a pigsty.” Emily pushed a bunch of clothes off the sofa onto the floor, disturbing the tabby cat that was sleeping in the sunspot on the floor.

Lisa was appalled at the mess. No wonder she left if she was living in this. “Em, I am not moving out. I need to talk to you. We need to talk to you. Is anyone else here?”

“Nope, just me and tabby girl.” She picked up the cat to caress her, then dropped her suddenly when the cat scratched her arm. “You’re not much of a roommate, tabby cat.” She returned her attention to Lisa. “You’re not much of a roommate either, Lisa. But I love you, so I’ll forgive your inexplicable departure and welcome you home with open arms.” She leaned back on the sofa. “Have a seat, ladies. Can I offer you something to drink?”

Out of the corner of her eye, Lisa could see Stephanie try to find a place to sit. Every available chair was full of magazines, books, and clothes. Emily continued, “Don’t mind the mess. We fired the cleaning lady.” She laughed raucously at her joke. Neither Lisa nor Stephanie even cracked a smile. Lisa just felt sad. Here again, her actions had impacted one of the people dearest to her, and she felt guilty.

“Emily, don’t worry about the apartment. We need to talk. But first, I really need to lie down in a dark room and close my eyes. I have an awful headache. You see….” Lisa stopped. How would she even explain time travel to this person she didn’t know? She started again but stopped.

“Your bedroom is over there, so just push over the stuff that I threw on the bed, and you can lay down. It’s still your room.” Emily took another puff of her cigarette. “Just remember that this evening my game group comes over, so we might be a little noisy.”

Lisa raised an eyebrow. She leaned forward in her chair. “What game group?”

Emily scoffed. “Lisa, don’t fake not remember to impress your friend here. That was another reason for our falling out. You complained I had the apartment full of ‘weirdos’ who play StarForce: Alpha Centauri every weekend? That we pull all-nighters on Fridays and Saturdays, that we drink and smoke, and play weird music? Any of this ringing a bell?”

Lisa shook her head while scanning the room. “No.” She dragged out the word until she noticed a board game on the dining table and walked over to it. “Is this it?”

“Yes. And tonight is Friday. So, if you don’t want to be hanging out with my so-called weirdo friends, you might as well take your new friend here with you as you head out the door. Everyone will be here at seven o’clock promptly.”

Lisa glanced through the game with a heightened curiosity that seemed strange to her. She felt drawn to the game board, staring at the different worlds depicted on it. She froze when she saw that one of the worlds was called the Human League. Feeling a frisson in her arms and afraid to face the coincidence, she backed away from the table and ended up in the kitchen, which had a window into the living room. From there, Lisa could see Emily and Stephanie ignoring one another. She noticed Stephanie wringing her hands while Emily had her head back and her eyes closed as if asleep. Observing the kitchen, she noted it was as bad as the living room, although strangely enough, the inside of the refrigerator was exceptionally neat with organized plastic cases labeled by type of food. The beer cans and beer bottles were horizontally stacked on the bottom shelf, and a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc stood unopened in the refrigerator door.

“I’m guessing the wine is mine?” Lisa asked.

Emily yawned. “Did you hit your head, Lisa? You’re the only one here who drinks wine.”

Emily addressed Stephanie, who was still sitting in the living room. “Could you excuse us, uh, Stephanie, is it?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Yeah, well, make yourself at home. The bathroom is down the hall, and you can lie on my bed and take a nap if you’d like. I need privacy to talk to my friend over there.”

Stephanie walked out of the room, and Emily sauntered to the kitchen. “Lisa, what’s going on with you? You’re acting all kinds of weird, more than usual, and what’s with the chick?”

Lisa wasn’t sure how to explain, but she took a deep breath. “Em, something’s happened to me, to my memory, and I’m simply trying to understand where we live now, and what’s going on. Stephanie is my friend. She’s a pleasant person. Be kind to her, please.”

“Fine, I’ll be kind but, more importantly, what’s up with you? You act as if you don’t know my routine. For the last two years, since we graduated, every Friday at the end of my mind-numbing receptionist job at the bank down the street, my game friends meet here. You and your friend Susan tend bar on Friday and Saturday nights, so you crash at her apartment above the bar every weekend. You save your tips, so you can eventually go to graduate school. Any of this ring a bell?”

The banana yellow phone on the wall rang. While Emily talked, Lisa stared out the tiny window at the street outside. “What’s up my man? You’re not bailing out on me tonight, are you?” Lisa heard a mumbled conversation but couldn’t distinguish the words. “Phil, Phil. Don’t worry about being a little late. We’ll just start drinking without you. Just be here as close to seven with your keyboard, and we’ll wait for you to start. See you later, my friend.”

Lisa turned back to Emily. “Who was that?”

“Oh, nobody. My friend who plays keyboards and sings, and is a nut about this game, it’s like Risk or something. He’s going to be late tonight.”

“I don’t remember anyone named Phil in your circle.”

“Yes, you do. Phil Oakey. The guy who wants to be a singer, but no one will give him a chance?”